


I Am Rose Quartz

by Lucigoosey_The_Lightbringer



Series: Renegades (Steven Universe: Homeworld AU) [1]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: ALSO WE HAVE A DISCORD NOW, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Brainwashing, Character Death, Childhood Memories, Completed, Death, Denial, Disassociation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Existential Crisis, Finished, Five Stages of Grief, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gem War 2, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hallucinating, Hallucinations, Homeworld (Steven Universe), Hurt/Comfort, I Am My Mom Gone Wrong, IT'S LINKED IN CHAPTER 27 COME JOIN, Injury and Violence, Limb Enhancers (Steven Universe), Major Violence, Memory Loss, Minor Character Death, Near Death Experiences, Physical Torture, Pink Lars Barriga, Psychological Torture, Recovering Memories, Renegades Steven Universe AU, Repressed Memories, Reunion, Soldier Steven Universe, Steven Universe Has PTSD - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Stockholm Syndrome, Swearing, Torture, Touch-Starved Steven Universe, Trans Character, Trans Gem Character, War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:34:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 30
Words: 177,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24813136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lucigoosey_The_Lightbringer/pseuds/Lucigoosey_The_Lightbringer
Summary: “You say you’d deserve whatever punishment you’re given?” Blue pressed her thumb under his chin and forced his head up, and the hybrid gasped again, pupils shrinking slightly. “Then I hope you agree that you’ll deserve this one. Welcome back, Rose Quartz Facet-1 Cut-8BR.”----This coveris also drawn by my amazingly talented partnerRubinaito<3 <3 <3 Thank you baby!!!
Relationships: Amethyst & Connie Maheswaran, Amethyst & Garnet & Pearl & Steven Universe, Amethyst & Garnet (Steven Universe), Amethyst & Greg Universe, Amethyst & Pearl (Steven Universe), Amethyst & Peridot (Steven Universe), Amethyst & Steven Universe, Amethyst (Steven Universe) & Original Gem Character(s), Blue Diamond & Steven Universe, Blue Diamond & Steven Universe & Yellow Diamond, Blue Diamond & Yellow Diamond (Steven Universe), Blue Diamond's Pearl & Steven Universe, Connie Maheswaran & Original Gem Character(s), Connie Maheswaran & Pearl, Connie Maheswaran & Steven Universe, Garnet & Connie Maheswaran, Garnet & Greg Universe, Garnet & Pearl (Steven Universe), Garnet & Peridot (Steven Universe), Garnet & Steven Universe, Garnet (Steven Universe) & Original Gem Character(s), Greg Universe & Steven Universe, Lars Barriga & Steven Universe, Lion & Steven Universe, Off Colors & Steven Universe, Pearl & Greg Universe, Pearl & Original Gem Character(s) (Steven Universe), Pearl & Peridot (Steven Universe), Pearl & Steven Universe, Peridot & Pumpkin (Steven Universe), Peridot & Steven Universe, Peridot (Steven Universe) & Original Gem Character(s), Steven Universe & Original Gem Character(s), Steven Universe & Yellow Diamond
Series: Renegades (Steven Universe: Homeworld AU) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1918204
Comments: 867
Kudos: 268





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Ayyy ya girl is back with another story (haha please don't hurt me)
> 
> So this one is a new one! It's set pre-movie, pre-Future; basically, during the events of Lars' Head with a bit of a twist. This AU is something I've been working on for a while, something my girlfriend, a friend and I have been expanding on for quite some time now (a little over a year actually). It's basically... what would happen if Steven was forced to stay on Homeworld as 'Rose Quartz' for just a little while longer. And I figured now's a good time to start writing it. I probably won't be updating it as often as INGAA - juggling two stories is bound to get difficult - but I'll update as much as I can.
> 
> Hope you like my AU!!!

Steven leaned back, breath hitching, eyes wide with amazement and shock, as he watched his friend slowly heave himself up into a sitting position from where he had just been lying motionless, _dead_ \- the word echoed around in his head, he was still shaking, still felt chills - on the ground. He lifted a trembling hand to his own chest, blinking furiously against the tears in his eyes and opening his mouth to say something. Anything, really - but nothing would come out. The only thing he could do was stand there and stare at Lars in complete, utter shock, his mouth still hanging open, the tears in his eyes still building despite the fact that he was _alive_ \- or maybe, honestly, due to the relief that came with seeing him blink his eyes open again. "Agh…"

He wished he could shake the feeling of dread settling in the pit of his stomach, but honestly? As much as he would love to look for the bright side here, he felt like the worst was yet to come.

Still, even with the anxiety churning through him, he finally managed to feel a rush of relief when Lars pushed his hair out of his face. The scar didn't even register immediately; he was just happy, so blindingly, achingly, overwhelmingly happy, to see his eyes crack open, see his face twist in a mixture of exhaustion and surprise, before it was stamped out into pure bewilderment. "Mm… what the heck just happened…?"

The sound of his voice sent Steven right back into hysterics; he threw himself forward with a soft cry, calling out his friend's name as if he wasn't sitting right there in front of him. Lars jolted in surprise as the tiny teenager threw his arms around him, almost rocking backwards with the sheer force, but Steven managed to keep both of them steady as he held him close, the tears only coming faster and faster now as he struggled to speak past the lump building in his throat. "You saved us," he gasped, "you stopped the robonoids, but- but one of them exploded and-" Another hitching breath cut his words off, and for a moment he didn't feel like he'd be able to spit anything else out. He shook his head furiously, pressing his face into Lars's shoulder. "And you weren't m- moving-" The tears finally spilled, but he didn't stop, "-and I started crying, and-"

Crying.

Wait. He was crying.

He breathed in shakily and reeled backwards, backing away from Lars. No, no, he couldn't do this; he wasn't supposed to cry like this. Well- yes, crying had brought Lars back to life, but now everything was fine, and he needed to be fine, too, if he was going to get them all out of here. He lifted a hand, touching the tears briefly before rubbing them away. "I brought you back to life - it- it was an accident-" He added hastily, genuinely wondering for a moment whether or not Lars would be upset about that. His mind was churning, working double time now, most likely making up for the few seconds he hadn't been able to speak. "I mean, I- I probably would have done that on purpose if I had _known_ I could do that, but-" _Universe, come on, you're drowning._

"I didn't really ask your permission-" He turned his gaze back to Lars, still trembling. The other boy just stared at him, looking completely dumbfounded. "So, I'm sorry…!"

Lars blinked back at him, not saying anything for a moment. Then Steven watched his expression shift, the older teen slowly processing the information that had been frantically thrown at him in Steven's haste to both explain the situation and spit out words so that he wouldn't break down sobbing onto Lars's shoulder instead. "Back to life…?" He mumbled, and once again, stared at Steven for a good few seconds before he spoke up again. "So I was… away from life?" He lifted his hands up beside him, looking briefly like he was about to grab his head - before abruptly jerking his arms back down with a startled yelp, and Steven flinched. "Gah- I'm- pink-!" The teenager shrieked, looking himself over frantically.

Steven couldn't fight back a rush of guilt, though he wasn't really sure why he was feeling guilty. "I know…" He lifted his hands slightly, then lowered them again. There wasn't anything else he could do, was there? The pink thing was a weird side effect, for sure - he hoped Lars wouldn't mind it too much. And if he was angry, maybe Steven might be able to calm him down a little… Lars didn't usually stay angry for too long, right? "Do you feel okay…?"

"I don't- really know-" Lars was back to staring at his hands now, visibly shaken.

Steven's anxiety increased tenfold at that, guilt and confusion attempting to make a permanent home in his chest. His heart was pounding faster than it ever had - he felt like maybe he should sit down and breathe, maybe meditate a little like Garnet had taught him to calm down, but he knew they didn't have enough time for all that. He couldn't afford to weigh them down or make them spend any more time here than was absolutely necessary - but he _did_ need to check on Lars. "But… your body-" He blurted out quickly, stepping forward hesitantly. "Are you sore?"

A brief moment of hesitation was enough to, once again, nearly send Steven spiraling into the panic that was steadily gripping him, ready to yank him under into the familiar endless abyss of self-doubt and uncertainty he practically lived in - but Lars finally spoke, his arms wrapped around himself now, and while he sounded confused, he also seemed somewhat certain. "No."

"Are you tired?" Steven pressed, looking him over. The pink thing couldn't be good, right? That was one side effect, there had to be something else to it. Something wrong. Because he had done it, and something always ended up wrong when he did things - and, yes, he was aware that he was treading dangerous waters with these thoughts of his, nearing self-deprecation at its finest, but he couldn't bring himself to care right then. It was the truth, anyway - somehow, he always managed to mess something up, even when he only had the best intentions.

"No?" Lars sounded a little more unsure of himself there; Steven's eyebrows creased together, a frustrated expression briefly rippling across his face as he looked up at the older teenager.

"Do you feel good?" He allowed himself a brief flicker of hope, but it didn't last.

"No?!"

Heart sinking, Steven gripped his shirt with both hands, wringing it desperately in his grip. He wanted nothing more than to rip it right off, to shred it into pieces between his fingers until he felt somewhat calm - but, _no, Steven, that's not how you calm down,_ he chided himself with a quick shake of his head, breathing in shakily and forcing himself to focus. "Do you feel _bad?"_

"No!" Lars sounded exasperated now, if not somewhat scared; Steven couldn't keep himself from flinching on time, nor could he ignore the rush of sympathy that engulfed him as he looked up at his friend. He could practically sense the desperation and the terror radiating from him in waves; the new situation was downright terrifying. They were on an entirely different planet, surrounded by gems _Steven_ didn't even know - and for Lars, a human, and a human that typically wasn't anywhere _nearby_ when gem stuff went down, it had to be… well, _traumatizing._ "I- I guess I just feel- really freaked out?!" Lars lifted a hand to his head, grimacing.

The guilt that churned through Steven was enough to push more tears back to his eyes, and he spoke quickly, desperately, with the hope that nobody would notice just how close he really was to having a complete mental/emotional breakdown on the spot. "Well, I am too, so, at least we're on the same page here-" He stopped with his mouth half-open, ready to say more, only for every muscle in his body to pull taut with barely-concealed terror when he heard a familiar hum coming from behind them; for a moment, the hybrid almost didn't want to turn; a shaky breath escaped him instead of the words that had been supposed to, his mouth running dry almost immediately afterwards. He stood, frozen, before slowly managing to turn his head slightly.

"They're back," one of the fusions moaned - Rhodonite, that was her name - as she gripped the sides of her face, staring at the mouth of the cave. "Those shattering robonoids are back!"

"Quickly," Fluorite hissed, "block the entrance."

As the gems - minus Padparadscha - rushed for the boulder beside the entrance to the cave, Steven managed to shake himself out of his trance in order to turn back to Lars. The other boy was staring at him now - well, somewhat. He was more or less flitting his gaze back and forth between Steven and the others, but his eyes lingered on the younger teenager for a while as Steven mustered the nerve to speak again, praying that the next time he opened his mouth, he wasn't going to do what he felt like doing and vomit. "Lars, you stay here and rest-" He turned, ready to head after the others to help, but he had barely gotten a few steps in before he froze.

The gems had almost gotten the boulder to the entrance, but it was too late; Steven flinched, lifting a hand slightly to shield himself from the orange light as the robonoid burst in, immediately taking to scanning as much of the cave as possible. Steven went rigid, and he could hear Lars scramble to his feet behind him as the other gems shrieked and scrambled back as much as possible; Lars quickly pulled Padparadscha behind him, shushing her as she started speaking - saying something about 'Lars will change in hue' or whatever - while the other gems tried to shield themselves from the scanners, scattering in different directions to hide.

Steven rushed forward, ready to do whatever he could to get the robonoid out and save the others; it was his fault Lars was even here, and if it weren't for him, the off-colors wouldn't even be in danger to begin with. He was the one that had led the bots to them. _Stop it, stop it, stop it!_ He screamed at himself, grabbing a rock off of the ground. _Not the time for the blame game, Steven! Gotta- save- the gems!_ He pulled his arm back and flung the rock at the robonoid.

Thankfully, it hit the bot dead on; as it swiveled around to face him, Steven once again found himself cringing back, lifting his arms. Less to block the light now, and more in a defensive manner than anything. Yes, he was terrified of the stupid thing. It had almost killed Lars - heck, it _had_ killed Lars! He'd still be dead because of it if Steven hadn't been able to accidentally revive him. And besides that, they were just completely eerie in general; the hybrid swallowed and rooted himself to the ground as it floated toward him, beaming the orange light in his direction. "It's okay to be afraid," he reminded himself in a whisper, "it's okay to be afraid."

He squeezed his eyes shut, prepared for the worst; his gem shimmered, glowing as the robonoid scanned it - he could feel it pulsing now, and it left a sickening feeling in his gut. He braced himself, reminding himself to just breathe, just breathe, he needed to think, and get-

_Clunk._

"Hey!"

"Get away!"

Rather than relief, Steven's initial reaction to hearing the Rutile twins was complete and utter terror; he snapped his eyes open, whirling his head around to warn them off, fully expecting to see the robonoid pursuing them instead. However, the odd gem was still pelting rocks at the bot while it simply continued toward Steven, surprisingly undeterred by the assault - which the hybrid initially found odd, because even _he_ had been able to distract the bot even after it had scanned the others' gems, but this one seemed deadset on him; he realized why almost immediately, stumbling back a few steps and raising his arm to summon his shield.

The orange light shifted into a yellow one, and he stiffened; every part of him trembled, every bone, every muscle, every inch. For a moment, it was almost numb - just a split second of complete and utter nothingness - before pure, raw pain enveloped him. It was like nothing he had ever felt before, and it was enough to send him crumbling to his knees with a scream.

"Steven-!"

The pain only intensified as the yellow light beamed down on him, the robonoid moving closer and closer until, finally, it was right there in front of him; Steven managed to lift his head slightly, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes, and opened his mouth - only to let out a loose sob.

No, no, he was failing. He couldn't do this. He had to be strong. He had to save them. He struggled, fighting against whatever the hell this yellow light was doing to him, whatever force was keeping him pinned on his knees, but he couldn't move anything but his head. And then, finally, after what seemed like ages - it stopped. The yellow light flickered out, and Steven briefly allowed himself a moment of relief, a brief second of clarity, a chance to thank whatever God there might be above - and yeah, it was that bad, if _Steven_ was praying to _God_ \- that it had stopped. But the relief was short-lived, and, honestly? The hybrid shouldn't have been shocked.

A green light enveloped him next, and a bubble formed around him before he had the chance to move away; the second it did, it began rocking, jerking, shuddering; he turned his head faintly to look, stunned to see Lars - as well as Rhodonite and the Rutile twins - pounding on the side of the bubble, lips moving frantically. They seemed to be screaming, but Steven couldn't hear them. He couldn't hear anything other than the humming of the robonoid in front of him, and the sound of his own heart racing much faster than it should have been. He wanted to get up and help them fight the bot, get himself out of the bubble and get them to safety, but he found himself completely consumed in exhaustion by the time he even managed to consider it. It felt like something was physically weighing him down - it wasn't painful this time, thankfully, but it was still enough to make him crumble completely, collapsing against the bottom of the bubble.

"No…" He groaned, turning his head slightly to press his face into his arms. He pressed one hand against the bottom of the bubble, struggling to heave himself back up, but he couldn't. "No, no, no, m'supposed to save them- I gotta save them…" The hybrid gritted his teeth, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment. This wasn't supposed to be happening; he should have been on trial with the Diamonds _alone_ \- Lars should have never been on the ship. He should've made sure everyone was safe. He should've done a head count before they'd left - he should have done something, anything, to make sure that nobody else was with them when they left. And now Lars was stuck in space, and the off-colors were being hunted, and he was… well…

… that didn't matter.

"Doesn't matter…" Steven hissed, shifting to pull his other arm under him and managing to push himself up a little bit. " _I_ don't matter… not right now…" He reached one hand up, pressing it against the side of the bubble, and finally managed to push himself back up onto his knees, only to freeze again. That was the most he could do; he was already trembling, on the verge of collapsing again, and he couldn't afford that. He needed to get out, and do what he was made to do and _protect_. The hybrid shuddered and lifted his other hand to the side of the bubble, glancing back out at the others - only to pause and freeze once more, hands dropping instantly.

He took another quick look around, every bit of determination he'd managed to muster immediately crumbling right back into despair. They were moving - if the way the buildings and towers around them speeding by in a blur was any indication - but it definitely didn't feel like it. Lars was gone - the off colors were gone - oh, god, were they in danger? Where _were they?_

_Oookay, relax,_ the hybrid reminded himself, sitting back on his knees shakily and lifting his hands to grip both sides of his head. He was about to lose it completely. _I'm sure they're okay. The Diamonds only wanted me, right? They won't care about Lars, he's just a human - uh- no offense, Lars, obviously, but- yeah. Yeah, he's fine, right? And the off colors… they're… ah…_ Steven rubbed his hand over his face, briefly allowing himself a split-second of exhaustion, letting the despair consume him for a good few seconds before forcing his mind back on the right track - positivity, Steven, come on. _They've been in hiding for a while… and I was the only reason they were being tracked anyway… so they'll be safe now, everyone's safe now._

Sure, if you could say 'being trapped on an alien planet' was safe. God, this was so…

The bubble popped abruptly, and Steven let out a surprised gasp as he fell, too startled to use his floating powers to soften the impact; at first, there was nothing but pure pain, every inch of his body aching before it steadily began to dissolve again. He breathed in shakily through his teeth as the exhaustion cleared, as well - finally managing to push himself up without too much of a struggle, the young teenager rubbed his hand over his face and lifted his gaze slightly.

Fuck optimism, at that moment the hybrid wanted absolutely nothing more than to curl up and vanish right then and there; his eyes met a pair of yellow ones first, Diamond-shaped eyes narrowed down at him scornfully. The hybrid grimaced back at her before flicking his gaze to the side, toward the blue gem that stood beside her; arms crossed, Blue Diamond simply stared down at him. There was no readable emotion in her eyes, her face remaining frighteningly blank; considering what Steven knew about her now, it was nothing short of unnerving.

He stayed silent for a moment, flicking his gaze rapidly between the two of them, before hesitantly managing to force his lips upwards in an uncertain smile. "Hey…"

Yellow Diamond's eyes narrowed slightly, glancing him up and down wordlessly before turning her gaze back to Blue Diamond, who hadn't taken her gaze off of the hybrid at all. "Blue, come on," the yellow gem hissed, lifting a hand to gesture toward Steven - and the hybrid would be lying if he said he didn't flinch, and violently so - as she spoke, "let's just shatter her already. We already know she's guilty, and frankly, I don't see the point in letting this… abomination live."

Okay, that actually kinda stung. "Hey," the hybrid repeated, mumbling now, less nervous and a little more offended than before. "Words hurt, you know. Also, I'm not a 'she'-"

" _You_ shut your mouth," Yellow Diamond retorted, offering him a furious glance; Steven grimaced again, lifting his hands in a half-placating gesture and making a show of snapping his mouth shut. The Diamond sneered back at him, clearly unamused, before turning back to Blue Diamond. "Please tell me you're ready to execute. I can't even look at her…"

Blue Diamond twisted her mouth into a frown, still staring down at Steven - honestly, at this point, her gaze was slowly starting to make him uncomfortable - but he took the chance to offer her a hesitant smile, half-hoping she might be a little more lenient than Yellow Diamond seemed to be. He didn't exactly want to die here - he didn't exactly want to _die_ at all - but he most certainly didn't want to die at the hands of the gems that thought he was some intergalactic war criminal, because he had a feeling they weren't going to be merciful. "Wouldn't that be…" The blue gem trailed off and shook her head slightly, while Yellow Diamond arched an eyebrow.

"Don't tell me you're taking _pity_ on this miserable creature-"

"No," Blue Diamond interrupted quickly, and both Steven _and_ Yellow Diamond leaned back a little at the slightly clipped tone she had now, the irritation lacing her words, "I'm _not_ , Yellow." Now it was Blue's turn to narrow her eyes; as she looked down at him, with no traces of warmth, and none of the sorrow Steven was used to seeing from her, the hybrid felt his blood run _cold_. "Tell me, Rose Quartz- do _you_ think we should shatter you?"

"Are you really…" Yellow Diamond pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed - Steven would have laughed if his throat hadn't chosen that particular moment to close up on him.

"Uh…" Steven glanced back and forth between them, swallowing hard past the lump in his throat. Okay, this was some kind of trick question, right? Blue was trying to catch him off guard. She couldn't actually think Steven was going to say _yes_ , but… maybe she wanted him to say no. The hybrid hesitated slightly, finally managing to push himself up onto his feet completely - and trying to ignore the way Yellow shifted forward and lifted her hands slightly, fingers twitching - as he once again flicked his gaze between them before focusing on Blue once again. She _had_ a soft side; Steven had seen it, she was just… really sad. If he went about this the right way… "Um… yes-?"

Blue Diamond arched an eyebrow at him, while Yellow paused, blinked, and opened her mouth slightly before abruptly snapping it shut; the Diamond stared down at him for quite some time before simply turning away and pacing a few feet away from them, mumbling something under her breath that sounded like 'unbelievable' and 'shards this is ridiculous'.

"Well…" Blue flicked her gaze to the side, glancing after Yellow briefly, before turning and fixing her gaze back on the hybrid. She lifted a hand - Steven nearly fucking stopped _breathing_ , _holy crap maybe 'yes' was the wrong thing to say there_ \- but it was only to lift him up again, raising a small platform under the young teenager's feet in order to bring him up face to face with her; he swallowed, but reminded himself not to back down, not to show fear. This was fine. This was working, right? They were actually listening to him, kinda… "I'm not going to shatter you."

Steven stared at her for a moment as Yellow turned back to them, throwing her arms up slightly in exasperation as she made her way back to Blue's side. "Really?" The hybrid questioned tentatively after a few seconds, studying the blue gem's expression. "That's-"

"I'm going to do something _much_ worse."

Oh, wow, he pinpointed the exact second his heart dropped straight out of his body. Cool.

His expression must have shown his surprise, his fear, his confusion - despite all of his best attempts to mask it - because Blue Diamond's face split into a grin at that moment, a smile that looked so unnatural on her that he genuinely had to wonder for a second if she was the same gem he had seen a while ago. Suddenly, Garnet's words made sense; her fear, her hatred. Suddenly, he could understand why the fusion had refused to take him to Pink Diamond's palanquin, why she had insisted ' _I can't go near her'._ Blue Diamond wasn't just sad. No… no, this wasn't just sorrow, and guilt. This was anger. The expression on her face, and the venom lacing her tone as she spoke again, that was nothing but pure, unadulterated _fury_.

"Did you really think," the blue gem huffed out a laugh, taking a step closer; Steven flinched in surprise, lifting his arm up to shield himself somewhat defensively, "that I would let _you_ , a- a filthy… _murderer_ off so easily? No, Rose Quartz, shattering you would be _far_ too merciful."

"I-" Steven breathed in shakily, glancing past her, towards Yellow Diamond now; the yellow gem was silent, but her gaze wasn't fixed on Steven anymore. Now she was simply staring at Blue, with a mostly unreadable expression on her face, but the slight furrow of her eyebrows indicated confusion - maybe some concern? - as the other Diamond approached the platform Steven stood on. The hybrid flicked his gaze back up to Blue after a moment, stepping back slightly.

"What you did to Pink-" Tears pricked at the corners of Blue's eyes, and Steven felt his own well up in response, blinking them back furiously as he stared. "Wasn't mercy, was it, Rose?"

"I didn't…" Steven stared at her, more tears brewing, but this time they had nothing to do with Blue. He could feel her grief; he could feel it as if it were his _own_. The pure, raw _pain_ \- she was angry, yes, but… _god_ , didn't she have a right to be? If she was as close to Pink as she said, then he couldn't imagine how hard it had been to lose her. He'd been conflicted over his mother since the moment he'd found out that she had shattered someone - that she had been able to take another gem's life just like that, to completely erase them from existence. Now, though, at that moment, he only felt something akin to disappointment for his mother, meeting Blue's gaze. He couldn't ever imagine shattering someone… how had Rose been able to…?

The hybrid swallowed, the tears finally spilling; he lifted his hands to his face, pressing them over his eyes silently as he struggled to focus, but he couldn't think of anything else except his mother, and Pink. What had the Diamond done that was so _bad_ , bad enough to warrant _shattering?_ Sure, the Earth had been her colony, and his mother was protecting the Earth, but had she really had to kill her? Surely there was a better way, a better solution than _that_.

"Well," Blue muttered as Steven rubbed his face furiously, looking up. "Feeling guilty, are you?"

He couldn't even deny that - because yes, _god, yes_ , he felt guilty. He didn't even know why, but he did. He felt awful, awful that someone he had spent so long looking up to, and someone he had tried so hard to be like, had turned out to be a murderer. He felt awful that he was facing the family of the gem that she _had_ murdered, the family that was seeking nothing but justice, justice they weren't ever going to get, because Rose Quartz had given up everything just to have _him_. It wasn't supposed to be _him_ standing here, facing the Diamonds like this, facing all of the bad things his mother had done in her life; it wasn't supposed to be him, it was supposed to be _her_. And she wasn't _here_. So, yes, he _did_ feel guilty - and, on top of that, he felt… _angry._

He felt angry that she had just left him here to deal with this. That she wasn't there to face her own crime. That he had to be the one standing up in front of the Diamonds feeling _guilty_ over something that he hadn't even _done_ to begin with. He felt angry at himself, like he usually did - angry over not being _her_ , like everybody seemed to think he _should_ be.

Steven rubbed his arm over his face, finally managing to wipe away the tears for the most part, and looked back up to fix his gaze on Blue again. "I'm sorry."

He felt angry that he had to be the one who apologized here.

Yellow finally stopped pacing, coming to a complete stop beside Blue, and looked down at Steven with her eyebrows raised slightly, head tilted faintly to the side. Blue merely stared at him, blinking back the tears as her expression fell flat once again. "You will be."

He felt angry that, for once, he couldn't figure out how to fix something.

The hybrid fell silent, searching the blue gem's gaze wordlessly. He was only here because she wasn't. He was only being punished because _she_ wasn't. But he hadn't done anything. He hadn't asked for this. He hadn't wanted this. He'd never asked to be brought into existence, and he'd never asked to take his mother out of it. He wasn't supposed to exist; he was _never_ supposed to exist. It was her. It was Rose. It had always been Rose, and it always would be. But she was gone. And he was here. And he needed to figure out how to fix this. He needed to figure out how he could make this right for everybody involved, how he could satisfy the Diamonds, and give them the closure they needed, and protect everybody else.

There was a simple answer, a solution, but Steven wasn't sure how well it would go over here. Blue had already denied him once - but maybe he hadn't been sincere enough before. "I…" He trailed off, the words feeling bitter on his tongue before he'd even spoken them. "What… I did…" Struggling to keep the disgust off of his face, and out of his tone, he lifted his gaze back to the Diamonds again, forcing himself to straighten up. "What I did was wrong." _What you did was wrong,_ he hissed internally, wondering if there was a chance his mother might actually be in there somewhere, watching, listening. "It was cruel-" _**You**_ _were cruel,_ "and it was… it was wrong." _You were wrong. You were wrong to shatter someone. For_ _ **any**_ _reason._

Yellow Diamond was simply studying him again, unreadable once more - but Steven was somewhat relieved to see that Blue Diamond looked somewhat satisfied now, watching him.

"I'm sorry," the hybrid continued, glancing between them once again. "I…" He breathed in slowly, forcing his chin up. "Rose Quartz, former leader of the Crystal Gems and the gem responsible for the death of Pink Diamond, fully surrender myself to Homeworld. Whatever punishment I'm given, I deserve." He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, nearly faltering as he continued, "and Yellow Diamond is right-" He heard a sharp huff from the gem in question, "-I deserve to be shattered for what I did to Pink Diamond, and honestly, I-" Steven choked out a laugh, slightly shaky despite himself, before swallowing and shaking his head, "It should've happened sooner."

"Perhaps," Blue Diamond agreed, and Steven blinked his eyes open again, looking up.

Yellow Diamond crossed her arms, eyeing him for a moment. "Mm." She sighed, flicking her gaze back toward Blue. "Well, if you're _not_ going to shatter her, what are you doing to do with her? Bubble her with the others? Though-" She spared another swift glance back toward Steven, "she does seem to be trapped in an… organic life form, so that may be difficult."

Steven opened his mouth slightly to explain that he was not _trapped_ , he was _half-human_ , but he ended up thinking better of it and simply ended up shutting his mouth again after a moment. Why bother? They probably wouldn't understand it anyways. And the whole 'she/her' thing was actually starting to get on his nerves. Probably wouldn't have a problem with it otherwise, but the fact that they were mostly referring to his mother, regardless, was just unsettling enough. "So you're really not going to shatter me?" He asked after a moment, looking up at Blue. "After everything m- th- everything that I've done?"

"Like I said," Blue responded curtly, clasping her hands together. "It's far too merciful a punishment for the likes of you, Rose Quartz." She turned her attention back to Yellow. "And I'm not going to bubble her either, Yellow. That's more merciful than shattering her." The blue gem sighed, narrowing her eyes slightly. "No… you know what I'm going to do?" Her gaze flicked toward Steven again and, once more, he felt his blood run cold at the expression written across her face, the pure hostility and malice flickering through her eyes. "She hated this. Us. Pink." The Diamond lifted a hand, gesturing around them as she turned back to Yellow. "She hated being a soldier, serving under the Diamond Authority so much, that she…"

Steven grimaced and squeezed his eyes shut against another rush of tears, shaking his head.

"So the best punishment," Blue Diamond continued after a moment, a little calmer - a little _too_ calm, in Steven's opinion, and that was enough to send a chill up his spine. "Would be to force her back into the life she despised so much that she shattered her own Diamond, right?" A hand closed around him before he could open his eyes again, but they flew open immediately anyway, a sharp gasp breaking through his lips as he looked up at Blue in surprise.

"I hope you had fun, Rose Quartz," the Diamond growled, lifting him up completely; Steven struggled slightly, fighting to get at least one arm free, but he went still again quickly enough when she tightened her grip in response, breath hitching, "but your little Earth adventure is over now. You say you'd deserve _whatever_ punishment you're given?" Blue pressed her thumb under his chin and forced his head up, and the hybrid gasped again, pupils shrinking slightly. "Then I hope you agree that you'll _deserve_ this one. Welcome back, Rose Quartz Facet-1 Cut-8BR."


	2. Chapter 2

Steven was thrown into a room with a little more force than he felt was necessary, barely having any time to register the pain that exploded through him the moment he hit the floor. He skidded sharply, rolling and crashing straight into what must have been the wall, and he had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep himself from crying out in pain as tears rushed to his eyes instinctively. Raising his head proved to be a challenge; _moving_ proved to be a challenge in itself for a good few seconds as he fought to recover, gasping for air and trying not to make any other sounds as the pain slowly began to dull and fade. It felt like forever until he finally managed to lift his head and look up again, blinking furiously past the tears blurring his vision, to focus on the one that had thrown him inside in the first place. Blue Diamond. "Bl- Blue, wait, I-"

"No," Blue Diamond interrupted him sharply, and Steven flinched slightly despite himself. He was steadily growing fearful of the gem, and he didn't like that. He couldn't befriend her if he was scared of her - well, he could certainly try, but there was only so much he could do when he got this scared. And right then, he felt more helpless than he ever had in his entire freaking life. "You will address me as 'My Diamond'. You are _my_ soldier, and you belong to _me_. Clear?"

Steven faltered at that, not really knowing what to say; he finally managed to heave himself up to his feet, stumbling slightly as he did so, too unsteady to really hold himself up; he ended up collapsing back against the wall, using it to support himself. She really wanted to punish him here, didn't she? He thought, maybe, for a second, he could get off with a shattering - but apparently that was 'too merciful' for her (which honestly made him dread whatever else she had planned for him now). But… being her soldier, 'belonging' to her… it just felt all wrong. Everything about this felt wrong, but this felt even worse. Something about it was just unsettling; something in her eyes, something in her tone. He didn't want to be like the gems on Homeworld. He didn't want to be like Peridot used to be, existing only to serve one of the Diamonds. Especially not a Diamond that seemed to scare him in a way he'd never been scared before.

Maybe it was time to come clean…

"I…" Steven swallowed, lifting his hands slightly from the wall. "L- Listen, okay, I'm not really my mom- I'm not really Rose Quartz," he explained quickly, watching a briefly confused look flicker across her face. "My name is Steven Universe, I'm half human, and I don't have any of Rose Quartz's memories. And- and I didn't shatter Pink Diamond- at least, I don't remember doing it-"

"Well, you did," Blue Diamond hissed, and Steven flinched a little, hands recoiling at once. "I don't know what kind of sick, twisted game you're playing now, but I'm certainly not going to fall for your shenanigans. I will _not_ be disrespected this way." She lifted a finger, pointing it at him - and Steven flinched once again, pressing himself back against the wall with a silent, shaky inhale as he looked up at her. "Perhaps you _don't_ remember. Perhaps you've spent too long on that miserable planet, and those organics you lived with warped your mind beyond recognition. And maybe this… 'half-human' thing is a side effect of that," she spat. "But you're not on Earth anymore, Rose Quartz Facet-1 Cut-8BR, and you're not playing by their rules. You know who you are. _What_ you are. Half human or not, you shattered Pink and you _will_ be punished for it."

"But I really didn't-!" Steven exclaimed, lifting his hands to his head now and tugging on his hair desperately. Oh, god, he really needed to figure out a way out of this mess, and fast. How had he managed to mess this up, too? Oh, right, because he messed everything up! "I don't remember anything, not the war, or sh- shattering Pink Diamond, or any of that stuff-"

"Well, your memories are in there somewhere," Blue Diamond responded curtly, and Steven faltered again, his hand twitching toward his gem for a second. "Your time on Earth has simply made you forget your time _here_. But that's alright." A smile tugged at her lips, and Steven couldn't repress a shudder in time, spine tingling as his gut twisted sharply with terror. "With enough time spent here, Earth will be the next thing you forget. In fact, you might as well go and forget it now. And your little Crystal Gems. That life you led back on that horrible planet is over." She stepped back without waiting for him to respond - and, honestly, he wasn't sure how to. He did open his mouth slightly to say something, but before he could, the entrance closed; it was like the room he'd been shoved into when he'd first arrived; the wall opened and shut without a door, with no way out. Unlike the other room, though, this one had no lights; it was just dark. Nothing but complete and utter darkness surrounding him; no windows, no door, no light.

After a moment, the hybrid found himself sliding down sharply against the wall, not knowing how to process what had just happened and not entirely sure that he even wanted to at all.

"Next thing I forget…?" Steven pressed his face into his arms, pulling his knees up to his chest. His heart was still pounding, much more frantically - and now without anything to distract himself with, the terror slowly chipping away at him was only getting stronger and stronger. He did attempt to push it down by focusing, instead, on Lars and the off-colors. Wherever they were, he could only hope they were safe now that he wasn't there to get them into trouble. He didn't know how the heck they were possibly going to get off of Homeworld, but hopefully they could figure it out until _he_ could figure out what he was going to do here. He had been fully prepared - and beyond that, fully _willing_ \- to be shattered (he might actually have some issues he needed to work out there later, honestly), but this new punishment thing had caught him way off guard.

Talking to the Diamonds didn't seem like much of an option. Maybe Yellow Diamond would be easier to get through to, but Blue Diamond… Blue Diamond, he wasn't getting anywhere with. She… she _hated_ him, she hated him like no other gem he'd ever _seen_ before. Even Jasper, as terrifying as she was, hardly lit a candle to the blue gem's fury, and it was… _unnerving_.

After a moment, somewhat reluctantly, the hybrid lifted his head from his arms. He was slowly adjusting to the darkness surrounding him, but even then, his heart lurched instinctively as he got a good look around. He couldn't even see the walls; he could see the floor, around where he was, but otherwise the darkness prevented him from seeing far enough to take note of anything that might have been around him. He hadn't gotten a good enough look at the room before that to see if there was anything else in there but him - but he got the feeling he was completely alone. And, if he was being honest, the thought of being alone in the dark didn't settle well at all.

It wasn't that he was afraid of the dark… though, now, he was steadily feeling the cold fear crawling up his spine, raising the hairs on the back of his neck and making him shudder. Dread pooled in his gut, seizing his chest and leaving him somewhat breathless for a second. He didn't like it in here. In this room. On this planet. He wanted to go home, to get back to Garnet, and Amethyst, and Pearl, and Greg, and Connie. He wanted to find Lars and figure out a way to get him and the off-colors to Earth without getting captured again. He wanted a moment to be able to properly clear his head and genuinely think; think about everything that had been said between him and Blue Diamond, think about these new emotions of anger and inadequacy and bitterness that had risen toward his mother. He wanted to sit down with the gems and talk to them about how _awful_ this all was, and he wanted to curl up in their arms and feel safe again.

Steven swallowed back a wail and stared down at the floor, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes. They felt more uncomfortable than usual; his own, now, undoubtedly, but the feeling reminded him of when he had been facing Blue Diamond, watching the tears run down her cheeks and feeling his own rolling beyond his control. And, for him, that was just petrifying. Because Steven had _always_ had control over his tears. He'd always been able to hold them back, and hide them from everyone else. He _had_ to. To completely give himself to his family, and be whatever they needed him to be, the hybrid had to figure out _quickly_ how to keep his own emotions at bay, to stifle them as much as he could in order to focus on everybody else. He'd learned quickly, after Greg had been taken by Blue, that what _he_ wanted didn't matter. What he wanted, whatever it may be, could only lead to bad things. His own desires were _bad_.

After that, it had been very easy to slip into whatever he felt _they_ would want. Whatever was best for them. Whatever they needed. He was more than happy to give everything he was to them, privately hoping it would be enough to fill the void that his mother had left with them. He had turned himself in to Homeworld to keep his friends safe, and he would have done so for the gems if they had been the ones in danger. And… his friends would have never been in danger in the first place if it wasn't for him. He hadn't turned himself in for what Rose had done, no - he had turned himself in for what _he_ had done. But the Diamonds would have never understood. Taking the blame for his mother's actions was easier than explaining that he wasn't really _her_.

The hybrid sighed, rubbing his hand over his face and looking up. He didn't know how much time had passed, but it felt like hours, just sitting there in silence. He wanted to get up, but he didn't know his way around the room, and he honestly didn't even know where the spot the wall opened was anymore. He thought maybe he was facing the wall itself, but he couldn't pinpoint the exact place it opened at. And he didn't want to get lost in the darkness any further, either.

So he sat.

And he stared.

And he thought.

And that was probably the worst part about being in here.

* * *

Steven wasn't sure how, and he wasn't sure _when_ \- but, eventually, he had managed to fall asleep. He found himself sinking to the floor, curling up with his arms cradling his head like a pillow, finally giving in and ignoring the tense, eerie darkness in favor of giving in to the exhaustion gently tugging him under. His dreams were dark, and fast; flashes of the Diamonds and Homeworld, facing Blue Diamond with tears streaming down her face, watching Yellow Diamond extend her hand to him with electricity sparking at her fingertips. They were nightmares, each one quicker and a little more anxiety-inducing than the last; he had no time to react to one before his brain moved on to the next. Fortunately, though, for him, it felt like nothing more than a few quick minutes before he had woken up, sweating and shaking.

He covered his face, gasping for air and fighting back tears as he pushed himself back up into a sitting position. He squeezed his thumb and index finger into his eyes and wiped away the tears that had managed to push their way through his eyelids; his cheeks felt wet, stained with the tears he had cried in his sleep, and he found himself mildly disgusted with himself as he felt them. Of course, he knew he had no control over himself while he was dreaming - but he wished that nightmares wouldn't affect him so much. As frequent as they were, he ought to be used to them by now - and the hybrid reminded himself, silently, to get to work on that.

Regardless, as he finally managed to focus and lower his hand to take in the room again, he found that things were a bit… _different_. It wasn't totally dark anymore; rather, there were lights over his head now, flickering on and off rapidly; he lifted his hands slightly to shield his eyes, drawing in a shaky gasp at the sudden (and, admittedly jarring) switch. He had managed to somewhat adjust to the darkness, so the presence of _any_ light, regardless of how brief it may be, made his entire head throb. The fact that they were flickering wasn't helping him either. More than once, he found his mind slipping, unsteady, eyes darting frantically around the room as he struggled to make himself focus on something, but there was nothing in there to focus on. His gaze was drawn back upwards instinctively, and he had to force himself to look away each time. After a few minutes had passed like this, he had deduced that he preferred the darkness.

Along with his head, his stomach was hurting; the pain came in short, steady bursts, growling every so often, and he was quick to realize that he was most definitely hungry. Which, honestly, made him start to panic somewhat - he was going to starve in here, wasn't he? Shattering, he could deal with - he assumed it would have been a quick process - but slowly starving to death? He doubted the Diamonds would give him food. His 'half-human' thing went over their heads.

He cradled his stomach, hands pressing over his gem, and finally forced himself up to his feet. Honestly, he wished he knew how long it had been; knowing how much time had passed would definitely make things much easier on him. And ease a little bit of his anxiety, probably.

Either that or it would drive him mad.

Shaking his head, the hybrid made his way over to the wall, reaching one hand out and feeling along it silently. He frowned, searching for where the opening might be, but he couldn't find anything. The wall itself was completely bare, without even a crack to show where the door was. He found himself walking from one end to the other, running his hand along the entire length of the wall, hoping he might find something - but, no, nada. He then checked the other wall, wondering if maybe he had lost direction (he had fallen asleep, maybe he had tossed and turned a little bit during the nightmares?), but even the other walls were unnaturally smooth. There was absolutely nothing to indicate that there was an _opening_ at all, which was… _odd_. He had seen the door open with his own eyes; there had to be something to tell _where_ it opened.

He slowly withdrew his hand and turned to look around the room, swallowing down a rush of panic. Surely, Blue Diamond wouldn't leave him in here forever; he was being punished, right?

 _Maybe this is the punishment,_ he thought, sinking back against the wall for a moment and wrapping his arms around himself, cradling his stomach in his arms again as another growl rumbled through, making him cringe at the pain that rolled through his gut in response. But the punishment had to be more than that; she had wanted him to 'live Rose Quartz's life', and surely her life on Homeworld had to be something more than being locked away in some room?

Steven sighed and paced across the room, stumbling slightly despite himself. The flickering lights were starting to get to him, leaving him with an unsteady feeling he couldn't quite shake. He couldn't help but blink every so often, squinting his eyes when the lights came on and letting himself relax briefly when they flickered off again - only to tense all over again when they came back on only about three seconds later. Without the walls to pin his focus on now, it was the only thing that really drew his attention at this point; cold white walls faced him on every side, nothing to look at and nothing to distract himself with. The lights were the only thing _to_ focus on, and he couldn't seem to find any better alternative. Getting lost in his own thoughts didn't even feel like an option; as soon as he began to slip, his attention was redirected again in less than a second.

The hybrid frowned, pausing as he reached the wall, then silently headed over to sit in the corner. He sank down silently, squeezing himself in between the two walls as much as possible, and curled his knees up to his chest. The flickering lights were blocked out for the most part as he crossed his arms over his legs and buried his face into them, pressing his eyes into them as much as possible and squeezing them shut as tightly as he could without hurting himself. His mind continued to spin even without the assist of the lights, though, and he let himself slip right along with it, briefly giving in to the desperation and terror clawing at his chest. He wasn't going to get out of this; fighting the Diamonds wasn't an option. Even if he _wanted_ to - which he didn't - it wasn't like it would do any good. They'd either lock him up or they'd shatter him. And of course, death wasn't his _first option_ , now that he knew it was somewhat avoidable, but… between the two, he was still having a pretty hard idea figuring out which one was worse.

 _Maybe I'd be better off dead,_ his mind suggested, and his mouth tugged into a slightly deeper frown at his own thoughts. It was either this or death… _and this is pretty bad._ But being shattered couldn't be that much better. Maybe it _was_ the preferred option here, but he had to stop thinking like this regardless. He had to stop letting these pessimistic thoughts get to him. At this point, he wasn't sure whether the thoughts of 'wanting to be shattered' was his own self-hatred coming into play or… something else? Whatever it was, he was simply struggling to rearrange his thoughts, put some order to the madness and try not to _think_ at the same time.

 _I don't want to be shattered,_ he told himself firmly, _that's not what I want._ The idea of death _scared_ him; obviously he didn't want to be shattered, no matter what he had said or thought during the trial. What he wanted was to be able to get out of here, find Lars and the off colors, and get off of Homeworld before anybody could get hurt. An escape plan was in order, but he wasn't sure how he would manage it if he couldn't even get out of this stupid _room_ to begin with.

_But maybe surrendering really is the best option._

He paused at that, and lifted his head from his arms after a moment, instead propping both of his elbows up on his knees and covering his face with his hands instead. It seemed to be the easiest solution he had. _That, and it's the best solution for everyone involved,_ he reminded himself after a moment, biting the inside of his cheek. _As long as the Diamonds have me where they want me, they're happy. Blue Diamond won't care about Earth, and Yellow Diamond doesn't seem to care about it anyway. The gems don't have a way to get here… except maybe Lapis, but I doubt she'd fly all the way to Homeworld just to rescue me, right? Last time she came here, she ended up a prisoner. She's smarter than to just rush in here alone anyway,_ he assured himself. _As long as Lars and the off colors stay out of sight, they should be fine, too… maybe if I get out of here I can figure out a way to get them home. But escaping… I can't… I can't put everybody at risk like that, can I? The Diamonds finally have what they want, would they really let it go without a fight? Especially since they're so close to justice now? I doubt it._

Maybe… surrendering _was_ his best option here. He was the only one in danger (save for Lars and the others, but without him there to put them _in_ danger, _were_ they really in danger?), and he could deal with that. He had turned himself in, he'd been ready to pay the price, and he had told the Diamonds he could take any punishment they decided to give him. He had basically asked for this, and they had obliged accordingly. So he was the one at fault for his own situation here. He didn't matter as much as they did. They were his top - and _only_ \- priority, for certain. If putting himself in this position is what it took to keep them safe, why shouldn't he?

He closed his eyes and sighed, keeping his eyes covered as he leaned back. He could still see the lights flickering even beyond his eyelids, a little bit of the light managing to squeeze through his fingers, but it was better, undoubtedly, than it would be if his eyes were open. He was tired - which was odd, considering he had just woken up - but at the same time, he felt oddly restless. The pain in his stomach wasn't going to allow him enough relief to sleep, nor would the lights…

So he just sat there, once again.

With his eyes closed.

And he continued to think.

And he wondered if this was the worst of the punishment, or just the start.

* * *

"I guess I'll have to face  
That in this awful place  
I shouldn't show a trace of doubt…"

Steven, singing as loud as he could now to fill the silence, was now dancing his way across the room. He found comfort in music - even though there was no music to _accompany_ his singing - but he was giving himself the next best thing. It was easier to deal with the silence, the flickering lights, and the fact that he couldn't tell whether several hours had passed, or several minutes. Sure, he was exhausted, he was scared (and as much as he hated to admit it, he was actually growing somewhat irritated even though he couldn't figure out why), but this was better than just sitting here doing nothing for however long he was going to be in here for. He rubbed his face and fought back a yawn, twirling slightly and reaching out to touch the wall as he stumbled.

He breathed in shakily and covered his stomach again, reminding himself to keep singing as he turned and spun around again, making his way back toward the other side of the room. Again, he stumbled and staggered, struggling to keep himself upright, but it wasn't enough to stop him. Shadows danced at the edges of his vision, moving with him, and he struggled to ignore them.

"But, pulled against the grain  
I feel a little pain that I  
Would rather do without…"

A shaky sigh escaped his lips, managing to get himself close enough to the wall to use it for support as his legs finally buckled underneath him; he slid down sideways, lifting his hand and pressing it over his eyes while the other hand dug firmly into the wall, nails scraping against it as he curled his fingers to try and get a grip on something that wasn't even there. He felt like something was steadily creeping in on him, the shadows dancing around him slowly closing around him as he curled himself up a little tighter. He lowered his hand from his face, looking down at it for a moment, then reluctantly lifted his gaze to look around the room again. _Keep singing,_ he urged himself, taking another look around to assure himself there was nothing there. It didn't work; the shadows continued to twirl around him in the dance they did, getting closer.

"I'd rather be free-ee…"

He built his strength back up and heaved himself back to his feet. Without dancing, now, and without twirling, he slowly stepped forward, one foot after the other, and made his way back to the other side of the room. The shadows eased themselves back, still flickering and dancing, but moving with him now, rather than against him. He rubbed his eye with one hand, the other one already extended toward the wall ahead of him to catch himself if he needed to do so. He flinched away from one of the shadows, unable to keep himself from shuddering as it grazed against him, but it slunk away from him just as quickly when he forced himself to twirl.

"Free-ee  
Free…"

Steven pressed his hand to the wall and closed his eyes for a moment, heaving out a soft sigh and turning away again, resigned to his fate and fully prepared to dance the rest of his life away in here. The shadows hadn't relented since they'd shown up, though he wasn't sure how long it had been since then. All he knew was that it had been a while - or at least, it felt like a while - since the shadows had come out of the walls and started attacking him, and it had taken him a little while to realize that the only way to keep them away from him for the most part was to keep moving and keep himself distracted. He hadn't given himself the chance to let them have their way with him yet, and he didn't plan on doing so anytime soon. Of course, he had enough sense to know it wasn't real; it was in his head, he was slowly losing it, he knew, but it was still scary.

He took a step forward and froze, jumping slightly as the lights suddenly stopped flickering; the entire room fell to a pitch black darkness, lasting about four seconds longer than usual before the lights flickered back on and _stayed_ on. The hybrid held his breath, counting the seconds to himself silently; by the time he reached fifty, he had quickly deduced that the lights were staying on. And, once he had reached about ninety seconds, he was startled once again - this time because, accompanied by a soft hum, the wall to his left abruptly split straight down the center.

Steven turned slowly to face it, blinking rapidly; the shadows retreated to the edges of his vision, still there but no longer dancing, no longer attempting to get closer. The crack spread, the wall cracking open and creating a brief opening; for a moment, as he lifted his hand to shield his eyes from the much brighter lights outside, he almost moved forward, genuinely considering just saying 'to heck with everything' and making a run for it. But before he could get close enough - or even string his thoughts together into something coherent enough to hatch an escape plan, for that matter - a familiar giant, blue figure ducked in through the opening. Her shadow fell over him, blocking off the light briefly, before she moved to the side to let someone else through.

The figures that followed her were smaller, but still taller than Steven in height. He recognized one of them; Blue Diamond's Pearl. The other, however, was one he'd never seen before. She _looked_ like a Pearl, but not one that he recognized. She was a pale pink, with darker pink hair. Her gem, like Blue's Pearl, was located on her chest; both Pearls stopped at the entrance.

He fixed his gaze past them for a while as they saluted, staring until the door shut behind them.

"Hello, Rose Quartz," Blue Diamond spoke up, somehow managing to sound pleasant. Steven flicked his gaze back up to her quickly, rubbing his eyes silently as he struggled to focus. He wanted to say something, but he faltered as he opened his mouth to do so, genuinely not knowing what to say to her. He didn't want to risk making her angry - and making her leave again. As terrifying as she might have been, he was just glad to finally have some company. He'd grown to find out that he didn't like being in this room by himself by _any_ means; solitude wasn't good for him, and the thought of being left alone again made him feel sick. "I hope I've given you enough time to… _think_ ," Blue Diamond began, lifting her hand toward the Pearls and gesturing toward Steven. They both curtsied and made their way over to him immediately. "But your little break is over now. We'll be beginning your training today; we're starting with Pearls."

Steven still said nothing, but he did offer a small smile toward the Pearls; neither of them reacted; the pink one spared a slightly bewildered look toward Blue Pearl, but the latter was stoic as ever as she stepped up to him and lifted her hand, uncurling her fist. He recognized what she was holding almost immediately - and, honestly, it was enough to make him step back. It was a pair of the earrings he'd had to wear when he had arrived at the human zoo - which was weird in itself. Was Blue Diamond taking him there? What did she mean by training then?

Blue Pearl continued forward, undeterred, but Steven didn't move this time - mostly because he was more or less distracted by the other Pearl, who was now summoning something from her gem. _It must be something all Pearls can do,_ he thought, closing his eyes for a moment before blinking them back open again to watch. He breathed in sharply, flinching and jerking his head a little when Blue Pearl clipped one of the earrings to his ear, but he didn't move away then either. She stepped around him to do the same to his other ear, while the other Pearl stepped forward, now holding a bubble; she squeezed it and it popped, and four blue mechanical limbs resembling the ones that Peridot had worn when she'd first arrived on Earth fell to the floor.

 _Limb enhancers,_ he recalled, watching as the Pearl leaned down to pick one of them up and stepped toward him. This time, he reeled back from both of them, just as Blue Pearl had been about to clip the earring; they both recoiled, blinked, and turned to look toward Blue Diamond.

"Rose…" The Diamond growled, and Steven would have flinched back if it weren't for the flare of anger that sparked up in his gut, rolling through him like thunder, lightning about to strike.

"I can't wear those," he snapped back without any real venom to his tone, but a little louder than he might have intended regardless. He watched her expression shift in response, anger flashing through her eyes as her face shifted and contorted slightly as if to speak, but Steven didn't give her the chance to. Not yet. At this point, the idea of her leaving him alone in here had completely slipped his mind; he just wanted her to _listen_ to him now, for once. "I'm half _human_. They probably won't even work for me anyway," he added, gesturing to the limb enhancers.

Blue Diamond stared at him for a moment, not even looking angry now - but she did look somewhat contemplative, and that expression alone was enough to send a chill up Steven's spine before the fear had really even had time to register. The irritation crumbled again, before he'd even had a proper chance to get riled up; he fell silent, sparing glances between Blue Diamond and the limb enhancers and genuinely wondering if she really intended to shove them onto him. Would they even function like they were supposed to? Was it going to hurt? Or was that the point? He knew this was part of the punishment, but he still couldn't help but wonder if she _knew_ what she was doing here. If she not only acknowledged him being half organic, but was using it to her own advantage. It certainly felt that way, but with her, he couldn't… tell.

And right then, his mind was far too fogged for him to be able to focus long enough _to_ tell. The hybrid fell silent, rubbing his hand over his face silently, and while he did flinch when Blue Pearl continued forward again - presumably on Blue Diamond's silent command - he stayed still. He did lean his head slightly to the side, but not enough to prevent her from clipping the earring on.

He flinched and hissed, and Blue Diamond let out a surprisingly quiet hum, sounding satisfied. "Well, you certainly _are_ half human, Rose Quartz. I'm not sure how it happened, but…" The Diamond eyed him, and Steven reluctantly flicked his gaze back over to her, eyebrows furrowing slightly as he stared back at the blue gem. She only smiled down at him, in a way that made his heart stutter slightly in his chest. "It's not going to be a problem. She is right, though, Pearl," she added suddenly, turning back to the pink Pearl, who looked up. "Uniform first."

"Uniform?" Steven echoed, and the moment he spoke, the earrings pulsed, sparked, and a sharp thrill of pain shot down his spine, forcing him to straighten up with a strangled gasp.

"Don't speak unless you're ordered to," Blue Diamond told him simply.

He stood still, genuinely horrified now, and glanced to the side, struggling to see the earrings from the corner of his eye. He could feel them glowing; it felt hot against his skin, and it took a few seconds for the pain from the shock to go down. By the time he had redirected his attention back to the gems, the pink Pearl had put the limb enhancer down and was summoning something else from her gem; once she held it up, he realized it was one of the uniforms that the Amethysts from the human zoo had worn, blue with diamond insignia. The Pearl stepped toward him, and he froze, moving back- only to go still again with a gasp at another spark.

The Pearl said nothing, grabbing the front of his shirt and twisting; she pulled it off of him effortlessly, tearing the fabric in the process, and his protests were cut off by a yelp this time as the earrings pulsed and another flash of pain caused his spine to stiffen; he screwed his eyes shut and breathed in shakily through his mouth, only to snap it shut again a moment later when he felt his pants being ripped off as well; it took everything he had not to scream and move back, but even then he couldn't stifle the instinctive jerk his shoulders offered when the Pearl began pulling the uniform over his head. She lifted his arms, pulling them through the sleeves.

"Now you're starting to look like a Homeworld gem," Blue Diamond said gleefully, while Steven turned his gaze downwards. The uniform connected in the back, but there was a gap in the front that circled around his gem, leaving it open, and he couldn't help but grimace. He'd never liked having his gem exposed - he didn't know why, but it just wasn't a preference of his. Still, he said nothing for fear of being sparked again, and simply turned his gaze back to the Pearls, watching as they each - now that Blue Pearl had finished her task with the earrings - picked up a limb enhancer and walked back over to him; a slight step back earned him yet another shock.

He gasped when one of the limb enhancers was pushed onto his arm; it was like a glove without finger holes, but it still left enough room for him to be able to move his fingers inside. Honestly, aside from the heaviness, it wouldn't have been much of a problem if, the moment it was settled on his arm, it hadn't _clamped down._ It felt like needles stabbing into his skin, and it was enough to draw a shaky shriek from his lips, one that, thankfully, slipped past the earrings. His eyes stung, hot with tears; not only did _that_ hurt, but the limb enhancer began humming not too long after that, steadily heating up. He could feel it scanning his hand; the fingers attached immediately sprung away from the limb enhancer, lifting up and mimicking the position Steven's hand was in (which was curled up, tightly, into a fist). "I-" Another shock. "I don't like-" Shock.

"You're not supposed to like it," Blue Diamond told him, and there was a grin on her face as he lifted his gaze back up to her, tears still brewing in the corners of his eyes. "That's the point."

Ah, so it _was_ punishment.

He managed to stay silent as the other limb enhancers were forced onto him. He got past the other arm with a few hisses and yelps every now and again, but the feet were much easier to get by. They were more like boots; they did clamp in at the top, but it wasn't as painful.

"Very good. You're dismissed, Pearls." The Pearls backed away while Steven fought to recompose himself. He slowly managed to uncurl his fists, staring down as the fingers of the limb enhancers did the same. He didn't look up, until he heard the wall split to reopen again, silently hoping he might have a chance to figure out how to open it from the inside. But, by the time he lifted his gaze, it was already closing behind the Pearls, and Blue Diamond was walking over to him; a step back earned another shock, but at that point it was the lesser of two evils.

"I th-" Shock. "-thought I wa-" Shock. "-was training wi-" Shock. Steven shut his mouth after that, giving up on speaking for the time being. It wasn't necessary at that point.

"You are." Blue Diamond crouched down in front of him, but it wasn't enough to bring her to his height; he still had to tilt his head back to look up at her, gazing up at the gem towering above him. "I just want to make one thing clear with you _privately_. Activate," she spoke, and Steven flinched despite himself while the earrings heated up again, with another sharp pulse. "You are Rose Quartz Facet-1 Cut-8BR. Your Diamond is Blue Diamond. _You_ are a _soldier_ , nothing else."

The earrings dimmed after a moment of silence, and Steven lifted his hand to one of them with a frown, only to jerk it back down with a startled hiss when it shocked him again.

"There." Blue Diamond pushed herself up, looking pleased. "Now, let's go."


	3. Chapter 3

Steven was… not really having a good time.

It was hard enough, learning how to walk in the limb enhancers. The added height threw him off balance, causing him to stumble and stagger on occasion as he followed after Blue Diamond. The fact that the earrings seemed to understand verbal commands wasn't helping him either; if he didn't move fast enough, or if he lagged too far behind the blue gem, he'd receive a quick shock to get him moving a little quicker - which only resulted in a few more stumbles as he struggled to keep up with Blue Diamond. He wasn't even going to risk wandering away from her, even as they left the room; at this point, being shocked had to be worse than spending the day with a few Pearls regardless. Pearls he could deal with. Maybe he could talk to them, too. At the very least, he figured maybe they wouldn't _hurt_ him, so he had enough hope that the day wasn't going to turn out spectacularly awful. And, if he was being honest, he was just happy to be _out_.

Thankfully, their destination wasn't too far; Blue Diamond stopped, and Steven skidded sharply, hissing a little as he almost slipped and just barely managed to catch himself in time as the blue gem opened the door and turned, gesturing for him to enter. He did so quickly, not wanting to earn another shock, and stepped through the giant doorway - with much, much relief accompanying the realization that it was, indeed, a door, and not a part of the wall that opened. "I have more important things to do than supervise your training," Blue Diamond began, and Steven silently bit the inside of his cheek. "So I'll let the Pearls take it from here. And, hopefully, when I've returned, they'll have managed to turn you into something with a _shred_ of respect."

The door slammed shut and Steven released a shaky sigh, feeling the rest of the tension in his shoulders drain. It was almost enough to send him crumbling straight to the floor; exhaustion and relief weighing him down from every end, he wanted nothing more than to curl up and forget about everything else for a second. But he knew he couldn't do that; he didn't want to risk doing anything to risk making the earrings mad, and he didn't know whether or not the Pearls would tell on him if he decided to take a quick power nap. So he summoned the little bit of strength he had left, forcing himself to straighten up, and lifted a hand slightly to rub at his eyes - only to realize a little too late that they weren't his actual hands. He barely managed to avoid poking himself in the eye with one of the fingers of the limb enhancers, jerking it back down quickly. That was going to be one of the hardest things to get used to. Truthfully, he was just surprised they were functioning on him - at least somewhat. The fingers moved with him, at least.

The hybrid sighed and lifted his head, jumping slightly and recoiling in surprise. There were Pearls, Pearls _everywhere._ He hadn't noticed them when he'd first entered, but there were so many… some standing, murmuring to each other, and some of them just lounging about. Others stood with slightly unsettled expressions, their gazes fixed on him like they weren't quite sure what they were seeing. He only saw one familiar face (well, technically, all of them looked like _his_ Pearl so all of them were technically familiar), but regardless, it was the pink one from before. Blue Pearl wasn't there - she was, presumably, wherever Blue Diamond was headed to.

He forced himself to breathe and offered a smile, stepping forward hesitantly. "Hello…"

A few of the Pearls flinched; others shuffled forward somewhat protectively, exchanging uncertain glances and returning their gazes to him with a frown. The pink Pearl, however, only tilted her head at him slightly as she walked forward, reaching a hand up to tuck her hair behind her ear. "Hello, Rose Quartz Facet-1 Cut-8BR," she began, offering a curtsy as she stopped a few feet away, and Steven opened his mouth slightly to insist that she didn't have to do that, or _call_ him that, either, but she was already speaking again before he had the chance to do so. "Allow me to introduce myself; I am Rose Pearl. It's a pleasure to meet you."

"She says to the shatterer," one of the Pearls behind her mumbled, and Steven couldn't keep himself from flinching slightly in time. The pink Pearl - Rose Pearl - offered a slightly irritated look in his direction, but the annoyance didn't seem to be directed at him specifically, because she turned and shot the Pearl behind her a similar expression; she backed off quickly after that, but continued to eye Steven silently as she retreated back to the other side of the room.

He turned his attention back to Rose Pearl, who continued to stare after the other for a moment before she finally turned back to him, straightening up from her curtsy and folding her hands into the salute that Steven had seen from Peridot and Centi before, creating a diamond shape between her hands as she looked up at him and huffed, "I apologize, Rose Quartz. Some Pearls somehow lack basic etiquette. Perhaps a rejuvenation is in order, since this one's programming seems to have worn down quite a bit," she raised her voice slightly as she neared the end of her sentence, and Steven spared a hesitant glance toward the other Pearl, who looked more offended than anything at the comment. "Regardless, we have a job to do, and if nobody is going to assist me, then I will be happy to explain to Blue Diamond that you all decided your own discomfort outweighs your duty as a Pearl and the orders that you've been given."

A disgruntled expression crossed the face of the Pearl who had spoken up before, while a few more or less indignant glances were cast in Steven's direction. "But she's-"

"Shatterer or not," Rose Pearl interrupted sharply, "we were instructed to _teach_ her, not make snide comments and hide like pebbles. Am I the only one taking this job seriously? Does anyone else have something to say about 8BR?" She demanded, sweeping her gaze around the room. Steven had to admit, he was growing somewhat uncomfortable now; he didn't want any of them to get in trouble over him, especially not this Pearl. "Or are we going to listen now?"

The Pearl from before glanced at Steven again, wrinkling her nose silently, then turned and walked away, disappearing behind one of the many large pillars in the room. Steven only heaved out a sigh and moved his hand up to try and rub his arm, only to drop it again once he remembered the limb enhancers. Rose Pearl turned back to him, lifting her chin and gesturing for him to come forward, and he reluctantly did so after a moment. "Now, regarding your training. From what I've gathered, your Diamond wants you to be… ah, obedient, yes?"

 _Your Diamond._ Steven grimaced at the words. "I guess so," he replied faintly, sparing another quick glance around. He needed to think of an escape plan while he was here, and not being watched or stopped by Blue. The hybrid shifted slightly on his feet, studying his limb enhancers with a frown before lifting his gaze back to Rose Pearl and offering a hesitant shrug.

The pink gem paused, studying him for a moment, then let out a low hum and beckoned him forward, turning away and walking back over to where the other Pearls stood. He followed somewhat hesitantly, casting glances toward the others every now and again; they didn't move away again or flinch, but most of them still gave him wary looks as he approached, and it was enough to make him rip his gaze away and look down at the floor instead as he followed Rose Pearl. He didn't like this; he was being blamed for something he hadn't done, in a place where every gem seemed to hate him. Every gem except Rose Pearl - but he wasn't entirely sure how she felt about him, since she had insisted she was just carrying out her orders like she was told. That didn't quite settle well with him either; he remembered the things Peridot had said about what Pearls were like back on Homeworld, how they were basically 'toys' and 'accessories', servants made to… serve. And that was likely why Blue Diamond had sent him to them first. That's what she wanted him to be; a servant. A toy. Obedient and loyal as they come.

"Well, we've never gotten Quartzes in here," Rose Pearl commented. "In fact, it's rare that a certain gem is placed anywhere they're not typically supposed to be. There's a few exceptions, of course," she added, glancing back at Steven as he made his way forward with a slight frown. "Such as Ruby 5HX. She works with the technicians. But we've never had a Quartz work with Pearls- I suppose you're a special case, 8BR," she added with a chuckle, and Steven cracked a hesitant smile as she turned to face him again, tilting her head. "Now where to start…"

"Are you sure she's a Quartz?" One of the Pearls piped up, looking Steven up and down. "Looks more like a human to me. Like those ones from the zoo, remember?" She looked over at the others, who nodded slightly in agreement, while Rose Pearl paused and tilted her head at him.

"She has a gem." She gestured toward Steven's stomach, and the others fell silent.

"Well, I'm half-" Steven began, and the earrings decided that was a good time to deliver a quick buzz. It didn't shock him that time, but that alone was enough to make him fall silent, snapping his mouth shut and taking a deep breath as he flicked his gaze around the room. The Pearls exchanged a few more glances, looking confused, and Rose Pearl fixed her gaze on the earrings for a moment before simply turning her attention back to Steven with a smile.

"Either way." Rose Pearl cleared her throat. "I suppose we can start with basics. Like… greeting your Diamond," she added, straightening up. Her hands rose, folding easily into the salute Steven had seen demonstrated a few times since he'd been there. He stared, concentrating, as she lifted her chin. "Customarily, we greet our Diamonds with a salute and a curtsy. If we're asked a question, we answer as simply as we can; a yes or no question would be 'yes, my Diamond' or 'no, my Diamond'. Anything else should be kept short, followed by 'my Diamond'."

Steven bit back what he wanted to say, every protest that rose to the tip of his tongue, for fear of being shocked again. He didn't know what would set the earrings off and what wouldn't, and he didn't want to risk it. So, instead, he hesitantly followed suit in copying the salute Rose Pearl was still displaying, figuring that was what she wanted. It was harder to get his arms to fold the right way with the limb enhancers, and it was even harder getting the fingers to move the way he needed them to in order to form the diamond shape in the middle. He did eventually manage to settle into somewhat of a salute, though it wasn't perfect; his arms wobbled, the weight of the limb enhancers threatening to bring them _and_ him crashing down, but he forced himself steady. Looking down, he saw faint blue lines creeping up his arm from the limb enhancers; they disappeared into the sleeves of his uniform, and seemed to weave all the way down to his gem, because he realized as he looked down that the lines were somewhat split through it, making the gemstone glow slightly. It dimmed when the hands settled, but as he twitched one of the fingers, it started up again - and it was easy to see that that's how they functioned. His gem.

At least it didn't hurt; he tore his focus away from the blue cracks on his skin, lifting his head again to look up at Rose Pearl as she spoke. "Well, you've kind of got the salute down. That's not really the hard part - most gems are already made knowing the basics, but Blue Diamond informed us that your memories have been compromised. That and your basic programming - but, these things can be taught all the same, don't worry," she added, dropping the salute. "Obedience isn't just instinctive, it can be taught. Luckily for you, you've got the best teachers."

Steven wasn't sure how he felt about that.

* * *

Training with the Pearls wasn't so bad. They taught him quite a lot, actually - once they moved on from the simpler things, such as salute, and staying silent until spoken to, and walking behind his Diamond and opening doors and carrying things, they also taught him how to use his gem for storage. After explaining that it was an ability that all gems had, but not many had the use for it, they explained that it was basically the same concept of summoning his weapon from and to his gem whenever he needed to. They offered him a few things to test it out with; a few ribbon wands and some paper fans to bubble and send off, and he eventually got the hang of it. Using his powers with the limb enhancers was harder than he expected it to be, but soon, he was able to function with them somewhat the same as he would with his normal limbs.

Still, he found himself growing more and more uncomfortable, the longer he was with them. They really were like servants; one of them stepped up, taking over the lesson when Rose Pearl had seemed to run out of things to teach him. And she had explained what it meant to live for someone, to completely let go of everything he was and everything he knew now; he was not a person, he was an object of loyalty that should only be dedicated solely to his Diamond and his planet. And the more she spoke, droning on about only living for that particular purpose, the twisting in his stomach became stronger, until he felt like he was going to throw up.

It got harder and harder to focus as time went on. He tried to absorb as much information as he could, but he couldn't keep the doubts from plaguing his mind. He didn't want to serve Blue Diamond. He didn't want to give up everything he was. All his freedom… his entire identity. None of it mattered to these gems; they wanted him to be Rose Quartz. They wanted blind loyalty and respect, and they were going to do anything to beat him down and put him in his place here. And he was already starting to crumble under the pressure; he didn't know how much longer he could last, and he didn't know if he wanted to fight against it anymore either. Not sleeping for who _knows_ how long had taken a toll on him; he wasn't exactly used to sleep-deprivation, not for this long, so being this exhausted was pretty much a new experience. And with all this exhaustion clouding his mind and somewhat impairing his judgement, despite knowing this wasn't the place for him and he wasn't Rose Quartz and he wasn't a _servant_ of Homeworld, every part of him ached to give in if it meant making things a little easier on himself.

The lessons dragged on until, finally, the door chimed; the sound it made was almost musical, and had him thinking back to the way the door to the Big Donut would sing whenever he entered, greeting him with its happy, familiar tune as he went in to get some fresh donuts. His stomach rumbled at the thought, and he flinched away slightly at the bewildered glances he received from the Pearls, shifting slightly where he stood and looking up at the door expectantly. The hunger was another thing he was struggling to deal with. He didn't know how long it had been since he'd last eaten, and he didn't know how much longer he could last without food.

Rose Pearl nudged him as Blue Diamond entered with her Pearl in tow, looking a little more relaxed since the last time he'd seen her. Steven stared for a while, somewhat confused - but another nudge prompted him to finally lift his hands into the diamond salute he had learned, albeit reluctantly, by the time Blue Diamond's gaze fixed on him. She looked somewhat surprised to see him take the stance, but that sentiment faded rapidly, quickly stamped out and replaced with nothing but absolute, sheer delight as she walked toward them. "Well, Rose Quartz… I'm almost impressed," she noted quietly as she studied him, and Steven breathed in shakily, only meeting her gaze for a second before looking down again. _Gaze low,_ he reminded himself of the Pearls' words, setting his jaw. _Chin up, gaze low._ "At least you learn quickly."

Straightening up again, Blue Diamond lifted a hand and beckoned him forward with a finger. "Come, Rose Quartz. That will be all, Pearls. And remarkable job, I must say," she added, as Steven pushed himself forward before the earrings had the chance to shock him, making his way forward to stand with Blue Diamond's Pearl instead. She stood absolutely still with her hands clasped in front of her, and Steven straightened up as he mimicked the pose, curling the fingers of his limb enhancers together with a slight grimace. He couldn't feel his own touch.

"Thank you, my Diamond." Rose Pearl curtsied and winked at Steven as Blue Diamond turned away from her. Steven caught her gaze briefly before lifting his gaze back up to the blue gem, managing to swallow before his mouth completely went dry. Blue Diamond waved a hand dismissively, then gestured for Steven and Blue Pearl to follow her as she left the room.

He grimaced as he obliged, falling into step with Blue Pearl - or at least, attempting to do so. He fell behind a little, still struggling with the feet of his limb enhancers - which he was now referring to as boots - since he still wasn't used to walking in anything so bulky. Jeez, he wore flip-flops all the time just so he didn't have to deal with actual shoes. Of course, these weren't like real shoes; these were big, and he found that they did hurt when he stepped down the wrong way, the clamps at the top digging into his leg and making his knees buckle, which made him stumble. So he struggled to focus on walking the right way, trying to figure out how to do so without causing himself any unnecessary pain. He set his jaw, looking up briefly as he walked.

Blue Diamond wasn't speaking, simply leading them along calmly. He found himself somewhat relieved to see them heading toward another door; he wasn't going back to the room. That put a little skip in his step, a brief boost of energy. He was getting out of wherever he was locked up now, somewhere within what he assumed was Homeworld's palace itself. So he was going to get a glimpse of what was outside now, which meant he might have a better chance at figuring out where Lars and the off-colors were, and maybe even possibly escape - if he could figure out a way to get past the earrings. He lifted his hand again, moving the fingers of the limb enhancers to nudge one of the earrings, but he quickly pulled it back down when they buzzed.

"You're not trying anything sneaky, are you, 8BR?" Blue Diamond hummed, and Steven reacted a little too quickly, looking up at the blue gem. At that point, he was pretty much used to being called that; that and 'Rose Quartz', he found himself reacting to without quite realizing he was.

"No-" Steven winced, swallowed, and added quickly, "-my Diamond."

The hybrid bit back a sigh of relief when Blue Diamond turned away, looking up at her for a moment. He wished he could just figure out how to get through to her, but he was terrified of even opening his mouth when she was around. And it wasn't just because he didn't want to be shocked again - honestly, it was because _she_ genuinely scared him, in a way no other gem or _anybody_ else had ever been able to. Anything he said was either taken the wrong way or used against him. Like him being half-human. She didn't care about what he had to say, or what he wanted or needed; she only cared about punishing him, for something he didn't even do.

He forced himself to focus, stumbling a little over his feet as he fought to catch up with Blue Pearl when the earrings offered a swift shock to remind him to keep a good pace with them, gritting his teeth as he fell into step with the other gem. Blue Diamond stopped, and Steven skidded sharply to a halt as well, while Blue Pearl moved forward to open the door so that they could leave; he held his breath, chest tight with anticipation as he stared and waited anxiously.

"You see, Rose Quartz," Blue Diamond began, and Steven turned his head toward her, furrowing his eyebrows slightly. "When you behave, you get certain privileges. I'm not cruel." Blue Diamond glanced down at him; Steven dropped his gaze. "If you obey, you're allowed to leave the palace. But if you try anything… your punishment will get _severely_ worse."

Her tone made him shudder; he said nothing, just kept his gaze fixed downwards until Blue Diamond continued leading him outside. He only risked a glance upwards when he actually had to see where he was going to start walking down a flight of stairs, grimacing slightly. The towering buildings, the sky painted in different shades of blue and purple. It was like a constant state of the break of dawn, when the sun was just coming up and the beginnings of blue mixed with pink to create the deep violet shade across the clouds; he hated to admit it, but considering he had spent all that time locked away in either darkness or complete white, the colors were absolutely stunning; he was left breathless as he followed after Blue Diamond, staring upwards.

"I hope you're ready to meet your Squadron," Blue Diamond told him with a hum as she walked, as Blue Pearl fell into step with Steven. The hybrid said nothing, simply gazed up at the sky with wide eyes as the Diamond continued, "you'll be paired with a group of Jaspers. Not quite your cut of gem, but they _are_ Quartzes, so I suppose they're more… suitable to teach you what you need to know," she added, then let out a low huff, "and your Agate will keep you in line."

Steven paused, thinking back to Holly Blue as he followed along after Blue Diamond and her Pearl. He remembered how she had treated the Amethysts at the zoo; she had been harsh, hitting and pushing them around. And he couldn't fight a faint trickle of fear, a cold rush down his spine that made him shudder. Blue Diamond was bad enough, and she hadn't laid a hand on him. What he'd already gone through was already making him want to give in, leaving him exhausted and willing to just let Homeworld have their way with him - as horrible as it sounded, he was tired. And fighting and running hadn't gotten him anywhere so far. He wished he could build up the strength (and courage, for that matter) to make a run for it now, but he _couldn't_.

And this was how they felt all the time, wasn't it? These gems here, the Pearls, with no choice but to serve their Diamonds. They were scared, but too scared to leave. That's how Peridot had been - well, she'd also been blindly loyal to Yellow Diamond at first. But Steven could see the fear in her eyes, hear it in the quivering of her voice when she was talking to Yellow Diamond. And he could see it in Lapis's eyes whenever the Diamonds were mentioned; they were _scared_. _Garnet_ was scared of _Blue_ Diamond - not that Steven couldn't understand that now.

But this was life on Homeworld, wasn't it? This was how they lived? In fear? His stomach twisted at the thought, slowing slightly until the earrings shocked him again.

Blue Diamond raised a hand for them to stop after a while, and Steven froze immediately, every muscle in his body pulling taut as he halted. He cringed, feeling the ground move under his feet as she lifted a platform up beneath them; he sucked in a breath and held it, forcing himself not to look down. He wasn't scared of heights, but he wasn't exactly in control here either. Usually he had control over how high up he was, and the fact that he _wanted_ to be high up in the first place. Regardless, he sucked it up and swallowed, forcing back the lump in his throat and lifting his head to see what was above him. It took him a moment to register the sight, but as he widened his eyes to see better, he realized it closely resembled the sky arena back on Earth.

The platform stopped moving, and Steven almost stepped forward until he remembered that he had to wait for Blue Diamond to first; he fell into step with Blue Pearl again once she did, stepping onto the arena carefully and lifting his gaze to the figures standing a few feet away. He recognized three of them as Jaspers almost instantly; two of them, equal height, seemed to be in the middle of a sparring match. One of them held a mallet, and the other held a pair of whips; Steven was instantly reminded of Amethyst, and the thought of the purple gem made his heart ache with longing as he watched the whips lash out toward the other Jasper, biting his lip.

There were two other figures a few feet away from them, silently observing the fight; one of them looked like a Jasper, but she was about Amethyst's height (if not shorter). The other was _much_ taller, arms crossed over her chest. She was definitely an Agate; she resembled Holly Blue in some ways, though she was orange like the Jaspers. The buns on the side of her head curled upwards, pointed like horns. She also had a cape - but unlike Holly Blue's, it only spread out over her right shoulder, leaving the left one revealed, along with her gemstone.

The smaller Jasper noticed them first; she reached over to nudge the Agate, who turned her head quickly to look, eyebrows raising as her gaze fixed on them; she whistled sharply and turned, lifting her arms and folding her hands into the diamond salute with a quick bow.

The Jaspers exchanged quick glances as the other two stopped fighting, turning and following the Agate's lead as they both saluted Blue Diamond, who chuckled. "At ease."

"Your Radiance," the Agate straightened up and let her hands fall, and the Jaspers copied her, but stood still. The smaller one fixed her gaze on Steven and blinked, eyebrows raising, but she didn't say or do anything; Steven nearly lifted his hand to wave at her, but he thought better of it. "We're honored you stopped by to see us. What can we help you with?"

Blue Diamond snapped her fingers, and it took a moment for Steven to realize that she wanted him to come forward. Blue Pearl had to nudge him a few times to get him to move; he fixed his eyes on the Agate as he walked forward, biting the inside of his cheek nervously and coming to a stop when Blue Diamond lifted her hand, once she was directly in front of the other four. "This is Rose Quartz Facet-1 Cut-8BR- I'm sure you've heard the stories," she added, and Steven swallowed as he watched the Agate's eyes sharpen, staring down at him somewhat coldly now. "I'll be placing her in your Squadron for the time being, unless there's a problem with that?"

"Not at all, my Diamond," the Agate replied, still staring at Steven. "I'm absolutely gratified." She didn't look it, but Steven wasn't about to challenge her. "I am Fortification Agate Facet-8H3A Cut-4AX," she addressed him, then narrowed her eyes further; the stare chilled him to the bone. "But you will address me as 'my Agate', am I clear, 8BR?"

Steven blinked back at her, not knowing if she actually wanted a response, but he was quick to open his mouth when Blue Diamond cleared her throat, sounding irritated. "Yes, my Agate…?"

"Good." The Agate lifted her chin. "Go stand with the Jaspers."

Steven wasted no time in reacting to the order, desperate to get away from both her and Blue Diamond. He headed past her quickly, walking over to where the other three had regrouped; the other two had joined the smaller one in curiously watching the others, and were now gazing at him as he approached. He was glad to see no real hostility in their eyes, nor any fear like the Pearls had displayed. Instead, they just looked oddly dumbfounded, and intrigued. Still, it was enough to allow him to relax just a little as he stopped beside them and turned to face the others again, watching as the Agate and Blue Diamond stepped closer to each other to keep talking.

"Hi," the smallest Jasper whispered to Steven after a few seconds; the hybrid twitched in surprise, looking over at her. "I'm Jasper Facet-2G6D Cut-6JA."

"6JB," one of the other ones piped up.

The one beside her waved. "6JC."

Steven hesitated, flicking his gaze back toward Blue Diamond and the Agate, but he turned back to the Jaspers after a moment, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly in a sigh. "Guess I'm 8BR," he replied begrudgingly, biting his lip. He didn't know if the earrings would shock him for saying his real name, and he wasn't about to take the chance of it either. Damn things seemed to know his every move, and whenever he was doing something 'unapproved'.

"Did you really shatter Pink Diamond?" 6JC asked suddenly, and Steven couldn't keep himself from wincing on time; 6JB shot the other Jasper a look, and the small one promptly stomped down on her foot, causing her to let out a half-gasp, half-squeak; all three Jaspers were back in position when the Agate turned around to see what the commotion was, and 6JC was still blinking the tears out of her eyes by the time the Agate had turned back to Blue Diamond. "What in the stars was that for?" She hissed at the smallest one. "I just asked her a question."

"You can't just ask someone that, Mandarin," 6JA retorted. "It's _rude_."

"Mandarin?" Steven asked quietly before he could stop himself, and the Jaspers paused, exchanging a swift glance between them; after a moment, they shuffled a little closer to him, as close as they could get without breaking their salutes, and Steven found himself leaning in, too.

"It's a nickname," 6JA explained lowly, and Steven furrowed his eyebrows slightly, listening. "From one of the Rubies- apparently it's an Earth thing? I'm not sure." She looked toward the others, who both shrugged in response, and the small one turned back to Steven after a moment. "Anyway, it's easier than numbers… like, I'm Tangerine." She gestured to herself. "And this one here is Clementine. And you already know Mandarin, she's the one without a filter."

Steven glanced between them, somewhat curious by the Ruby they were talking about. She seemed to know about Earth - and she also seemed to know enough about it to accurately nickname these three, too. It was a little amusing, the fruit theme - amusing and adorable, and he found himself warming up to the Jaspers rather quickly despite himself. He wanted to tell them his own name to make things a little easier, but he was still pretty wary of being shocked. "Well, that's cool. I didn't know Homeworld gems used nicknames."

"Most of us don't," Tangerine replied with a shrug. "I know there's Berry and Lemon Lime and us, but most gems here are pretty strict about 'keeping order' and 'identifying facets and cuts'." The Jasper rolled her eyes and finally dropped the salute, not seeming bothered about Blue Diamond being only several feet away from them now. "But otherwise, yeah, it's just a few."

"We should give her a nickname," Mandarin spoke up suddenly, looking excited. "'Rose'?"

"'RQ'?" Clementine cut in, tilting her head.

"Quartzy," Tangerine said after a moment, and the other two exchanged a glance before looking back down at Steven, grinning slightly now; the hybrid couldn't help but crack a smile, offering a shrug. Honestly, it was better than 'Rose' and '8BR', so he'd take 'Quartzy' anyday. Besides, it wasn't entirely connected to his mother; his middle name was Quartz, so he could just choose to see it as an actual nickname of his own. So that actually wasn't so bad. "It's perfect."

"Agate's coming," Clementine warned suddenly, and the other Jaspers straightened up immediately, getting back into position. Tangerine rolled her eyes, but she folded her hands back into the salute, looking somewhat bored with it now. Steven followed suit quickly, assuming that was what he was supposed to be doing. The Pearls hadn't told him he'd need to salute gems that weren't Diamonds, but, remembering how Holly Blue had reacted to Sapphire back at the zoo, he guessed it was probably a 'rank' thing, too. Which meant Agate was their superior?

He was relieved to see Blue Diamond had left, but he didn't take much comfort in the expression on Agate's face as she reached them; she went straight for him, heels clicking against the tiles as she approached, and the hybrid swallowed hard as she finally reached him; it didn't take long for a hand to clasp around the front of his uniform, yanking him upwards and pulling him up onto the tips of his boots, and he bit back a gasp. "Alright, listen here, 8BR. Blue Diamond tells me you've got some supposed 'memory problems' from your escapade on Earth." She leaned forward, and Steven flinched slightly, breathing heavily as he leaned his head back. "But I don't care. Any disrespect or disobedience towards me won't be tolerated. Hesitance will be punished. And I do have Blue Diamond's permission to keep you in line. So, with that said." Agate released him, and Steven fell back onto his feet, stumbling a little and gripping his chest. "Let's begin your training."


	4. Chapter 4

"You really suck at this," Clementine commented as, for about the twentieth time since they had started training, Steven was sent skidding sharply across the floor of the arena, landing at the two bigger Jaspers' feet. He was far beyond just nervous now; he was frustrated, and _angry_ \- exhaustion clouded his mind, thick like fog, and he found it nearly impossible not to get upset. Talking hadn't done anything for him; they weren't even really fighting, they were just training. And past experiences had taught him, regardless, that gems like this couldn't be talked down regardless - not really, not as quick as Steven would have liked. And even if he _did_ manage to get through to them, he knew he wouldn't get through to Agate, and she was the one giving the orders. The hybrid breathed out shakily, heaving himself back onto his feet with a wince. At this point, he couldn't tell what was worse - being here, being forced to fight, or being in the room.

"You've got this, Quartzy!" Mandarin patted his back, earning another flinch from the hybrid as he was pushed forward, back to where Tangerine stood. She had put on a pair of limb enhancers, herself - and was looking increasingly frustrated with them as she shifted back and forth on her feet, wavering slightly where she stood. Even Steven seemed to have a better grip of control over his own limbs, and it wasn't doing anything to help him against this Jasper. If he wasn't so frustrated, he might have admired how tough she was - she reminded him of Amethyst in a lot of ways, and it didn't just have to do with how short the gem was, either.

"8BR," Agate spoke sharply, and Steven turned his head quickly, breathing in shakily. He hated that he was getting used to being called that, _responding_ to it now, but there wasn't much he could do about it. He wasn't brave enough to protest to it, not to her and not to Blue Diamond. "Don't you have a weapon?" The gem sneered at him, and Steven swallowed, hesitating.

"I…" He looked down at his gem, once again grimacing at the fact that it wasn't covered. "Not really- I mean, I have…" He breathed in slowly, swallowing again and finally summoning his shield. It appeared with a shimmer, materializing on his arm, and he ignored Tangerine and Mandarin's 'ooh' and Clementine's 'nice', tearing his gaze away from the shield quickly. He didn't like looking at it, but he wouldn't admit that to anyone else. It made him think of his mother - and, while typically it wouldn't bother him as much, since it was _typically_ easier to ignore, he found it harder and harder to entertain any thought of her at all the longer he spent there. The thought of _Rose Quartz_ was driving him crazy; _everything_ was driving him crazy. But his mother, at that moment, was quite the sensitive topic, so he found it better to just try not to think of her.

Agate grunted, unimpressed, unlike the soldiers under her command, and waved a hand somewhat dismissively to shut them up when they continued to fawn over the shield. Steven found himself a little bit glad for that, actually - it reminded him of when he'd first summoned it. And while that moment had been a _big_ moment in his life, it had also left a bitter taste in his mouth when he'd learned it had been his mother's shield. His entire life up to that moment had been spent trying to live up to her, and then to realize that they even shared the same weapon, it had only brought on the horrible realization that he would never really be anything beyond…

… well, beyond… Rose Quartz. Irony, huh?

"6JB," Agate barked, and Clementine immediately moved forward, standing at attention. Tangerine, seeming to realize that their particular sparring match was over, retreated to where Mandarin was standing, pausing where Clementine had been and sitting down to clumsily disable her limb enhancers. Steven couldn't help but stare as she managed to pull one off, wondering for a second if he might be able to do that - if the earrings didn't shock him for it - but he redirected his attention back to Agate rather quickly when she smacked the back of his head, biting back a gasp and jerking forward sharply to stand beside Clementine. "Done daydreaming, 8BR?" Agate sneered, and Steven ran his tongue over his lips and swallowed, mouth dry. "If so, then I'd love for you to join us during training. You're up against 6JB, since she actually has a weapon to use against yours-" The hybrid frowned, noticing the glance Agate shot toward Tangerine - who, to her credit, rolled her eyes and stuck her tongue out after Agate turned away - while Clementine only sighed and rolled her shoulders back. "Let's actually get something _done_ , shall we? Go," Agate ordered, gesturing to the center of the training arena.

"Don't worry," Clementine mumbled as she fell into step with him, and Steven breathed in shakily, deciding not to mention that he was already far beyond worried at this point anyway. "I'll go easy on you." The Jasper paused, glancing down at him curiously. "You really don't have that much experience with battle training, do you?" She asked, stopping and turning to face him.

Steven shook his head a little and paused, taking a few steps back. He tightened his grip on the shield somewhat reflexively, gazing at the orange gem before him. She was tall, and buff - compared to the Jasper _Steven_ had met on Earth, she was only a few inches shorter, and not that much skinnier either; broad and tough-looking, and Steven knew she could take him down. _But she seems friendly,_ he reminded himself, even as her gem glowed to summon her weapon, even despite the nausea rolling in his gut. _Compared to everyone else here, she's pretty nice. I'm lucky, aren't I? At least I don't have to fight against the Agate. I can't exactly complain._

Clementine spun a mallet in her hand, smiling slightly now. Steven took a moment to study it, somewhat nervously, and found himself drawing his shield closer to himself. As much as he wanted to trust her - as much as every part of him _ached_ to trust her, he found it hard to. This place wasn't exactly one built on trust, and with each passing second, and each new gem, he was learning, more and more, that it wasn't a place he wanted to be in. It wasn't a place he was used to. The gems here didn't care about a life beyond the one they knew now; Clementine probably didn't even know what 'going easy' meant, because, as Pearl and Garnet would say, Homeworld wasn't exactly known for going easy. Maybe she did have good intentions - Steven didn't know, and he wasn't usually one to judge, or doubt. But he also knew that if he was going to get through this, he needed to not be so naive and trusting. He needed to be… cautious.

Or maybe he was just scared. Maybe he was just scared in this new place, with these new gems. Gems that, for the most part, just wanted to hurt him. Gems that wanted to mold him into something he wasn't, and wanted him to _live_ with them, and become a soldier, and _fight_.

The hybrid swallowed, breathing a little heavier now, and the fingers of his limb enhancers curled slightly, mirroring the action of the hand that was trapped inside the mechanical limb as he clenched his fist. He only had a second to react when Clementine abruptly tensed and shoved herself forward, lunging at him from only a few feet away; through the exhaustion, he struggled to remember his training with Pearl and Connie, lifting the shield quickly and letting the mallet slam into it when Clementine swung. But, remembering his old training was just as quickly his downfall, because when he blocked the blow, he almost expected Connie to lunge forward with his mother's sword to finish the enemy off. It took him a few seconds to realize that Connie wasn't there to do so, and in those few seconds, Clementine had broken through the shield and slammed her foot into his chest, sending him stumbling back toward the others.

She managed to look concerned as Steven struggled to recompose himself, stumbling a little more but finally managing to stand up steady again. At least he hadn't fallen that time, but he was still frustrated regardless. This should have been so easy - Clementine wasn't really doing anything to him, nothing he shouldn't be able to block. Maybe it was just that he was tired. Or that he just didn't _want_ to fight - he had a hard time fighting regardless, since he wasn't much of a fighter in the first place. He'd rather talk and try to fix things, not fight about it. But these gems weren't like that, and _Steven_ couldn't be like that. Not here. Not if he wanted to _survive_ here.

Something in the back of his mind whispered a quiet _but do you?,_ and Steven swallowed back a desperate scream. But he summoned his shield, despite every protest that rang through each of his senses, and lunged forward. The limb enhancers gave him a bit of a boost, he noticed, letting him push himself up off of the floor of the arena a little quicker, let him get a good grip on the tiles beneath him. He supposed they were made for that, though. Clementine stepped back, twirling the mallet and hefting it over her shoulder like a baseball bat, and Steven almost hesitated. Baseball. She was going to swing from the left - _her_ left. The hybrid only had a second to think, and even less time to finally lift the shield and throw it without slowing down; Clementine swung, and while the shield was unlucky enough to be in the line of fire, Steven managed to duck before he could get hit, and just as quickly rammed his shoulder into the Jasper's stomach, managing to knock her back a good few feet. But she swung again as she stumbled, and Steven didn't have a shield to protect himself with this time, and he didn't have the time to move before the mallet could smash into his shoulder, knocking him sideways.

"Shards," the Jasper hissed when the hybrid fell, briefly letting himself sink onto his back for a few seconds to recover. It had hurt, for sure, but the pain ebbed away quickly enough anyway. The physical damage was nothing compared to the boiling anger bubbling in his chest.

He wished it would stop - he hated being so angry, he hated _this_. He shoved himself back, away from Clementine, when the Jasper stepped forward slightly to help him. He ignored the somewhat hurt expression that flicked across her face, ignored the guilt churning in his gut, pushing himself up to his feet clumsily and stumbling slightly as he struggled to regain his balance. He couldn't believe it himself, but he almost wanted to go back to the room. Seemed like he had decided which one was worse - this, this was definitely worse than being alone.

And when Steven was the one saying that, something was wrong.

"8BR, you are the most _pathetic_ -" Agate seethed - and Steven flinched despite himself - but before the gem had proper time to berate him, she was interrupted by a sharp buzz and a sound that was somewhat akin to wind chimes. Steven found himself pausing a little, himself, to look over just as a screen was pulled up in front of the Agate's face, one that resembled the ones the Pearls had been using during his trial. His stomach flipped at the sight of it, but he couldn't keep himself from sighing in relief when the gem finally spoke again. "Ah, seems I have to go. Training's over for now- 6JA, 6JB, 6JC, you're all dismissed. 8BR, you're coming with me."

The relief faded almost immediately, replaced with the anxiety he'd long gotten used to. Even the anger briefly diminished, watching as Tangerine, Clementine and Mandarin gathered together again. Clementine diminished her mallet somewhat reluctantly, and Steven caught her gaze as she turned to leave with the others - despite himself, he managed to pull his lips into a hesitant, forced smile, trying to reassure her that he was okay, and he wasn't upset with her. It didn't seem to reassure her too much - but she did smile faintly back at him before she turned and headed off with the other two, falling into step with Mandarin and smacking the back of Tangerine's head playfully when the smaller gem shoved past the two of them to walk in front.

"Let's go," Agate snapped at him, and Steven flinched slightly, immediately tearing his gaze away from the others and turning back to her. He forced another smile, much more anxious.

"Okay-" He paused, watching her eyebrows raise, and rushed to correct himself before she _or_ the earrings could correct him. "I mean- okay- 'my Agate'-?" He added hastily, and he received nothing but an eye-roll in response before the gem spun on her heels and walked off, and he rushed after her at once, struggling to keep up. He was sore, somehow, despite the limb enhancers taking most of the damage. His arms ached, and his legs were practically numb - but he managed to fall into step behind her, remembering how he and Blue Pearl had followed behind Blue Diamond, and he assumed that he was supposed to do the same with Agate. He followed her up to a warp pad, stepping up carefully when she gestured for him to do so, and he ignored every instinct that was clawing at him to ask her where they were going now.

When the warp pad activated, he found himself just staring at the stream, breathing in shakily as he was lifted off of his feet. The limb enhancers made him feel even more unsteady - but he still had yet to really get used to using a warp pad anyway. Regardless, he kept still and silent, nearly holding his breath now as he gazed at the warp stream and tried to collect his thoughts.

"You're going to need a new weapon," Agate said suddenly, and Steven jolted slightly in surprise when she spoke, immediately flicking his gaze over to her. "It's bad enough having one Quartz in my Squadron who can't summon one at all, but I'm certainly not going to let you disgrace us with that pathetic _shield_ ," she grunted, and despite him not having really been _attached_ to the shield, himself, Steven couldn't deny that those words hurt. "You'll be seeing a technician later."

"Why?" Steven blurted out, sucking in a sharp breath when he realized what he'd done. But the earrings didn't shock him, thankfully; a warning buzz was given, and they glowed and heated up a little bit, but he wasn't shocked. He rolled his shoulders back, relaxing again and leaning back.

Agate didn't look impressed, but she answered him regardless. " _Because_ , the technicians are put in charge of constructing weapons for the soldiers-" Steven couldn't help but think back to Bismuth, remembering the sword she had made, the weapons, his mother's sword, the Breaking Point… he found himself faltering, fixing his eyes on the warp stream again. He saw Agate glance at him from the corner of his eye, but she was silent for a few moments before she spoke again, still sharp and stern, but her words were a little less clipped now. "I'm sure they'll be able to present you with a weapon you're able to use along with your shield, regardless. With the war going on, we encourage soldiers to carry weapons for offense, not just defense."

Steven nodded faintly, not quite paying attention - her words failed to register until the last second, turning his head slightly to look back at her with wide eyes when he finally realized what she had said. "War-?" He began, but the words cut off with a gasp when he landed on the warp pad, the stream around them dissolving as the warp ended, and Agate wasted no time in jumping down. It took Steven a few seconds to compose himself, to recover enough to follow her, but he didn't allow the brief interruption to sway him just yet. "You said war- what war-?"

"You don't need to concern yourself with that yet," Agate told him sharply, and Steven went still for a second, leaning back when she turned to face him. Her expression was cold again, words clipped, lacking the understanding she had somewhat displayed just a few moments prior. "Your job is simply to train for now. When you need to be informed about the war, you will be, understand? Until then, you keep to yourself and do what you're told." Steven didn't reply, not with confirmation or with denial, but Agate didn't seem to be looking for a 'yes, my Agate' this time. She simply turned around again and strode off, leaving no chance for him to argue with her. "Now, come along. You'll be with Hessonite Facet-1A3A Cut-3AB's Squadron for now."

Steven frowned, taking a step after her, but hesitated again. "I want to know about the war." At this, Agate paused and turned back slightly to face him. The expression on her face was terrifying, enough to send chills down his spine, but he stood his ground regardless. He was concerned - who were they fighting against? What was going on? When had this started? He hadn't heard anything about a war up until now, but he didn't think he'd been there for that long either. It couldn't possibly concern Lars and the off colors, he knew that much - he certainly hadn't been in the room for _that_ long. But something bad was going on, and he could feel it in his bones, and he was more worried than he'd ever been. And he didn't even know why - he just knew that he needed to do something about it. He could feel it clawing at him already, the desperation, the need to help however he could. And he was willing to do so, no matter what.

"I don't care," Agate told him slowly, "what you want, 8BR. I told you to drop it."

"But something bad's going on-"

"And it doesn't _concern_ you right now," Agate snapped, and Steven flinched slightly despite himself. "You are a Quartz soldier with little to no battle training. The last thing you need to do is concern yourself with a war. So either you keep your mouth shut, or I punish you for speaking out of line - about a subject I have already ordered you to forget about, for that matter." Her voice lowered slightly, just barely loud enough for Steven to hear, but he still found himself tensing up slightly regardless when she spoke. "Blue Diamond gave me permission to punish you, Rose Quartz. I suggest you don't take my commands lightly. I _won't_ be disobeyed, and _you_ most certainly don't need to be in the middle of another war. I think you've had enough to do with _that_ to last you quite a while, memory issues or not. Now let's _go_ ," she growled, and when she spun around to walk away again, Steven only hesitated for a second before following her.

Right, they didn't trust him. Which meant there wasn't anything he could do here either; he wasn't supposed to get in the middle of it and he understood why, but he also couldn't shake the concern brewing in his gut, the uncertainty, the desire to do something and help. He didn't even know who he wanted to help - he didn't know who was on the other side of his war. He just knew that there was something going on, and he was there, he could do something - didn't that matter? Wasn't he supposed to do something? Maybe that's why fate had put him here.

Agate led him to another training arena. This one looked a little different from the last one, wider and more open. And on the ground. Steven found himself glancing around at the buildings that surrounded it, following after Agate with a frown. He couldn't shake the war from his mind just yet, but he did manage to distract himself somewhat when he heard Agate call for someone just up ahead. The orange gem was only a little shorter than Agate herself, but still _tall_ ; her gem was located on her right shoulder, he noticed as she turned to face them. Her hair was long, most of it pulled back into a bun on the top of her head, but some of it hanging down to cover her ears. She had a full cape, unlike Agate's half one, which she swept over her shoulder and let hang behind her as she turned to approach them, arching an eyebrow at him faintly. "Sage."

"Agate," the gem - Sage - greeted, and her lips almost formed a smile as she glanced over at the other gem, offering a brief nod before turning her attention back to Steven, who tensed slightly. "And you must be the Rose Quartz everyone seems to be so excited about recently."

Steven hesitated, not sure whether he should say anything or not, but Agate spoke up for him. "This is Rose Quartz Facet-1 Cut-8BR," the gem hummed, glancing over at Steven and narrowing her eyes faintly. "8BR, this is Hessonite Garnet Facet-1A3A Cut-3AB. She'll be overseeing your training while I attend my meeting - which, again, I have to thank you for," she added, turning back to Sage while Steven studied the gem with a little more interest this time, somewhat perplexed by the 'Garnet' part of her name. Well, her real name - he noticed, interestingly enough, Agate seemed to be keen on calling the gem 'Sage'. Must be her nickname, which he was somewhat surprised that the stern gem was even using to begin with.

"The more the merrier, Forti," Sage replied with a grin, and Steven watched, growing more and more curious, as Agate's cheeks seemed to darken slightly in response, a dark red dusting across her orange face as she cleared her throat and looked down. "But it'll just be the two of us. My Squadron just left with the technicians." Steven furrowed his eyebrows slightly at that, as Sage turned back to him and quirked an eyebrow. "But I suppose one-on-one training might be a little better regardless. My sorry excuses for gems aren't really the best fighters anyway."

Well, she seemed nice enough - Steven actually kind of liked her. He managed a hesitant smile in response, flicking his gaze back over to Agate, who cleared her throat and crossed her arms. "I'll be leaving, then. Good luck with this one, she's not exactly a model soldier."

Sage chuckled, glancing back over, while Steven tried not to grimace. "I'm sure I can handle it. Good luck with your meeting," she added, as Agate only hummed and turned to head off, waving a quick goodbye. Steven turned his head slightly to watch her go, most of the tension draining from his shoulders almost immediately; he rolled them back a few times and let his head fall back for a second, squeezing his eyes shut. He might be able to talk to Sage, but Agate seemed to be a lost cause. She was too angry, she was too sharp and stern. Steven was too scared to press her too hard on certain subjects, because he could tell she wasn't someone to _press_ ; he could tell she wouldn't hesitate to punish him like she had said that she would, and he'd already been hurt enough - physically and emotionally - so he wasn't looking for another beatdown. "Well, then, Rose Quartz," Sage began, and Steven lifted his head slightly, frowning. "Let's get to work. Show me your weapon," she ordered, crossing her arms over her chest.

Steven hesitated, gem pulsing as he summoned his shield with a frown. "Ag- my Agate said I needed another weapon," he muttered, while Sage took a moment to look the shield over carefully, raising an eyebrow faintly in response, but not saying anything, so Steven went on, "something about needing offense weapons, not defense weapons, so a shield won't work. She said something about a war, too, but she wouldn't tell me anything else about it, and-"

"You don't need to worry about the war," Sage told him firmly, and Steven couldn't help but flinch slightly as she met his gaze, silently praying he wasn't going to get another lecture. But she paused, studying him again for a few moments, then straightened up and cleared her throat. "How well can you use the shield?"

Steven exhaled through his teeth and looked down at the shield for a moment, once again unable to help but think back to the battle training he did with Pearl and Connie. "I used to train a little with it on Ea-" He stopped, cringing, when the earrings buzzed and shocked him again, breathing in shakily as he felt the electricity race down his spine. Sage stared at him, eyebrows furrowing faintly in response, but she didn't say anything else while Steven recovered. "I don't really fight much," he finally replied, a little hastily now. "I don't like to. So I don't really know how to use it for anything other than defending myself long enough to _talk_ to whoever I'm fighting."

Sage snorted at that. "You're going to have to get out of that mindset real quick, Rose."

Steven faltered slightly at that, as Sage turned and headed off, gesturing for him to follow her. He did so reluctantly after a moment, diminishing the shield with a frown. "Regardless, until you get a weapon for offense, I think we can work with the shield for now. Carrying a defensive _and_ offensive weapon during battle makes fighting much easier. So learning how to block attacks with a shield is good, but it also doesn't help unless you have another weapon to use yourself. So until you get another weapon-" She stopped and turned to face him again, and he skidded to a stop quickly, taking a few steps back as he watched her gem glow, summoning a battle axe; at first, the hybrid skipped a few steps back instinctively, staring at the weapon with wide eyes. Pearl had taken him through a list of all the weapons in the Strawberry Field - he knew what they were and what they could do and this one looked even more dangerous in the hands of a strange gem. But then she spun it around, holding it out to him, and Steven froze, confused. "-we'll just test out what works best for you for now. We'll start with this."

Steven just stared at the weapon, roaming his gaze from the handle to the blade with a frown. "Will I…" He trailed off, swallowing hard, and breathed in through his teeth. "Will I have to fight you with- with this?" Sure, he might be growing more and more irritated, but certainly not enough to consider harming a gem. With a sinking feeling, he realized this wouldn't be the last time he had to, either. He was supposed to be getting another weapon - maybe something even more sharp and dangerous than a battle axe. And he'd have to use it, wouldn't he? Why else would they be putting a weapon in his hands? Why would they even consider…? Especially since they already thought that he was dangerous anyway? Why give him a weapon?

"No," Sage told him simply. "We'll be using training dummies for now."

Steven hesitated for a moment longer before reaching out, curling the fingers of the limb enhancers around the battle axe slowly. His grip was clumsy at first, but after a few seconds of shifting it around, he managed to clench his mechanical hand a little tighter around it. He briefly considered asking if he could take the limb enhancers off, but he decided against it.

"Don't look so worried," Sage sighed, walking forward. "It's just training, we're not sending you into battle." She paused, slamming her foot into the ground; Steven flinched, watching as one of the tiles caved in, and Sage stepped back slightly with a satisfied smile. The tile twisted, glowed, and rose upwards until it was about Steven's height, taking the form of a gem - what looked to be a Quartz soldier, actually, but Steven couldn't tell whether it was meant to be a Jasper or an Amethyst. He watched as it finished forming, with a makeshift sword in its hand and what he supposed was meant to be a gem on their chest. Steven faltered, despite himself, and when Sage beckoned him forward, it took him more than a few seconds for him to move at all.

"Now, let's begin." Sage gestured to the stone gem.

* * *

By the time Agate returned to them, Steven had gone through several different weapons. He'd proved incapable of using the battle axe, swords weren't his strong suit (Connie and Stevonnie usually handled that), and he was just uncomfortable with holding weapons like this in general. He was just testing out a scythe she had given him when Agate warped in, just as Steven swung and sliced the stone gem in half. He'd grown a little more comfortable with it when Sage had shown him that it tended to fix itself, growing back whatever parts he slashed off, but even then, he couldn't ignore the uneasy feeling twisting in his gut. He turned his head as the stone gem's torso began to grow back, and Agate arched an eyebrow at him as she stepped down from the warp pad, walking over to them with a scowl. "Is she as hopeless as I thought, Sage?"

"On the contrary," Sage replied, much to Steven's surprise, "she's actually doing fairly well. We've gone through an entire arsenal-" The gem spared him a glance and grinned, and Steven managed to force a somewhat shaky smile back at her in response. "She's not too good with offense yet, but she's showing some promise. I think we'll be able to work with her." She paused, looking him up and down - and Steven shifted slightly, uncomfortable with the way both her and Agate were studying him. "She also seems to be doing well with that scythe."

"I'll let the technicians know," Agate grunted, and sighed.

"How was your meeting?" Sage directed her attention back to the other gem, gesturing for Steven to keep going with the training dummy; he hesitated, but hefted the scythe again, curling the fingers of his limb enhancers around it silently and waiting for the head to reform before he slashed again. He flinched when the blade connected with the stone, breathing in shakily as he hit his target and the head fell backwards, crumbling into dust before it had even hit the floor. A new one began growing back almost instantly; Steven hefted the scythe over his shoulder and turned his attention back to Agate and Sage while he waited, tightening his grip slightly.

"-were just updating me on progress reports." Agate paused. "My Diamond wanted to know if my Squadron was ready to go to battle- I told her no, of course," she assured, and Steven studied Sage for a moment, watching her face morph into a horrified expression. She relaxed quickly at Agate's reassurance, but she still looked a little put off. "We decided to wait." Agate glanced over, catching Steven's gaze, and narrowed her eyes slightly when she caught him staring; the hybrid didn't have any time to look away, and he had even less time to apologize. "I'm sorry, were you ordered to stop training?"

"She's fine, she's fine," Sage assured, and Agate growled, but she stayed quiet. Steven breathed in shakily through his teeth, relieved. "She's made enough progress for today."

"Well, then, I suppose I ought to take her back to her room. Blue Diamond made those instructions very clear - she's not to be wandering around Homeworld for a while," Agate mumbled, and Steven's stomach flipped slightly in response. Sure, he'd wanted to go back to the room earlier, but that had been when the training had started taking a bad turn. Now that he was actually doing somewhat _well_ , they wanted to shove him back inside and leave him alone.

"Very well." Sage nodded, offering Agate a smile. "Feel free to bring her back if you have any trouble with her training. All it takes is the right push." She turned back to Steven then, stepping forward to take the scythe, and Steven was more than happy to release the weapon into her care once again, stepping back once he was free of it and trying not to make his relief too visible. "As for you, I look forward to seeing you again, Rose Quartz. Keep up the good work, yes?" Steven only managed a hesitant nod and a smile in response, and Sage hummed slightly in satisfaction as she turned back to Agate. "My Pearl was certainly right, she's very polite." With that, she turned to leave - and Steven opened his mouth slightly to call after her at that, somewhat surprised, but having a suspicion that he knew exactly who Sage's Pearl might be.

Agate, however, stopped him from calling after the other gem, much to his disappointment; he flinched when she shoved past him to head for the warp pad, stumbling slightly before turning to follow after her. " _Polite_ , my gem. Stars, I love her, but she's so blind sometimes," she hissed, and Steven furrowed his eyebrows as he listened, stepping up onto the warp pad after her. "Why are you trying so hard to make a good impression now?" She demanded, turning to him.

Steven hesitated, crossing his arms behind his back with a frown. "I'm not- my Agate…" He fell silent, biting his lip as the warp pad activated. It took him a moment to speak again, trying to ignore the glare she had fixed on the warp stream, and the terror brewing in his stomach. "... she seems really nice," he finally mumbled, fixing his gaze on the stream, and trying not to flinch when Agate turned her head toward him again. "And you two seem really close," he added quickly, swallowing. He couldn't stop talking - he didn't know why, but he couldn't. He was scared of this gem, sure, but at the same time, everything inside of him was just aching to say the right thing, or do the right thing, to make her just a little less pissed at him.

Agate narrowed her eyes slightly, staring him down. "We've led armies into war together," she replied simply, her tone just as cold as before. "So, yes, I suppose you could say we're close."

"So you're friends?" Steven asked tentatively, finally daring to flick his gaze up. He seemed to have caught her off guard with that, if the way she blinked and stared at him then was any indication. For a moment, it almost seemed like she had softened; the glare had shifted into something almost uncertain, a softer expression settling across her face for a moment. She glanced away, looking thoughtful - then, just as quickly, her expression had hardened again, and she turned away from him just as the warp ended, landing on the warp pad gracefully while Steven stumbled a little beside her, just barely managing to keep himself upright.

"Enough questions," she growled, stepping down and walking off before he had time to properly compose himself again. "Let's go, 8BR, before I give you a little extra motivation to _move_."

Steven faltered, stepping down carefully and following after her. Well, he'd almost had her - he was just too tired, a little off his game right then. Maybe he could try to get some rest once he got back to the room - then he'd be fresh and ready to help again when he came back out.

He almost had her. He had Sage. He had the Jaspers. He had most of the Pearls. Homeworld couldn't be that bad, he reasoned, if there were still some gems there that had a soft side. He just needed to figure out how to dig through all the training and programming and anger and figure out how to bring out who they really were, deep down - and if getting off of this planet wasn't an option, then he was at least going to do what he could to make it better, and figure out a way to help these gems break past their shells, and their fear. And he was going to start with Agate, and Sage, and Tangerine and Clementine and Mandarin and Rose Pearl.

He was going to fix Homeworld.

Or he was going to get shattered trying.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is kinda all over the place... but I needed the timeskip. XD

Steven's new resolve didn't make it any easier for him to adjust to his new 'home', but he was certainly trying a little harder now. He didn't have any idea how long it had been since he'd been left alone in the Room. It could've been hours, days, weeks. It was excruciatingly long _and_ excruciatingly painful; he wandered the length of the Room when he actually had the strength to walk around, and when he didn't, he would just lay there. He'd lay there and let the hallucinations toy with him, let the hands in the shadows reach out and grasp at him and try to pull him into the darkness while the lights flickered. He knew they weren't real, so after a while he was less scared of them and more irritated, but it didn't help his exhaustion at all either.

He couldn't sleep, that was another thing; he didn't know when the last time he slept was, and he couldn't say how long it had been since he'd eaten or drank anything, or used the bathroom. The good news, however, was that he didn't particularly feel like he had to do any of those things anymore, except for the exhaustion. At first, his stomach had given him a hard time. It had rumbled and groaned and begged for food, and it hurt. It made him feel sick. It made him feel dizzy. During this particular time, he curled up on the floor and squeezed his eyes shut.

But the pain subsided eventually. The rumbling became tolerable. The thirst was harder to deal with, in all honesty; the Room was hot and at one point he couldn't even swallow his own spit. He gasped for air, trapped in the heat of the Room and his limb enhancers. It had gotten to the point where he eventually tried to take them off, and he received a nasty shock for his efforts. This one went straight to his gem, paralyzing him for a good few seconds before he recovered. He decided that he wasn't going to try to take them off again after that, not ever again.

Anyway, the thirst eventually grew tolerable, too. At first, he thought he was going to die - and the panic made everything a little bit worse. But something kept him alive, and he wasn't sure what. Maybe it was his gem. Maybe it was his incredible persistence and his determination to fix Homeworld - but, most likely, it was the former. Whatever it was, he was thankful for, but he didn't waste much time thinking about food and drink and using the bathroom (something that he also found he just didn't have to do anymore. Nothing put in, nothing to put out).

The only thing he was worried about was how long it had been, the war going on, whether Lars was safe, what the gems could possibly be doing, and how he was going to fix Homeworld and help them through whatever was going on when this was a group of gems who didn't want his help. And at first it was easy to direct his focus, to think of nothing else but those things. Prioritizing. Something he'd managed to do his whole life, put everything else before himself.

That was before the earrings started _speaking_ to him.

* * *

He spent a length of time either wandering or laying flat on his back and trying to sleep. A few times, he even managed to black out for a second - before the abruptness of the flickering lights or the high-pitched buzzing brought him back to the waking world. Keeping busy right then was the only way to keep himself from bursting into tears, so when that happened, he got up and paced. It wasn't very effective in distracting his hyperactive mind from the situation, but it was better than any alternative he could think of. But then once, when he had gotten tired of pacing and laid down again to stretch out on his back to try and sleep, the earrings offered a buzz.

And then they spoke. Not the sweet-but-somewhat-annoying-voice he would have expected from them, but they spoke to him in Blue Diamond's voice, words he recognized, words that made his stomach twist in a way that made him feel like he was going to throw up immediately. Words that made his heart stop and drop violently, straight to his stomach. " _You are Rose Quartz Facet-1 Cut-8BR. Your Diamond is Blue Diamond. You are a soldier, nothing else."_

The earrings would repeat that, over and over again like a broken record. Steven ended up counting the seconds between the repeats; the silence lasted about a minute and a half before the sentences were echoing around the empty Room again, the earrings buzzing and burning into his earlobe. And this was a distraction from pacing; every time he tried, he would jump when the earrings spoke again, when he heard Blue Diamond's voice. She terrified him, and hearing her instinctively made him whirl around to look for her, to see if, just once, it wouldn't have been the earrings speaking. Hell, he almost convinced himself that it was a hallucination itself, but the pain the earrings brought when they buzzed at him assured him otherwise.

The only thing he could do was lay down and wait and listen to the words as they repeated, and try to keep himself from crying. After a little while into this, he couldn't think about anything else.

More time passed. He mouthed the words to himself when the earrings spoke, and mumbled quietly into the emptiness of the Room during the silence. "Rose Quartz Facet-1 Cut-8BR," he would whisper, testing the words out on his tongue. Figuring he'd have to get used to saying them himself, figured it was all part of the punishment. "I am Rose Quartz Facet-1 Cut-8BR." Every time he repeated the phrase, it hurt a little more than it did when the earrings said it. He didn't want to give up here, all alone and in pain and confused. He didn't want to succumb to what Blue Diamond wanted, to just roll over and let them mold him into some kind of soldier.

Yet he knew the choice wasn't his to make. Maybe he could decide how long it would be until he cracked, until he finally gave into all of this and let them have their way with him. But…

… but he knew it would happen. He could feel it.

_You are Rose Quartz Facet-1 Cut-8BR._

He held his arms up in front of him and curled the fingers of his limb enhancers into fists. That was another thing - he couldn't feel anything, physically. Every part of his body except for his head and his gem was covered either by his limb enhancers or his uniform. He couldn't feel his own touch, just the touch of the mechanical limbs, the fake fingers. They weren't made for a gentle touch, for the feeling of skin on skin. Occasionally he'd run them through his hair, uselessly trying to tame the tangled curls, but there wasn't any point to it.

He'd rolled over onto his stomach once to press his face into the floor, but his gem was still bare, exposed, and he didn't like pressing down on it, feeling any kind of pressure against his gem at all. So there wasn't anything he could feel right then that wouldn't be… painful.

"My Diamond is Blue Diamond," he sighed with the earrings, dropping his arms back to his sides and flinching as the limb enhancers clattered against the ground, jostling his shoulders.

He wished there was something else to do to pass the time. He wished there was a way to figure out exactly how much time had passed to begin with, but he knew there wasn't. That was probably the point. He was stuck here, where time seemed to stand still, trapped and isolated. Waiting for whenever Blue Diamond would decide he could leave, and not sure whether to hope it would be soon or whether to hope it wouldn't. He didn't know what would come when he left. He didn't know what to expect, what to make of this strange place.

The hybrid blinked up at the ceiling, finally letting the tears flood his eyes. Finally letting them rise and fall, slipping down his cheeks without his permission and yet without his resistance. The reality of the situation was finally hitting him; he was here, alone, surrounded by gems he didn't know. Some good, some bad. Some scarier than others. He didn't know when he would get home, or if he would _ever_. He just knew he was terrified, he was confused, and he was steadily losing it, locked away in here. His mind was clouded, getting fuzzier with each passing second.

_You are a soldier, nothing else._

* * *

It was a long time before he was allowed out of the Room again. When the door opened again, it was Agate who ushered him out, with Clementine, Mandarin and Tangerine with her. The Jaspers were more or less excited to see him - but he watched Clementine's eyes widen with concern as he stumbled out of the Room and fell into step behind Tangerine, following Agate down the hall single file. He was tired, in more ways than one. Still unsure of how long it had been, but just happy and scared at the same time to finally be let out. And even more ecstatic that the earrings had chosen that moment to fall silent; he counted the seconds, breathing shakily in relief when he realized the mantra had stopped for the time being. Good. The words were already effectively spinning around and around in his head, anyway - just a little bit of peace was all he needed, a moment to get his thoughts together again, to think clearly.

When training time came, he didn't have the strength to protest or complain.

He summoned his shield when requested and took the weapons offered to him. Agate hadn't put in a request to have a weapon made for him yet - he didn't ask why, but he presumed it had to do with the war. She must be busy - so he ended up using the scythe that Sage had given him during their last training session. Of course, he was reluctant to use it while he sparred against actual gems; more than once, he hesitated, and more than once, he was thrown to the ground and yelled at by Agate to do a better job and stop being a 'shard-brain' and fight.

When he finally summoned the courage to use the scythe, Clementine proved to be a formidable opponent; he didn't outright try to challenge her ability to dodge, but Agate seemed almost content with half-hearted swings for the time being. So he fought, but he did his best to make sure he didn't accidentally hurt any of the Jaspers as they took turns fighting each other.

"You doing okay?" Clementine asked him, as she spun her spear to hold it by both ends and shoved it sideways against his chest to pin him to one of the pillars in the training arena.

"'Course." Steven forced a smile, trying to ignore the crushing pain in his chest, and the fear twisting in his gut. Clementine wasn't anybody to be scared of, she was as gentle as she could have been with him for the most part. For a gem who didn't understand him being half organic and definitely more sensitive to weapons than an actual gem was. He was just glad the limb enhancers prevented her from hurting him too much physically - but he was also even more uncomfortable, during fighting, with his gem being exposed.

Thankfully, there was only one rule during sparring that Agate had made abundantly clear to all of the soldiers; _don't go for the gem._ It was only slightly comforting, but he'd take slightly over nothing at that point anyday. At least he knew these gems didn't want to outright shatter him. But being hurt during training… yeah, he was still scared of that. The only thing he could do was fight back without hurting _them_. He would never forgive himself if he hurt another gem here.

While Clementine was distracted - and before she could voice her skepticism - Steven summoned his shield and slammed her back, managing to throw her hard enough off her guard to knock her off of her feet and send her skidding and rolling to the other side of the arena. And that was the first time Agate praised him for anything, while Clementine heaved herself up to her feet with a shocked expression, and Tangerine and Mandarin whistled. "Not bad, Rose Quartz," Agate commented, eyeing the startled Jaspers with a small smirk. "Not bad at all."

* * *

After that, he was allowed to leave the Room more often. Kept inside for a while, listening to the buzzing, watching the flickering lights, still unable to sleep, mumbling the 'I am Rose Quartz' mantra to himself with the earrings. When he was allowed outside, it was strictly for training. Sometimes he was allowed to see the Pearls; more obedience training, he realized, and more things for the earrings to say when he was alone in the Room. Things like ' _as a soldier, you live only to serve your Diamond'_ and ' _your feelings are insignificant'_. The last one hit a little harder - only because when he thought about it, he realized he'd always felt that way about himself. Of course, there was one Pearl who didn't agree with these particular methods. Rose Pearl.

But since she couldn't exactly object to them as long as they were teaching him the 'proper obedience' Blue Diamond wanted him to learn, she couldn't do much except sweep him away for lessons of her own. She was much gentler, more considerate. He was thankful for that, because he wasn't sure how much unintentional self-deprecation from the other Pearls he could take. It was taking a toll on him - this place, these gems.

Other times, he was with Agate and the Jaspers, battle training. Fighting. Sometimes he went to Sage, and she let him off easy with using training dummies instead of sparring - at least, at first. As time went on, the more they saw each other, she ended up fighting him herself. But she was slower and much more careful, advising him even as they fought, on his posture, on his movement, on how fast and slow he should go, on what calculations he should take into consideration before he struck, on how to properly hold his weapon when he swung.

He liked training with her the best - Agate was efficient, but she was too fast for him. It was too hard to keep up with her training. And the Jaspers, who _liked_ fighting a little _too_ much - and reminded him of Amethyst so much it just wasn't funny anymore - didn't make it any easier. There wasn't anything he could do about that, though - just push through it. Eventually, he came to the point where he just ended up trying not to think about it. About them, about her. It hurt, of course it did; it hurt more than ever to know that they were out there and he was stuck here. But that was why he decided he couldn't think about them anymore, not right then. It hurt too much. And it distracted him too much, from doing what he needed to do, from what he needed to learn. So, for the time being, he put the gems out of his mind and pressed on with his training.

The best part, quite possibly, was that he didn't have to see Blue Diamond much at all. Only occasionally she would stop in to check on his progress in training with the Pearls and Agate and Sage, but she didn't speak to him. Just watched as he interacted with the other gems.

And she seemed satisfied by whatever she saw, because she always left with a grin on her face. Steven didn't care; he was just glad to not have to speak to her, to not have to stand and listen to her. He already heard her voice in his head enough even without the assistance of the earrings, and that was bad enough. He'd definitely take whatever time away from her he could, while he tried to figure out what was going on around Homeworld and how he could fix it.

So he waited a while. He trained and fought and did what was asked of him. Obedience seemed to get the best results; the better he did in training, the more frequently he was let out of the Room. So as much as he hated it, he fought a little harder against the Jaspers, taking Sage's demonstrations to heart and using the skills he learned from her when he was with Agate and Clementine, Mandarin and Tangerine. Over another lengthy course of time (he had long given up trying to figure out how long it had been, but he knew at this point it had to have been over several days, at _least_ ), he slowly began to improve - but he was still cautious, regardless.

But Agate started going a little easier on him, Sage complimented his progress, and Tangerine punched him on the shoulder once after a sparring match and said _nice job, Quartzy!_

So he came to the conclusion that he was, indeed, not only getting better at sparring - but maybe getting a little better at being what they wanted him to be. So he moved to phase two.

He started asking questions.

In hindsight, he should've just kept his mouth shut.

* * *

His first mistake was going to the Pearls with his questions. He knew, at this point, they were just made-to-order servants - but maybe they'd have some information. Maybe he could start with them. They didn't seem like the easiest to get through to, but considering he couldn't get a moment alone with the Jaspers without Agate breathing down his neck, and Sage was refusing to tell him anything about the war anyway and he didn't _know_ any other gems on Homeworld, this was probably his best bet. So he waited through most of the lessons, waited through Blue Diamond's visit, waited until after she left - and then he turned his focus to what he wanted to know. He knew a lot of the Pearls still didn't trust him, didn't _like_ him either, but Rose Pearl did. So he was hoping that if she knew anything, she'd be more open to talking about it.

So, while some of the Pearls that didn't mind him were fussing over his hair - they were trying to figure out how to turn his hair pink to 'look more like a Quartz' - he turned his attention to Rose Pearl, who was currently shifting through what looked like a giant clam-shaped chest. He watched her pull out different kinds of things; ribbon wands, fans, other little trinkets. Searching for something, but he didn't care what right then. "Do you know anything about the war?"

Rose Pearl froze, as did the others. Steven couldn't help but tense a little himself; he wanted to help, yes, but if there was one thing he'd learned during his time here, it was best to be cautious. He knew Rose Pearl liked him, but the other Pearls were still just warming up to him. And he didn't really want to do anything that might sabotage that - but at the same time, if there was something he needed to know that they knew… he breathed in slowly, holding it as Rose Pearl - somewhat reluctantly - turned away from the chest to look over at him. The bewildered expression written across her face told Steven everything he needed to know before she had even spoken up, and it made his heart sink to his stomach. They didn't know anything about it. "We haven't received any information about a war," Rose Pearl said slowly. "What are you-"

"Oh, I _knew_ it," one of the Pearls seethed. It was one he recognized; the one he'd met during the very start of his training, the one that had criticized Rose Pearl for training him and called him a shatterer. Honestly, Steven flinched a little when she spoke, looking up in time to see her shoving herself away from the pillar just as the other Pearls started backing away from him. "See, everyone? I told you this murderer couldn't be trusted from the very beginning," she spat. "There is no _war_. She's probably just trying to get recruits to start one, aren't you?"

"What-?" Steven backpedaled quickly, already regretting asking questions. "No, I'm just-"

"Once a traitor to Homeworld, always a traitor to Homeworld," the Pearl sneered at him, and Steven stammered slightly, stumbling over his words and flinching again when she lifted a hand to point a finger at him, despite Rose Pearl's protests. "I knew you never had any _memory_ problems. You're still a disgusting, filthy traitorous shatterer and now you're planning another-"

"That's enough," Rose Pearl interrupted, "or I'm telling-"

The Pearl snarled, turning her attention away from Steven - who was honestly having trouble not dissolving into complete panic at that point - to sneer back at Rose Pearl. "Oh, no, you're not telling. _I'm_ telling." Steven watched, shoulders twitching and every muscle in his body pulling taut, tense, as she summoned a screen in front of her. Rose Pearl started to cross the room toward her, but she couldn't reach the other gem in time. Steven couldn't even move; he was just frozen, confused and terrified. This hadn't gone at all the way he had wanted it to. And if this Pearl really was telling everyone that he was planning another war, then he wasn't looking forward to Blue Diamond's reaction. He wasn't looking forward to whatever Agate would say to him when she found out he'd been asking questions. He wasn't looking forward to another long length of time spent in the Room by himself, with only the gut-wrenching words coming from the earrings to keep him from slowly succumbing into insanity. "Blue Diamond needs to know that her efforts are wasted on this insignificant pebble. She should've been shattered at the trial." The Pearl pressed her hand to the screen, just before Rose Pearl reached out to shove her backwards, knocking it straight out of her hands. It happened pretty quickly then; the other Pearl lunged at Rose Pearl, knocking the pink gem backwards, and Steven flinched in surprise.

"No, wait- don't fight-" He started to make his way to his feet, but one of the Pearls behind him pushed him back down, firmly holding him in place; he wriggled a little, but he didn't really try to fight against her. The two Pearls fighting was one thing, but he didn't want to get into a fight, too. He watched some of the other Pearls back away from the other two, watched as some of them stepped in to try and break up the fight, but there wasn't much luck with that. They continued to fight until the door opened; only then did everyone - including Steven - stop cold in their tracks.

" _What_ is the meaning of this?" Blue Diamond hissed; Steven cringed back slightly, scrambling back a little once the Pearl released him and not even bothering to stand up. Rose Pearl and the other Pearl broke apart immediately, both of them looking flustered, but still indignant.

"My Diamond-" Rose Pearl began.

"Rose Quartz," the other Pearl spat, cutting her off, "is talking about a _war_." And Steven froze, completely, as Blue Diamond's eyes flicked toward him, feeling his heart stop the moment her gaze rested on him. Her eyes narrowed slightly, a tiny bit of understanding flickering across her face, but the anger that he saw there was like nothing he'd ever seen from the Diamond before. She looked downright livid, and the expression made him shudder, made his eyes sting.

He already knew something bad was about to follow. "My Diamond," he began, quietly, cautiously, hoping that maybe he'd be able to explain himself before the situation could escalate further. "I wasn't- I was just trying to figure out what was going on so maybe I could help-" He flinched and fell silent when Blue Diamond raised her hand toward him, and turned to the others without saying a word to him. Oh, yeah, she was mad. She was really mad. And he couldn't say or do anything to diffuse the tension or the situation; he was in for it, and he knew it well. That alone made him want to curl up and disappear, but he knew there wasn't any way to do that. He should've just kept his mouth shut. He should've just left it alone. But, no, he had to fix everything. He had to fix everything, even a planet full of gems that wanted to hurt him. A planet full of gems he didn't want to be around; a planet he didn't want to be near. It hadn't even mattered who was on the other side of this war; war was _bad_ , and he wanted to end it.

"I apologize for the disruption, Pearls," Blue Diamond said stiffly. "I'll see to it that Rose Quartz is punished _severely_ for her actions today - but I don't want to see anymore fighting here," she warned, and Steven saw Rose Pearl grit her teeth as her eyes flicked toward him, furious. Steven only managed a hesitant, shaky smile in response. Oh, he knew he was going to get it. He didn't know what she would do to him now, how long she would leave him alone - but he was used to that by now, right? It couldn't be that bad. "Rose Quartz, come with me. _Now_ ," Blue Diamond ordered, and Steven heaved himself up immediately to walk over to her, trying to walk as fast as possible. He didn't want to anger her any more than he already had.

He was shaking as he followed her, and he didn't really know why. But he did try to explain on the way, as she led him down the hall to where the Room was. "I really just wanted to know," he said desperately as he trailed after Blue Pearl. He didn't want to fall into step with her this time; she didn't seem to like him as it was, and it was hard enough dealing with the anger from the other Pearls, the contempt and distrust. "I just wanted to know so that I could help and-"

"Help _what?"_ Blue Diamond demanded harshly, and Steven flinched again. "Help _who?"_

"Help end the war," Steven mumbled. "I'm not planning anything-"

"Well, you certainly shouldn't have been talking about it. There's a reason we haven't told everyone about the war," Blue Diamond snarled. "We're keeping it under wraps. Do you know what's going to happen now? Do you know how Pearls gossip? It's good they think that you're 'planning' something, because now they're going to tell their owners, and their owners are going to tell their Squadrons, and word will spread faster than this- this new _rebellion_ is. And Homeworld's going to dissolve into chaos when they all realize that it's not actually a myth."

Steven faltered as he listened, anxiously clenching and unclenching his fists inside the limb enhancers, and watching the mechanical fingers follow the movement. "Why not just tell them? Wouldn't it be worse if- I mean- if nobody knows what's going on, then nobody else can-"

"We're not strong enough to fight another war, Rose Quartz," Blue Diamond growled, stopping. "But this isn't about that. This is about you needing to learn when to keep your mouth shut." She turned to open the door to the Room, and Steven watched, tense. By now, he was used to this kind of process. He was used to going into the Room whenever it was requested, and staying for however long he was left alone. That, he knew he could handle. But he didn't think he could handle what she said next. "Honestly, I was waiting for a reason to put you in your place- to _really_ punish you for stepping out of line. I'm just disappointed that it came so quickly, after you were doing so well," Blue Diamond sneered, stepping aside as the doors opened, and Steven walked forward, reluctantly making his way inside. "I was being merciful with you up until now, Rose Quartz. Pearl, send a message to Ruby 5HX. Her _expertise_ in punishment is required."

At this, Steven froze, turning slightly to look back, but the door was closing before he could say anything. He found himself backing away from the door, heart stuttering against his chest. He could've sworn he'd heard that particular number before, but he honestly couldn't remember. He just knew Blue Diamond was apparently sending a Ruby in to punish him. Really _punish_ him. His mind raced, flooded with thoughts of what the hell might happen to him. And he stumbled back further until his back hit the door. He thought of Eyeball, how she'd tried to kill him in space. The other Rubies, who had been ready to fight, blind and deaf to his pleas. He couldn't talk to Eyeball and he doubted he'd be able to get through to a Homeworld gem enough to convince them not to hurt him in such a short amount of time. He loved Ruby and Sapphire and Garnet - but after what had happened with Eyeball, Rubies… Rubies scared him. A lot.

He sank down to the floor, back against the wall, and forced himself to breathe.

He'd really gotten himself into it this time.

And he didn't think he'd be able to talk his way out.


	6. Chapter 6

Steven had his head in his arms, knees pulled as high up to his chest as his limb enhancers would allow, when the door finally opened. The hybrid was trembling, but at this point he hardly realized it; all he could think about was the terror twisting in his gut. He should be better than this, he shouldn't be so scared. Yeah, it was okay to be afraid - but he was _Steven_. He was the optimistic kid that made everything better. He was supposed to help people, to make situations better and convince everyone that they could be the best version of themselves, that they could change and become good people and to do that he had to… not… be afraid of them. But he was very afraid right then; too afraid to even _consider_ trying to help the next gem that walked through that door. He was scared out of his mind, brain conjuring up every bad thing that could possibly happened. And when he heard the door hiss open, he couldn't stifle a gasp in time. He raised his head, every muscle in his body going stiff with alarm as the door opened completely.

The gem that walked through definitely resembled a Ruby at first glance. She was the same color, about the same size. Her hair was… curlier than Steven thought it would be, though. Instead of taking the kinda block-like shape Steven was used to seeing on a Ruby, it was more like a circle, a bundle of curls on the top of her head that cascaded downwards in a series of spirals and loops until it reached her shoulders. A few curled strands hung in front of her face, overtop of the yellow visor she was wearing, and they seemed to bother her because she was doing her best to brush them back as she entered, an irritated look written across her face. She was wearing a uniform that somewhat resembled his in terms of style, but the main part of it was a deep reddish/purplish color, and the diamond that rested over her chest was yellow.

Another thing he couldn't help but notice was that she was wearing limb enhancers on her feet. The hybrid breathed in shakily when her gaze finally flicked up to meet his, and she froze with her left hand in the air, ready to push her hair back again. Her gem glittered on the back of it, just below her knuckles, perfectly aligned with the back of her hand. Definitely a Ruby. It wasn't that it was hard to tell what she was - but aside from color, and the basic shape of her face and how short she was, she didn't really _look_ like an average Ruby. And she seemed to be shorter than a Ruby was, even, if the limb enhancers were any indication. Because with them on… yeah, Steven would say she was Ruby-height. But with them off, she'd certainly be shorter.

He offered a hesitant smile as she looked him over, despite the fear pounding in his chest. Her eyes darted up and down, taking him in silently. Then, wrinkling her nose, with an expression Steven could only describe as complete, utter _disdain_ , the gem stepped back. "Wrong room."

Steven stared, not understanding. "What?"

"You're not my assignment," the Ruby replied dismissively. "You're not Rose Quartz." She turned away from him, then, in order to leave the room, only to freeze when she saw the door had closed behind her, the wall sealing shut. The hybrid just watched her for a moment, confused. Every other gem so far had been adamant that he _was_ , indeed, Rose Quartz. They were all so determined to pin that identity on them. None of them had even bothered to realize he looked nothing like her. But then this gem comes in and takes one look at him and she just… knows.

After a moment, he chalked it up to the realization that she probably did assume she had the wrong room at first. She had been expecting a _Rose Quartz_ , not him. He could let her leave, he knew. He could let her walk out, let her think she really had walked into the wrong room. He could let her deal with whatever Blue Diamond would say to her for not punishing him. But he wondered what the consequences would be - not for him, but for her - if she left. Would she get punished for not doing her job? She might have been sent in to punish him, but he didn't want her to get in trouble. "Wait…" Steven sighed through his teeth, and the Ruby turned back to him, eyebrows raising slightly. She looked even more irritated now, a scowl written across her face. "You don't have the wrong room," the hybrid told her, biting his lip and leaning back slightly.

The Ruby rolled her eyes at him in response. He didn't even have a chance to feel properly offended by the annoyed look on her face. "Right. I was told I'd be seeing Rose Quartz Facet-1 Cut-8BR. The Rose Quartz that led the rebellion. Every other Rose Quartz has been bubbled, and I hate to break it to you, but you don't even remotely resemble any Quartz - or even, any gem I've ever seen. So not only am I calling bullshit-" Steven balked at her choice of words, but she ignored his shocked gasp, "-on the fact that you're _the_ 'Rose Quartz', I'm calling bullshit-" Another gasp, a little less shocked, but still startled, "-on the fact that you're even a gem."

Steven furrowed his eyebrows, staring at her, then looked down at his gem. Right, that was why she didn't believe him. She hadn't seen his gem. The hybrid hesitated, biting the inside of his cheek, before finally lowering his legs from where they'd previously been curled up to his chest, revealing the pink gemstone that had been hidden only seconds before. He watched the Ruby's eyes dart down to it at once, and watched the irritated expression on her face falter and vanish in an instant as she stared; her eyes widened, her mouth opened, but no sound escaped. She just stared, eyes flickering furiously across the hybrid's stomach, staring at the gem with an almost dubious expression. Her gaze then flicked up to his face, and then right back down to his gem, then back up again, and then back down. And Steven, well, it wasn't hard for him to see that she was clearly in shock, so he stayed silent and still while she processed the situation. The rational part of his brain scolded him, screaming _the heck are you doing?! She's gonna hurt you!_ but honestly, he didn't care right then. His worry for her far outweighed his worry for himself.

Finally, the Ruby shook her head violently, and tore her gaze away from his gem to focus on his face instead. He watched her eyes roam, searching both of his cautiously, scanning him as if taking in every single feature. And she didn't look too pleased with what she saw, pursing her lips into a thin line and pulling her eyebrows down, furrowing them together until they touched. "It's impossible," she mumbled, almost to herself. "You're some kind of hybrid abomination…"

The last word kind of stung, but the hurt vanished the second he realized that this gem was literally the _only_ one so far that had realized he wasn't _Rose Quartz_. Even Blue Diamond still seemed skeptical about him being half-human. "Well, I- abomination isn't a word I'd use," he admitted, and the Ruby narrowed her eyes silently, looking more thoughtful than anything. So the hybrid pressed on, cautiously. "But, I guess I am a hybrid. I'm half-gem, half-human-"

"Human?" The Ruby's eyes darted back up to meet his gaze, and Steven startled slightly. Then she tore her gaze away from him completely, scanning the room. The hybrid vaguely took note of the fact that the lights had stopped flickering, much to his relief. "Right. Right! Humans. The primary life form inhabiting Colony Y-24, Pink Diamond's former planet… Earth." He watched her pause, watched her expression shift, watched the realization settle in. When she turned back to him, the irritation had completely diminished, replaced with curiosity and confusion. "I wasn't aware that humans and gems could fuse. I assume that's what you are? A fusion?" Initially, Steven hesitated at that remark. He wasn't technically a human, and remembering some of the things Peridot had said before, and the story of Ruby and Sapphire, he knew fusion wasn't exactly viewed in a positive light on Homeworld. but this Ruby looked almost… excited.

"I'm not… technically," he finally replied, and she paused yet again. "I'm just… me."

The Ruby wrinkled her nose at him. "You said you were half-gem."

"I am, but I'm not a _fusion_ of a human and a gem," Steven explained, shifting slightly. He hadn't expected to have to explain this to the gem that was supposed to be punishing him, but considering the alternative, he didn't really have much room to complain either. Honestly, he was just a little surprised she was understanding him so far. Ruby was… relatively smart, smarter than _he_ was, at least - but Steven also knew, given his interactions with other Rubies, they didn't tend to think very much. Navy was another exception, she'd fooled him pretty good. But the others were pretty… not dumb, just not naturally understanding of certain things. "See, my mom- she was ' _the'_ Rose Quartz," he added, "and my dad, a human- they made me. My mom gave up her physical form so that I could exist, so she's gone now, and I have her gem."

"'Made' you…" The Ruby took a few steps forward to study him a little closer, and Steven watched her, nodding slightly. That was something he didn't want to explain, he was just hoping she didn't ask how the process was done. Thankfully, she didn't; she just looked him up and down again, scanning him once more, and narrowed her eyes. "So you're _not_ Rose Quartz."

"No," Steven replied, a little quieter now. "I have her gem, but I don't have any of her memories. I know I'm here because she- she did a lot of bad things, but that wasn't _me_. It didn't do it."

"If you're innocent, why are you being punished?" The Ruby shook her head, looking skeptical. She took a few steps closer to him, and he didn't say anything when she leaned down to inspect his gem, but he did shift back a little and curl his legs back up somewhat defensively - not enough to cover his gem, but enough so that he could curl up if she suddenly attacked him.

"'Cause they think I'm her. They don't understand," he said cautiously, preparing for a shock that didn't come. "I've tried to tell my- Blue Diamond," he corrected himself hastily, swallowing hard and ignoring the bitter feeling rising up inside of him, the anger threatening to bubble in his chest. "But she won't listen to me." The Ruby scoffed at this, managing to look annoyed again.

" _That's_ Diamond-typical. They don't tend to listen to anybody who's at lower status than they are, especially not when they're being held accountable for war crimes and shattering." She turned away from him to pace to the other side of the room, and he watched her, curious now. He wasn't sure what to make of this gem; wasn't sure whether she believed him or not. But he knew one thing for certain, she wasn't attacking him and she wasn't exactly indicating any _intentions_ to do so anytime soon. She just seemed more or less… intrigued by his existence. Whether or not she believed he was guilty, it seemed, he wasn't about to be tortured. He had piqued her interest, and he wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth. "But you're _not_ guilty." The Ruby narrowed her eyes as she turned back to him, looking contemplative. "Not that I expect the Diamonds to wrap their thick skulls around that one. They keep all the other Rose Quartzes in bubbles because they're convinced that the entire stretch of Quartz is 'corrupted'."

Steven winced slightly at the use of the word, and almost wanted to laugh at the irony. Thankfully, the other gem didn't seem to notice, continuing on thoughtfully.

"Of course, I wouldn't care about their opinions anyway if they weren't in _charge_ of all of Homeworld. What they say goes." The Ruby almost sneered, then, a contemptuous expression replacing the curiosity, and Steven blinked in surprise. Every gem he had come across had some kind of respect for the Diamonds, whether it was a healthy respect or a fearful respect. This Ruby, however, just seemed to absolutely… despise them. "Even when they're condemning an innocent… hybrid abomination, nobody dares to speak up against them." After a moment, she sighed and shook her head. "As if it would do any good to do that, though. The most you'll get from challenging a Diamond is bubbled for eternity - that, or rejuvenated. Shattered, if it's the wrong one. Blue, she'll shatter someone for looking at her the wrong way. My Diamond's a bit more lenient these days-" She rolled her eyes, annoyed, "-but she'll still bubble a gem if they _question her authority._ And don't even get me started on _White…"_

"White?" Steven dared to interrupt her angry rant, but she didn't seem bothered - just irritated, but considering that her irritation was rapidly growing while she mentioned each of the Diamonds in turn anyway, he was going to take a guess and assume it wasn't directed at him.

"White Diamond. The Almighty Bitch of Homeworld," the Ruby sneered. "She doesn't come out of her own head anymore these days, but when she was around…? Homeworld was _awful_." The gem fell silent for a moment, while Steven took quite some time to wrap his head around this information. White Diamond. He hadn't heard of a White Diamond _ever_ in his life - but for some reason, the name itself was enough to make his heart stop. He didn't know why; it was just some kind of instinctual reaction. Maybe linked to the fact that his interactions with Diamonds thus far hadn't exactly been pleasant - and if she was as bad as the Ruby was insisting, then he definitely didn't think he wanted to meet her, ever. "I guess it wasn't as awful as it is now," the Ruby mumbled after a moment. "At least then I was under Pink's command."

Steven faltered a bit at that. "Pink was your Diamond?"

"All Rubies were under Pink's command during Era-1. Her court was divided between Yellow and Blue after she was shattered," the Ruby explained, rolling her eyes once again. And, once again, her disdain seemed to be directed solely at the previously mentioned gems. Mostly Yellow, he noted, watching the way her face scrunched up when she mentioned the Diamond. "Blue got the Quartzes and Yellow got the Rubies. White sealed herself away during that time, so she didn't get anything. After the war, everyone just tried to go back to normal. As much normal as was possible after what happened to Pink. Homeworld won't ever be the same…" She trailed off, then, and her voice was just a little quieter when she spoke up again next. "But if you ask me, she's better off not existing than having to exist here. She wasn't… happy here."

Steven sat back sharply, blinking in surprise at that. He struggled, trying to remember everything he'd been told about Pink Diamond before this, but he couldn't remember any real information. The subject had never really come up, even when he found out the truth. "She… she wasn't?"

"No. Other gems will tell you differently," the Ruby replied faintly. "But I knew my Diamond."

"I'm sorry." Steven didn't know what else to say, didn't know how else to touch on the subject. He might not have shattered her, but he didn't think he'd ever stop feeling guilty about it.

"Ah, but you're innocent." The Ruby shook her head slightly, as if to dismiss the thought, as if to shake away a memory. He recognized that; he'd done it many times himself. The hybrid slumped back slightly, shaking his head a little himself with a sigh, while the gem paced back toward him again, the thoughtful expression returning. "And I guess if you're innocent, there's no reason to punish you. Not that I was going to anyway, but now I have a valid reason not to. Valid in your eyes, I suppose, not the Diamonds'. So you can tell them I smacked you around a bit."

Despite himself, Steven couldn't help but huff out a laugh, more or less relieved that now he knew for certain she wasn't going to hurt him. "Thank you," he mumbled. "You're the only one here that's actually believed me so far about the whole not-being-Rose-Quartz thing."

"That's because I seem to be the only intellectual on Homeworld," the Ruby retorted, abruptly sitting down on the floor in front of him. "Aside from the gem on your stomach, you hardly resemble a Rose Quartz. The gemstone is practically the only thing that's 'gem' about you. You really are a hybrid abomination, and I have no reason to believe you've lied to me about not being a fusion. Whatever you are- _whoever_ you are, you're certainly not Rose Quartz." The gem paused, crossing her arms and leaning forward with a frown. "Besides, even if I didn't believe you and you were, somehow, without having been rejuvenated… the memory loss doesn't make sense. If you weren't reset, then there's no reason for you not to remember your time here, or the rebellion, or shattering Pink. And obviously lying about it wouldn't do anything for you anyway, so you'd have to drop the act at some point. Without rejuvenation, gems don't experience memory loss. And we certainly don't just 'become half-human'. You're… new."

Steven shook his head slightly, genuinely taken aback. He'd just met this gem, and she understood everything. She believed him when nobody else did. All he'd had to do was explain a few simple things to someone who had genuinely stopped to listen, and she understood. And honestly, that boosted his mood just a little bit. If she, a Homeworld gem, was capable of coming to such a conclusion, then the others _had_ to be. They just weren't listening because they didn't want to. "Well… thank you… for listening to me. I'm glad that somebody here believes me." He huffed out a shaky laugh and swallowed, shaking his head with a smile. "My name's Steven."

"Ste-ven…" The Ruby repeated, making a face. "I see. Well, _my_ name is Berry."

"Berry?" Steven perked up a little bit at that, and Berry quirked an eyebrow at him, curious. "Wait, I've heard about you- the Jaspers- Clementine, and Mandarin and Tangerine, they mentioned you. You and somebody else with a fruit-related nickname. Uh… I think…"

"That would be Lemon Lime," Berry confirmed, nodding. "They're a Peridot in my Squadron." Steven nodded, opening his mouth - then paused and blinked when her words registered.

"'They'?"

Berry eyed him for a moment before she spoke, almost defensively. "Yes, 'they'. Lemon Lime isn't a 'she' or 'her' like other gems and I don't refer to them as such. It makes them uncomfortable." When Steven only reacted with a slow, understanding nod, the Ruby immediately seemed to relax, rolling her shoulders back and leaning back sharply with a hum. "What are you?" She finally asked. "The other gems refer to you as 'her', but considering that they also call you 'Rose Quartz' or '8BR', you don't have much of a say in anything here."

"Yeah, not really…" Steven shook his head. "I mean, I guess I don't really… _mind_ it- I don't like them thinking I'm Rose Quartz or anything, but being called 'she' doesn't really bother me. I usually use 'he/him' pronouns, though," he added, and Berry tilted her head. "'Cause I'm a boy." He paused, twisting his mouth sharply, then furrowed his eyebrows at her. "What about you?"

"She," Berry replied simply. "I'm a she."

"A girl." Steven paused at the confused look he was given. "On Earth… okay, so- humans have genders. There's males, we call them boys, and they use 'he/him' pronouns. Females, we call them girls, and they're 'she/her'. Or sometimes humans aren't boys or girls. They're gender-neutral, which means they don't use 'he' or 'her' pronouns, they use 'they' and 'them'. Like Lemon Lime, I guess - they're gender-neutral, not a boy or a girl, just… them."

"I wasn't aware there was a term for it," Berry commented slowly, narrowing her eyes thoughtfully. "Humans certainly come up with weird things. Does make things easier, though, than just using… 'female' pronouns for everyone. Lemon Lime isn't the first gem who doesn't use them, and I highly doubt they're going to be the last. Homeworld is changing these days."

"That's a good thing, right?"

"I suppose." Berry shrugged. "I was able to transfer to a Squadron of Peridots and become a technician. Off-colors and defects are starting to present themselves more. But it's a matter of whether they're useful or not. See, I still have to fight. Like now, I'm supposed to be fighting you. The deal is that I'm allowed to work with Peridots for the most part, but whenever it's requested of me, I have to do what I was initially created for. So I could be sent into battle at any time, and more often than not I get sent in to punish unruly gems that they don't want to waste time rejuvenating. But it's different than it was- Pink would have understood, but if I had told my Diamond I would rather be a technician than a guard at the beginning of Era-2? I'd have been shattered." The Ruby leaned back, moving her arms beside her to prop herself up. "But there's still things they won't accept. They still refer to Lemon Lime as a 'she', they're still hung up over what happened to Pink thousands of years ago. Most of them are just afraid of change. Anything different from what they know. It's two steps forward, one step back, but personally I don't think they're going to really get anywhere anytime soon. They're still… anti-individualistic."

"That's probably why it's so hard to accept that I'm really not Rose Quartz. That I'm half-human," Steven mumbled. "Because it's different from what they know and what they want to believe…"

"Exactly."

"But you're not like them," Steven noted, frowning. "Everyone else doesn't seem to know what Homeworld is really like- either that or… or they're just too scared to…" He fell silent, running his tongue over his lips, and shook his head. "Are you not… scared of them? The Diamonds?"

Berry scoffed at him then, rolling her eyes toward the ceiling. " _Scared_ of the _Diamonds_ \- stars, are you fissured?" She sneered, turning her attention back to him. Steven just blinked, furrowing his eyebrows, and the Ruby rolled her eyes again. " _Crazy_. Are you _crazy?"_ She said slowly, pushing herself back up and turning away to start pacing across the room again. He just watched - vaguely taking note of the Homeworld lingo - and leaned back slightly. "No, I'm not scared of the Diamonds. All they are is giant superpowered _imbeciles_ who think their actions don't have consequences. I'm not scared of them-" She paused, and added - somewhat begrudgingly, "but I am scared of getting shattered, so for the most part, I keep my mouth shut."

Steven felt a rush of relief wash over him, a feeling akin to contentment. She really didn't like the Diamonds. She thought they were foolish, immature, that they had too much power in their hands. She was the only gem on Homeworld - aside from the off-colors - who had admitted how screwed up Homeworld really was. And she was the _only_ gem to display such an obvious hatred for the gems responsible. Normally such a thing would've made him uncomfortable, would've made him want to help her reconsider her stance on Homeworld - but what was the point, honestly? Being a pacifist so far had gotten him nowhere here. Trying to discourage fighting, trying to do anything that could possibly put him in the favor of these gems…

It wasn't working. He couldn't disagree with the way Berry spoke about Homeworld, because she wasn't wrong. Everything she said, he knew it was true. She'd been here longer than him. And he was already seeing it all very clearly anyway. He was just glad to finally have met someone who wasn't blinded by the Diamonds' 'radiance' or terrified to death of them. Someone he could _talk_ to - because he needed that right then more than he ever had in his life. Right then, though, he could see he had gotten her riled up about the Diamonds - so he stopped for a moment, took a metaphorical step back and assessed the situation, before he spoke again. "So… your name. Berry," he began, and she turned toward him at once, eyebrows raising slightly in surprise at the sudden subject change. "Is that like, short for Strawberry or…"

"No." Berry narrowed her eyes at him. "Just 'Berry'. According to some informative files regarding the planet Earth, that's what humans call a variety of what's listed as 'fruit'."

Steven couldn't help but chuckle. "Yeah, but there's different kinds of berries on Earth. Like strawberries, or raspberries, or blueberries. Or blackberries or cranberries or juniper berries. We've got a lot of names for 'em," he explained, laughing at the confused, intrigued expression on her face. "I didn't know Homeworld knew so much about Earth stuff like fruits, though."

Berry shrugged, glancing around the room. "The humans from the Zoo… during the beginning, they talked quite a bit. When the war began, some gems decided to try and use them for information- but they didn't figure out anything useful, just things about fruits and creatures and the color of the sky and what they call the 'sun' back on Earth. I was curious enough to observe some things when I was sent to fight in the war, but…" She fell silent for a moment, almost looking somewhat nostalgic, and Steven tilted his head slightly. "Well, I got distracted."

Steven blinked, crossing his arms over his lap. "By what?"

"Something happened when we were stationed on Earth." Berry turned toward him again. "It was over five thousand years ago, but I'll never forget it. We were waiting for the Crystal Gems," she began, and Steven rolled his shoulders back sharply. "Back then it was just Rose Quartz and Pink Diamond's former Pearl. When the fight broke out- well, I'm not much of a fighter, so I just watched. I was with a Squadron of Quartzes- I don't get along well with Rubies- but there were three other Ruby guards there, protecting a Sapphire. Two of them had been poofed, and the Sapphire was being attacked. Pink Diamond's former Pearl was going to poof her."

The story sounded… familiar. From a different perspective, maybe, but definitely familiar. But he didn't interrupt, just sat still and silent while the Ruby spoke, watching the frown on her face vanish into a faint smile - and watching that smile widen more and more the more she spoke. "But there was one Ruby left," Berry continued, "before the Pearl could attack, she threw herself forward to protect the Sapphire. And…" She shook her head. "I don't know how it happened. Honestly, I couldn't tell you. But it was so quick, and so perfect- but they had fused. And… oh, they were beautiful… I've seen many fusions since then, but none of them come close to _her_."

It was definitely familiar. Steven couldn't help but grin - this Ruby was going to get a kick out of the fact that he personally knew the fusion she was talking about. Admittedly, he couldn't help but be somewhat startled by her enthusiasm - he remembered how Garnet had told him that back then, everyone had reacted with utter, absolute horror. But to see Berry reminiscing about that same exact event, with nothing but absolute awe and fondness in her gaze, it was amazing. He knew if, one day, somehow, Garnet could meet Berry, she would adore the Ruby. Yeah, right then, Steven was sure he'd just found the fusion's number one fan. "I've heard that story before," he finally spoke up, and Berry snapped out of her thoughts to focus on him again. "The fusion you're talking about- Sapphire and Ruby, they ran away from Homeworld after they split apart, and they fused, and they found Rose Quartz and Pearl and joined the Crystal Gems."

Berry's eyes widened slightly as the hybrid spoke, taking every bit of information in with rapt attention. "I always wondered what happened to them," she breathed. "They fused again?"

"They've been a fusion _since_ ," Steven chuckled. "Her name's Garnet. I know her."

The Ruby's excitement seemed to increase tenfold. "You _know_ her-?!"

"She's one of the gems that's been taking care of me. After my mom- Rose Quartz- gave up her form to create me, I was left with the remaining Crystal Gems. Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl," Steven told her proudly, grin widening slightly. "I could… tell you more about her if you want."

Gone was the disdainful, irritated Ruby that had walked in; Berry displayed absolutely nothing but pure excitement now, an almost childish glee as she walked toward him again. This time, when she approached, Steven remained relaxed; he trusted her. More than that, he thought maybe he'd finally found a friend here on Homeworld, one that understood _everything_. One that understood who and what he was, and one that maybe - just maybe - could help him through this. "I want to know everything," she insisted, sitting down in front of him again. " _Everything_."

And Steven was happy to oblige.


	7. Chapter 7

Steven spent so long telling Berry about the Crystal Gems, and Garnet, and the Earth - and yet for the first time since he'd arrived on Homeworld, it felt like no time at all. The Ruby was interested in almost everything he had to say; she listened to his stories about the corrupted gems, and threw a few questions in. Sometimes she was satisfied with the answers, sometimes she just insisted that they raised more questions. He explained other things to her when she asked; to the best of his ability, he told her what a 'mother' was, and what a 'father' was. He told her about all of the other fusions he knew about; Opal, Sardonyx, Sugilite. He even told her about Malachite, which seemed to absolutely disgust her. After a loud and angry rant about how horrible forced fusion was and that she 'hopes that Jasper is suffering in her star-forsaken bubble', she settled once again and he continued to regale her with stories about the gems.

He was just telling her about Connie - she seemed particularly interested in his claims that he could fuse with her - when she abruptly told him to be quiet, jumping to her feet and pacing to the other side. Since Steven hadn't moved since she'd arrived, he knew that was where the door usually appeared; the Ruby silently paced the length of the wall, ran her fingers over it a few times, and turned back to him with a frown. "Lost track of time," she hissed, looking around. "You can't exactly tell minutes from hours in here. I don't know when they're coming back."

"Yeah…" Steven faltered slightly despite himself, curling the fingers of his limb enhancers against the ground and flicking his gaze over the wall. "I don't even know how long m- Blue Diamond leaves me in here sometimes. I don't even know how long I've been here." He huffed out a shaky laugh, though he knew there was no humor in the situation - especially judging by the harsh look she offered him, a bitter expression filled with obvious disdain. He knew who it was directed at, but it didn't really help. Yeah, he liked that she wasn't mindlessly obedient to the Diamonds, but the negativity she displayed toward them… well, any kind of negativity made him shy away regardless, but there was just something about the hatred _she_ displayed toward _them_. Something he understood, and yet at the same time, felt like he'd never be able to comprehend.

"You've been here for two weeks," she told him, matter-of-factly.

For a moment, he just stared at her. He wasn't sure what he'd been expecting, but he knew it certainly wasn't that. The time he spent outside of the Room alone was hardly enough to measure up to two weeks - sure, Homeworld didn't have a _sun_ \- not like the Earth anyway - but it was easier to keep track of time out there. He could count in his head, add up the numbers and see how long it had been. He usually spent hours out of the Room at best - but when he was inside, he couldn't count. He got too distracted, his mind started spinning, he couldn't think.

He'd been on Homeworld for two weeks. And he'd spent most of it in isolation, locked up in a room with no windows, no doors. He'd been on Homeworld for two weeks, and he'd spent all of those two weeks without eating, without sleeping, without drinking, without using the bathroom.

His gem really was keeping him alive. Any other human would be dead by now, and he was still kicking. The only problem was that he couldn't figure out if it was a blessing, or if it was a curse.

He blinked a few times, as if to clear away a rush of tears, but there were none. His eyes stung, but they weren't wet - which he supposed he should feel glad for, but he was just… numb. For a moment, he'd gotten so lost in the excitement of finally finding someone who understood him, that he'd forgotten where he really was - and _what_ he really was. A prisoner of Homeworld, trapped here for who knew how long. And who knew how long it would be before the gems came back for him… or if they ever would. For all they knew, he was dead. They probably thought he was dead. By now, he should've been dead. Whether it was from being shattered at the trial, or whether it was from starvation, sleep-deprivation or dehydration. He hadn't known he could survive without food and water and sleep - what were the odds that they knew either?

Berry had fallen silent, the irritated look on her face relaxing into a somewhat understanding, awkward but sincerely concerned expression. She didn't venture toward him again, though; if anything, she looked like she was considering trying to distance herself from him even more. "You're not going to start crying, or something, are you?" She finally asked. The hybrid shook his head, but he didn't say anything yet. He didn't know what would come out of his mouth if he dared to open it, but he did know he wasn't about to start crying. He just needed a second to process what he'd been told, and get his thoughts back on track. Two weeks. He'd be lying if he said that it hadn't felt like longer, but he had thought the reason he felt like it had been so long was because he'd been in here, unable to keep track of time. He had never imagined that it had actually been so long - and yet at the same time, even the surprise felt rather dull. He was startled by the realization, the reality of the situation hitting him full force once again, but he couldn't really say he was shocked. Just horrified, just scared, just confused. It was one of those moments he wanted the gems to show up and save him - and yet at the same time, he didn't. Because not only would that throw his 'save Homeworld' plan off the rails, but he had made the deal to keep Earth safe. If the gems came for him now, when Homeworld had everything they wanted, it was just going to make the Diamonds even angrier. It would just make things worse.

It was a while before Berry spoke, while the hybrid tried to compose himself. "For what it's worth, you'll… adjust here," she muttered. "You know how bad it is, but so do I- it doesn't stop me from living my life and doing my job. You weren't made here, but at least you're not dead. And who knows, maybe your gems will figure out a way to get here."

Steven shook his head and swallowed, letting his head fall back against the wall with a sigh. "You know, I turned myself in," he mumbled, "I turned myself in to save them." He paused, sucking in a shuddering breath. "I know I should just accept it and move on, because I pretty much asked to be here - but I'm still hoping they might show up to come and save me anyway."

"Nobody asked to be here," Berry scoffed. "But we live with it anyway."

"They'll get shattered if they come here," Steven murmured. "Either they get shattered, or they do get me out of here, and then the Diamonds go for the Earth and shatter them anyway."

"You could've been shattered. It didn't stop you," Berry replied faintly.

"That's different," Steven sighed. "That's just- that's just _me_. I did what I had to do so I could save my friends - they were gonna bring them here, and I don't know why. But I could've lost them… and I couldn't have dealt with that… so I gave myself up to Homeworld so that they'd be safe." He ran his tongue over his lips and leaned his head back again, pressing it against the wall and glancing up at the ceiling. "If they do come for me, something bad's gonna happen. Someone's gonna get hurt, or… or it'll just make the Diamonds even angrier. I'm trying to figure out how I can _fix_ things, and I can't do that if I try to escape. That'll just make it all worse."

"So you want to save everyone. You wanted to save your friends, and now for some reason, you want to save Homeworld," Berry huffed out a quiet laugh, turning her head back to face the wall again, but she didn't turn around completely. "You have to have noticed by now, this is drastically different from Earth. Nobody here expects you to be some hero and save them, and nobody wants that anyway. You've gotta look after your own gem, keep yourself out of _trouble_. And if you do get the chance to get off this star-forsaken planet, then you need to take it."

Steven fell silent for a moment, swallowing again. He twitched his hand slightly, lifting his fingers to tap them against the floor, and he looked down to watch the floating fingers rise and fall rhythmically as he did so. Looking after his own 'gem' wasn't something he was used to. Everything he did, he did it for his family and his friends. He valued their lives over his own - and he didn't see anything wrong with that. But she was right, in this case; nobody here wanted a hero. Nobody here expected anything to change. But they weren't happy with how things were.

Just because they didn't want a hero didn't mean they didn't deserve one.

"Is that what you do?" He finally asked, lifting his gaze to the Ruby in front of him. "You told me that you didn't want to punish me, even if I was the 'Rose Quartz' you were expecting. You don't just blindly follow the Diamonds' commands - if you did, you'd be looking out for yourself. If you did, you'd be torturing me right now instead of listening to me talk about the Earth, and my family and my friends. You don't _want_ to hurt anybody," he insisted, and Berry's jaw tensed slightly as she stared at him, her gaze flickering over his face silently. "If you were trying to keep yourself out of trouble, you wouldn't be playing such a risky game by not doing what the Diamonds asked you to do. The other gems know how bad it is, but they don't say anything because they're scared. You know how bad it is here, but you don't stand for it, do you?"

"I didn't say I was a role model," Berry sneered. "I'm at a higher status than you are. I may be a Ruby, but I'm the best technician they've got on Homeworld and I'm smarter than any Era-2 Peridots they've got. The only reason I'm still alive is because I'm the one working to keep Homeworld's technology from plummeting. I can _do_ these things, hybrid. You're the one being punished for treason against Homeworld, and you're the one with a Diamond's murder hanging over your head. You've got to look out for yourself, because nobody else here is going to."

"What about you?" Steven pressed, and Berry furrowed her eyebrows. "You like me, right?"

"I-" Berry blinked; he'd caught her off guard, he could see it. Bewilderment rapidly replaced her anger, the fire in her eyes fizzling out before it could really start roaring. "That's not the point. I alone can't keep you out of trouble- even if I wanted to, I don't have _that_ kind of power here. They still think that you're the Rose Quartz that shattered their beloved Pink Diamond."

Steven groaned, lifting his head again. "But you know I'm not!"

"That doesn't matter!" Berry snarled. "They're not going to listen to _me_."

"I can't just roll over and let them-" Steven stopped, breathing in shakily and shaking his head. "I can't just give up on- the Diamonds might be bad, but the other gems didn't ask for this."

"They also didn't ask for you to be some kind of savior for the galaxy," Berry retorted dubiously, shaking her head furiously now. "All of this has been going on for thousands of years, and it's not going to change because some hybrid abomination decided he wanted to make the universe a safer place. You're literally one against _many_ \- when it comes down to who the gems are going to follow, whether you promise them safety or not, they're going to choose the Diamonds. Because everyone here might be sick as shards of the way things are, but that doesn't change the fact that it's all they've ever known and they're too scared of change to do anything about it." Steven fell silent at that, and Berry pressed, "you can't save Homeworld by yourself, hybrid."

"So what if I'm not by myself?" Steven shot back, flicking his gaze back up to the Ruby. "I'm a supposed war criminal and you're the only gem here that will look me in the eyes and tell me exactly how- how messed up Homeworld is and how bad the Diamonds are. You _know_."

"And even if I believed Homeworld could be saved," Berry growled, "a supposed war criminal and an off-color Ruby aren't going to be able to fix a broken, brainwashed planet."

"No," Steven conceded, swallowing. "But it's a good start, isn't it?"

Berry stared at him for a moment, and he watched her eyebrows furrow as she studied his face, as her eyes searched his, looking for something. He wasn't sure what, and he wasn't even sure if she had found what she was looking for - but it took her at least several minutes to speak again, in a much more hushed tone than Steven had expected. Sure, the Ruby could be quiet, as he had seen before - but it was such a startling transition from the loud, angry yelling she'd just been doing that Steven couldn't help but jump a little, straining slightly to hear what she said. "Why do you want to save Homeworld, anyway?" She asked him mildly, eyes narrowing. "So far it's just a planet full of gems that have done nothing but try to hurt you."

"I'm used to gems I don't know trying to hurt me," Steven admitted. "And, yeah, it sucks. But maybe if I play my cards right and figure things out, maybe I can finally put an end to all of it."

Berry grimaced back at him for a moment, turning her head slightly to look around the room. "And if your foolproof plan doesn't work? If this planet really is unfixable? What then?" She finally demanded, turning back to him. "Can you handle that? Do you think _they_ could?"

"I think," Steven mumbled, "they deserve a chance to prove that nothing is unfixable."

Berry's expression shifted again, but this time, when the irritation melted away, it didn't return. She frowned down at him, looking half-thoughtful, half-torn, but she still didn't say anything. He could see the gears already turning in her head, he could still see the doubt in her eyes, but there was also a familiar spark of intrigue written across her face. "You really think…" She trailed off, just gazing at him for a moment. Her head tilted, ever so slightly, looking absolutely puzzled. Steven didn't say anything - he just stared back at her. He could argue his point all he wanted, but the only thing that mattered was whether or not she let her guards down and chose to believe that he was being genuine, that he really wanted this. Not just for himself, but for her. For all of the Homeworld gems that didn't want this kind of life. She wasn't happy here and neither were they, but Steven was already determined to figure out how to break them free.

"You're a mystery, hybrid," Berry finally sighed. "I can't figure you out."

Steven cracked a smile, somewhat hesitant. He didn't know what that meant, but she wasn't arguing with him anymore, so he would take what he got. "Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

"For you?" Berry rolled her eyes and sighed again. This time he could see it, the defeat; her shoulders drooped a little and she took a few steps toward him, arms crossed over her chest and a wary look in her eyes. But even then, she was nonetheless intrigued - and he couldn't help but grin a little wider when she continued further, "it's a good thing… I love mysteries."

* * *

For a while after that, he remained in the Room. Berry had left with the promise of telling the Diamonds that she'd 'scared him straight', and that she'd figure out a way to see him again without him having to be locked away. Steven was pretty content with himself when she left; she was the first gem he had managed to get through to, the first one he'd convinced to help him. It was definitely a boost in his confidence, a rush of adrenaline and excitement. And it just further strengthened his resolve. He was going to figure out a way to fix this planet somehow, he was going to free all those poor gems from the Diamonds' reign of terror. He had already taken a step in the right direction - and he was ready to keep walking. He was Steven Quartz Universe. Homeworld was a challenge like nothing he'd ever faced before - but he could do it. He had to.

_You are Rose Quartz Facet-1 Cut-8BR._

"Steven Universe," he countered quietly. "My name is Steven Universe."

_Your Diamond is Blue Diamond._

He stared up at the ceiling, breathing in through his teeth. "I'm gonna save Homeworld," he declared to the empty Room, struggling to keep himself busy, keep himself focused. He didn't know how long he'd be locked up in here before he had to leave again, but he wasn't going to spend his remaining time laying still and letting the earrings and the flickering lights and the hallucinations torture him. He was determined now, more than ever, not to let himself break. If his resolve had ever wavered, even a little bit, before this - it was completely steady now.

_You are a soldier, nothing else._

"I'm a Crystal Gem," Steven whispered, closing his eyes. "I'm a _Crystal Gem_."

* * *

When he was finally let out of the room, Blue Diamond came to retrieve him herself. When she stepped through the door, the hybrid forced himself to his feet, scrambling to salute her. He didn't know what he wanted to do, but he knew that he had to be careful with Blue Diamond. Any suspicions would result in… well, in him probably being locked up more. And he wasn't ready to outright start disobeying her, not yet. He had to think of a plan before anything else; right then, the only 'plan' he had was saving Homeworld, but he knew he couldn't just _do_ that. He needed more than Berry on his side, for starters. He needed to be careful, and discreet. "Ruby 5HX tells me she put you in your place." Blue Diamond stared down at him, eyes cold.

Steven took a deep breath. Alright. Okay. Obedience training. He knew how to respond to 'his Diamond', he knew what to say and how to say it. Chin up, back straight, eyes down, respectful. As hard as obedience training had been for him, it was pretty useful now. The last thing he needed was to get himself into more trouble, so he had to tread carefully. "Yes, my Diamond."

"Well, we'll certainly see," Blue Diamond sneered. "If I hear anything else about the war…" She didn't finish, but she didn't need to. But, the reminder made him pause; right, the war. The war. He needed to figure out what to do about that - maybe Berry knew something… she had mentioned something about being called into battle, hadn't she? She was a soldier, too. A technician, yeah, but she was also a soldier. Which meant she probably knew about the war. The hybrid kept silent, glancing over at Blue Diamond's Pearl as Blue Diamond turned to lead him out of the room; with her eyes covered, Steven didn't know if she could see anything, but the Pearl briefly turned her head in his direction before following after Blue Diamond. Steven took a deep breath and followed quickly, finally letting his shoulders slouch again a little.

Blue Diamond took him back to Agate and the Jaspers; they were in the middle of training, just like they had been when Steven had first met them. Instead of calling them off this time, however, Agate immediately turned to head over, calling a quick "keep fighting" behind her.

"My Diamond." The gem sank into a respectful bow as Steven walked forward, hesitant. Agate glanced up at him, and her eyes narrowed slightly. Oh, yeah, she wasn't happy. He couldn't help but wonder if he might have gotten her into trouble - after all, she was the one who had told him about the war to begin with, and Blue Diamond probably asked who told him. "Rose Quartz."

"My Agate," Steven greeted cautiously.

After Blue Diamond had left, instead of taking him to train with the Jaspers - which he had been prepared for, honestly - Agate ended up leading him to the warp pad instead. It didn't take him long to figure out that she probably didn't want to scold him in front of the others, but he was somewhat disappointed he hadn't had a chance to speak to Clementine, Mandarin and Tangerine. Sure, he was worried about being alone with Agate, but he was also hoping she'd come to the conclusion that he'd been punished enough. It wasn't like the other gems seemed to know that Berry hadn't actually done anything to him - which was the point, he knew that. But being locked away for however long it had been hadn't exactly been pleasant for him either.

"I told you not to ask questions about the war," Agate growled the moment the warp activated. Steven flinched slightly when she turned to face him, but he didn't move his gaze from the stream. "I _told_ you not to get into it. What's going on beyond Homeworld isn't your _concern_."

"I was trying to help," Steven mumbled. He took a deep breath and glanced over at her, watching her mouth open to continue, to scold him more, and he added quickly, "I'm sorry."

"You ought to be," Agate warned, but she did seem to relax - if only a little. "The next time I give you an order, I expect you to obey. Thanks to you, your battle training is currently on hold. You'll be with the technicians." She rolled her eyes, looking back toward the warp stream, and Steven furrowed his eyebrows. Well, he certainly didn't mind that - he didn't particularly like battle training anyway, but… technicians… Berry was a technician. He opened his mouth slightly, then snapped it shut again, thinking better of what he'd been about to ask. "Thankfully, I suppose, this certainly gives me time to request having your weapon made… we're going with the scythe, since you seem to be more advanced with that than any other offensive weapon we've got."

Steven didn't respond immediately, staring at the warp stream. "Did I get you in trouble?"

Agate glanced at him, arching an eyebrow. "Beg pardon?"

"I just- 'cause you're the one that told me there was a war…" Steven trailed off. "I guess maybe you weren't supposed to do that- or maybe you were, I don't know. And you told me not to say anything, but I did it anyway, so I hope you didn't get in trouble for me not listening to you." He shifted slightly, and when Agate still didn't respond, the hybrid cleared his throat and dropped his gaze to the warp pad. "I really was just trying to help, but… I'm sorry for causing trouble."

Agate didn't reply for a while; Steven bit the inside of his cheek, staying silent. He really did hope he hadn't gotten her into trouble; she was stern and kinda mean sometimes, but she hadn't exactly done anything to hurt him. And even if she had, he still wouldn't have wanted her to get in trouble. She was just doing his job, and she had told him to drop the subject about the war. Of course, he wasn't too sorry for asking questions; if he hadn't he might not have ever met Berry, and he might not have been able to convince her to help him help Homeworld. But on some level… yeah, he did feel a little bad for disobeying her. "I didn't get into any trouble," the gem finally responded, and Steven relaxed a little, rolling his shoulders back and looking up. Agate didn't look over at him again, her mouth set in a firm scowl. "And if you keep your mouth shut next time, maybe _you'll_ be able to avoid getting _yourself_ into trouble, as well."

Steven fell silent, looking down and toying with the fingers of his limb enhancers. He stayed quiet after that as Agate stepped off of the warp pad, following her down and taking a quick look around. He didn't recognize where they were now - it looked like a completely different part of Homeworld. Actually, it looked kind of like a parking lot; lined with ships, row by row. He saw hand-shaped ships, and arms, and normal ships - he saw a _lot_ of the ones the Rubies had come to Earth in, rows of them stretching far beyond his vision. In the distance, he could also see a giant, white, towering building that looked like a head, but he couldn't make it out right then.

He followed Agate through the rows of ships, toward the building it led up to. She opened the door and gestured for him to enter silently, and he stepped through carefully, looking around. Inside, there were what looked like _parts_ of a ship scattered around, different tools and bolts and panels. He recognized some escape pods, too, over on the far wall with different contraptions he didn't recognize at first glance. He also saw destabilizers hanging on the wall, different kinds of weapons… the hybrid just blinked, walking forward, and Agate brushed past him to head toward another door - instead of opening it, however, she reached out to knock. "5HX."

Steven winced, hearing a loud crash, the sound of metal clanging around, and a familiar, irritated, angry voice yelling back at them to, "hold on!". Agate stepped back, looking more or less perturbed, and Steven bit his lip to stifle a smile. Berry kinda reminded him of Lars.

When the door finally opened, Berry wasted no time in storming out, letting it shut behind her. "This better be important," the Ruby seethed. Steven noticed her hair was… smoking. More than that, actually, as he stared, he realized that there were flames flickering slightly in her hair, mostly hidden among the curls, but growing bigger the more she ranted to Agate, who looked a little less than amused with the small Ruby, "I swear to the stars, if I get interrupted again, I-"

"You're on fire," Agate interrupted curtly, unfazed, and went on before Berry had the chance to retort - while the Ruby immediately reached up to pat the flames out of her hair - "I'm here to drop off Rose Quartz, since she'll be assigned to your Squadron instead for the time being."

Berry paused, eyes flicking toward Steven. If she was surprised, she didn't show it; she just offered the hybrid a warning look when he smiled at her, and he immediately looked away.

"I also want to request having a weapon built for when we do continue her battle training," Agate continued. "All she has is a shield, and we've already discussed having something made for her that will actually be useful in a fight. She's made progress with a scythe so far, so we thought-"

"Right, okay," Berry interrupted, crossing her arms over her chest. "Scythe, Rose Quartz, got it. You-" She flicked her gaze toward Steven, and the hybrid blinked as she sneered at him, but he wasted no time in rushing forward when she spoke again. "Why are you still standing over there? Get your gem over here." He didn't know whether to be amused or surprised by the sudden personality flip; sure, Berry could be a little snappy and harsh sometimes, but she was just passionate for the most part. Watching her try to be tough was like watching a kitten try to act like a tiger - not that he was about to say that out loud, no, he knew better than that. Especially not with Agate literally standing five feet away from them. "I'll put the little criminal to work," Berry assured as Steven paused beside her, turning to face Agate again. "Don't worry."

"Oh, I'm not," Agate hummed, seeming satisfied. "I'll leave you to it, then. Behave, 8BR."

Steven didn't say anything, tilting his head slightly as he watched her go. Berry stayed still for a moment, herself, continuing to stare at the door until it closed; only then did she turn around to face Steven again, and the hybrid couldn't help but grin at the triumphant smirk on her face. "You should consider yourself _very_ lucky. They think I scared you so much you almost cracked." The Ruby's smirk widened slightly. "So nobody objected when I requested a brief transfer."

"Thank you," Steven said genuinely, cracking a grin.

"Well, don't look _too_ comfortable," Berry added, rolling her eyes. "They've still gotta think I scare you, or we'll both get into trouble. I've gone long enough without anyone knowing I'm not the 'legendary Punisher' Homeworld considers me to be, and if they figure it out, then I won't be helping you save this stupid planet anytime soon either." She turned, reaching to open the door.

"I like to think I'm a pretty good actor," Steven commented, looking around. "So are the other Peridots in there?" At the confused look she offered him, he added, "your Squadron, right?"

"Ah." Berry rolled her eyes. "Right. My Squadron. No, I send most of the Peridots out on errands to get tools and supplies so that I can build. It's not like they're any help with anything other than collecting things for me to build with - they certainly can't construct a ship. Lemon Lime's the only one that stays with me, because they're the only one that knows to stay out of my way." She pulled her hand back from the panel as the door opened, and Steven looked up to peer inside. The room seemed to be even bigger than the one they were standing in, and the roof was taller, too - if the giant half-built ship sitting in the center of the room was any indication.

"Wow…" Steven breathed, following Berry as she led him into the room.

"The newest model," Berry said proudly, looking the ship up and down. "It's still in the works, but when it's done, this baby'll be the best one I've ever built. Watch your step, by the way," she added over her shoulder, and, glancing down, Steven saw why; there had been tools in the other room, but the floor of this one was nearly covered. There were wrenches and screwdrivers and what looked like blowtorches - and other tools that Steven didn't even recognize at all. He stepped over a toolbox that looked like it was about to overflow, following Berry over to the ship. "Lemon Lime!" The Ruby yelled, reaching down to grab a wrench. "Get out here!"

It only took a second for the Peridot to rush out from behind the ship; Steven blinked in surprise, watching them stumble slightly as they walked. They were wearing limb enhancers - honestly, they greatly resembled what Peridot had looked like when she first arrived on Earth. The hair was a bit messy, not the perfect triangle Steven had expected. Their hair looked to be a little more loose, as if they had tried to smooth it upwards into a triangle shape, rather than it just naturally forming that way like it was with Peridot. Steven also noticed their gem was centered in the space between their neck and chest, like a bow tie. "I might have gotten tangled up-"

"I told you not to mess with the wires," Berry hissed, pointing the wrench at them.

Lemon Lime nodded furiously. "Yeah, and you know what? That's really hard to do when they're all over the place! This entire room is a tripping hazard, I almost cracked trying to-" They stopped, one hand reaching down to untangle a wire wrapped around their foot, and stared at Steven, wide-eyed and terrified looking as if they were staring at a Diamond, and not a hybrid.

After a moment, Steven lifted a hand to wave at them, somewhat hesitantly. "Hello-"

"Hi," Lemon Lime greeted faintly, looking dumbfounded. "Berry, what is this and why did you bring it into the lab I thought you didn't like strange things in the lab why would you-"

"In that case, maybe I should kick you out," Berry snarked, and Lemon Lime offered her a somewhat hurt look in response. Steven didn't know what to focus on first, the fact that he was apparently now an 'it' and a 'strange thing' - and he also didn't know whether to be offended or not. "This _strange thing_ is a hybrid abomination-" That, he was still a little hurt by, but at that point he knew Berry didn't really mean anything bad by it. "And his name is 'Ste-ven'."

"Steven-" Steven began to correct, noting the slight pause as she said his name, but he stopped when the earrings buzzed and shocked him. They hadn't done that in the Room, when it had just been him and Berry. He'd been able to talk all about Earth, and the Crystal Gems, and tell her what his real name was. But then the moment he was outside, interacting with other gems, then the earrings decided to switch back into 'monitoring everything he said' mode. The hybrid frowned, shaking his head slightly, and took a deep breath and forced himself to focus again.

Berry stared at the earrings, looking perplexed, while Lemon Lime glanced between the Ruby and Steven, still very clearly on edge. "A hybrid-? What the heck does that mean?"

"It means he's half-human, half-gem," Berry explained after a moment, looking away again. Lemon Lime blinked and glanced over at Steven, raising their eyebrows in surprise. But they didn't have any time to open their mouth and ask questions - which Steven was thankful for now because apparently he was once again limited to what he could and couldn't answer regarding his half-human heritage and probably Earth and the gems too, based on past experiences - because the Ruby gestured the wrench toward them. "Alright, come on, what are you two waiting for? Lime, I need my toolbox. Hybrid, get over here, you're gonna hold up the ship."

"I'm what now?" Steven looked up at the ship while Lemon Lime rushed past him to get the overflowing toolbox. But he moved forward when Berry gestured for him to come closer.

"Hey, we've got nothing to do while we talk except work. Besides, it's just half of a ship. So, you lift, and I'll fill Lemon Lime in on your little 'saving Homeworld' adventure idea you've got going on," she ordered, spinning the wrench while Steven leaned down to curl the fingers of his limb enhancers underneath the ship, somewhat hesitant. He didn't even know if he'd be able to lift the ship up with these things - he knew he wouldn't have any problem with it if he wasn't wearing them, but it wasn't like he could take them off. He breathed in, and closed his eyes. Alright, he just needed to think of it like they were his real limbs. He shifted slightly, pushing one foot back and pushing his hands upwards, managing to lift the ship upwards just a little bit. It wasn't much, but Berry praised him regardless, "there, see? You're a natural at it already."

"You never ask me to lift the ship," Lemon Lime grumbled, setting the toolbox down.

"That's because you're weak," Berry retorted.

"Gee, thanks."

Steven couldn't help but smile, managing to push the ship a little higher, until he was able to press all of the mechanical fingers underneath it and heave it up completely, lifting it into the air. He was expecting to have to hold it up the whole time Berry worked - but, when he glanced over, the Ruby was pressing a button on the side of the toolbox, and a bar began to lift from the center of it as she pushed the toolbox underneath the ship, moving it directly to the center. Steven just stared, not daring to move and risk dropping the ship on her. "What're you doing?"

"I just needed you to hold it so I could put this under it," Berry called. Steven paused, feeling something else press against the bottom of the ship, moving it slightly. "There. You can let go!"

Steven hesitated, but eventually pulled back, ready to reach out and grab the ship if it started falling. But, it didn't; the bar seemed to be holding it up rather well by itself now. The hybrid relaxed slightly, rolling his shoulders back and staring at the ship for a moment, then turned his head slightly to look toward Lemon Lime; the Peridot had settled down on a pile of what looked like metal panels, watching the ship. "So… what about this whole 'save Homeworld' thing?"

"Right." Steven paused, glancing back at the ship.

"If you get under here, I'll explain," Berry called. "I'm not yelling it out for the Diamonds to hear. We're gonna have to watch ourselves a little more now if we're gonna be kickstarting Era-3."


	8. Chapter 8

Time went by a little faster after that.

Thanks to Berry's transfer request, Steven was allowed to leave the Room more and more often. It was usually the Ruby herself that came to retrieve him when he was allowed out - other times, she sent Lemon Lime. The hybrid had become quick friends with the skittish Peridot, once they had gotten over the whole 'strange thing' view of him. He explained as much about his half-human heritage as he could to the other gem, and Berry filled in gaps when he couldn't. The earrings continued to electrocute him when he tried to explain what and who he was. Something Berry had offered to fix, but Lemon Lime had insisted that they shouldn't tamper with anything physically just yet. Blue Diamond would notice if the smallest thing was off; so Steven declined Berry's offer, and they continued on with the new normal they were all adapting to. The hybrid would spend hours in the lab with his new friends, assisting when needed and relaxing with Lemon Lime when he wasn't. He was surprised how much progress Berry was making with the ship, building on her own; the other Peridots in her Squadron weren't even allowed inside except to drop off tools. Berry had gone out of her way to make sure they didn't see him.

"There's only two Peridots I could stand," she had told him. "And 5XG isn't even here."

If Steven could have told her then that he recognized that particular number, he would have. But the earrings shocked him before he could spit the second word out, and Berry had shushed him quickly. None of them knew whether or not Blue Diamond was notified whenever that happened - so they thought it best to try and keep the electrocutions to a minimum, not just for Steven's safety, but for everyone else involved. Steven had only agreed because of that; had it just been his gem on the line, he'd have forced himself to talk through it. But Berry and Lemon Lime were already risking so much with everything they were doing now, he didn't want them to get into any more trouble yet, not when it wasn't necessary for the moment. So he stayed quiet, and resolved to tell her eventually. Whenever 'eventually' was, he didn't know - but it would come.

He had to believe it would come.

Berry also kept him updated on how long he was in the Room for every time he was let out, and she informed him how much time had passed since his arrival. Two weeks turned into three; three into four, four into five, and then six, and then seven. Almost two months passed since he'd arrived on Homeworld. In silence, he agonized over that. He never let his frustrations out, not even in isolation. He never expressed how horrifying it was to know he'd been on an alien planet for two months, how scary it was to realize his family was back on Earth, probably still trying to cope with the idea that they might never see him again. Every week that passed by made him want to push harder and harder at his plans. He didn't say it, he didn't show it. Berry knew, though; she mentioned little things offhand on occasion while she worked, blunt words masking hesitant reassurances. He could see her faith growing stronger and stronger with each week that went by, determination to break past the Diamonds' chains pulsing steadily every day. She wanted this, as much as he did. And so did Lemon Lime. They weren't ready quite yet - still planning, still thinking, still considering their options. But it was happening. They'd get there.

Steven learned a lot in the next five weeks. Berry taught him about different tools so that he would know which ones to bring to her when she requested his assistance, and Lemon Lime taught him how to use his limb enhancers to form a screen. Of course, the hybrid was still clumsy with it, still learning how to use it. But he did have a better handle on the mechanical limbs the more he learned and the longer he wore them. Berry commented on how quickly he tended to catch onto things every so often - the praise, coming from her, was still startling. As much as he hated to admit it, he wasn't too used to being told what he was doing right. Most of the time, he had just spent stressing over what he was doing wrong. Of course, when he did screw up - such as handing Berry the wrong tool or accidentally knocking over the neatly-stacked pile of metal panels she'd been using for the ship - he caught hell for it. But by the time it was over, he found that Berry, despite her temper, forgave just as easily.

He grew to enjoy being with the two of them. Lemon Lime was a quiet, gentle gem; like Berry, they seemed to be able to pick up any subtle drop in the hybrid's mood. Their reassurances were much softer and gentler than the Ruby's. Berry was honest, she was blunt. She didn't lie to him about how things might go, she didn't sugarcoat anything. In a way, he appreciated that. But he also grew to appreciate how Lemon Lime would gently correct her, tear the hybrid's attention away from the Ruby and insist that if he'd made it this far, then he could make it even further. That he _would_ see his family again, he'd get back home. It was just a matter of time. And Berry - she might have been far from gentle, but she was passionate. And she didn't say it - refused to say it, actually - but he knew she cared about him. She wouldn't be helping him if she didn't.

Steven brought the war up. Neither of them knew anything about it, and Steven asked them not to pry. He didn't want them to get in trouble for asking questions - god knows he'd been there, done that. They agreed dutifully, but Berry resolved to keep an ear out with the other Rubies after a little while, just to see if they knew something she didn't. After a brief discussion, Berry ended up throwing the idea in that since this probably began not long after Steven had arrived on Homeworld, it could've definitely been influenced by the 'great rebel leader Rose Quartz''s reappearance, and that if there were rebel gems out there, they'd be useful allies, as well. But without any way to possibly contact whoever was on the other side of the war, there was no way to be sure. They had to put that particular idea on the back burner for the time being, and _think_.

"I'll tell you one thing," the Ruby huffed as she sorted through her tools. Steven and Lemon Lime were seated a few feet away, underneath the large ship Berry was working on. The progress she'd made alone was incredible - it was over halfway done now, with just 'a few more finishing touches' left to put on it before it was ready. Steven was still in awe. "Whatever's going on out there is bad enough to spook the Diamonds. They're either our allies or just another enemy - but if you ask me, anyone who's against those overpowered pebbles is pretty okay in my book."

"If the Diamonds are scared, it has to be bad," Lemon Lime mumbled. Steven leaned back, glancing over at them and watching as the Peridot twisted their mouth into an unsettled frown. "Especially if it's bad enough that they wanna keep it from the rest of Homeworld."

"But if it's that bad, _why_ keep it from everyone?" Steven stressed, leaning his head back slightly with a frown. "My- _Blue_ Diamond said Homeworld wasn't strong enough to fight another war. And if we're thinking this started after I got here, then it couldn't have escalated so far in just two months. They could've said something from the beginning and put an end to it- unless there's something else they're not telling us…" The hybrid trailed off and sighed, shaking his head.

He watched Berry pause, lowering her arms slightly. " _Unless_ it's been going on longer…"

Lemon Lime lifted their head slightly, and Steven flicked his gaze over to Berry in silence. At that point, he decided it was best to shut himself up and let Berry and Lemon Lime do the talking, unless one of them summoned him back into the conversation. The earrings hadn't shocked him yet for talking about the war, and either that was a glitch in the system… or Blue Diamond was waiting to strike. He had to be careful with what he said about that particular subject. At least he knew he'd be punished for talking about Earth. "But even if it was," Lemon Lime started, frowning. "Even if it had been going on longer, they still would've said something at first, right?"

"Not necessarily. Not if they thought they could fix it themselves," Berry muttered. "The Diamonds have a habit of thinking they've got just a little more power than they actually do."

"Most of the time, they're not wrong," Lemon Lime replied tentatively. Steven glanced over at him, staying quiet, but he offered the Peridot a comforting smile. Lemon Lime was more scared of the Diamonds than _he_ was; he saw them tense whenever they were mentioned, saw the hesitance they displayed at the idea of doing anything that would get them in trouble. It was pretty sobering to see, a reminder of what he wanted to do and how fast he needed to do it. Lemon Lime was his friend, and he liked to think of Berry as one, too. At this point, there wasn't anything left to consider; one way or another, he was going to get them off of Homeworld. He was going to get them _all_ off of Homeworld, and away from the Diamonds, as soon as he could.

Berry grunted, reaching up and curling her fingers against a panel. "They're not as powerful as they think they are, Lemon Lime. They've got fear on their side, sure, and they _had_ strength in numbers before gem creation started deteriorating. Let's face it, Quartzes are coming out worse and Rubies are getting dumber. At this rate, they're gonna be sending Peridots into battle."

Lemon Lime cringed, folding themself back and curling up a little. "Oh, don't…"

"My point is," Berry sighed, "they pretty much got destroyed during the first war. Not just because of what happened to Pink, but because their armies either defected to Rose's side during the war, or they were caught in that 'corruption blast' you told me about-" She added, throwing a glance toward Steven, and the hybrid nodded slightly. "They were weakened. So they wouldn't have wasted what resources they had on a few unruly gems they thought they could stamp out by themselves, would they? They'd try to fix the problem and keep it to themselves. But then it escalated, and now they've got a full, blown-out war on their hands."

"They bit off more than they could chew," Steven mumbled, leaning his head back slightly. He let his eyes slip shut, but only for a moment. At this point, he didn't even think sleeping was a possibility for him. Even if he wasn't in the room, the thought of falling asleep made him anxious. Maybe it was just the idea of getting caught, of not being on full alert while he was here. He'd learned more than just using his limb enhancers to summon a screen and how to tell tools apart - Berry reminded him daily that he needed to watch his own back, too. That he needed to be on guard and prepared for anything. And Steven… well, he took most of her advice to heart, because she hadn't exactly steered him wrong so far. Anyone who got him out of battle training with the Jaspers was okay in his eyes. He knew she cared about him, and he knew she was right. He needed to look out for himself here. If something happened to him, he couldn't help.

After a moment, he blinked his eyes open again. Berry and Lemon Lime continued to speak, bouncing ideas back and forth, discussing how long the war could've been going on, how bad it could be now, who could've started it… and while Steven could hear what they were saying, clear as day, once second - in the next instant, all of his senses seemed to abruptly shut down. The world went silent, frozen in static; he blinked, and everything blurred, unable to see. The hybrid felt his chest tighten as he tried to breathe in, hand flying up to his chest. He could feel the fingers of the limb enhancers curl against his uniform, but the pressure wasn't enough to snap him back to reality. His eyes were wide open, but his vision was getting blurrier.

Something touched his shoulder, and he flinched, jerking away and snapping his head around. It took a second for his vision to clear, but not long at all for his hearing to return. "Hey, you okay?"

Steven shook his head furiously and breathed in shakily, blinking a few times as he finally managed to focus again. Lemon Lime had one hand raised, fingers hovering slightly as if they were preparing to touch him again; upon realizing it was just his friend - and trying not to think too hard about who or what he thought it had been - the hybrid finally allowed himself to relax. "Yeah- yeah. I'm- I'm fine- I'm okay." Steven paused, and swallowed, breathing in again.

"Right, and I'm a Pearl," Berry commented.

Steven shook his head and pushed his legs up slightly, curling them up to his chest as much as possible. Berry had turned her attention away from the ship completely, discarding her tools to venture toward the edge of the bottom of the ship. Steven watched, frowning. "Really, I'm okay."

Berry didn't respond immediately, only letting out a quiet grunt. After a moment, she sighed and pushed herself out from underneath the ship, with only a quiet mumble of "speaking of Pearls…" as she did. Steven stared after her, briefly flicking his gaze toward Lemon Lime, and the Peridot only shrugged as they pushed themself up to follow the Ruby. After a moment, Steven slowly heaved himself up a little so that he could follow, keeping his head ducked slightly so he didn't hit it on the bottom of the ship again. You only made that mistake once - after that, you learned to be very careful. He'd had a headache for a week the first time he banged his head on it.

"Good evening, Ruby 5HX, Peridot 5XH." The voice was familiar; Steven blinked as he ducked out from underneath the ship, making sure his head was in the clear before he raised it and straightened up again. When he finally got a good look at who had arrived, he knew he shouldn't have been too surprised to see Rose Pearl standing there, but he was. Surprised, and kind of confused as to why she was there in the first place. "And Rose Quartz 8BR," the pink Pearl added, offering Steven a small smile as he paused beside Lemon Lime. "Hello, there."

"Cut the crap, Candy," Berry grumbled, leaning to the side and glancing past Rose Pearl with a scowl written across her face. "How did you even- I could've sworn I locked the panel…"

"My _Hessonite,"_ Rose Pearl - Candy? - emphasized the word pointedly, fixing her gaze on Berry, and the Ruby immediately straightened up and glanced back up at her, arching an eyebrow. "Gave me clearance to enter. Rose Quartz's presence has been requested by Agate 4AX."

"My Agate…" Steven trailed off. "That means…"

Berry furrowed her eyebrows. "And why didn't Agate 4AX come down here to retrieve _Rose_ -" Steven didn't look, but he could practically see the little Ruby rolling her eyes as she said the name, and he fought to keep a smile off of his face despite himself, "-herself? She really shouldn't make a habit of sending Sage on errands for her, you know how snippy she can be. Speaking of which, is she going to come in or is she going to loiter outside all day?"

"Agate 4AX is in a meeting with the Diamonds," Candy replied smoothly. "And my Hessonite thought it best not to overwhelm you with the presence of two gems in your precious lab."

"Oh, because she knows me so well!"

"You did work under her," Candy reminded her, a grin finally splitting across her face. Steven raised his eyebrows slightly at that, glancing over at Berry in surprise. He did remember her saying something about working with Quartzes instead of Rubies, actually, so that made sense. But he hadn't known that she had worked under Sage in particular. "And she hasn't forgotten that time you yelled at her in front of Agate 4AX for leaving your door open. I'd assume she's trying to avoid another mishap - because we all know how snippy _you_ can be, too, Berry."

Berry grinned, ducking her head and glancing away at that, and Steven couldn't bite back a laugh in time. Even Lemon Lime had to cover their mouth to muffle a snicker, eyes sparkling. "Don't give her such a hard time," the Peridot admonished Candy with a chuckle. "She tries."

Candy huffed out a laugh. "No, she doesn't."

"No, I don't," Berry sighed, but she was smirking slightly now. "I speak my mind, there's nothing wrong with that. And if Sage wants to stay outside, fine. She can stay a scaredy-gem, then."

"Oh, because who wouldn't be scared of you?" Candy cooed, and Steven laughed again. "But, all fun and jokes aside, we are on a time limit. The meeting should be ending by now and I'm supposed to have Rose Quartz in the training arena - Agate 4AX decided to continue your training," she added, turning her attention back to Steven, and the hybrid immediately let the smile fall off of his face. "I'm not sure of the specifics of this transfer, but she said she'd discuss things with Berry when she had the time - but she really needs you back and training today."

Nobody asked why; nobody pressed, not even Steven. They all knew why. They all knew the only reason Agate would want _him_ back in training again was because the war had escalated.

So when Candy led him out, the hybrid didn't bother trying to argue. He waved goodbye to Berry and Lemon Lime, catching the thoughtful look on the Ruby's face. She wouldn't be letting this go anytime soon, and while he was hoping he'd still have time to see her again so they could continue discussing whatever they were planning to do, he was confident that she and Lemon Lime would be fine without him for the time being. They had survived this long; they were smart. And in the meantime, Steven was going to take Berry's advice, follow her lead on things. Do what she did, for the most part. Look out for himself. Obey commands and keep himself out of trouble. He couldn't do anything to help Berry and Lemon Lime if he made a slip and got himself locked up in the Room again - his goal was to stay out of the Room as much as possible, and the only way to do that was to do whatever was requested, keep his head down, and keep quiet.

"Welcome back," Sage greeted with a smile as he left the lab, with Candy at his side. Steven only offered a small smile in response, but he didn't say anything. Keep quiet. Don't speak unless spoken to. That was one of the first rules he learned, and it was time he followed it. And, nobody would get suspicious; they could just chalk it up to Berry scaring him into submission.

When it came down to it… yeah. Steven wasn't lying; he was a really good actor.

* * *

Training with the Jaspers was the same as it had always been. Steven hadn't lost any skills in the past few weeks, because there hadn't really been anything to lose. But more than once, he managed to knock Clementine off of her feet, and Mandarin wasn't exactly hard to fight. But Tangerine proved capable of beating him more than once, knocking him to the ground every time he was paired against her. He didn't mind too much, though - he had figured out the other Jaspers' weaknesses rather quickly. Clementine was weak in the gut; a quick jab with the blunt end of the scythe was usually enough to knock her backwards, and then everything was easy enough from there. As for Mandarin - she was tall and buff, but not where it counted. She was clumsy in her attacks, easy to knock out of the air with a well-aimed blow from his shield.

He pushed himself harder and harder during fighting, making more of an effort to win. He wasn't scared of hurting them anymore; if he had to knock them down a few times, then it was fine.

Whatever he had to do to ease suspicion. He had to act like a soldier if he was going to get treated like a soldier - and he had to gain Homeworld's trust if he was going to save them from the Diamonds. So, yeah, he fought a little harder, he put a little more work in. When he wasn't with the Jaspers, he was allowed to retreat back to Berry; as long as they thought the Ruby was being a 'good' influence on him, she was allowed to supervise him. She praised him for his plan, and they continued on as usual. Him, Berry and Lemon Lime. Another thing was that now, with battle training and tech training, he didn't have to attend obedience training anymore either. He assumed it had something to do with the fact that they thought his time with Berry was teaching him enough obedience, and he didn't have anything to complain about. So the time he usually spent with the Pearls was spent with Berry, and the rest of his time was taken up by training.

About a week into this, they stopped sending him back to the Room. More battle training, they insisted; they divided his time up between Berry and Agate, pressing him harder and harder. Eventually, Agate joined in; she faced off against the Quartzes, ordering them to learn how to work as a team instead of against each other, now that the hybrid was making more progress with his fighting skills. Of course, he was _hesitant_ to fight her, but he didn't object. Admittedly, as much as he hated to admit it, a part of him was… oddly getting _into_ it. A part of him had started to find pleasure in being able to knock Clementine off of her feet, and more than once, he couldn't help but laugh as he fought against Tangerine. The Jasper, herself, was an enthusiastic fighter; Steven mirrored her grin when they squared up against each other, adrenaline pumping. He even got to the point where he could almost match her, managing to knock her down a few times. But she was still a worthy opponent - when it came to fighting skill, he had nothing on her.

Fighting against Agate was even harder.

Fighting someone with a longer-range weapon was a challenge in itself. He had to learn how to dodge her whips, and that wasn't easy. Unlike the Jaspers, she didn't try to be careful; Clementine and Mandarin were cautious in their attacks and Tangerine didn't have a weapon to hurt him with, but Steven learned pretty quickly that Agate wasn't going to be so lenient. The first time the whip hit him, sparkling with electricity, Steven barely managed to stay upright. With a shriek, he stumbled, staggering back and reaching up to grab his shoulder where he'd been struck. The area was completely numb to the touch - he couldn't even feel the touch of the limb enhancers anymore. But he could feel the wound throbbing, the sting of the cut, the blood.

Agate had frozen, a hand raised to stop the Jaspers, but even they had stopped short to watch the hybrid with wide eyes. "8BR," the taller gem called out, and Steven lifted his head slightly, unable to take his gaze off of his shoulder. He lifted the mechanical hand, staring at the tear in his Quartz uniform. There was just a thin line of blood where the cut was. Not deep. " _Rose_ ," Agate snarled, and Steven snapped his gaze up to look at her. "That should've poofed you."

"I'm sorry." The hybrid swallowed, looking back down at his shoulder. "I don't poof." He twisted his head slightly, spitting a glob of saliva toward the wound and frowning when he missed.

"What are you doing?" Agate demanded, though she spoke slowly, almost cautiously. Steven hesitated as she walked forward, carefully digging the fingers of his limb enhancers into the tear in the fabric to pull it back a little so he could show her the wound, and rubbed the spit off of his uniform. Agate paused in front of him, and when she grabbed his arm and pulled him closer to inspect his shoulder, the hybrid flinched but didn't protest. He only recoiled when Agate dabbed at the cut with her finger, sucking in a shaky gasp and jerking back sharply - but she tightened her grip and pulled him forward again, inspecting the blood on her finger, and he froze again. "You're wounded…" Agate mumbled, rubbing the blood off. "Right. You're half human."

"I can heal it," Steven said cautiously, and Agate glanced up at him, narrowing her eyes. But she released him after a moment - and the hybrid resisted the urge to step back - and nodded, gesturing for him to continue. So, he did - rather than trying to spit on it this time, though, Steven brought the mechanical fingers up to his face to spit on them instead, then reached down to press one of them against the cut; the touch only hurt for a second, and, to his relief, the pain completely subsided after only a few seconds. The hybrid relaxed again after a moment, and Agate reached out to grab his arm again so she could see where the wound had been.

"Healing powers…" She muttered. "You can heal yourself… you don't _poof_."

Steven stayed silent now, but he nodded after a moment. Agate looked up at him, narrowing her eyes slightly with a thoughtful expression on her face. Her gaze flicked across his face, then back down to the wound - but she only stared for a few moments more before she turned away. "Keep… keep training," she told the Jaspers. Mandarin furrowed her eyebrows, glancing past her to meet Steven's gaze again, and even Tangerine managed to look a little worried now.

Clementine, however, looked somewhat indignant for the first time. She didn't move, but she spoke, her voice strained with the effort to keep it steady. "Where are you going, my Agate?"

"To see the Diamonds," Agate said simply, tightening her grip on Steven's arm, and the hybrid froze. His eyes widened slightly, ripping his gaze away from Clementine to look toward the tall red gem, and then down at the vice grip she had on his limb enhancer. "This changes things." Agate paused, her gaze darting back to Steven, and he stiffened. "This changes everything."

_This changes everything…_


	9. Chapter 9

"My Diamonds, it's urgent!"

Steven had no choice but to follow after Agate, too afraid to speak up or pull away, but also dreading whatever interaction was about to follow with the Diamonds. She still had a firm grip on his limb enhancer, pulling him along, and the hybrid more or less stumbled after her - not really wanting to follow, but not really having a choice in the matter. So he was half dragging his feet, and half actually trying to follow her for fear of being snapped at. He didn't know what was coming - even now, he couldn't possibly imagine what the hell Agate was about to suggest. Or maybe he could. On some level, he knew exactly what was about to happen, but he didn't want to think about it. He didn't want to consider that could even be an option. Because if it was… he shuddered as he was pulled through the doors, and he skidded to a stop when Agate did.

The room they were in now was… enormous. It stood even taller than the Room - so tall he couldn't even see the ceiling. It had a lot of doors, too, with transparent curtains draped in front of them. But his attention didn't linger on those for too long. No, his attention was immediately directed to what was ahead of them. A long carpet was rolled out, stretching toward four giant thrones, an array of colors. A giant white one, placed at the top. A pink one, at the bottom. And right there in the middle, side by side, between the white and pink thrones, were a yellow one and a blue one. And on those thrones sat both Yellow Diamond and Blue Diamond.

Yellow Diamond lifted her head, lowering her hands from where they'd previously been holding her chin up, with her elbows propped up on either side of her throne. "This better be good…"

"What did Rose Quartz do this time?" Blue Diamond narrowed her eyes at Steven.

"My Diamond, I-"

"Nothing," Agate assured quickly, cutting Steven's half-hearted, mumbled reassurance short. The hybrid licked his lips and fell silent, shifting slightly on his feet and folding his arms into the Diamond salute, mirroring Agate as she released his limb enhancer in order to do the same. "But I did find out useful information that could aid us in the war-" At this, Yellow Diamond and Blue Diamond exchanged a glance, narrowing their eyes slightly before turning their attention back to the two, while Agate continued on hurriedly, "-and give us the upper hand. I understand that we're not fighting back as of right now, but if we do end up having to go into battle-"

"We might have to sooner than you think," Yellow Diamond drawled, resting her cheek in the palm of her hand. Her gaze flicked down to Steven, eyebrows furrowing slightly for a moment as she studied him. The hybrid didn't say anything, meeting her gaze for only a second before he forced himself to look away again, rooting his eyes to the wall instead and holding the salute.

"Hush, Yellow," Blue Diamond muttered. "Continue, please."

"Right." Agate nodded, dropping her arms. "If we send Rose Quartz-"

"Oh, look, Blue, she wants to send Rose Quartz into battle," Yellow Diamond interrupted, rolling her gaze toward Blue Diamond and quirking an eyebrow. The other Diamond merely sighed, rolling her own eyes in response, but she didn't bother trying to shush Yellow Diamond this time. "With memory issues and minimal battle training, from my understanding. She only recently began fighting again, right? And you want to just send her off with a battalion. There's two ways this could go." She leaned forward, propping her elbows up on her knees, and clasped her hands together to point both of her index fingers toward Steven. "One, she's faking the memory issues and the moment we send her out, she's going to try to doublecross us. And two, she's not faking and she really does have no battle experience, we send her out, and we _kill_ her."

"Funny," Blue Diamond commented. "I thought you wanted to shatter Rose Quartz anyway. Either she tries to pull something over on us and we punish her, or she gets shattered-"

"In _battle_ ," Yellow Diamond retorted, turning her head toward the other.

Blue Diamond huffed out a harsh laugh. "What's the difference between her dying out there and her dying at your hand? Either you want her shards in a bubble or you don't. And I wouldn't have expected you to be so _concerned_ over Rose Quartz's fate to begin with," she added somewhat bitterly, throwing the other Diamond a cold glance. At that point, Agate had retreated to stand beside Steven, the two of them watching with wide eyes. "Dying in battle would be i-"

"You want to subject other gems to the same fate Pink had?" Yellow Diamond demanded, pulling her hands apart to gesture to Steven. "That's the kind of Diamond you want to be, Blue?"

Blue Diamond went still for a moment, her eyes widening slightly as she glanced from Yellow Diamond to Steven, but her attention didn't linger on him for too long; she whipped her head around to turn back to Yellow Diamond quickly enough, and this time, she was seething. "You've got no right to even remotely compare this to Pink's situation," she hissed, and Yellow Diamond sighed, shaking her head as if she'd heard this a thousand times. Honestly, Steven got the feeling this wasn't the first time they'd had this argument, and judging by how angry Blue Diamond seemed to be and how irritated Yellow Diamond looked… he wasn't entirely sure it was the last one, either. "Rose Quartz isn't just 'other gems', she is _the_ gem that _shattered-"_

"Enough," Yellow Diamond growled. "I don't condone sending an inexperienced soldier-"

"Well then it is a _wonderful_ thing that this isn't your call to make, Yellow," Blue Diamond sneered. "Because the last time I checked, Rose Quartz was under my command, not under yours. Of course, by all means, you're welcome to remove her from Fortification Agate Facet-8H3A Cut-4AX's Squadron, considering she _is_ under your command, but since she's responsible for overseeing Rose Quartz's battle training and you don't want me to send her into battle _without_ proper training, then taking her out of a situation where she'll _receive_ proper training for such certainly wouldn't be a wise decision to make." She leaned back, scowling. "But it's your call."

Yellow Diamond fell silent for a moment, looking absolutely furious as she stared at the other. Agate took another slight step back, somewhat behind Steven now, and the hybrid couldn't even bring himself to move with her, too afraid to risk calling any attention to himself at the moment. "Well, make up your mind," Yellow Diamond finally huffed. "Is it my call or isn't it?"

"It's your call to remove Rose Quartz from her current Squadron," Blue Diamond replied. "But either way, I'm still going to hear what Agate 4AX has to say about sending her into battle. All I'm saying is that it would be such a shame to have to do so when she's still so _inexperienced,"_ she sneered again, and Yellow Diamond narrowed her eyes, but Blue Diamond had turned her attention back to Agate and Steven before she had the chance to retort again. "So _continue_ , please, if we could finally be free of interruptions for the remainder of this consult," she added, with a venomous look in Yellow Diamond's direction, and the other gem sank back with a scowl.

"Right…" Agate trailed off for a moment, and while she stepped forward to stand beside Steven again, she didn't move an inch further than that. "Well," she began, glancing between the Diamonds; Steven shifted his focus to her, since she was a little easier to look at than the two angry giant gems in front of him. Compared to them? She didn't really scare him anymore. "During training, I struck Rose Quartz with my weapon-" To demonstrate, she summoned her whip from her gem, and the hybrid grimaced slightly - but reminded himself not to step away - as he watched the electricity sparkling off of it. "The point of the session was for the Quartzes to learn how to dodge _fatal_ blows- a strike from this should have poofed a gem, but it merely wounded her shoulder. And then she demonstrated her healing abilities-" Agate snapped the whip in half, diminishing it. "-and I got the idea that if we decided to send her into battle, she'd be very valuable in several aspects. She doesn't poof like a normal gem does, and she can heal herself when she's injured - _and_ heal any other gems that get injured during the war."

Steven sucked in a shuddering breath, staring at Agate for a moment. So they basically wanted to use him as something of a weapon; send him off into battle because he couldn't poof like a gem, and his healing abilities were just an added bonus so he could heal any gem that cracked. The hybrid clenched his teeth and swallowed, flicking his gaze up to the Diamonds. Yellow Diamond had turned her head, burying her face into her hand silently, more or less defeated.

Blue Diamond, to nobody's surprise, looked absolutely thrilled with the idea; a grin was spreading across her face, glancing from Steven to Agate and back again. "Marvelous…"

"You can't be _serious_ ," Yellow Diamond hissed, raising her head. If Steven thought she looked livid before, it was absolutely nothing compared to her rage now. "You would put this entire war- the fate of Homeworld- on the shoulders of a gem who can hardly lift a weapon over her head-" She had stopped herself before Blue Diamond could respond; Steven watched as she pulled her hands back, curling them into fists beside her, but he could see the electricity that was crackling at her fingertips before she hid them from everyone's sight. The hybrid frowned, watching as the Diamond squeezed her eyes shut and took a deep breath to calm down.

"This is exactly what we needed," Blue Diamond chuckled, and Steven flicked his gaze over to her, watching the Diamond lean forward. "She can't poof… and she has healing powers. And wouldn't that be irony in itself, Rose Quartz," she cooed, meeting Steven's gaze, as the hybrid set his jaw and leaned back slightly. "For you to be responsible for helping Homeworld to victory. It's perfect for us… and it's perfect for your punishment." She turned back to Agate, just as Yellow Diamond finally blinked her eyes open. "No more training with technicians. I want Rose Quartz training for battle - and I want every other soldier we have training, as well," she added quickly, turning her head toward Yellow Diamond again. "Unless you want her alone on the-"

"No need for your manipulations, Blue," Yellow Diamond interrupted, oddly quiet now. "I'll give you what you want. Inform every soldier under your command of the war," she ordered, glancing over at Agate. "I'll have my Pearl inform the courts…" She trailed off. "And as for White…"

"I'll tell her," Blue Diamond cut in, grinning.

"Fine," Yellow Diamond replied curtly, crossing her arms over her chest. "In fact, why don't you just do everything. Inform the soldiers, the courts, deal with the panic of the Era-1 gems who have already been through this kind of thing time and time again. And perhaps after you satisfy your need for vengeance, you'll figure out that commanding an army isn't as easy as merely following after a battalion of soldiers. It's much harder when you're the one calling the shots." Her gaze flicked toward Blue Diamond, and while she had tensed considerably, the giant blue gem's eyes were rooted to Steven. "You'll see it's all fun and games until someone gets hurt."

After a moment, Blue Diamond set her jaw and turned her head slightly to meet her gaze again. "It's much too late for that, Yellow," she murmured after a moment. "You two are dismissed."

"Thank you, my Diamonds." Agate bowed and saluted again, turning away from the other two as quickly as she could. "Let's go," she mumbled to Steven, brushing past him and heading for the doors. The hybrid hesitated this time, taking a step back and finally letting his arms fall from the salute he'd been holding since he entered; his gaze flicked from Blue Diamond to Yellow Diamond, briefly catching the giant gem's gaze. He didn't look away until she did, summoning a giant screen in front of her without even saying a word to Blue Diamond. Only then did Steven finally retreat, taking a few more steps back before turning and following Agate out of the room.

* * *

His heart was racing by the time he and Agate returned to the training arena.

The only thing keeping him from speaking up and begging her not to send him into battle was the fact that dropping the 'obedient soldier' act now would only lead to more suspicion, and probably completely derail the whole 'Berry being a good influence on him' thing.

As horrified as he was with the idea of having to fight, and being used as a _weapon_ in war, no less, he was more horrified with the idea of possibly getting Berry into trouble because of it. Maybe if he thought the only thing that would happen would be that he got locked away for a little while and didn't have to go into battle so soon… but, honestly? Steven had realized enough about these gems to know that even if he did speak up and plead and beg with them not to send him out, they weren't going to listen to him. He'd get punished, he'd get in so much trouble he probably wouldn't be allowed to leave the Room for a month, but in the end, they'd get what they wanted. Considering his options, getting himself and Berry into trouble wasn't worth that. Not when the ending results weren't going to change. He had to think of something else.

"Stop!" Agate yelled at the Jaspers as she stepped off of the warp pad, heading to the center of the arena. Tangerine broke away from Clementine and Mandarin at once, having had the former in a headlock and Mandarin pinned underneath the foot of her limb enhancer. Both of the taller Jaspers immediately scrambled to their feet to salute, but Tangerine sank back to the floor to start removing her limb enhancers. "6JA, keep them on and get up! Front and center, now!"

Absolutely miserable, Steven walked over to stand beside Tangerine, eventually reaching a hand down to help her up. She accepted it happily, albeit clumsily; another thing the limb enhancers weren't made for was hand-holding, and with both of them wearing them, it was harder to get enough of a grip to pull Tangerine to her feet. But he managed to curl his mechanical fingers with hers after a few tries, and she used her feet to shove herself upright. "Thank ya kindly, Quartzy," she said cheerfully, then glanced over at Agate; she wasn't paying any attention to them now, pacing back and forth with a screen in her hand. Tangerine then turned her head toward Clementine and Mandarin, who had both gotten to their feet and were lined up shoulder to shoulder on the smaller Jasper's other side. "So…" Tangerine began, turning her attention back to Steven and quirking an eyebrow. "What's the deal with Aggy?"

Steven hesitated, shifting back and forth on his feet and sparing another glance toward Agate, who looked a little more than distracted. She wasn't paying them any attention - he could easily tell the Jaspers what was going on, and… they were going to find out anyway, he was sure. Yellow Diamond had already told Agate to inform her Squadron. Of course, he was still at risk of being punished considering it wasn't _his_ job to tell - but at the same time, he sincerely doubted she would mind considering that had, oh… an entire war over their heads. "We're going to war," he mumbled to Tangerine after a moment, not taking his gaze off of Agate for a second.

Tangerine stared at him, and Clementine sucked in a shaky breath from beside her. "War?" The taller Jasper echoed, exchanging a glance with Mandarin as Steven glanced over at them.

"So, we're fighting, then," Mandarin muttered. "Finally."

Steven paused, flicking his gaze toward Agate briefly. When he was satisfied that she was still rather distracted with what she was doing, he turned his head completely to look toward the Jaspers, furrowing his eyebrows and shooting them a quizzical look. "You knew about the war?"

"There were rumors," Tangerine replied faintly. "The past few weeks, anyway. I think it started with the Pearls. With that one pink one, uh… uh… 'Sweets' or… something… like that…"

"Candy," Steven recognized. "Was it Candy?"

"Yeah, that's it." Clementine leaned over slightly so she could talk to them without raising her voice too much, and Mandarin shifted slightly where she stood in order to lean around her. "We train with her owner, the Hessonite. Sage, I think. Sometimes she lets Candy oversee our training while she messages the Boss." She jerked her head toward Agate, and Steven furrowed his eyebrows further, glancing over to make sure they weren't at risk of being caught. "But it didn't start with her. I overheard some of the Bismuths talking about building new arenas at the Kyanite colony a while back. And there's no other reason to have an arena on another planet unless we're relocating - and let's be honest, the Diamonds aren't going to consider it."

"Wait, I'm confused," Mandarin mumbled. Steven narrowed his eyes thoughtfully, keeping his gaze fixed on Agate for a moment, turning his head slightly to watch her. "Are they building the new arena on the Kyanite colony or did you overhear the Bismuths at the Kyanite colony?"

"I over _heard_ them at the Kyanite colony. Remember? We were stationed there a few years ago."

Steven rolled his shoulders back sharply, glancing over. "A few years ago?" He repeated quietly, and Clementine nodded to him while Mandarin leaned back, looking genuinely bewildered. "A few years ago…" He trailed off, remembering what he, Berry and Lemon Lime had discussed. "That means this could've _definitely_ been going on longer than…" Again, he didn't finish. Just shook his head slightly and leaned back on his feet, biting the inside of his cheek with a frown. He knew he certainly hadn't been there for a few years - if anything, a week had passed, right? He had just hit his two month mark on a new planet, but he could have a crisis over that later. He was going to have to figure out how to tell Berry and Lemon Lime about that, provided he ever saw either of them again now that he was on a new, busy, strictly 'battle training' schedule.

The sound of the warp pad activating tore him out of his thoughts.

"What-"

"Berry!"

"The-"

"Berry, please-!"

" _SHARDS?!"_

… speak of the Devil.

Steven leaned back sharply, sliding one foot back. Agate wasted no time in diminishing her screen to turn and watch the Ruby approach; Berry looked more pissed off than Steven had ever seen her before. All of her hair was completely engulfed in flames, and she was radiating about as much smoke as a house fire as she stomped up to them, with Lemon Lime in tow. And… Steven kinda hated to admit it, but if he didn't know Berry, if he wasn't friends with her already, if _this_ had been his first impression of her - well, he would've definitely erred on the side of caution when it came to her. He had seen her frustrated, and irritated, and livid. But right then, it seemed like she was channeling the fury from every angry person on Homeworld; if Steven dared to say it, right then, her rage exceeded that of all of the Diamonds _combined_.

"Here we go," Tangerine mumbled under her breath.

"Nice of you to join us," Agate began stiffly. "I also sent out a message to Sage, so if you'd like to wait for her to get here so you can both berate me for this at once, then you can go stand-"

"Oh, no!" Berry screeched; Steven flinched slightly, mostly in surprise. The Ruby's voice was an octave higher than normal - jeez, she was _furious_. "Don't- you- _even-!_ Try to get cute with me now! You- and Yellow Diamond- and _Blue_ Diamond- cannot possibly be actually considering actively participating in this-" She paused to suck in a breath, but Steven figured it had less to do with her needing oxygen and more to do with her actually trying to calm herself down, which he was both impressed and surprised by because he didn't think she had a clear enough mind to even consider trying to relax at that moment. "With new Jaspers and an inexperienced-!"

"If you have an issue with this," Agate raised her voice over the Ruby's, and Steven's flinch was less out of surprise this time. Lemon Lime reached out as if to console Berry, either that or they were trying to restrain her, but she shrugged them off quickly. "You can speak to the Diamonds-"

Berry snarled. "Oh, believe me, I fully intend to give them a piece of my mind!"

"Down, 5HX," Sage's voice cut in sharply; it did nothing to make the Ruby back down, but Agate did take a few steps back as she approached, with Candy rushing after her. Steven glanced over at the Hessonite briefly, watching as she made her way forward and swept her cape behind her with a frown. "That's quite enough, you need to cool off. But I can't say I _disagree_ with her," she added, flicking her gaze toward Agate, and Steven leaned back slightly when the taller gem sighed and rolled her eyes to the side, clearly growing obviously frustrated with the other two. It reminded him of the Diamonds, how Yellow Diamond and Blue Diamond were at each other's throats the entire time. Needless to say, it was enough to completely put the hybrid on edge.

"We could win the war," Agate growled.

"You could _annihilate_ your entire _Squadron!"_ Berry yelled.

"I'm not just going to send my soldiers out there without proper training!" Agate raised her voice again, and this time it stayed raised. "I don't want anyone to be killed _or_ injured any more than you do - why do you think I'm trying to get Rose Quartz on the field? If she's out there with our soldiers, the less we have to worry about casualties, or have you forgotten about her healing-"

"Healing abilities can't fix gem shards," Berry hissed. "And _nothing_ can fix the psychological-" The Ruby stopped and shook her head, briefly turning away, and this time when Lemon Lime reached out to grab her shoulder, she stayed still and let them pull her back a little bit.

"Agate," Sage cut in quietly. "We're not _ready_ -"

"When will we be ready, Sage?" Agate demanded, turning her head. "A few more years? Gem production has slowed down, we've got technicians building ships and escape pods when we _should_ be building weapons. A war doesn't simply wait for an army to be ready. We could have been ready by now if the Diamonds had tried to inform us sooner, and now look at what I have to work with. _I'm_ the one who has to train my Squadron, and I'm the one that will have to deal with it if…" She didn't finish, but she didn't need to. Steven could see the anger, the dread. "But we can't wait any longer. We can't keep holding this off. At least with 8BR, there's a chance…" Agate shook her head. "It's getting worse, and we've waited long enough. We need to fight."

Sage offered her a desperate look, but she didn't say anything for a moment; Steven glanced over at Berry, watching as she reached up to pat the flames out of her hair. The Ruby's gaze flicked toward him in return, if only for a few seconds, before she looked away again, scowling. "So you think one measly Rose Quartz has the power to end a war?" She finally demanded. "You think healing abilities are the way we're going to gain the upper hand in battle?"

"I think it's a start," Agate shot back. "I think it's more than what we've got now. She can heal wounded soldiers and she doesn't poof easily, if at all. She's an advantage. You know it."

Sage raised a hand as Berry opened her mouth, and Steven closed his eyes in relief when she managed to effectively silence the Ruby, knowing that whatever Berry was about to say next would be nothing but incriminating for the both of them. "Alright. You've made your point, Forti," Sage grunted, still not sounding particularly pleased. "And we could stand here arguing about this until we get called to the battlefield, or we can spend our time training. I understand-" She raised her voice slightly, and Steven cracked an eye open, shooting Berry a warning look that the Ruby didn't see when she opened her mouth to protest. "But it's inevitable, and we know _that_ as well as anything. If the Diamonds commanded it, then we need to see it through."

" _Thank_ you," Agate huffed, and Berry sneered. Lemon Lime tightened their grip on her shoulder, but they paused when Agate turned toward them. "You can go back to your Squadron while we-"

"5XH is to stay with me," Berry interrupted sharply. "And I'll be training."

Agate hissed, but she didn't argue. "Fine."

"Alright, then," Sage mumbled, and Steven stepped forward when Agate turned to beckon him and the Jaspers over, swallowing and bracing himself once again. "Let's go to war."


	10. Chapter 10

Extensive battle training was… _intense._

There were barely any breaks in between, and even those lasted a few minutes at best before everybody had to jump right back into training. And everyone else stopped whatever they were doing just to train; Steven watched, as the usually quiet, almost eerily empty planet suddenly came alive with soldiers, gems of different colors, shapes and sizes jumping in and dedicating all of their time to preparing for the battle. Even Berry temporarily halted her progress on ship building so that she could train with the Quartzes, having specifically requested to be with Agate's Squadron when they went into battle. Lemon Lime remained with the Squadron, but since Berry had been wrong and they certainly were _not_ sending Peridots into the war, all the Peridot was supposed to do was work on weapon designs - something Berry insisted they were good at. They designed, and she crafted. Currently, they were working on Steven's new scythe.

As it turned out, there were two different ways Steven responded to pressure. He either crumbled or he excelled; at first, he did the former. At the start of the constant training, he figured he was just bound to break; running on no sleep, no food, no drink… and preparing to single-handedly 'carry the entire war', as Berry often grumbled. With all that pressure loaded onto his shoulders, Steven thought he might crack underneath it all. And, at first, he did. He didn't do anything particularly differently during training; he still pushed himself to give it his all for the most part, but at the same time, he was desperate not to actually hurt anybody. And more than once, this led to the appearance of a few new scars - which he healed on command.

The good news, he supposed, was that he was steadily growing numb to the collection of bruises and scars he was receiving - and he was more thankful for his limb enhancers now than ever, because there wasn't nearly as much to cover as there would have been otherwise. The wounds led him to be a little more cautious in his attacks, to learn how to simultaneously guard himself and fight at the same time. He memorized his weak spots, made a mental note of how much skin he had exposed, was careful to keep his hands close to his gem if he could help it, and struggled with learning how to dodge long-ranged attacks. Sage instructed him on different ways to hold and swing a scythe while he also had a shield in his hand, and Agate taught him how to time his enemy's attacks just right so he could block and then swing only seconds apart. And he took all of this training to heart, even _used_ some of the tactics he learned against Tangerine - since he figured she was practically untouchable regardless - and yet, he still continued to crumble. The wounds came less and less, he got better at dodging, he was learning different tactics and his skills were growing day by day. That was the good news.

The bad news was that as long as he wasn't keeping himself busy - as rare as it was - he 'zoned out'. That was what he liked to call it, anyway; the moments his senses abruptly shut off, and he couldn't see, he couldn't hear, he couldn't even move. Those were the moments he detached from reality, until he was brought back - either by one of his concerned Squadmates or a rough jostle from his trainer. It didn't matter regardless; nobody questioned him on it. Berry always looked like she was about to, but Lemon Lime or Sage always directed her attention at the last second. It didn't take much to reassure the others that he was okay, that he'd be fine.

He chalked it up to stress and moved on, scolding himself silently. Everybody was stressed these days. _My feelings are irrelevant,_ he reminded himself. _We just need to get through this._ He was fine, as long as he didn't let himself rest for too long. It only happened when he was sitting completely still, not focused on anything. It only happened when he let it happen. So he resolved not to let it happen; while the others took their own breaks, Steven asked Sage if she could bring up a few training dummies for him to practice with. She was surprised, of course - but Agate was beyond pleased when the hybrid started shifting his focus to training more. She started going a little easier on him after that, at least when it came to instructing him. She was less angry with him, less irritated. But when he was training against her, she pushed him even harder each time. He knew why, of course - trying to get him to do his best. And it was working. If someone had told him a few months ago that he would've actually gotten good at fighting, gotten almost _numb_ to it… he wouldn't have believed it. But it was the truth; with each session, he grew more and more comfortable with the weapon in his hand. That scared him the most.

At the moment, the hybrid had shifted his focus to the training dummies. The ones in this arena were a bit more advanced than the ones Sage had showed him before; when they formed out of the stone from the tiles, they ripped straight out of the ground with a makeshift weapon of their own and lunged at whatever was in front of him. At first, Steven had been startled enough for one to be able to practically body slam him, but he didn't make that mistake twice. Right then, he was using them to practice his timing, and with dodging and attacking at the same time. He lightly toyed with his shield, spinning it as he watched the training dummy form. Waiting.

Calculating.

When it lunged, he was ready; he sprung himself back just enough to move his shield to the side, defending his left - that was where the weapon was, that was where the blow was going to come from - and he braced himself for the impact, counting steps in his head as he took another quick leap backwards and calculating just how far he needed to go to make sure the force wouldn't knock him down, but the dummy would still be close enough for him to swing at.

The weapon crashed against his shield, and he shoved back against it and braced his legs so that he wouldn't fall when he skidded back. It had only been a week since they'd started training again, and he'd crammed as much fighting knowledge into his brain as he could since they began. His skills had definitely improved, something he still had mixed feelings about. But for now, all that mattered was the fight; all that mattered was the adrenaline pumping through his veins, as much as it scared him - and as much as it _should_. Steven grunted, shoving the shield upwards against the weapon and managing to knock the dummy back a step. Then, after counting to three in his head, he swung the scythe toward the dummy's legs and watched the entire top half of its body crumble the moment he did, the stone gem's demonstration of a 'poof'.

The hybrid breathed in and let the shield diminish, half-heartedly swinging the scythe at the rest of the dummy's body and letting the rest of it crumble so that it could rebuild itself again.

"Not bad." Candy's voice startled him at first; the hybrid jumped and flinched, but he didn't turn until he had taken more than a few seconds to properly compose himself again. His first reaction was to check to make sure nobody else had followed Candy; it was break time, meaning everyone had retreated to the arsenal on the other side of the training arena to relax. "Ah, don't worry. Berry and Lime are keeping them busy with the promise of weapon advancements." She giggled, and Steven cracked a grin despite himself, rolling his shoulders back with a sigh and trying to relax. It would be a little while before they started training properly again. So he probably had some time to talk to Candy and continue his training with the dummies. "My Hessonite just sent me out to monitor your progress. Agate 4AX is… antsy."

"As long as Berry and Lime don't give her anything else to smack me around with, that's fine," Steven commented quietly, and Candy giggled under her breath. The Pearl eventually sat herself down a few feet away from him, where she could watch without quite getting in his way, and Steven turned away slightly so that he could see when the dummy was going to rebuild itself. The hybrid shifted slightly, narrowing his eyes and summoning his shield again silently. It wasn't too close to forming - sometimes it took its time, sometimes it went way too fast. The point was for Steven to learn how to react to something he wasn't entirely prepared for - _nobody was going to stop and let him get his bearings in the battlefield_ , Agate constantly reminded him. Right then, it was going slow; he kept his gaze fixed on it, running his tongue over his lips. He had a feeling that the speed was going to change quickly the moment he lost his focus, so he resolved to pay absolute attention to the training dummy, even when Candy spoke up again.

"You knew about the war," Candy commented quietly after a moment.

"Yeah." Steven bit the inside of his cheek, keeping his gaze trained on the dummy, despite every instinct begging him to tear his gaze away and look at her while they spoke. "My Agate told me." He twirled the scythe a little, not really realizing what he was doing. He'd practically perfected his grip on the weapon, grown a little more comfortable with the feeling of a heavy blade in his hand. But, he reminded himself as he spun the scythe back into its normal position, he couldn't. It wasn't a toy, it was a weapon. The hybrid forced himself to breathe in, and stepped back.

He narrowed his eyes slightly and tightened his grip. Candy stayed silent for a few seconds, letting him focus a little more, then continued cautiously, "so why _were_ you asking about it?"

"I wanted to help," Steven sighed, then paused. "I mean… not like _this_ , obviously, I- I never wanted to actually go to war, but…" He trailed off and shook his head, not allowing himself to continue. He didn't want to let too much slip to Candy; he didn't even really have a plan here. He was waiting to get a moment alone with Berry, to see what she planned to do, too - since he didn't think she was the kind of gem to just blindly follow his lead when it came to something like war, considering she'd been through all of this before and he certainly hadn't - but he didn't even know if that was going to be a possibility, not while everyone was mashed together to train. Steven blinked, shaking his head again, and fixed his gaze on the dummy when it sped up.

"I don't think anyone wanted to go to war," Candy replied lightly, then sighed. "But I know it can't be easy for you… not with everything you've already been through. Memory issues or not…" The Pearl fell silent, and Steven finally risked a glance over at her. She looked genuinely upset; for a moment, the sincere expression almost caught him off guard. He liked her - he always had, she was the only Pearl that was really _nice_ to him. Everyone else was either indifferent or cold. But he'd always figured that was more out of obligation than anything; just carrying out orders.

Steven furrowed his eyebrows, opening his mouth to reassure her that he was okay - but he stopped just in time to whirl his head around, just barely catching the swift movement from the corner of his eye. The dummy, body now fully formed, was now forming another weapon. Steven stepped back again, rolling his shoulders back sharply and turning his full attention to the stone gem - talking to Candy could wait a bit, just until he took this thing out again. Admittedly, it lunged faster than he had been prepared for; he managed to step back and brace himself for the most part, not letting it knock him backwards, but this time when the weapon hit his shield, the force practically shattered it completely through, causing it to diminish. Steven sucked in a sharp breath and stepped back, bringing the scythe up to block the attack instead. He spun it sideways, pushing it upwards against the stone gem's weapon with a grimace.

He let his gaze trail to the side for a second, staring at the hooked blade of the scythe, then back up at the dummy. He only had a second to do what he was thinking of doing, only a second to react before the stone gem would pull back and attack again - and he made the most of that second; he reeled back, away from the dummy, and hooked the scythe into the stone gem's side, managing to turn and sling it to the side. It took a little less force than he figured it would for a real gem, sending it skidding farther than he had expected. Had it actually been real, Steven would have paused. He would've frozen, he'd have stopped, he'd have been concerned.

But he felt no concern for the stone gem in front of him, he felt no guilt when it stumbled, looking frighteningly _real_ for a training dummy. The only thing he felt right then was absolute adrenaline. He summoned his shield back, as Candy spoke up, behind him now. "You're getting better."

"Thanks." It wasn't a compliment, not to him. That was what he was scared of. But he responded anyway before he lunged again, before the stone gem could recover long enough to lunge at him first. Using his shield to block a swift blow from the weapon, he managed to hook the blade of the scythe around the dummy again - but this time he adjusted it so that when he pulled back, and yanked the scythe with him, the blade sliced right through from the stone gem's back to the stomach, cutting the dummy clean in half and watching it crumble again. This time, though, when he went for the legs, he only made a swift cut through one of them, leaving the other one standing so that it wouldn't rebuild just yet - since the dummies only reformed when they had been reduced to nothing, and a single leg couldn't exactly do anything to him.

"Rose?" Candy's voice was a little quieter now.

Steven reacted to the name as if it was his own, and if he noticed his own lack of hesitation, the lack of unease he usually felt, he'd have probably been concerned about it. He let the shield diminish as he turned to face the Pearl again, and let the scythe droop against the floor of the arena, pointing the blade downward and sucking in a deep, shaky breath to calm down. "Yeah?" He breathed, swallowing and trying to push down the adrenaline still pumping through his veins. His heartbeat was erratic right then; swift, unsteady beats, pounding hard against his chest. If he couldn't feel the energy racing through him, if he didn't _know_ what he was feeling right then was nothing but pure, absolute adrenaline, the excitement that came from fighting, he'd have probably pinned it on dehydration. And maybe a little bit of that contributed to it, too. But there was no mistaking the buzz rushing through his skull. He just didn't know how to feel about it.

Candy inclined her head slightly, gesturing for him to come sit beside her. Initially, the hybrid almost hesitated, fidgeting with the scythe for a moment. But he did end up dropping it after a few seconds; no harm in taking a small break, he'd been training nonstop for the past week. He crossed over to where the Pearl was sitting, running his mechanical fingers through his hair gently and sinking down to the floor beside her. "You've got plenty of time before the battle," Candy reminded him gently. "My Hessonite and Agate 4AX are still mapping out the enemy's location. A break every once in a while is good, too." She paused, shifting slightly, and crossed her legs with a frown. "Besides, you don't really plan to actually fight against them, do you?"

Steven hesitated, glancing over at her.

"You said it yourself," Candy reminded him, but she smiled slightly. "You don't want to go to war. And I have no doubt that when you said you wanted to help, you meant you wanted to help us." The Pearl sighed, leaning herself back on her hands. "But you want to help them a little too."

"Yeah…" Steven trailed off, leaning his head back a little and looking away after a moment. He turned his head, letting his gaze roam around carefully. "Maybe if I just… get to talk to them…"

"Not much time for talking in war," Candy sighed. "I wish it was that simple."

Steven faltered, letting his eyes slip shut for a moment before he forced his eyes open again. "I know it's not all… sunshine and rainbows here," he agreed after a moment, swallowing. Candy didn't seem to understand completely, so Steven shook his head and tried again. "I mean, I know everything can't just be fixed with a few kind words and a friendly gesture or two. I know someone has to want to change to be _able_ to change. But I like to think that everybody can…" For a moment, he trailed off, letting his gaze flick toward the palace. "This isn't my home, but- gosh, I guess it could be, couldn't it? … unless I figure out how to fix things…" The hybrid grimaced, keeping his gaze fixed on the palace for a moment before finally turning back to Candy. "I just want to make things right, you know? Not just… for me, but for everyone." The Pearl didn't respond for a while; she just tilted her head slightly to the side, studying him intently, and Steven hesitated for a moment, meeting her gaze. Then, heaving out a quiet sigh through his teeth, he looked down, fixing his gaze on his limb enhancers. "Yeah. Kinda naive, isn't it?"

"Maybe," Candy murmured. "But it's not like Homeworld couldn't use some of that. I get it, you know… wanting to believe someone can change." At this, Steven flicked his gaze to the side again, looking over at her once more. "And I guess if someone wants to change, then anything is possible. But it's… getting them to the point of wanting to change that's really the problem. You can believe in someone all you want, and you can try to guide them toward the right path all you want, but you can't change how someone thinks. That's up to them." She leaned her head back, looking up at the sky. "Basically, you can talk all you want… but _they_ might not _listen_."

Steven closed his eyes again, squeezing them shut for a few seconds and sighing softly through his teeth. He knew Candy was right, of course, but it didn't make it any easier to accept. He was preparing to fight, yeah - but if he had it his way, he wouldn't even be going into war. They were fighting for a reason; everyone had a reason even if maybe it wasn't a really good one. Sometimes all it took was just listening. "Yeah." The hybrid swallowed, opening his eyes again.

"But," Candy began, and Steven paused, glancing over at her. "When you come back from the battlefield, whether you've lost or whether you've won…" The Pearl paused, glancing over her shoulder for a second, before she turned her attention back to Steven and offered a smile. "We'll still be at war, but maybe it's not the rebels you have to focus on trying to change." She pulled her legs underneath her and pushed herself to her feet; Steven just tilted his head upwards slightly to watch her, biting the inside of his cheek and furrowing his eyebrows as he studied her. "And the next time you have one of your meetings with Berry and Lime, see if you can get me in on it," she added, and flashed the hybrid a smile at the startled look that crossed his face. "I was around when the first rebellion began, Rose. The only difference is…" She glanced back again, toward the arsenal. Steven followed her gaze silently, fixing his eyes on the small building. "Back then, I didn't know what was worth fighting for."

Steven stared at the building for a moment, then turned his head to look up at Candy again, furrowing his eyebrows and offering her a hesitant smile. "Did you figure out what it was?"

"Not yet," Candy admitted, looking back down at him. When she offered him her hand, he took it without hesitation, wrapping his mechanical fingers around her palm and letting her gently pull him to his feet. "But I don't think it'll be too long now until I do." The Pearl cracked a grin, but this one looked a little more wistful. "Berry and Lime, and you… you're not the only ones who aren't happy with the way things are right now. If something's gonna be done about it, then I want in."

Steven couldn't help but chuckle a little, cracking a grin of his own. "You got it."

* * *

After that… that was when he stopped crumbling under the pressure.

That was when he started to excel.

With fighting, he didn't do anything different. He kept pushing, kept learning, kept advancing. But he felt better about it; still worried that he was going to have to _use_ these fighting skills in battle - but he wasn't naive enough to assume he'd get through the whole thing without having to fight somebody. And if the rebels were worrying the Diamonds, then they had to be pretty good fighters. But, Steven wasn't deterred; even if Candy was right, and he couldn't change what _they_ thought, his talk with the Pearl had given him quite the mood boost. His focus, for the time being, was Homeworld; he'd figure the rebels out a little later, if he wasn't able to get through to them during the battle. After all, it was war… there wouldn't just be one battle, right? He'd have many chances there. He couldn't rush things; he had to be _careful_. He had the feeling he was going to have to fight a few gems before it was over. But… that was okay.

He was coming to terms with it. Not because he was okay with it - but because he had to be. So, he continued training. He went up against the Jaspers, they went up against Agate. He even faced off against a few Quartzes in Sage's Squadron; he learned how to fight against teams, he practiced fighting side by side with his own, learning how to move as one during an attack. Admittedly, he struggled with that, at first. When he was fighting alongside the Jaspers, he found himself glancing over at them rather than looking at who was attacking, trying to keep an eye on them and fight at the same time. But Agate remedied that quickly after a few sessions.

Another week went by.

When his scythe was finished, Berry summoned him from a training session with Agate, Sage and the Jaspers. She presented it to him the moment he entered. "I think two weeks is the longest I've ever spent on a weapon," the Ruby commented; Steven stopped short, staring at the scythe with wide eyes. "But at the risk of sounding arrogant, I'm gonna say it was worth it."

The scythe itself was several different shades of pink; the entire handle part was a little lighter than hot pink, but it was the design on it that really got his attention. From the top, it looked like rose petals, painted purple, were falling downwards to the bottom. And spreading upwards from the base of the weapon was a design that looked like thorns from a rose bush, with vines weaving up and around the handle, opening upwards where the petals were. The base, he noticed, took the form of an actual rose. As for the blade… it seemed to shimmer, almost glowing, a pale pink much lighter than the rest of the weapon. The blade was shorter than the one on the other scythe he used, but it certainly made up for it. The main part, the larger blade, was curved to a perfect point; on the other side of the scythe, there was a smaller blade that also curved downwards. And at the very top, the blades curved upwards, pointed like horns.

It was beautiful - but Steven knew by now that the bright colors and the gorgeous design didn't make the weapon any less deadly. But even so, his initial reaction was awe, and excitement; two things he certainly hadn't expected to feel when he was finally presented with a weapon of his own to use, a weapon that could actually _hurt_ people… but Berry certainly knew how to take him by surprise. "Wow…" He reached out to take it, and the Ruby handed it over silently.

Candy whistled from her place beside Lemon Lime, looking just as awestruck. "It's gorgeous," the Pearl sighed, almost wistfully. "You always make such perfect weapons, Berry."

"I make perfect everything," Berry replied distractedly.

"Well, at the risk of sounding _arrogant…_ " Lemon Lime began, and Steven looked up - briefly halting his assessment of the scythe - just in time to see Berry pick up a wrench and throw it at them. Thankfully, they managed to dodge - mostly with Candy's help, as the Pearl reached over to shove them off of the box they were sitting on just before the wrench could hit them. Candy dissolved into laughter almost immediately, and Steven couldn't bite back a giggle, himself, before he turned his attention back to the weapon. He curled his fingers around it, silently marveling over how easy it was to grip it - much easier than it was with the other one. He felt even more comfortable holding this one in his hand, and while he knew it should have frightened him, the only thing he could feel was an odd sense of contentment.

"I assume you know how to send objects to your gem," Berry spoke up after a moment, and Steven nodded slightly, trailing his mechanical fingers along the length of the weapon. "All you have to do is send your weapon to your gem. Once you do, it'll connect with your gemstone-" She gestured toward his gem, but he didn't take his eyes off of the scythe. "And you'll be able to summon it back and forth from your gem whenever you want, just like the shield. And you don't have to worry about it breaking. It'll just return straight to your gem for you to summon again."

After a moment, the hybrid did as instructed; he had to bubble it to send it to his gem, but Berry agreed that was fine for now - it would still attach to him as intended. And, of course, she was right; he tested it out a few times, summoning and de-summoning the scythe until he grew comfortable with the process. It came to him just as easily as his shield did, and left the same. The scythe was, quite literally, made for him. As much as he detested fighting, it was perfect.

"There." Berry seemed satisfied; she jumped down from the table she was sitting on, and smirked. Her gem pulsed, summoning her own weapons - a pair of spiked knuckles. She brought each of them up to her lips in turn, exhaling a stream of smoke; as soon as it came into contact with the spikes, the knuckles burst into flames, flickering oddly gently across the weapons. Steven couldn't help but smile, lifting the scythe slightly to heft it over his shoulder. "Now let's get you out there to show off my newest creation. We don't have much time left."

Steven's smile faltered slightly at that. "Why not?"

"Apparently there's been rebel activity at one of Yellow Diamond's colonies." Berry shrugged, narrowing her eyes as she glanced past him. "We've got a location, but Agate doesn't know how long the rebels are actually gonna be staying there before they move again. Which means…"

"We've gotta move fast," Steven finished, closing his eyes for a moment. "Before they can."

"That's war." Berry fell silent for a moment. "You know, if there was anything I could tell you… that would prepare you for whatever's coming, I would. But descriptions won't do it any justice." She moved to step past him, and Steven blinked his eyes open with a sigh, turning to follow.


	11. Chapter 11

With nothing to do but train, two more weeks flew by.

It had been a month since they started training, and three months since Steven had arrived. To the gems, it seemed like nothing at all; Berry kept him updated on how long it had been, but even she hardly seemed fazed. But to Steven, it was everything. Another month was just another harsh reminder of how long he'd been there, and how, the longer he spent there, the more likely it was that he was presumed dead by everybody back on Earth. But he only allowed the thought to cross his mind once; then he shoved it down, as far down as he could, to focus on training. He couldn't focus on the battle looming over their heads if his mind was fixated on the gems, and as much pressure as it was for the boy, the fact that practically all of Homeworld was counting on him here was just a steady reminder that he had to keep his head in the game.

It might not be his home, but he'd made friends. Berry, Lemon Lime, Candy, the Jaspers, Sage. Even Agate, he could sympathize with. The more stressed she became about the war, the more he ached to help them end it. She was just scared for her home… he could understand that.

Their training didn't change. They kept up the same routines, but the breaks got shorter and shorter. Steven couldn't really complain, considering they were able to have breaks at all. Fighting did get a little easier now that Steven had a weapon of his own, one that was made for him, made specifically to attach to him. It was easier to see his new scythe as an extension of his own limbs, to use it as if it was a part of him. Eventually, summoning it to and from his gem became as easy as it was with his shield, and he could summon both on command whenever. He didn't think he could thank Berry enough for it (though she insisted he could and _did)_.

As much as he hated fighting, it was hard not to feel an attachment to the weapon. It was his. It had been made for him and only him, by someone he cared about and trusted, and _knew_ him. Knew he wasn't his mother, that he was him; Steven Universe. He loved them all to death, and would do anything for them, but Berry could easily be considered his best friend on Homeworld.

Training was the easy part, but he knew it would all come to a head soon. Agate was spending more time in front of the screens, mapping locations and making plans with Sage and Blue Diamond. Steven kept himself out of that, in particular; one good thing about training all the time was that he didn't have to deal with Blue Diamond at all at the moment. She didn't even come by to see how they were progressing - Yellow Diamond did, sometimes, but she never stayed too long, and she never spoke with anyone except Agate and Sage - but Blue Diamond was (according to Berry) too busy with the other Quartzes in both her and Yellow Diamond's court. Yellow Diamond wasn't the only one who seemed to be peeved about Blue Diamond taking over the war plans; Berry herself seemed more agitated with _his_ Diamond than she was with _hers_.

He was training with the Ruby, actually, when Agate approached them and the Jaspers, who were currently in a sparring match with Sage. Fighting Berry was oddly difficult; she insisted she wasn't that great at fighting, but she could match him blow for blow, and she dodged most of his attacks with practiced ease. He figured maybe he shouldn't be surprised. She'd survived _war_.

"Stop," Agate ordered, and Steven immediately fell still, halting his attacks. Berry was quick to freeze, herself, clearly happy to have an excuse to stop training - not that he was surprised. She'd been through all of this before, hadn't she? She knew what the deal was. He didn't envy the fact that she'd had to fight in one war already, but he did somewhat wish he had the experience she did. It'd be easier to carry the weight of the war, of Homeworld itself, with a little more experience than he had. "I just got a message from the Diamonds." Agate paused, sucking in a deep, somewhat shuddering breath. "It's time. We're leaving in an hour."

"But it's only been a month," Sage gasped, turning away from the Jaspers.

"We can't wait any longer, Sage. Blue Diamond says we're ready." Agate grimaced slightly, and Berry offered a slight snarl from beside Steven, diminishing her knuckles with a scowl and ignoring the half-warning, half-reassuring look the hybrid shot her in an attempt to calm her.

"Blue Diamond isn't even authori-"

"5HX, we're _leaving_ ," Agate snapped, and Berry reeled back sharply. Steven reached out slightly, diminishing his weapons in favor of grabbing her shoulder. Her shoulder twitched under the touch of his mechanical fingers, but she didn't push him away or try to move forward. "I don't have time to debate this with you. We need a ship that will carry both our Squadrons and we'll meet with the rest of the soldiers and Blue Diamond when we arrive at the Pyrope Colony. So I suggest you find someone to command your Squadron while you're gone and get us a _ship_." She spun around on her heels without waiting for a response from the fuming Ruby. Sage was quick to follow, calling for the Jaspers to take a break over her shoulder as she went.

Steven faltered, glancing after Berry as the Ruby turned and stormed off in the other direction, toward the warp pad. Shooting another glance over his shoulder, toward where the Jaspers were and where Sage and Agate had hurried off to, Steven turned to follow. Their little act be damned, Berry would probably just tell them that she ordered him to follow her if they were asked, and if Steven got punished… then so be it. He was worried about his friend, he wasn't about to let her go off alone and furious. He fell into step with the Ruby, frowning. "You okay?"

"I'm angry," Berry growled as she walked, as if Steven needed to be told. He could see the flames flickering in her hair already, smoke beginning to rise up; after a moment of hesitation, he lifted his hand to pinch some of the flames out with his mechanical fingers. Berry slowed slightly, and while she didn't stop, she did lift her hand slightly to push his arm away. "Don't. It's fine." She grunted, slowing slightly as they neared the warp pad. "I'm fire-resistant, anyway."

"No kidding," Steven commented, furrowing his eyebrows. "But, I mean- are you _okay?_ I know this has to be tough, since- since, you know, after the first gem war, you've gotta be-"

"The war isn't the problem," Berry interrupted, hopping onto the warp pad.

Steven stepped up after her carefully. "Then what is it?"

"Blue Diamond. _Yellow_ Diamond. Agate, having to leave Homeworld, halting progress on my ships. Them sending inexperienced soldiers and new Quartzes into war," Berry remarked, summoning a screen just as the warp pad activated. The hybrid exhaled through his teeth and turned his head slightly to watch the stream, furrowing his eyebrows a little further with a frown. "I have many, many problems right now, hybrid. The war might be one of them, but it's certainly not the predominant one," the Ruby huffed. "Do yourself a favor, huh? Stop worrying about me." Steven turned his head, opening his mouth to reply, but she shot him a glare before he could. "And don't you dare say it's 'too late' or that you're 'gonna worry 'cause you care about me', you've got a heck of a lot more to worry about now than how I feel. Ask me again after the fight and I'll gladly chew your ear off." Berry turned her head, typing something on the screen.

Steven frowned, but he didn't say anything else. He knew she was right, of course. They were about to go into war, and logically, yeah, that was what he should be focused on instead. But he still couldn't stifle the concern, every fiber of his being aching for him to help. But pressing Berry when she had made up her mind wasn't going to help anybody involved - he did, however, plan on talking to her after the battle as she had suggested. He was sure she'd have more to say by then, and hopefully… he'd be able to talk her through whatever else was going on. So instead, as he followed Berry off of the warp pad, he asked, "so who're you gonna leave in charge?"

"Lemon Lime," Berry sighed, leading him through the shipyard. Steven followed, eyeing the arm-shaped ones as they passed the several rows of ships lining the area leading to the lab.

"Where are they, anyway?" Steven asked after a moment. "I haven't seen them recently." Lemon Lime had stopped hanging around the arsenal for a while after Steven had received his scythe; the hybrid hadn't questioned it at first, too busy with training to really notice, but now the Peridot's disappearance - on top of all the stress he was experiencing lately - was nothing short of nerve-wracking. The hybrid grimaced, fighting back a rush of anxiety and biting the inside of his cheek. There was no reason to stress, he was sure. Lemon Lime had to be okay. The Peridot and Berry were damn near inseparable; she of all gems had to know where they were. _Stars… I really am working myself ragged here._ He shook his head. _But it's gotta be done._

"They've been doing my progress reports and blueprints while I've been training," Berry explained distractedly, and Steven skidded to a stop when she abruptly paused where she stood, almost looking puzzled - before letting out a 'wait' and turning away to head through one of the rows of ships, and Steven followed after her quickly. "Where is that Sun Incinerator…"

Steven frowned at her for a second, then turned his head to look around. "The what?"

"The Sun Incinerator," Berry repeated, looking frustrated. "It's a ship I built a while back for one of the Emeralds… I had it moved here when we started training. The Citrines couldn't guard…"

The Ruby trailed off, slowing to a stop, and Steven paused beside her, looking around. There was a significant gap in between two ships in one of the rows. His frown deepened slightly, furrowing his eyebrows and turning his head slightly. "Do you think maybe one of the Peridots-"

"No," Berry cut him off firmly. "They know not to touch my ships… and Emerald would have told me if she'd come by for it herself. Shut up for a second, let me think." The Ruby took a step forward, and went still again, frowning. Steven paused and leaned back a little, falling silent. "No… it's supposed to be right here. Right… here…" Berry stepped forward again, pacing the length of the gap where the ship should have been. Steven glanced down at her, steadily growing more and more concerned - if he had learned anything about her in the time he'd known her, this was going to bug Berry until she figured out what had happened to the ship. And that worried him more than anything else, because if her mind was on this, then she wasn't going to be able to focus on the battle when they got there. He'd have to keep an eye on her…

After a moment, Berry turned and paced back to where he was standing. Her expression was frighteningly blank, not holding any of the anger, or the confusion, or the frustration he'd been expecting to see from her. "Let's go," she grunted, pausing beside him for a second and glancing back toward the gap between the other two ships. "I've gotta meet with Lemon Lime."

Steven blinked, but he followed after her quickly when she headed off, struggling to keep up. She _was_ upset; she was walking faster than usual. "What're you gonna do about the ship?"

"Nothing," Berry replied simply, not slowing. "We've gotta leave in… it's been about twenty minutes, so we've got forty minutes for me to inform Lemon Lime, pick out a different ship, and get back to the training arena so our Squadrons can go. I'll just have Lemon Lime activate the tracking devices and search for the ship while we're gone." She paused at the entrance to the lab, reaching out to open the door; Steven continued to study her, but he didn't object. He was still gonna try and keep an eye on her when they got there, if he was able to, but she seemed… relatively okay for the time being. At the very least, she wasn't fixated on it like he'd expected.

Lemon Lime was there - and pacing - when they entered; they turned the moment the door opened, and spun around completely to rush over to Berry and Steven when they walked in. "You're leaving now? Today?" The Peridot stressed, reaching both hands up and curling their fingers into their hair, pulling it upwards as if they were trying to force it back into the triangle.

"We've got less than an hour to report back to our Squadrons," Berry confirmed. "I need-"

"Oh, stars…" Lemon Lime breathed, turning away for a second. They kept their fingers buried in their hair, but it didn't seem to be doing anything to hold it in place. If anything, they somehow managed to make themself look a little more frazzled than they had before. "Oh, _shards…_ "

Steven frowned, furrowing his eyebrows. "Hey…"

Berry shook her head at him and sighed, but her expression seemed to have softened as she glanced up at Lemon Lime. Steven fell silent, somewhat reluctantly; he wasn't used to this. He wasn't used to just watching someone try to compose themself without being able to step in and help them, or reassure them in some way. But Berry was insistent, despite the desperate looks that Steven shot in her direction every once in a while, while Lemon Lime pulled themself together. Honestly, the hybrid was about ready to say something anyway, at the risk of possibly (definitely) pissing Berry off, but before he had the chance to, Berry had spoken up, herself. "Get it together, Lemon Lime," she pressed, crossing her arms. "You're slowing us down."

Steven thought that was a little harsh, but he didn't have a chance to express it. The Peridot breathed in, breathed out, and spun around to face the two of them again, stumbling slightly on their limb enhancers. "Okay. Alright- okay. I'm good. I'm okay," they repeated firmly, breathlessly, seeming more like they were trying to reassure themself than Berry. The Ruby merely quirked an eyebrow at them, and Steven furrowed his eyebrows, definitely somewhat bewildered. "What- uh, what do you need me to do?"

"I need you to take over the Squadron," Berry told them simply. "Keep the other Peridots out of my lab - put them on blueprint duty or something, or have them rearrange the tools in here. Nobody is to touch a ship without your clearance, and don't look so terrified, you've done it before and you can do it again. You can send me a message if you get stuck- but I swear to the stars, I'd better not receive more than one, and it better be urgent when I do," she warned, and Lemon Lime nodded furiously in response. "Also, the Sun Incinerator I built for Emerald is missing. I'll need you to track it down and send the location to me, but don't try to go after it if it's not on Homeworld. As for everything else, ship production has been halted and if anyone needs spare limb enhancers, you know where they are. And _nobody_ ," she lowered her voice, "under any circumstances, is to touch any of my experimental technology. Not even you. You got it?"

"I-" Lemon Lime had pulled up a screen at that point, and was typing just as rapidly as Berry was speaking. "Yeah, just give me a second, uh- Sun Incinerator, missing, track it down, ship production…" They continued to mumble for a moment, and Berry eventually had to repeat the last few orders so that the Peridot could type it in. Steven leaned back slightly, rocking back and forth on the heels of his limb enhancers and rooting his gaze to the floor with a frown.

It only took a few seconds for his vision to blur, Lemon Lime's quiet mumbling and Berry's not-so-quiet corrections steadily turning to static. He ended up squeezing his eyes shut, not that it made much of a difference, since he couldn't _see_ anything anyway. This time, when his senses shut down, it was accompanied by a rush of dizziness and nausea, to boot. Neither of which he wasn't particularly used to at that point, but it certainly wasn't a pleasant feeling. For a moment, everything else seemed to have completely disconnected; he couldn't think, but he could feel. Physically, he could feel. And he was a little lighter than he should have been; he felt like he might have been floating, drifting - and yet frozen, paralyzed, too. He didn't know where he was - and for a few seconds, each one agonizingly slow, he didn't know _who_ he was.

He felt lost, and yet he marveled over the sudden shift. He couldn't remember whether he had felt this way just seconds before, couldn't remember where he was and what he was doing. He couldn't remember simple things, but at the same time, it didn't matter - he couldn't think clearly enough to wonder too much about the empty space where memories should have been, and he didn't have the chance to. Something pressed against his arm, rocking him slightly, and his eyes shot wide open the moment he registered the contact. He recoiled as soon as he could, breathing in shakily and flinching away from whatever had touched him. It took his vision a few seconds to clear, and it took even longer for his situation to hit him, for the reality to settle back in and for the memories to click back into place like a puzzle, as if they'd never really left.

Steven shook his head slightly, blinking furiously and trying to focus again. Berry had turned to face him completely, and Lemon Lime had taken a few steps forward to watch, looking worried. The hybrid glanced between them for a second, still trying to recover, and opened his mouth.

"If you say 'I'm okay' or 'I'm fine', so help me, hybrid, I will _smack_ you," Berry seethed, and Steven slowly snapped his mouth shut, hesitantly flicking his gaze back to Lemon Lime, as if they would be able to save him from this. "That's the- I don't even know how many times that's happened so far, and you know what? I don't even care. Once was enough for _my_ liking. Either you tell me what the _shards_ just happened or I keep us both here until either you squeal like a Zircon or someone has to come get us. Whichever one comes first," the Ruby warned, scowling.

"I…" Steven shot her a desperate look, frowning. "I don't know. I just zoned out."

"That wasn't just _zoning out_ …" Berry narrowed her eyes, looking the hybrid up and down; Steven shifted slightly on his feet and glanced up at Lemon Lime again, almost uncomfortable. "What were you thinking about?" Berry finally demanded, and Steven looked back down.

"I don't know," he answered honestly, biting the inside of his cheek. "I… wasn't, I guess." He shifted again, most definitely uncomfortable now. "We need to go, my Agate's go-"

"Shut up," Berry ordered. "You _weren't_ thinking?" Staying silent, as had been requested of him, Steven shook his head, letting his shoulders droop after a moment. There wasn't anything he could do now; Berry was a gem of her word and she wasn't going to let him go until she was satisfied. The only problem was that even if Steven did answer honestly - which he was intent on doing regardless because he didn't felt like dealing with an angry Berry even less than he felt like dealing with a worried Berry - he wouldn't be able to tell her anything useful, because he didn't even really remember what had just happened. He just knew one second, he heard her and Lemon Lime talking, and the next second, everything had stopped, like time had frozen. And then it had continued just as quickly, with just a few seconds missed. Long enough to let Steven know that he had zoned out, but too short for him to be concerned about it, himself.

"Berry," Lemon Lime began tentatively. "You need to go."

Berry continued to glare at Steven for a moment, looking the hybrid up and down. But, finally, she seemed to give in - and the hybrid silently decided that he definitely owed the Peridot. "Fine. But if it happens again, you're talking to me." The Ruby turned, facing Lemon Lime once again. "As for you, I'm trusting you to keep everything in order here."

"And I'm trusting you to bring your gem back to Homeworld in one piece," Lemon Lime murmured, and furrowed their eyebrows as they glanced over at Steven. "Both of you."

Steven offered a small smile. "We'll be okay."

"We'll _try_ ," Berry corrected, sparing him a sharp glance, "to be okay." Steven puffed his cheeks out, but he nodded reluctantly in agreement. "Send me updates about the Sun Incinerator." Lemon Lime nodded their agreement, then stepped forward quickly to scoop the Ruby into a quick hug; had Berry had any time to react and pull away, Steven figured she might have taken it, by the way she shrieked and squirmed the moment she was in the other gem's arms. But, they seemed to have gone through a similar process, and Lemon Lime was smart enough to only hold on for a second before they opened their arms up and let her fall back onto her feet. Berry stumbled back, letting out a half-indignant, half-embarrassed shriek. "Don't you _ever-!"_

"I'm gonna miss you too," Lemon Lime interrupted solemnly, and, ignoring Berry's furious yet oddly adorable squeaking in response, stepped past her to pull Steven into a hug, too. The hybrid would have been lying if, at first, he said he hadn't flinched; if, at first, he said his initial reaction hadn't been to shy away from the contact. The limb enhancers took the warmth away from what should have been a soft, affectionate gesture - but at the same time, the touch was everything Steven didn't know he needed. He melted into the contact after a moment, lifting his arms to wrap them around Lemon Lime in return, and tried to ignore the stinging in his eyes. The Peridot was as gentle as they could be; their hug reminded Steven of Garnet's, the way she would fold her arms around him and pull him close. It wasn't warm, but it was cautious.

His lower lip trembled slightly, the tears finally pricking at his eyes.

By the time he'd pulled away from Lemon Lime, he had blinked them away.

"I'll see you," the hybrid told them firmly, voice strained with the effort it was taking to keep it from trembling, cracking. "When we get back, okay? We're gonna come back fine- _all_ of us."

Lemon Lime offered a small smile in response, and it held all the warmth the limb enhancers had kept them from expressing in the hug. "Hey, I don't doubt it. You've got Berry on your side." Steven couldn't help but giggle at that, and the way Berry snorted from behind them. "Just… stay safe," Lemon Lime continued, softening slightly. "Stay safe and be careful out there. I know the plan was kinda to try and see if these rebels were on our side here, but if they're not…" They didn't finish, but they didn't need to. "Just watch your backs. _And_ each other's backs."

"That's the plan," Steven murmured, glancing back at Berry. The Ruby seemed to have finally recovered from the surprise-attack hug, jerking her head toward the door sharply, and Steven stifled another laugh as he turned away from Lemon Lime. "Alright, okay, I'm going…" He headed out, turning back briefly to wave a quick goodbye to Lemon Lime, and Berry stepped out after him. He turned in time to see the Ruby glancing back into the room, an almost worried expression flickering across her face just before the door had completely sealed itself shut; the hybrid didn't say anything, just watched as Berry continued to stare at the door for a moment, seemingly trying to pull herself together, before she turned away completely with a quiet sigh.

She caught him staring and shrugged, the worried expression dissolving. "They'll be fine," she muttered, and Steven didn't have to ask who she was trying to convince. The Ruby didn't give him the chance to, shaking her head and walking past him to head back to the shipyard. "Alright, let's go pick out a ship and meet those idiots," she grunted. "So we can go to war."

Steven followed, wrapping his arms around himself as much as the limb enhancers would allow.

* * *

Once Berry picked out a ship - after about twenty extra minutes, mind you, of grumbling over how conveniently the Sun Incinerator had vanished right when it could've been put to good use ("Since Emerald doesn't really use it anyway," she insisted) - she and Steven climbed inside and set off for the training arena to pick up their Squadrons. Steven seated himself in one of the chairs next to a window, looking out while Berry sat in the pilot's seat with her hands hovering over the control panel, directing the ship easily. He'd watched her build them, but watching her fly one was something else entirely. She was intent, focused, and yet… oddly relaxed. In the time he'd known her, he didn't think he'd ever seen her completely relax. But she was calm now, gliding her hands across the control panel, and the ship obeyed her silent commands fluidly.

She hovered the ship overtop of the training arena and opened the door, lowering them down so that the others could climb inside. The first ones to board were Tangerine, Clementine and Mandarin respectfully; he grinned as they jumped into the ship, clearly excited to be leaving. At least they were finding something good about this - he chose not to think about the fact that they were just enthusiastic about 'pummeling rebel gems', as Tangerine so eloquently put it, and just decided to focus on the fact that after a month of intense, stressful training, they were finding something to be happy and excited about. Even if it was the promise of… pummeling rebels. After the Jaspers, the other Quartzes followed; Jaspers and Amethysts alike. Six of them, entering two at a time; unlike the other three, they went to sit down immediately, tense.

Agate was the next one to climb in, followed closely by Sage and Candy. "Sit down," she snapped at the Jaspers, turning to Berry. "I assume you know the way to the Pyrope Colony?"

"I've been there before," Berry retorted. "If I were you, I'd brief your Squadron on the area."

Tangerine sank into the seat beside Steven's, arching an eyebrow. "Bold of you to assume we haven't already been briefed," she commented, sticking her tongue out at Berry when the Ruby turned around to shoot her a glare; Agate was quick to redirect the Ruby's attention back to the control panel, turning away to head over to them again as Clementine and Mandarin sat down. She summoned four screens, handing one to each of them, and Steven took his silently, looking down and studying it while Agate summoned a few more and headed off to pass them to the other Quartzes. The hybrid kept silent, roaming his gaze across the screen and frowning at the picture it was presenting him, a far away view of a planet - the colony they were going to.

"Here." Clementine leaned over, pressing a finger to the screen to zoom the picture in a little. She offered the hybrid smile at the grateful glance he offered her before turning away to her own screen, and Steven lifted his hand to his so that he could zoom in and out himself. He figured out he could turn the planet slightly; it was a 3D view of the entire colony, and when he zoomed in, he could see the different towers and buildings and structures that were there. There were even a few Kindergartens - or, what looked like them, since he could only zoom in so far.

"I'm taking off," Berry called. "If anyone's not seated, they should plant their gems quickly." The ship rocked slightly after she'd spoken, and Sage and Candy were quick to sit down.

"Wait." Agate, however, retreated to stand just behind where Berry was standing, to face all of the Quartzes in the ship. "The information I'm about to disclose is classified, but I consider it important to the mission," she began matter-of-factly, and Steven lifted his gaze from the screen, furrowing his eyebrows slightly. Once Agate had all of the Quartzes at attention, she continued, "it is not to be discussed outside of the ship, or with any other gems. The Diamonds have determined that it should not yet be public knowledge, to avoid panic and instability." She waited a moment, and Steven was the first one to nod; he didn't care what he had to agree to. It wasn't like he had anyone else to tell. If it was important enough, Berry would let Lemon Lime in on it, but they were pretty good at keeping to themself. "After the Gem War ended over five-thousand years ago, and the rebel leader Rose Quartz was presumed to be dead-"

Steven sank down slightly in his seat when everyone but Berry, Sage, Candy and the Jaspers turned their heads to look over at him, looking down and rooting his gaze to the screen.

"-a group of gems who had previously fought against the rebellion fled Homeworld. They posed little threat at the time, and the Diamonds sent out a small Squadron to retrieve them." Agate paused, and Steven finally let his gaze flick up again to look up at her, eyebrows furrowing. "Unfortunately, the Squadron failed to return. The gems were presumed to be shattered." Steven stiffened, shoulders jerking back slightly, and Agate continued carefully, "since then, the rebels have been causing small uprisings in lower-class colonies. Several other soldiers have either defected to this rebellion, and most of the others… didn't make it back." Agate paused, sucking in a deep breath, and Steven breathed in a little, himself - albeit somewhat shakily.

Everyone had been warning them that there were risks, but nobody had told him that the rebels had already shattered other Homeworld gems. He knew his mother had shattered Pink Diamond, but Pearl had insisted that nobody else in the rebellion had shattered a single gem during the war. Of course, Steven couldn't quite account for Bismuth - but at the same time, when he'd met her, she had only seemed intent on shattering the Diamonds. She hadn't mentioned anything about shattering anybody otherwise. When Steven thought about rebel gems, his first reaction was to think… 'Crystal Gems'. But now, with this new information…

… it was hard to think that, when the word 'shatter' was involved. If they were shattering gems… Steven had absolutely no doubt that the Diamonds would want to retaliate.

He sat still, staying silent, as Agate went on. "The Pyrope Colony is the first of our prominent territories to see rebel activity, and the first time the rebels have outright attacked a busy, working colony. Several of the gems sent to reactivate the colony have gone missing, and we have been unable to send or receive transmissions." Agate rolled her shoulders back. "Blue Diamond sent us to get a closer look at the situation, and take out as many rebels as we can. We have twenty-four hours to report back to Homeworld before reinforcements are sent."

Steven squeezed his eyes shut, not wanting to listen anymore. In fact, he almost absolutely hoped he would zone out again, that the words Agate was saying would fade away, _stop_.

"Now, as my _personal_ judgement," Agate continued slowly, "I don't encourage shattering."

He blinked his eyes open, startled.

"Only shatter if you have absolutely no other choice," Agate said firmly, and Steven looked up, wide-eyed, as he watched the gem's gaze flick across the soldiers present. He met her eyes briefly as she looked toward him, and she quirked an eyebrow. "Otherwise, take prisoners…" Agate narrowed her eyes, looking back across the Quartzes. "So that I can interrogate them." A ripple of mumbled agreements followed, and Agate turned away, back to Berry. "Let's go."

Berry stayed still for a moment. She had turned to face the soldiers not long after Agate had started speaking, and her gaze was now fixed on the floor of the ship, eyes narrowed slightly. But, after a few seconds, she looked up and glanced over at Steven, meeting the hybrid's gaze briefly before she turned away and pressed her hands over the control panel once again. "Preparing for takeoff," the Ruby muttered, her voice oddly quiet now. "In three…"

Steven sank back again, breathing in shakily.

"Two…"

So much for befriending the rebels.

"One. Initiating takeoff…"

… so much for trying to avoid fighting.


	12. Chapter 12

Steven did his best to stay still and silent the whole ride. He fidgeted with the screen in his hand, turning the planet around and around and scanning every part of it he could see. He took all the buildings and structures in, but he couldn't really process anything he was seeing yet. For the first time since all of this had started, he was realizing how… how _bad_ it was. Somehow, it had never really completely registered; the fact that he was going into war had never really _hit_ him. He'd never thought of it like that, even with all the battle training and preparing to fight. He'd never thought he'd be facing gems who didn't have a problem with shattering - he thought he was on the _side_ of the gems that didn't have a problem with shattering. He still found it hard to believe, and his mind was racing to come up with some kind of explanation. Maybe the Homeworld gems just had some misinformation. Maybe the missing Homeworld soldiers had defected to the rebels side once they saw what was really going on. Maybe it wasn't that bad.

Yeah, he couldn't make himself believe that. Every passing second just brought on more and more panic, more anxiety about whatever was about to come. He couldn't think clearly anymore, not with the knowledge that he was either about to march into war with gems that were worse than the Crystal Gems, or he was about to march into war and realize that other gems could be _worse_ than Homeworld gems. Even Bismuth hadn't wanted to shatter innocent gems - after all he knew now, Steven couldn't really think of the Diamonds as innocent. But he still didn't want them dead. The fact that the rebels were shattering soldiers… it made him sick.

Unable to focus on the screen, he eventually looked out the window to watch the stars and planets go by. The sight of the galaxy was… beautiful, it was gorgeous, it was _stunning_. But it just reminded him of where they were going. And it didn't shake the anxiety, not one bit.

He kept his gaze on the window, listening to Clementine and Mandarin whispering away behind them. Tangerine was busy disabling her limb enhancers, to Agate's chagrin, but the other gem wasn't really trying to stop her. Honestly, at this point, Steven wasn't sure he wanted to remove his own anymore. He'd gotten so used to walking with them, to using them, to seeing them as his actual limbs. He could use them better than he ever had, and honestly, if he dared to say it, he was even more coordinated with them than he had been without them. But it didn't change the fact that they were uncomfortable, and they still hurt if he moved the wrong way or stepped too hard at first. The hybrid sighed, wanting to close his eyes, but he kept them forced open. He didn't want that _thing_ to happen again, or he might end up fighting Berry on the field instead…

He glanced over at the Ruby in question on occasion, watching as she directed the ship. Her shoulders were tense again; the relaxed, calm Berry he had briefly seen when it had just been the two of them was gone now, and he didn't think it was just because there were a lot of other gems in the ship. She had only really started to tense up when Agate had spoken - the news had shaken her quite a bit, too, and it wasn't hard for Steven to see that. Every part of him ached to try and comfort her, and yet at the same time, for the first time, he couldn't help but marvel over that. For the first time, he questioned, _comfort her? How am I supposed to do that? I can't even comfort myself right now, how am I supposed to comfort Berry?_

… well, at least he knew the Ruby had _some_ influence on him.

The ride itself wasn't too bad, but it would have been better if he could shake some of the anxiety churning through him. The sight of the galaxy kept him distracted for the most part, giving him something to turn his focus to. At least, more or less - he did end up zoning out again a few more times on the way to the colony, but a harsh jerk of the ship would bring him back, or Clementine and Mandarin giggling from behind him, or Tangerine grumbling at them to shut up. But seeing as there was nothing else he could do to keep himself from zoning out anyway, he just decided to close his eyes and lean his head back regardless. Whatever happened would happen - besides, the brief seconds that came with kind of forgetting everything was worth it. Right then, Steven was wishing it was a permanent thing. It was a lot easier to deal with.

When they did get there, Berry lowered the ship slightly, but she continued to hover over the planet for a while. Steven ended up pushing himself up a little so he could look out the window; the structures looked the same as they had on the screen, just up close. He roamed his gaze over the buildings silently, watching them drift by as the ship moved, and frowned. This was a different planet - he might not need to eat and sleep and drink, but he certainly needed to breathe regardless. Past experiences had proven that. And he didn't know how to explain that; he didn't know how to explain, to a bunch of gems that didn't believe he wasn't Rose Quartz except for literally _one_ Ruby who was pretending _not_ to believe him, that he couldn't breathe in space - especially not when he could breathe just fine on Homeworld. If he didn't think he'd get in trouble for it, he'd bubble his head… but he knew he couldn't do that. He couldn't keep his head bubbled during a fight, it would slow him down and his attacks would be disoriented. All he could do was sit and hope the air here was breathable. Either way, he was screwed.

"I'm landing," Berry called over her shoulder as the ship came to a slow stop.

"I'm going out to make sure the area is clear." Sage pushed herself up, adjusting her cape. "Once we find a secure location, we form a battle plan, map out locations and split into groups." The Quartzes mumbled quietly in agreement. Steven noticed Agate leaned forward slightly as Sage turned to leave, gesturing for a few Amethysts in her Squadron to follow after her. Once the ship had landed, Berry pressed a button to open the door, and Sage and the Amethysts slipped out and headed off; Steven held his breath for a moment, then cautiously breathed in. The air was hot and stifled, but breathable for the most part. He'd be okay.

"Once she sends me the all clear, we're all going," Agate murmured, standing up and pacing over to one of the windows to peer out. "Thankfully, we've landed in a remotely… quiet area…"

"You're welcome." Berry pulled her hands away from the control panel and turned away completely, reaching down to press a button on her limb enhancers. Steven furrowed his eyebrows, watching as they briefly lit up, crackling with electricity, before dimming again. "And I hope I have time to look for my Sun Incinerator while we're here, if those rebels haven't crashed it," she growled, and Steven blinked, immediately flicking his gaze back up to her face.

"It's here?" He blurted out without thinking, but nobody - even Agate - seemed to care.

Berry sighed through her teeth, straightening up again with a frown. "Lemon Lime- Peridot 5XH," she added for Agate's benefit, rolling her eyes, "sent me the location. The Sun Incinerator is around here somewhere, so either some rebels decided to mess with my ships, or a group of blockhead Quartzes or stupid Rubies decided to try and fly themselves into battle without clearance. Either way, if anybody crashed it, I'm cracking gems. It's a Star Chaser model." Even Agate gasped at that, and Steven glanced behind him when a ripple of murmurs spread through the ship, bewildered and shocked expressions being exchanged between the other Quartzes. Even Clementine looked a little miffed, but Mandarin and Tangerine just rolled their eyes at him when he turned around, and Mandarin lightly swirled her finger beside her head.

"You can take a few Quartzes to search for it," Agate told Berry, looking perturbed. "The ship might come in handy later on. But if you don't find it within a few hours, you report back to-"

"It's not my first rodeo," Berry cut her off, narrowing her eyes at the other gem. "I've got it." She paused for a second, and her gaze briefly flicked over to where Steven and the Jaspers were sitting, eyes narrowing faintly as she looked at him. "Rose Quartz 8BR can accompany me."

"That's fine," Agate replied distractedly, looking out the window again. After a moment, she pushed herself up sharply, turning to the Quartzes. "Hessonite 3AB just gave the all clear. Everyone is to follow me once we exit the ship, stay with your Squadrons and don't wander." Watching the other Quartzes stand up, Steven reluctantly pushed himself to stand. His legs were sore, and the limb enhancers digging into them wasn't helping anything. He flexed them both in turn as he turned to follow after Tangerine, falling into step behind the Jaspers while Agate led them out. Berry brushed past him to follow after some of the Amethyst soldiers; Steven caught her gaze as she glanced back, but she turned away again and kept walking.

He took another breath just before he stepped out of the ship. Still breathable, but nausea rolled through his stomach; that with the hot air was a recipe for disaster, and he found himself glad that he didn't have anything to throw up at that moment anyway. The hybrid shuddered, forcing himself to move forward with the rest of the soldiers and turning his head to look around silently. Where they were wasn't much different from Homeworld; the planet was undoubtedly smaller, but the structures were the same, buildings obviously constructed by gems. There were some warp pads outside of buildings, some shattered, some unbroken, but coated in layers of dust.

They met Sage and the other Amethysts outside a nearby building, not far from the ship. "There's two ways this could go," Sage began the moment they all arrived, and Steven fell into step beside Tangerine, slowing to a stop with the Jasper. "Either the rebels know we're here and they're waiting for an ambush, or they've got no idea and we've got the element of surprise. Regardless," she raised her voice. "We need to tread cautiously and assume they already know we're here. Stay out of direct sight, stick to buildings and try not to use the warp pads."

She paused, turning to say something to Candy that Steven didn't catch.

"Every team will be assigned a commanding officer," Sage continued. "And you are to obey them without question, and without hesitation. Blue Diamond and the other Squadrons will be landing in different areas. We'll decide on a meeting spot once we've covered enough ground. Until then, you'll be reporting back here when you need to. Every team that gets sent out should be returning back here every three hours. If you engage in combat, you should return immediately to report where you were at the time of the attack, and receive necessary care if you're injured. If you manage to take prisoners, you will return here to drop them off at the ship. A group of soldiers will remain here to guard and report if there's a problem," she added, glancing over at Agate and nodding. "I believe you can take the rest from here, Agate 4AX."

"Thank you, Hessonite 3AB." Agate paused, flicking her gaze over the crowd. "The first team will consist of Ruby 5HX, Rose Quartz 8BR, and Jasper 6JA. You'll be in teams of three." Beside Sage, Candy pulled up a screen to type something down, and Agate continued, "you'll be tracked using this device-" She summoned something from her gem, and Steven leaned forward slightly to look at it, blinking. It looked like a ring, like a wedding band, but blinking red. "And you have only four hours to report back to the ship, before a search party is sent out to look for you. Ruby 5HX will be your team's commanding officer. Come receive your tracking devices."

"Be careful," Clementine whispered to Tangerine.

"Go kick rebel butt," Mandarin giggled under her breath, ruffling the shorter Jasper's hair.

Tangerine ducked away, but she was grinning as she walked forward. Steven only moved when she did, keeping pace behind her and making his way through the crowd to reach Agate and Berry, who had already stepped up to retrieve her ring and was slipping it onto her finger. Steven took his own silently when it was offered to him, carefully sliding it onto one of his mechanical fingers. Of course, it fit perfectly, seeming to latch right onto the finger.

"Where are your limb enhancers?" Agate demanded, but she handed Tangerine her ring anyway, and the shorter Quartz shrugged as she slid it onto her pinkie calmly.

"On the ship." She paused, glancing up at Agate, and rolled her eyes slightly. "Like a few extra feet are gonna make that much of a difference. The limb enhancers would only slow me down, and ya know I like to be fast when I'm fighting." The Jasper turned her head when Berry abruptly jumped down the stairs to head off, without saying anything, and Steven was quick to follow instead of hanging around to hear the argument. Thankfully, though, that seemed to be the end of it, because Tangerine called out a quick 'later' to Agate and dashed after them, falling into step with Steven just as the hybrid managed to catch up to Berry again. "So, ship search!"

"Keep your voice down," Berry growled, leading them through a slit between two buildings.

"Yes, boss," Tangerine retorted with a grin, lowering her voice. Steven couldn't help but smile, despite the anxiety still churning in his stomach, but Berry seemed less than amused. She pulled up a screen in front of her, reaching out to swipe her fingers across it and bringing up a map, with a little red, blinking dot. Steven quickened his pace slightly to get a better look, furrowing his eyebrows slightly as he flicked his gaze across the map, and frowned.

Berry glanced back slightly, and lifted the screen so that Tangerine and Steven could see better. "That's where the Sun Incinerator is," she explained, pointing to the dot, then dragged her finger downwards. "And this is where we are. It shouldn't be too long a walk, but we need to be careful. There's a cluster of buildings in this area." She tapped the spot on the map ahead of them. "Rebels could be hiding out there. So when we get to it, follow my lead and try to stay out of sight of windows and do not, under _any_ circumstances, go inside." She shut the screen abruptly, looking somewhat frustrated now, and Tangerine was surprisingly silent as she nodded her agreement. Steven didn't need to, not that it would have made a difference anyway - Berry wasn't looking at him, and he wasn't going to waste his breath and risk being loud just to agree with her. She knew he would already follow her commands without question anyway.

"So," Tangerine whispered as they paused on the other side of the buildings. "That Star Chaser model ya were talking about, when we get it back, if it's not damaged do ya think I could-"

"No," Berry interrupted, roaming her gaze around.

"Aw, c'mon, Berry…"

Steven frowned, flicking his gaze around silently. The area they were in now was… frighteningly bare. He saw rubble where buildings should have been, crumbled walls and doors broken off, shattered warp pads and discarded weapons. The hybrid blinked a few times, letting his gaze trail downwards. The planet didn't seem to have grass; just dirt, obviously disturbed. Heaps of it in some places, holes where it looked like people had drilled. It took him a moment to move even when Berry continued leading them forward, silently crossing the damaged clearing to get to the other side, where the destroyed buildings were. And he only moved when Tangerine nudged him, but he continued to flick his gaze around even while he followed after the Ruby. "This whole planet is… destroyed…" He murmured, clenching his teeth and swallowing hard.

"Not the whole planet," Berry corrected quietly, but she sighed as she turned her head to look around again. Even Tangerine had fallen silent, seeming to realize the severity of the situation for the first time. Honestly, for Steven, the hits just kept on coming. "But it's certainly destroyed."

"And it's only gonna get worse…" Tangerine trailed off.

"Just keep moving," Berry muttered as they reached the demolished buildings, flicking her gaze around and looking down as she stepped over a pile of rubble. "And watch your step."

Steven made his way after her cautiously, looking down and stepping over chunks of the destroyed buildings. He held his arms up slightly, trying not to touch anything either, as he followed after Berry. Tangerine eventually fell into step behind him, keeping up the rear. Steven glanced back a few times to see her checking over her shoulder every few seconds to make sure nobody was following, and he was grimacing by the time he looked ahead again. He knew how serious this was, but the fact that someone as trigger-happy and excitable as Tangerine had fallen silent and was being cautious just spoke even more volumes about the situation. This was a war and everyone needed to be careful, even the over-enthusiastic Quartz soldiers.

They continued on in silence for the most part. Berry was pretty good at keeping them out of trouble at first; when they reached the cluster of buildings she'd been talking about (despite the fact that most of them had been demolished), she kept them out of sight and led them through the rubble. Getting past the buildings wasn't a problem. It was when they reached the end.

Steven had seen hundreds, maybe thousands of gem shards when he bubbled the Cluster. But that had been in a different setting; that was when they were going to form, and destroy the Earth, when he had to figure out a way to help them and save his planet at the same time. He hadn't been thinking about how many gems must have been shattered for there to be so many shards down there in the Earth's core. He hadn't had a time to really think about that. There weren't nearly as many shards as there had been in the Cluster, but there were _enough_.

They littered the ground, among discarded weapons and pieces of rubble. The ground was torn up, but the damage looked more akin to an explosion than anything else. It didn't matter, though; Steven froze the moment his gaze fixed on the shards, blood running cold, and he heard Tangerine gasp as she stumbled to a stop beside him. Berry had stopped in front of them, hands clenched into fists at her sides as she looked around, but Steven couldn't focus on her either. He just let his gaze roam across the ground, across the shards spread across the dirt. Shattered gems. Shattered Homeworld soldiers. Some were purple, some orange, or red. Amethysts, Jaspers, Rubies. Broken. Shattered. Gem shards. They were dead.

Berry reached down silently, picking up a ring buried in the dirt beside a shard, and frowned. "These are fresh…" The Ruby paused, turning the ring over. Steven didn't say anything, still unable to move his gaze from the shards littering the broken clearing. "This just happened."

"Today?" Tangerine choked out. Steven finally tore his gaze away, staring at Berry.

"I'm not sure…" Berry trailed off, turning to face them after a moment. "Pin our location and send a report. I want to know if another team came this way today." She looked down, bubbling the ring, and sent it off to her gem silently before turning around and walking off to another spot and reaching down again, presumably to pick up another. Steven would have stepped in to help, and he almost wanted to, but he couldn't bring himself to move. He just kept still as Tangerine summoned a screen to do as requested, the Jasper's hands shaking slightly as she typed.

After a moment, she sucked in a shaky breath, and Steven squeezed his eyes shut. She didn't need to say anything after that - he knew what the answer was. This had just happened.

Berry turned back to them without waiting for Tangerine to be able to spit the news out. "They're probably still around here somewhere," the Ruby said quickly. She was tense now, a mixture of fury and terror in her gaze. The latter was something Steven wasn't expecting to see, and he would have been shocked if he wasn't already in shock regardless. "So we need to move fast-"

"And leave the party so soon? Oh, I don't _think_ so."

He watched Berry's entire body tense and recoil, and the hybrid could barely turn his head around in the direction the words had come from. It took him a second to really focus on who was approaching them; it was definitely a gem, but not one he recognized. She stood tall, taller than Steven did, with limb enhancers on her feet, but not her arms. She was holding a pickaxe in one white gloved hand, twirling it casually like a baton as she walked forward; her skin itself was a light, baby blue, but her hair was even darker. Her gem rested on the outside of her left thigh, a perfect, glimmering circle. Steven just stared, hearing the shimmer and seeing the glow as Berry summoned her knuckles, but he couldn't bring himself to summon his scythe just yet.

"Nice to meet you," the blue gem crooned, curling her lips back over her teeth in a sharp grin. Steven couldn't fight back a tremor, a rush of fear racing down his spine. "I'm Angel Quartz." Pausing, she ran her tongue over her lips and smiled thinly at the three, as Berry carefully stepped to the side, bringing herself a little closer to Steven and Tangerine. "And my friends…" Angel Quartz's gaze flicked upwards, focusing just behind the three, and Steven stiffened. "Are Tiger's Eye, Cherry Quartz, and Candy Cane. I hope you don't mind… they brought gifts."

Berry sneered at her, and Steven sucked in a shaky breath, still trying to compose himself. But he managed to summon his scythe after a moment, curling his mechanical fingers around it and trying to fight past the terror pumping through his chest. "Oh, I've been waiting for this…"

"Then come at me, baby." Angel Quartz grinned.

"You first." Berry narrowed her eyes. "I don't make the first move."

Tangerine snarled. "I do." She lunged forward before Steven and Berry could stop her, and Angel Quartz hefted her pickaxe at once; Steven flinched slightly at first, choking down a scream and trying to lunge forward after her - only for Berry to grab his arm to hold him back, despite the hybrid's protests as he tried to twist and wriggle away. But Tangerine seemed to have herself covered; she grabbed Angel Quartz's weapon before she had the chance to attack, and ducked around her to jump onto the taller gem's back, sinking her teeth into her shoulder. It took Steven a second to relax, five seconds to realize Berry had let him go, and two seconds after that to turn and see that the Ruby was engaged in a fight of her own, with another rebel.

When he composed himself enough to lunge forward, he was pulled back again. This time, a large hand had wrapped itself around his scythe, and he was being thrown backwards before he could completely register what had happened, pinned against the wall of one of the damaged buildings. One of the rebels was in his face before he could push himself forward again, and his scythe was on the ground between them while the gem's hands wrapped around his limb enhancers, forcing his arms above his head, and the hybrid let out a startled, pained scream.

"What on _Earth_ are you supposed to be?" The rebel sneered, easily holding him in place while Steven struggled against her hold. "A meatball with a gem! You don't see that every day."

The hybrid sucked in a shuddering breath, shaking his head. "I- I-" But he flinched, cutting off, heart stopping momentarily when he heard the familiar sound of a gem being poofed, saw the cloud puff up from the corner of his eye. The rebel turned her head, momentarily distracted, but Steven was too busy looking toward the source to take advantage of the situation, and too busy feeling absolutely horrified when he saw that Angel Quartz had managed to poof Tangerine. "No-!" He screamed, managing to push himself forward, but the rebel immediately shoved him right back up against the wall, and the hybrid gasped. "No- no- Ta- B- Berry- _Berry- Tangerine-!"_

Dodging a swing from one of the gems she was fighting, Berry whirled her head around to look toward where Steven was, and then back to where Tangerine and Angel Quartz had been fighting. It didn't take long for the Ruby's pupils to shrink, but Steven didn't get a proper chance to see what had happened before the rebel holding him clasped a hand around his throat.

"Will you shut that squealer up-?!" Angel Quartz yelled, and a sudden shriek from her direction indicated that Berry had managed to weasel herself away from the other rebels to attack.

"Gladly," the rebel growled, tightening her grip.

Steven found himself gasping for air, struggling harder to break free and simultaneously trying to breathe as much as he could around the pressure on his throat. It took him a moment to remember he could use his bubble to knock the other gem away, and it took him even longer to be able to summon the strength to do so; the moment it appeared, the rebel was knocked back only a few steps, regaining her balance easily while Steven sank to his knees against the bottom of the bubble, lowering a hand to his throat and curling his mechanical fingers against the skin. He blinked back the tears that had brewed at the corners of his eyes, instantly gasping in as much air as he could manage and biting back a sob of relief when he finally _could_.

When he finally glanced up, he saw the rebel summoning a dagger from her gem, prepared to pop the bubble. He also saw Berry behind her, fighting against the other three rebels and simultaneously trying to keep Tangerine's gem safe, now that she had it in her grasp. The sight of her dodging attacks and blasting fire to force the other gems back was terrifying, but it was enough to snap the hybrid into action, for the situation to finally click; they were in a fight.

They were in a fight. He needed to fight.

He widened his eyes slightly and looked down, searching for the scythe. It was still on the floor in front of him, wedged underneath the bubble. He could desummon it and summon it again, but he needed to drop the bubble anyway; the hybrid clenched his teeth and looked up, just for a second, before he dropped his gaze again to look at the scythe. After a second, he breathed in, pulled his feet underneath him, held his breath, and let the bubble drop, reaching for the weapon the moment he did, and taking the time to summon his shield as he did so. He heaved himself to his feet and pushed the shield up, just in time to block a slash from the dagger.

The rebel blinked and sneered, curling her lips back. She pushed herself forward again, but Steven shoved her right back with the shield, managing to move his head back slightly to just barely avoid getting hit by the dagger again. He used the shield to knock her hand to the side, and swung the scythe forward to hook it around the rebel, sucking in another shaky breath. Reminding himself of all the training he'd done - training he'd done specifically for _this_ \- he managed to twist and lunge, keeping the scythe hooked around the other gem and turning to swing it forward again, mustering as much strength as he needed to sling the rebel forward toward the other two. She crashed into one of the others - one he assumed was Tiger's Eye, if the gem's markings, greatly resembling a tiger's stripes, were any indication. And the other one was definitely Candy Cane, which meant the one he'd just been fighting was Cherry Quartz.

The gems scrambled to stand, but not before Berry could lunge, jump and slam her fist into Tiger's Eye's back. Steven couldn't bite back a gasp in time, watching the spiked, flaming knuckles pierce right through the other gem until he could see them poking out of her stomach.

Berry caught the gem as it fell, and dodged a swing from Angel Quartz's pickaxe, just as Tangerine's gem started glowing from where it was clenched tightly in the Ruby's other hand.

Steven breathed out sharply in relief and looked back to the rebels; Cherry Quartz had seemingly recovered, and had turned back to face him again, looking absolutely furious. The hybrid clenched his teeth and swallowed, hefting the scythe firmly and narrowing his eyes. Getting angry, for him, was rare, he supposed. But as sleep-deprived as he was, it was easy to feel… irritated more and more for him, and it was even easier to face a gem, who had just tried to kill him and had probably shattered other soldiers just like him, and feel absolute, pure rage. All of his expectations of the rebels had been shattered; they were worse than the Crystal Gems, worse than Homeworld, even. They were here, shattering gems - Homeworld was taking prisoners. And yeah, maybe being a prisoner of Homeworld wasn't so great, Steven could testify to that. But when it came down to it, it was a hell of a lot better than outright killing.

He jumped back when Cherry Quartz lunged and slashed at him again, and let his shield fall from his other hand to grip the scythe with both, keeping his gaze trained firmly on the rebel.

She lunged again, and he spun the scythe to the side and shoved it upwards, letting the dagger slash down against the top part of the handle. Then he spun it again, and - using the blunt end of the scythe - shoved it forward, tearing through the other gem's outfit and through her chest. And while he flinched when she poofed, the startling rush of satisfaction that flushed through him far outweighed the guilt that followed next. He pulled the scythe closer to him, spinning it back to its normal position and letting the gem fall to the ground and stared down at it silently. For a moment, just a moment, the quick, fleeting thought crossed his mind that he wanted to give the rebels a taste of their own medicine, to hurt them the same way they'd been hurting Homeworld. But that thought didn't last long - and it was followed with more guilt than ever.

He reached down and bubbled the gem without picking it up, breathing in slowly and looking up. Berry and Tangerine seemed to have the other two handled; the Ruby was keeping Angel Quartz busy, and the Jasper was literally running circles around Candy Cane; Steven kept his eye on her in particular, frowning. Her form hadn't changed - she looked exactly the same before she'd poofed, except now instead of looking excited to fight, she looked pissed off. He watched as she turned and thrust herself forward, grabbing Candy Cane's gem and pulling.

He didn't flinch when the gem poofed this time.

Angel Quartz paused at the sound, turning her head slightly to look around. She seemed to realize she was vastly outnumbered, then, now that the rest of her team had been poofed; he saw her eyes widen as she looked around, eyes flicking from one bubbled gem to the next. Berry, herself, had paused to glance around, but she rooted her gaze back to the rebel quickly. Angel Quartz's gaze flicked rapidly between each of them, tense, as she stepped back.

"Let's go." Tangerine sneered, holding up Candy Cane's bubbled gem. "It's your move, Angel." Steven just narrowed his eyes at the blue gem, reaching down silently and wrapping his mechanical fingers around the bubble to pick it up without moving his gaze from the Quartz. Angel Quartz pulled her lips back and snarled toward the tiny Jasper, but she backed up again. Tangerine took a step forward, and Berry shifted slightly; Steven was about to move with them, but when he lifted his leg to take a step, the ground started to rumble, the buildings around them shaking. The hybrid rolled his shoulders back sharply and looked down, eyebrows furrowing, then looked up to shoot Berry and Tangerine a questioning, somewhat worried glance, just to make sure they were both feeling the shaking and it wasn't just in his head or something.

Tangerine had definitely noticed, but with the way her eyes were jumping around, she couldn't figure out the source of the problem. Berry, however, didn't take long to tilt her head back and look up at the sky - and, after eyeing Angel Quartz warily for a moment, and taking note of the grin on her face, Steven followed suit in lifting his own gaze to see what was going on.

The sight of the ship looming over them brought a gasp from his lips - and Berry's, too. "The Sun Incinerator," the Ruby whispered harshly, stepping back. "More rebels incoming."

Steven looked down in time to see Angel Quartz rush forward; she managed to pass Berry and dodge a swipe from Tangerine, but Steven reacted without really thinking about it. He pushed his scythe up to the side before the taller gem could pass him, and she ran right into the blade. The rebel gasped and froze; Steven looked up at her silently, then back down at where the smaller blade had lodged itself right into the area between her chest and stomach. It didn't poke all the way through - so it took the rebel a moment to poof, and Steven managed to look up to meet her gaze again before she did; he narrowed her eyes at her and jerked the scythe back, yanking her forward a little bit in the process before her form finally gave out, dissolving into a puff of smoke. He didn't bother to catch the gem, but he reached down to bubble it when it fell.

"I'll hold the bubbles." Berry rushed over to him after taking Tangerine's bubble, sending it to her gem; he handed over Cherry Quartz's bubbled gem carefully, looking back up at the ship. "We're about to have more trouble. Tangerine, see if you can send for backup, and fast. Are either of you injured? Are your gems alright?" The Ruby asked hurriedly, checking Steven over.

"Yeah, I'm okay." Tangerine didn't waste any time in summoning her screen. Steven kept his gaze on the ship, watching it stop and start to lower toward the ground. "What're we gonna do?"

"Hold them off as long as we can," Berry responded grimly, sending the last bubble to her gem and turning to look Steven over again, a bit more carefully this time. Once she was satisfied that his gem was intact - and he had to spare a few glances downwards himself just to be sure of the same thing, because physically, he was feeling pretty numb right then - she turned away and tilted her head back again to look back up at the ship, and curled her lips back with a snarl. "And destroy the blockhead gems who decided that stealing my fastest ship would be a good idea."


	13. Chapter 13

Waiting for the ship to land was… tense.

Steven found himself backing away to stand beside Berry, and Tangerine eventually made her way forward to the Ruby's other side, fists clenched and ready to fight. Steven kept his own hand clasped tightly around his scythe, the other one hovering slightly in case he needed to summon his shield in front of them fast. The ship rotated to face them - and Berry stiffened slightly beside him, which only put the hybrid on edge further - but nothing else happened until the Sun Incinerator had completely lowered itself to the ground, the rumbling briefly getting worse before stopping altogether. Still, Steven remained as tense as he could, ready to fight until he couldn't anymore, ready for whoever - _whatever_ \- might come out of that ship now.

His heart was pounding, blood roaring in his ears. He was angry, angry with the rebels, and angry with himself for _being_ so angry with them. Part of him wanted to understand their side of things, wanted to understand that Homeworld was bad, and maybe these gems were just hurt and scared and angry, too. But the rest of him… the rest of him didn't care. He just wanted to fight. And he wanted to defend Homeworld, for no real rational reason he could come up with.

But the reason didn't matter, not right then. What mattered was holding off these rebels until the backup Tangerine had sent for arrived. He held his scythe a little tighter when the door began to open, sucking in a shaky breath and bracing himself for what was about to come. He was sweating, on top of everything else - something he wasn't entirely unfamiliar with, he'd done a lot of sweating the past month. The uniform was hot, and his limb enhancers didn't exactly help with the heat. And now that he was on a planet that was practically _burning_ , he figured it was just natural for him to be so hot, and sweaty. Probably contributed a lot to his heart racing, too, but he couldn't be too concerned about now. The door to the ship opened completely, and Berry just barely managed to stop Tangerine from lunging forward the split second that it did.

A figure ducked out of the ship. A tall, pink figure with their hair covering one side of their face, and the other eye opened wide with what the hybrid could only guess was surprise. At first, he didn't recognize the figure; not just because they were pink, but just… because. Because his adrenaline was still pumping, his mind was still racing, and with everything going on…

… he'd forgotten about Lars.

When it finally registered, when he finally managed to recognize who was standing in front of him, Steven drew himself back a little bit more - not defensively, this time, just… shocked.

"Steven…" Lars stepped out of the ship, brushing his hair out of his face.

"Steven?" Tangerine echoed, scrunching her face up slightly. Berry jerked back sharply, eyes widening slightly as her own realization hit, but Steven couldn't take his gaze off of Lars. Staring, just trying to understand what he was doing here, in the middle of the war, on a different planet, in Berry's stolen Sun Incinerator. He couldn't understand. He didn't _want_ to understand.

"Lars?" The hybrid finally forced himself to speak, letting his grip on the weapon fall slack for a second. But he tensed once more, defensive all over again, when Lars took another few steps forward. Tangerine was the only other one who reacted; Berry had frozen completely, but when Steven glanced at her, she didn't look afraid or surprised. If anything, her expression was more or less blank - and Steven didn't say anything, because he'd figured out, by then, that it was the expression she got when she was calculating, when she was processing and _thinking_. Steven tore his gaze away, back to Lars. He had paused, still a little ways away, and had spared only a split second glance between Berry and Tangerine before he fixed his eyes on Steven again.

"Steven," his voice was steady, low and cautious. Steven furrowed his eyebrows slightly, glancing him over. He looked okay for the most part, but he had more than just the scar over his eye. The fresh ones that littered his body didn't really look like normal scars, though - but nothing about Lars looked relatively normal anymore. They were a lighter shade of pink than his body was, but somehow darker than the one on his face. The hybrid breathed in shakily, looking back up at his friend. "Steven, you- … you… I… what…" Lars' expression shifted slightly, concern and caution quickly melting into anger. "What did you do to him?" He demanded sharply, turning his attention back to Berry and Tangerine - who both managed to look rather offended by the implications, mind you. Tangerine didn't even look like she wanted to fight anymore, but she certainly looked like she was about to blow a fuse and start yelling at him. Berry, after a moment, was - oddly enough - the calm one.

The Ruby glanced Lars up and down, furrowing her eyebrows silently, then turned her head slightly in Steven's direction without looking away. "This is someone you knew back on Earth?"

"Yeah." Steven's voice wavered slightly. "Yeah, this- th- this is Lars."

"You get away from him," Lars seethed, taking a few more steps forward. Berry and Tangerine didn't move, the latter snarling back at the pink teenager defensively. Steven stepped forward - not to meet Lars, not really, but putting himself in between the other boy and the gems. His gaze settled over Lars' shoulder, just for a second, staring at the sword on his back, sheathed away. Unconsciously, his mechanical fingers curled around the handle of his scythe a little tighter.

"Steven…" Lars continued forward until he was just in front of the hybrid, and Steven glanced back up at him cautiously. He didn't have to tilt his head back to look up at him anymore; no, now with his limb enhancers, the two of them were neck-and-neck, face to face for the first time ever. The hybrid clenched his teeth, setting his jaw slightly, and flinched back when Lars reached out for him; the pink teenager froze, hand hovering in the air, and stared at the boy. "Steven?" He repeated his name again, a little more worriedly now. "Hey, I'm not going to- you don't have to stay with them anymore. I don't know what they did to you, but if you come wit-"

"I can't…" Steven faltered, glancing past Lars for a second. Nobody had followed him out the ship, but he was still tense, and he didn't really know why. It was _Lars_. "I can't…" He trailed off.

"Sure you can," Lars urged, looking bewildered. "We can take out those two, and-" He stopped, looking even more confused when Steven abruptly reeled back, away from him. The pink teenager jerked back a little himself, obviously startled, when the hybrid stumbled back.

"Take them out-?" He repeated, sucking in a sharp breath. "You mean- you mean shatter them? Is- is that what you're-?" He stopped, turning his head to look around the destroyed clearing. At the gem shards littering the ground, slightly disturbed now thanks to the fight they'd just had. Gems that had just been shattered today, maybe even only moments before Steven, Berry and Tangerine had arrived. Steven recoiled again, tightening his grip on the scythe. _Take them out. He wants to take them out. He's…_ "You're a rebel…" The hybrid breathed, pupils shrinking slightly as he flicked his gaze back up to Lars. "You… you joined… you joined the rebels." Lars blinked, but he didn't respond; he did, however manage to look even more shocked when Steven's surprise abruptly shifted, slowly dissolving into fury. "You joined- you're _with_ them-?!"

"D- Dude, calm down-" Lars stammered, eyes widening. "Yeah, I-"

"Why would you- do you have any idea what's going on?!"

" _Yes_ , I do!" Lars raised his voice, but he stopped himself quicker than Steven had expected; the hybrid leaned back, tense, as the pink teenager shook his head and took a deep breath to calm himself down, clearing his throat. "I know what's going on. And, whatever, I guess, the gems can have their little war-" Steven gawked at him, but he genuinely didn't know what to say to that, "-but they told me they'd help me find you, so I- yeah, I jumped on a ship and we-"

" _My_ ship," Berry interrupted, narrowing her eyes slightly. Lars glanced over at her, and his hand twitched upwards slightly, toward the sword; Steven reacted without thinking about it, spinning the scythe sharply to hold it defensively once again, and stepping aside to block Lars' view.

"Don't," he warned quietly, ignoring the way Lars jerked back. At that point, he didn't care - he was confused, he was angry, he was downright appalled - but he wasn't going to stand there and let Lars attack his friend. He couldn't even fathom why Lars would join the rebels, why he would condone shattering, why he'd have any part in this. Yeah, he was pretty blind to gem stuff (and apparently also blind to _war_ , judging by his comment which had also definitely pissed the hybrid off, considering he'd spent the last month training for said war), but he was sure Lars had to at least understand what _shattering_ was. Or at least, put the pieces of the puzzle together himself. His friend wasn't stupid, and Steven knew that, despite what others thought.

" _Steven,"_ Lars hissed; it was clearly taking all of his willpower not to yell at the hybrid, but honestly, Steven kind of wished he would. At least then it would be something kind of familiar, something he could retaliate against. He didn't want to stand there, defending his new friend from his old friend. He didn't want to be holding a scythe up against Lars, and he didn't want to have the growing fear that he might have to use it. "You don't have to fight for them anymore-"

"I'm not _fighting_ for them," Steven protested, but he faltered again after a moment, and shook his head. "Or, I- I don't- I don't know, maybe I am- but I'm still not going to let you hurt them," he insisted, rolling his shoulders back. He wanted to look behind him, to make sure Berry and Tangerine were okay, but every battle training instinct he had was screaming at him not to turn his back on Lars. "So, just…" The hybrid gritted his teeth, and swallowed. The guilt was worse than ever, the pain was intoxicating. Not really in a good way, though; the way it flushed through him, he felt like it would kill him before any of the rebels got the chance to. But the anger, that was the worst thing. Because he didn't know if he could push that back. And if, somehow, he actually managed to, he had no idea how long he'd be able to suppress it. "Step back, Lars," he finally continued, searching his old friend's gaze carefully. "I don't want to fight you."

Lars stared at him, baffled, and while he lowered his hand from the hilt of the sword, he didn't quite step back. "I don't want to fight you either," he said slowly. "What did they _do_ to you?"

"I…" Steven rolled his shoulders back sharply, breathing in shakily. "Th- This isn't about me-"

"What, are you joking?" Lars uttered, bewildered. "Of course it's-"

"This is about _you!"_ Steven interrupted, desperate to change the subject. "This- This is about you and- the rebels and- why, why would you-" He stopped and forced himself to swallow again, sucking in another shuddering breath and shaking his head. "You should've gone _home-!"_

"And leave you trapped on another planet? Yeah, what a great idea, Steven," Lars snapped. "Because being with these _gems_ has obviously been awesome for you, you look like you're having loads of fun!" At that, Steven jerked his head back a little, but he didn't back away. "I stayed behind so that I could _save_ you. The off-colors overheard some jerk soldiers talking about how you were being punished." Lars curled his lips back, looking absolutely furious, and Steven furrowed his eyebrows silently as he listened. "I didn't want to just leave you here to be- tortured for God knows how long. So, yeah, when the rebels told me they could help me find-"

"I don't need you to save me…" Steven faltered after a moment, letting the scythe droop again. Lars' intentions were good, his heart was in the right place. But the fact that he was doing all of this on Steven's behalf, for _his_ sake, it didn't make the situation any better, and it certainly didn't make Steven feel any better about it either. "You should've taken the off-colors back to Earth," the hybrid told him desperately, shaking his head. "You… you should've gone back home."

"Yeah, and you know what? I will, as soon as you do-"

"I'm not _leaving_ , Lars!"

Lars stared at him, looking more than confused now - he looked desperate, he looked furious, he looked like he wanted to pick Steven up and throw him into the ship himself. "Why _not?"_

"Hybrid," Berry cut in before Steven could answer; the hybrid hesitated slightly, fixing his gaze on Lars for a moment longer before he finally took a step back and turned his head to look over at the Ruby, ignoring the anger that flashed through the pink teenager's eyes. "Your…" Berry paused, narrowing her eyes faintly as she glanced at Lars, " _friend_ here… is right." She didn't give Steven a proper chance to register what she'd said, nor a proper chance to protest. "Look, you've got a ship. You've got my fastest model," Berry added, somewhat begrudgingly. "If you go ahead and leave now, we…" The Ruby's eyes flicked toward Tangerine, who just looked confused. "We'll tell everyone that you were shattered by the rebels, or something."

"You want me to fake my own death to-" Steven cut himself off, breathing in shakily. He turned away from Lars after a moment; at that point, he didn't think his old friend was going to risk anything by attacking the gems, and since Berry was agreeing with him anyway, he figured even Lars had enough common sense to realize she wasn't one of the bad guys. "No, Berry, I'm not- I'm not gonna take the easy way out of this. We- We had a plan, we were going to-"

"Homeworld isn't going to fall apart without you," Berry interrupted. "You should go _home_."

"You can't tell me you're _happy_ with them, man," Lars cut in; Steven turned his head slightly to the side, but he didn't turn back enough to be able to see the pink teenager. "You can't tell me you don't miss Earth, and your weird aunts or whatever, and your dad, and your girlfriend-"

Steven ignored the 'girlfriend' comment, shaking his head furiously and cutting Lars off firmly. "Of course I miss them. I love them! But that's why I need to do this, so _everybody_ can be safe."

"Okay, I don't know what in the name of Homeworld is going on," Tangerine began carefully. "I don't know who the shards this is, and I don't even know if we're still in a fight or not, but you'd better explain it to me fast and leave if you're gonna, because the other team's on their way-"

"He's not Rose Quartz," Berry interrupted sharply, not moving her gaze from Steven's. "He's a hybrid abomination named Steven, and he's half-gem, half-human. He was on Earth before this, and he turned himself in in place of the real Rose Quartz to save his friends so the gems that brought him here didn't take them instead and stick them in the human zoo or kill them. Basically, the actual rebel leader Rose Quartz is gone, he's being punished unfairly by Blue Diamond, he is _not_ guilty of shattering Pink, he _isn't_ happy here," she added, glancing at Lars with a scowl. "And he should go back to Earth while he's still got the chance to be happy again."

"Wow," Tangerine mumbled. "And I thought I didn't understand everything you said _before_."

"It doesn't matter," Steven interrupted desperately. "I'm not going anywhere. It doesn't matter if I'm unhappy here or not! My feelings are irrelevant! What does matter is getting through this war and helping all the other Homeworld gems that are just as- as trapped and unhappy as I am!" He turned back to Lars, spreading his arms out. "Don't you get it? _Nobody_ wants to _be_ here!"

Lars stared at him, eyes widening slightly as he stared at the hybrid, and Steven took the brief moment of silence to calm himself down; he breathed in shakily and turned his head, glancing back at Berry and Tangerine, then looked past both of them. "And you-" He finally managed, turning back to Lars again. "You need to go. You need to get out of here, get off this planet, and fly yourself back to Earth and move on with your life. Because I- I _can't_ go back yet, okay? I can't go back until I figure out how to- how to fix this for everybody involved, not just myself." The boy paused and twisted his mouth into a brief snarl, dropping his arms to his sides again. "And if you haven't shattered a gem yet, then you need to leave before you do. This isn't just a 'little war', this is- this is killing gems who don't _deserve_ to _die_ and you shouldn't be a part of it!"

"You shouldn't be a part of it either," Lars snapped back, but he still looked shocked. "Why do you have to be everyone's hero, huh? Why do you have to try and _fix_ everybody?"

"Because _somebody_ has to, _dammit!"_ Steven yelled, and Lars jerked back, stumbling sharply; his eyes widened further, pupils shrinking, and it didn't take long for Steven to lift his hand to his mouth. He couldn't cover it, not really, but the feeling of his mechanical fingers digging into the sides of his face, pressing against his lips, was grounding enough to render him silent again.

The silence lasted a little longer this time; Berry rubbed a hand over her face, hissing out a quiet sigh, while Lars seemed to be scrambling for something to say, opening and closing his mouth but not being able to spit anything out. It was Tangerine who ended up speaking up. "Quartzy," the small Jasper began slowly, and Steven silently let his arm drop, breathing in shakily and turning his gaze toward his Squadmate reluctantly. "I think they're right," Tangerine finally decided, shaking her head and looking up at him. "You're wrong. Not everyone is as unhappy on Homeworld as you think, ya know? I'm not. I've got Clementine and Mandarin, I get to kick rebel's butts-" Her gaze flicked toward Lars, quirking an eyebrow, before she turned back to Steven. "So if you're really doing this just for us… I mean… most of us are used to it, y'know?"

"That's the _point_ ," Steven pressed. "You shouldn't be used to it. It's… it's _bad_." Tangerine didn't respond, twisting her mouth sharply and looking away; the hybrid stared at her for a moment, then set his jaw and leaned back. Okay, fine. They didn't agree with him, that was fine. But he still wasn't about to just give up and leave. He wasn't going to turn his back on Homeworld. "Fine… fine." Steven paused, breathing in through his teeth and turning back to Lars. "But I'm still not going back to Earth. I'm still _doing_ this," he insisted, "but you need to go while you _can_."

"Dude!" Lars sighed through his teeth, looking exasperated. "Get _real_ , okay? Even _they_ want you to go, man, this isn't worth torturing yourself over! And I'm not leaving without you-!" He stopped, with a startled yelp, and jumped back when Steven swung the scythe upwards at him; he jumped back, but the hybrid had already stopped the weapon before the blade could come close to hitting his old friend, though Lars didn't know that. "Steven, what the _hell_ are you-?!"

"Showing you," Steven snapped, "that I don't want-" He swung the scythe again. "To be saved!"

This time, Lars only leaned back, and Steven let the blade stop only a few inches away from the pink teenager's face; his old friend glanced down at the blade, pupils shrinking slightly, but he stayed still. "Alright, hey, listen, man- I don't know what they did to you, or what they told you-" His hand finally twitched, raising slightly as if he was preparing to grab the hilt of the sword.

"This has nothing to do with me. I'm _fine!"_ Steven lashed out again, genuinely pissed off now. He kept saying that, he kept bringing up _what they did to him_ , like something was wrong, like they were really forcing Steven to do this. Sure, maybe he didn't want to fight, but he didn't exactly have to either, did he? They weren't forcing him, because he hadn't tried to resist. He might be carrying the weight of the war, but it wasn't a burden he complained about. He didn't want to complain - because they wouldn't have put this on him if they didn't need him. They didn't trust him, they didn't even like him, but they needed him. This time when Lars jumped back, he did draw the sword from its sheath. It was definitely gem-made, sharp and glinting purple; the sword's blade crashed against the scythe's, halting the hybrid's next swing.

"You're not fine," Lars said evenly. "You wouldn't be fighting me if you were fine."

"I'm fighting you because you need to _leave_ ," Steven hissed, twisting the scythe to hook it around the blade of the sword, but Lars had pulled his weapon back when the hybrid started moving; he growled and clenched his teeth, somewhat frustrated, but glad that the pink teenager was fighting back. Now they were getting somewhere. "I'm not _going_ , Lars."

"You don't have to kill me to make your point, you know!"

Steven snarled. "I'm not the one on the murderer's side of the battlefield, you know!" He twirled the scythe and stepped forward, lashing out again; and, once more, Lars easily evaded his attack, using the sword to block the scythe. "This is war, Lars, it's not some rescue mission! There's gems being killed, Homeworld's panicking, and I'm the one they sent out here to fix it!" This time, he managed to use the blade of his scythe to jerk Lars forward, hooking it around the sword and yanking his old friend toward him until they were face to face, with the weapons pressed against their chests. "And you're out here fighting with the gems I'm fighting _against!"_

"But you don't have to be fighting at all!" Lars insisted, tugging sharply on the sword, and Steven twisted the scythe sharply to release him, letting him go. "This could all be _over_ if you just-"

" _No!"_

"Steven, for _fuck's sake!"_ Finally losing his patience, Lars lifted the sword and slashed it downwards toward the hybrid; Steven swung his scythe sideways and let the blade crash against the handle, then leaned back and lifted one foot off the ground, slamming it into the pink teenager's stomach. Lars went flying back, slamming back against the side of the Sun Incinerator with a grunt with the sword still clenched firmly in his hand. "Fuck- god- _dammit-"_

" _Careful,"_ Berry shrieked, but Steven knew her concern had less to do with Lars and more to do with the ship. He didn't say anything, lowering the scythe slightly and glaring at his old friend as the pink teenager finally pushed himself up to his feet, not even flinching as he did. He was fine.

"What's the matter with you?!" Lars demanded, gesturing the sword toward Steven. The hybrid narrowed his eyes slightly, tensing. "What did they do to you to make you like- like _this?!"_

"Why do you keep asking me that, huh?!" Steven spat. "It doesn't _matter!"_

"Of course it matters!"

" _I don't matter!"_ Steven screamed, and Lars jerked back sharply, blinking. "This has _nothing_ to do with them and it has _nothing_ to do with _me_ or _what they've done to me!_ I'm doing this because I- I have to, because it's the right thing to do, because _this_ is what I'm _here for!"_

"Quartzy-" Tangerine started, sounding frantic.

Steven ignored her, jabbing the scythe in Lars' direction and storming forward. "And if you wanna think that it's because of Homeworld, then, fine! You go ahead and think that! But you haven't noticed, and nobody else has noticed, that this is practically my entire _life_ wrapped up in a bow! The only difference is that I'm not on Earth anymore, and the gems aren't here to tell me what to do! I am _not_ being brainwashed, I am _not_ doing this because I'm _scared_ of them, and I'm _not-"_ He spun the scythe sharply and slammed it forward, shoving Lars against the ship and pressing the handle against his chest. "Going back to Earth, because _I don't_ _ **want**_ _to go back!"_

Lars stared at him, wide-eyed.

"Quartzy-!" Tangerine called again, a little louder now.

"Hybrid!" Berry snarled when Steven failed to react. " _Look out!"_

Steven paused, turning his head slightly to look back at them, and immediately jerked away from Lars, startled. Berry was battling with a gem, dodging swift strikes and slashes from two whips, and Tangerine was currently using her height - or lack of, honestly - as an advantage against a gem that was even taller than Steven was, tripping them over their own feet whenever they tried to lunge. They seemed to mostly have everything handled, but glancing past them, Steven could see even more gems rushing toward them; and judging by the lack of rings on their fingers, and the maniacal grins on their faces, they weren't the team of Quartzes that was supposed to come help them. Steven turned completely, abandoning Lars for the time being. When it came down to it, his old friend wasn't really dangerous. These gems? They were.

"Steven," Lars began, somewhat shakily now. "Wait-"

"Don't- just, _don't_ ," Steven snapped. "Do yourself a favor and go _home_." He didn't wait for a response; he lunged forward and slashed the scythe down, snapping one of the whips and watching it diminish completely. Berry ducked past the other one with ease and paused beside him, while the rebel stopped and glanced between them, almost looking taken aback. "Where's the other team?" Steven hissed, spinning the scythe sharply and glaring at the rebel. After what had just happened between him and Lars, he wasn't about to entertain the idea of going easy. Right then, if anything, he wanted something to pummel more than ever, and a rebel gem that was probably a shatterer on top of everything else was the perfect candidate for the job.

"Not _here_ , that's where," Berry growled, punching a fireball toward the rebel, who stopped just before she could lash the whip out again to jump back and avoid the fire with a shriek. "Glad you finally decided to join us, I'd ask if you were okay but these aren't the best circumstances to."

"I'm fine." Steven set his jaw, tracking the rebel's movements.

"Convincing," Berry commented. She leaned back when the rebel summoned another whip, and the gem slashed the other one at them while she was distracted; Steven managed to grab the Ruby by the wrist, mechanical fingers curling around her hand, and jump into the air - with a bit of a boost from the limb enhancers _and_ his floating powers - right when she lashed out, narrowly avoiding getting hit. He seemed to have startled the Ruby; he felt her arm wrap around him quickly, felt her fingers dig into his side, pressing against his skin through the uniform. And the contact startled _him;_ they fell, and the hybrid crashed back to his feet with Berry clinging to him.

"Awh," the rebel sneered. "Look at the scared little Ruby."

Steven paused, feeling Berry tense up slightly; she pulled away from him a little, but shook her head when he moved to put her down, twisting her mouth into a snarl. "Hybrid?"

"Mm?"

"Throw me."

Steven blinked, sparing the Ruby a startled glance - but she was serious, as she so often was. So, after a moment of debating on whether or not to actually listen to her, Steven finally lifted Berry enough so that he could chuck her at the rebel. Either she wasn't expecting him to actually throw the little gem, or she was just deaf, but the dropped the whips rather quickly in favor of trying to catch Berry - and Steven couldn't fight back a small, dry smile when the two gems went rolling, with Berry's angry snarls and the rebel's startled yells filling the air.

He rolled his shoulders back and glanced over his shoulder, just for a second. Lars was gone; the Sun Incinerator was rumbling to life, but it hadn't started moving quite yet.

Steven grimaced, sucking in a deep breath and turning back to the others, summoning his shield and watching the rebels get closer, while Berry poofed the one she'd been fighting, and Tangerine - finally getting bored - pulled what seemed to be her signature move now and yanked the gemstone out of the rebel she'd been tripping, bubbling it with a triumphant smirk. "Those soldiers better get here soon," the small Quartz commented, following Steven's gaze as she pushed herself to her feet and tossed the bubble over to Berry, who caught it easily.

"Yeah," Steven agreed quietly, not moving his gaze. "Or we're cracked."

"Literally," Berry mumbled, sending the bubbles to her gem. Steven stayed still for a while, twirling his scythe and holding his shield steady. He was still, silent, just waiting.

But when the rebels finally reached them, he was the first one to lunge.


	14. Chapter 14

Steven swung his scythe forward and shoved his shield upwards, blocking a blow from another rebel as the one he was facing dissipated, poofing into a colorful cloud that briefly fogged the hybrid's vision. He blinked a few times, but he didn't search for the gem through the cloud yet. He turned toward the other rebel that had attacked him, just as the other gem grabbed the edge of his shield and yanked it upwards; Steven just ended up letting it go, but he took the chance while the rebel had their arms raised and jabbed the scythe forward, less with the intention of poofing her and more with the intention of shoving her backwards. She stumbled back, briefly losing her grip on the shield and reaching behind her as if to grab something to steady herself.

The hybrid took the chance to grab and bubble the gem, sending it off to his own gem since Berry was busy fighting two other rebels side by side with Tangerine. He twirled the scythe and waited for the rebel to regain her balance, narrowing his eyes slightly as she managed to push herself forward. He knew he'd had a chance to poof her if he really wanted to, but he still wanted something to take his anger out on right then. Everything he was, everything he knew, ached to feel guilty over it. And later on, yeah, he probably would - he'd probably beat himself over it more than these rebels ever could. But he had to fight them anyway, they had to be captured and taken in so they couldn't shatter anyone else. At least they weren't killing them. So, yeah, for now, Steven wasn't going to give himself the chance to feel guilty. For now, he was going to let himself go, he was going to be the soldier everyone wanted him to be, and _fight_.

He ran his tongue over his lips, lashing out when the rebel lunged. She evaded his attack stealthily - and honestly, it kind of caught him off guard - and grabbed the handle of the scythe with one large hand, snapping Steven's arm to the side and summoning a gauntlet over her other hand. And the hybrid… froze. He froze, pupils shrinking, eyes widening, and just stared.

The rebel's fist connected with his face, sending him flying back.

Steven skidded across the ground harshly, flinching as the rubble cut through his uniform, scraping against the skin on his back. He used one hand to push himself up, lifting the other one to his face. While he couldn't physically feel anything with his mechanical fingers, he could definitely feel the pain throbbing through his nose when he touched it, and he definitely saw the blood dripping from his fingers when he pulled his hand down. And still, despite that, his heart continued to race with the adrenaline coursing through him, the dizziness and the pain only lasting so long before it was replaced with rage. He spat out a glob of the blood that was welling up in his mouth, running his tongue over his lips and glaring up at the rebel in front of him.

The gem was laughing as she reached down to grab the scythe Steven had dropped. Steven let his gaze track her hands silently, staring at the gauntlet. "And here I thought I'd have a challenge," the rebel commented idly, smirking as she snapped the scythe in half to diminish it. Steven just huffed and pushed himself up, wincing slightly. "Coming back for more, are we?"

Stars, these rebels talked too much. Steven summoned his scythe, still silent. This time when she lunged, he was ready; he paused, waiting, watching, calculating, and swung again.

She jerked to the side, trying to avoid the blade, but Steven managed to snag her with it anyway. Not enough to poof her, but enough to make her gasp and throw herself backwards away from him again, stumbling back sharply. The hybrid finally let himself crack a smile, but there was nothing genuine about it; not warmth, not anger. The expression was hollow. "The thing about _that_ ," he finally declared, nodding toward the gauntlet. "Is that you've gotta get close enough to me to actually be able to use it. And here I thought I'd have a challenge." He slid a step back and rolled his shoulders back sharply, twirling the scythe and letting the smile drop. He couldn't really explain why he was so angry with the rebels. He couldn't even say it was just because they were shattering Homeworld gems, because… yeah, he knew that was _bad_ , but… even then, it didn't explain the fury he was feeling. He knew Homeworld had shattered gems. He wasn't stupid enough to expect that they hadn't. But the rage he was feeling toward these rebels was indescribable, it was _irrational;_ at least, it felt that way, and he couldn't fight it.

Maybe he was just thinking too much. He had a habit of overthinking, and if he wasn't careful, it would literally be the death of him in this battle. The hybrid grimaced, and when the rebel lunged again, he decided enough was enough; no more games. He matched her blow for blow; blocking her punches with his shield while she dodged slashes from his scythe. More than once, she managed to get a punch in, but he didn't let her knock him back like that again. And he managed to snag her back a few times with his scythe, but she managed to evade every attack that should have poofed her - and he'd be lying if he said it didn't piss him off even further.

When he finally managed to poof her with a well-aimed slice through the stomach, he caught the gem before it fell and bubbled it to send it to his gem in the next second, scowling as he did. There was no satisfaction to accompany finally taking his opponent down, but it didn't matter. The hybrid paused and turned his head, furrowing his eyebrows silently. The other soldiers had finally arrived, helping Tangerine and Berry finish off the rest of the rebels, and Steven stepped in to help after a moment, seeing as there was nothing else to do but fight them off. He managed to catch one of the rebels that was trying to flee, stabbing her through the chest with the blunt end of his scythe to poof her and kicking another one back toward Tangerine, who jumped up onto the rebel's back immediately to dig her fingers into the other gem's eyes. Steven bubbled the gem with a frown and sent it off to his gem, and lunged back into the battle.

When they finally poofed the rest of the gems, Berry once again checked him and Tangerine over for any injuries, mostly for their gems. Steven was fine, aside from his nose still throbbing like all hell and his lower back still aching from where the rubble had cut into him, but since his gem wasn't cracked and the hybrid dutifully ended up healing his nose, Berry seemed satisfied. And Tangerine, herself, looked more than okay; she was still giggling as the other team's commanding officer - an Amethyst - rounded them up to lead them back to where the ship was.

"Did you see me punching out those rebels?" The little Quartz cackled as she fell into step with Berry and Steven, slamming her fist into her hand with a grin. "I totally destroyed them!"

"I'm just glad we made it out alive," Berry commented, "and _relatively_ uninjured." Her gaze flicked toward Steven as she spoke, arching an eyebrow, and the hybrid only forced a small smile at her in a half-hearted attempt to be reassuring. He was fine, physically; honestly, physically, he didn't really feel much of anything anymore. His nose didn't hurt so much now that he'd healed it, and the only problem was where the rubble had cut him, but even that was rather tolerable. And he'd have a chance to properly heal that later, once they returned to the ship. Besides, he knew Berry's glance didn't have too much to do with his physical injuries. He had a feeling he was going to get a stern talking-to from her about what happened with Lars, and he was fully prepared to launch right back into that argument, whether she agreed with him or not.

"And I also gotta say, Quartzy," Tangerine said suddenly, and Steven rolled his shoulders back sharply as he glanced ahead, somewhat worried she was gonna say something about his interaction with Lars while the other soldiers were present. He didn't want to have to explain that to Blue Diamond, and he didn't want her going after his old friend either. He might be upset, for sure, but that didn't mean he wanted Lars to be taken prisoner or… worse. Steven didn't know if he could die again or not, but he wasn't ready to take the risk and say he couldn't. So keeping what had just happened from Blue Diamond… seemed like the smart move here. Thankfully, Tangerine didn't bring it up when she continued, "ya were kicking butt pretty good too!"

Steven smiled hesitantly at that, fixing his gaze on the ground beneath his feet for a moment as he walked. That should've been praise, it should've made him proud, but it really didn't. He still got no satisfaction from taking down rebels, just more anger. The hybrid sighed, looking up. "Thanks, Tangy," he murmured, lowering his voice slightly and sparing the small Quartz a smile.

"I might have somewhat underestimated your skills," Berry admitted begrudgingly. "I'll be honest, I didn't think you were ready to be sent into battle so soon, but you proved otherwise."

"We were training for a month straight," Steven conceded, biting the inside of his cheek. "To a gem, I guess that doesn't feel like so long, but for me…" He trailed off, faltering slightly. Well, he couldn't say it had been a long, agonizingly slow month that seemed to take forever to go by. It had actually gone by in a blur for him - and it was also the first time he'd realized that, aside from half an hour long breaks in between, he really had been nonstop training for a month. He looked ahead again, toward the other soldiers leading them forward. They weren't as cautious as Berry had been when she led them, seeming more intent on getting where they were going - either they were very confident that the path was secure, or they just didn't care anyway. Either way, it was enough to make the hybrid slow down a little, remembering to keep his steps cautious and flicking his gaze around to make sure there were no buildings for enemy gems to be hiding behind. Berry already seemed to be on the lookout. But Tangerine seemed content to continue on without a care in the world, still hyped on her own adrenaline from the fight.

"Have Blue Diamond and the other Squadrons arrived yet?" Berry asked suddenly, quickening her pace to catch up with the other commanding officer and leaving Steven with Tangerine. The hybrid watched her go, picking up his own pace a little to fall into step with the Jasper again.

"Ya really did well back there, Quartzy," Tangerine said suddenly. Steven blinked and glanced over at her, furrowing his eyebrows slightly. "I know ya don't like fighting, but ya did good."

"I think you were better than me," Steven admitted, but he did offer a smaller, more genuine smile. He did hate fighting, but a compliment was still a compliment, right? Tangerine was his friend, and now she was one of three who knew who he really was, and that he was innocent. "I think you scared pretty much every rebel back there. And I've definitely never seen anybody poof a gem by crushing their eyeballs into their heads…" Despite himself, the hybrid shuddered. That had definitely been something he didn't want to see again anytime soon - but he knew, to a Quartz like Tangerine, she took pride in being strong enough to do that. She might have been small, but she was the best fighter in their Squadron, second only to Agate herself. He loved Clementine and Mandarin, but Tangerine was still the only Squadmate that could match him.

Tangerine cackled again at that. " _Yeah_. My first time doing it, too, ya know. Did'ja hear that rebel squeal? Her eyes are still gon' be hurting when she reforms," the little Quartz declared proudly, and Steven rolled his eyes with a smile. He didn't doubt that at all. "But forget about that," Tangerine added quickly, huffing out another laugh and reaching over to nudge his arm. "What'cha pulled with Angel back there? _Totally_ awesome! Wish I'da been able to see the look on her face, the little pebble…" The Jasper sneered, wrinkling her nose and narrowing her eyes.

The mention of Angel Quartz had Steven scrunching his own face up slightly in response. Yeah, the gem had poofed Tangerine, and had been completely willing to shatter her before Berry had stepped into the fight. Call him protective, but he didn't really have any guilt over what he'd done to her. "She looked _petrified_ ," he finally replied, shaking his head. "But she shouldn't have been trying to run, anyway. She's the one that started the fight, she poofs _you_ , and then she tries to bail the second she realizes she's outnumbered?" The hybrid frowned. That still pissed him off, and he wasn't going to pretend that it didn't. "I guess it doesn't matter. They'll interrogate her, then…" He trailed off for a moment, biting the inside of his cheek as he realized that he didn't know what they were planning to do with the rebels, and that maybe he didn't want to know.

"They might rejuvenate the rebels," Tangerine offered helpfully. Steven tilted his head slightly, thinking. He remembered Berry saying something about that before. "Basically a complete gem-reset. Take away their memories of the whole rebellion and they're back to being soldiers." The small Quartz paused, and heaved out a sigh. "That is, if Yellow has a say in anything…"

"I hope so," Steven sighed. "Even the rebels don't deserve to die." He might be angry, but he definitely still believed that. He didn't want anyone to be killed - he just wanted the war to end. And if bubbling or rejuvenation was the way to end it without anyone else being shattered, then he hoped that was the direction it took. The hybrid fell silent, rolling his shoulders back again. He wished he could just relax for a second; his shoulders were so stiff, and every step he took hurt. He couldn't keep his eyes from bouncing around, either, searching for an enemy that wasn't there. And he couldn't stop, no matter how much he assured himself he was fine.

"Hey, Clementine's back!" Tangerine exclaimed suddenly, and Steven flinched, looking ahead again quickly. A little bit of relief finally hit him when he realized they had reached the ship, but he paused after a moment. Clementine _was_ there, with Agate at her side; their mentor was pacing, hands buried into her hair, and the Jasper had seated herself on the stairs leading up to the building they had decided to use as what Steven could only assume was both of the Squadrons' base. The hybrid also noticed that Mandarin wasn't there, but Tangerine didn't seem to just yet. "Clementine! Hey, Clementine, guess what!" She dashed forward, leaving Steven's side to reach the other Jasper and Agate, who both looked up at the small Quartz as she approached. Clementine looked nothing less than relieved, jumping up to meet Tangerine at once, and he saw Agate take a few steps toward them - but she was silent, tense… worried.

Steven watched, slowing to a complete stop. He watched Clementine sink down again to take Tangerine by the shoulders, looking her over and checking her gem. She was saying something, interrupting the smaller Quartz, but Steven wasn't close enough to hear what she was saying.

"Hey," Berry's voice briefly stole his attention; the hybrid reluctantly tore his gaze away, sparing a concerned glance toward the Jaspers every now and again, but he more or less tried to turn his focus toward the Ruby as she approached him. "You've gotta turn your bubbles in… and you should probably change your uniform," she added, looking him over with a frown. Steven just shook his head slightly to clear his head, looking back toward the Jaspers again after a second.

"I don't… uh… I don't have another," he replied distractedly. "I'm okay."

Berry sighed, briefly following his gaze. "We're staying here until Blue gets here," she warned, and Steven immediately flicked his gaze back to the Ruby, rolling his shoulders back sharply. "She's coming to us with three more Squadrons, apparently. We've got the upper hand right now, I think, but…" She trailed off and shook her head, sighing. "I'm gonna go see if I can call Lemon Lime, make sure everything's okay back there and tell them about the Sun Incinerator." Steven only nodded, and Berry furrowed her eyebrows, searching his gaze. "Wanna come?"

"No- no, that's okay," Steven assured quickly, glancing over at Clementine and Tangerine again. He couldn't help but tense up a little more; the smaller gem had gone frighteningly still, the excited look on her face having given away to confusion, and horror. Clementine was silent now, running her fingers through her hair and rubbing her arm over her face while Agate spoke. "You go ahead…" Steven trailed off, staring. "I've gotta…" Berry paused, following his gaze again, and the hybrid breathed in shakily, leaving her side to walk forward. She didn't try to stop him, but she grimaced as he passed her, looking nothing short of worried. He stayed silent after that until he reached the Jaspers again. He couldn't force himself to walk any faster than he was, and he didn't know why - but he did know he was dreading the interaction that would follow.

"What's going on?" He asked carefully as he made his way over to them, just as Tangerine sank back onto the stairs beside Clementine, her now trembling hands clenched into tight fists.

Clementine spared a desperate look up at Steven, then looked over at Agate. Steven followed her gaze after a moment, the dread twisting in his gut steadily turning into nausea. Agate stayed silent for a moment, flicking her gaze from Clementine to Tangerine and back again; then, after a moment, taking a deep breath seemingly to steady herself, she rubbed her hand over her mouth and turned back to Steven. He knew gems weren't supposed to get tired, but the look she offered him could only be described as exhaustion. "Jasper 6JC was shattered in combat," the taller gem finally said, and while her voice was quiet, it trembled slightly as she spoke.

Steven jerked back slightly. The entire planet was burning, and he was still sweating like all hell, but at that moment, the hybrid felt like he was freezing to death. He looked back over at Clementine and Tangerine, almost appalled, then flicked his gaze back up to Agate. His pupils shrank, opening his mouth slightly - only to snap it shut again after a moment, sucking in a shuddering breath through his nose and shaking his head. "No, no, that can't be- she's not-"

"I c- couldn't- I cou- I couldn't g- _get_ to her," Clementine interrupted shakily. Beside her, Tangerine clasped a hand over her mouth, digging her fingers into the sides of her jaw and ducking her head slightly. Her entire body was shaking now, shoulders wracked with silent sobs; Steven wavered a little where he stood, unsteady on his feet, feeling like he was about to pass out right then and there. Every part of him ached to comfort them, but he didn't know where to begin; he couldn't think, his mind was racing faster than his heart was, the gears in his head churning faster than ever, working double time to try and process the situation. "She was right- right th- _there_ , and I- I couldn't-" Clementine stopped, sucking in a shaky gasp as tears pricked at the corners of her eyes, and buried her face into her legs, hugging her knees to her chest.

"You should sit down, 8BR," Agate mumbled. "I'm getting clearance from Blue Diamond to send the three of you back to Homeworld, none of you are in any condition to continue fighting."

Steven stared at her for a moment, not knowing what to say. He didn't know what to focus on first; what had happened to Mandarin, or the fact that it wouldn't have happened if Agate hadn't decided to send them into battle prematurely - if _Blue Diamond_ hadn't decided to send them into battle prematurely. Sage, and Berry, and even Yellow Diamond, they'd all insisted that they weren't ready, and that they weren't going to be ready yet, but Blue Diamond and Agate hadn't listened. They still sent them off into war, against rebels they knew were _shattering soldiers._ But he didn't say that. He just watched as she turned to head off, and he didn't watch long enough to see where she was going. He didn't care. He did, however, turn back to Clementine and Tangerine, and eventually forced himself to move enough to stumble forward to where they were sitting, taking Agate's advice and sinking down to sit beside Tangerine somewhat clumsily.

He felt his own tears pricking after a moment, brewing at the corners and flooding his eyes until he couldn't see anymore, until everything in front of him became nothing but a wet blur. He lifted his hands, mechanical fingers rubbing against the bottoms of his eyes to try and rub the tears away, but if anything the less-than-gentle touch just seemed to make the blurriness worse.

"I'm gonna shatter them," Tangerine breathed after a moment, her voice hitching with the sobs she was fighting to suppress. "I'm g- gonna shatter th- those- those star-forsaken _rebels."_ Steven didn't say anything, and neither did Clementine - though he figured the other gem probably agreed pretty well with that sentiment. He wondered, for a second, if he had any right to be crying like they were, himself. He wondered if the tears in his eyes were justified, if he had any right to be feeling angry at Agate and Blue Diamond and the rebels that had shattered Mandarin. He hadn't known her as long as Clementine and Tangerine had - but at the same time, that was one of his Squadmates, his friends. That was someone he'd trained side by side with, someone he used to talk to and laughed with when Agate wasn't watching them. He hadn't known her for too long, but he had _known_ her - and now she was gone, dead, _shattered_.

He clenched his teeth to bite back a whimper, knowing the first sound he made would just be the start of many more, would just lead to a complete breakdown, and he couldn't handle that right then. As much as he wanted to scream, and sob, and cry, he couldn't. The hybrid breathed in shakily and ducked his head slightly, curling his fingers into fists and pressing his knuckles against his mouth, and tried to think. Tried to make sense of the jumble of hazy thoughts racing through his mind, tried to understand why this had happened. Why now, why today, why _her_.

 _Why?_ He hadn't known Mandarin that long, but she… she was _good_. She was sweet, and fun, and one of the few gems that had accepted him on Homeworld, despite thinking he was a murderer. She hadn't deserved to die - _nobody_ deserved to die, but she, especially, hadn't…

Steven swallowed and squeezed his eyes shut.

He didn't know how long he sat there, fighting back tears, swallowing back screams and sobs and not daring to make a single sound. Even when Tangerine started sniffling from beside him, which honestly just made the pain in his chest that much worse, he tried to hold himself steady. Even when Clementine suddenly got up, when she lightly pushed her way between the two of them, and wrapped her arms around their shoulders, he kept himself silent. He didn't even flinch away from the contact; he just sat still for a moment before sinking sideways against the Jasper, more so for her sake than for his own. He didn't need her to comfort him, but he knew she needed the comfort herself, and he was willing to offer that in any way he could without speaking, because he still didn't know what was going to come out of his mouth if he opened it. So he leaned his head against Clementine's shoulder, blinking back the tears in his eyes, and finally let himself fall slack after a moment, feeling her thumb rubbing up and down his shoulder through the uniform. It was a simple kind of contact, soft and painless, and it made him want to cry. It made him want to shy away, because after all this time, it was somehow… unfamiliar.

But he stayed still. He might be able to work himself through this - no, he _would_ , because he _had_ to, but he knew Clementine and Tangerine's lives had just been flipped upside down. Right then, more than ever, they needed something to hang onto. He was willing to offer that for as long as he was able to, for as long as he'd be able to offer some kind of comfort, however small.

When the rumbling started, Steven was the only one to look up, lifting his gaze toward the sky silently and blinking back the rest of his tears when he saw Blue Diamond's ship descending. For once, the fear the hybrid held for the gem was drastically outweighed by his fury; she was the one who had sent them out in the first place, despite Yellow Diamond's warnings. If she had just listened and told Agate they couldn't go, then they wouldn't have been sent out to war. And, yeah, he was still pissed off at Agate for even suggesting the idea, but Blue Diamond was the _Diamond_ here. She was the one in command, and honestly… Steven was sure Agate had been punished enough by having a gem from her own Squadron get shattered. But he had a feeling Blue Diamond wasn't going to care. She wasn't going to be as shaken as Agate had seemed.

He watched the palanquin lower from the ship, but Blue Diamond didn't exit. Instead, Agate - who had been speaking to Sage (who had been a sobbing mess for the past five minutes) - offered the gem a quick pat on the shoulder, saying something else to her before rushing off and jumping up the stairs to enter the palanquin without waiting for Blue Pearl to let her inside. That's when Tangerine pushed herself up a little, rubbing her eyes and glaring at the palanquin. "I don't wanna go back," she snarled, gritting her teeth; Steven sat up after a moment, looking over at the smaller Quartz with a frown. "I wanna _destroy_ whoever- whoever shattered Mandy-!"

"You can't fight like this, Tangy," Clementine mumbled. "None of us can. Besides, Mandarin wouldn't want us to stay behind and keep fighting and get shattered, ourselves."

"Mandarin can't want _anything_ ," Tangerine snapped. "She's _dead."_

Steven stayed silent, just keeping his eyes fixed on the palanquin. It wasn't long before Agate exited again - and she didn't look happy, either. She didn't make her way toward them yet, heading back over to Sage after she'd left the palanquin and mumbling something to her, to which the other gem offered a horrified look, interrupting her to say something else, looking absolutely desperate. Steven didn't need to get close to figure out what had happened, and apparently neither did Clementine or Tangerine, because the former muttered after a second, "looks like it doesn't matter anyway." She sounded miserable, voice shaking slightly, as she lifted her hand to rub at her eyes again. "Blue Diamond didn't give clearance to send us back."

Steven had jumped to his feet before he completely realized what he was doing, not sticking around long enough for either of them to ask him what he was doing, or try to stop him. He made his way forward, past the other soldiers, past Agate and Sage as they spoke. He didn't stop to listen, he didn't stop to be seen, he didn't stop until he had reached the palanquin. And he only paused then so that he could jump up into it, grabbing onto the curtain once he reached the top and shoving it aside so that he could walk in, practically shaking with rage, and _pain_.

"You can't keep them here," he snarled at Blue Diamond, before she had the chance to properly process the fact that he had barged into her palanquin without any warning. "You can't make them keep fighting after what just happened! They're- they're _grieving!_ They're gonna get-!"

"How _dare_ you come in here and tell me what I can and cannot do?" Blue Diamond practically spat, pushing herself up a little and standing up. Steven tilted his head back to look up at her, gritting his teeth as she spoke. "And to speak of _grief_ \- you have absolutely no _right,_ Rose Quartz. You cannot _fathom_ how much _I've_ mourned, what _thousands_ of years of _grief_ has done to me because of what you did to Pink. I sent you into this battle for a reason, and we don't just turn around and leave the second someone gets shattered. This is _war_ , there are _casualties-"_

"You, of all people," Steven cut her off sharply, appalled, "should know what grief does to you, and you- you're willing to risk an entire Squadron's life because- because war has _casualties?_ You- you _hypocrite!_ If you really felt that way, you wouldn't be- you wouldn't be obsessed with getting revenge over what happened to Pink Diamond _thousands_ of years ago!" He ignored her startled gasp, and raised his voice even further when she opened her mouth to speak again. "You're just doing this because of me, and I get it! Fine! You want me to fight, I don't care! But you can't punish them on my behalf after everything they've already been through, they don't deserve to have to keep- keep going here when they've just lost someone close to them!"

Blue Diamond stared at him for a moment, curling her lips back. "You are out of _line."_

"So are you!" Steven exclaimed. And he was ready to say more, ready to express all of the fury he was feeling right then and there. But he was jerked back suddenly, a firm hand grabbing his arm and spinning him around. He blinked in surprise when he came face to face with Agate, but she didn't give him the chance to say anything before she had turned to shove him back out.

"What in the name of Homeworld do you think you're doing?!" Agate seethed. Steven spun around to face her again, opening his mouth. "No- _no!_ Go stand with the Jaspers, _now!"_

"But she's going to get them shattered if she lets-!"

"You're going to get yourself shattered if you don't move your gem!" Agate interrupted sharply, and Steven gritted his teeth again, rolling his shoulders back sharply. "And I'd rather not lose another gem on the same day, so do yourself a favor and _go_." She ducked back into the palanquin before he had the chance to argue further. And, honestly, he did briefly consider following - but after a moment, he stepped back and turned to stumble back down the stairs to reach the bottom of the palanquin again, without really intending on making his way back to Clementine and Tangerine. He'd tried, he really had, but he didn't think anything he said was going to get through to Blue Diamond. And he didn't think he could talk sense into her regardless, right then, when he found it hard to really think rationally in the first place, himself.

He stopped and looked up, looking around. Watching the other soldiers rushing around, watching others with screens opened in front of them. Candy looked up from beside Sage, pausing her own typing to catch the hybrid's gaze with a grim, worried look. Steven didn't hold her gaze for too long; he simply continued looking around, until he saw who he was looking for.

He stumbled over to Berry; she was just stepping out of the ship, presumably having just ended the call with Lemon Lime. She glanced up as he approached, and did a swift double-take; at that point, Steven didn't know whether he was still crying or not, but he couldn't bring himself to care whether he was regardless. He couldn't rub the tears away himself, and he wasn't going to bother trying again. "Mandarin's been shattered," he told her hoarsely, throat aching from yelling at Blue Diamond - that and the fact that the lump in his throat hadn't given way at all either, and it was starting to hurt now that the shock had worn off. "And Blue Diamond wants to send us back out to war anyway, and- Berry- they're gonna get shattered, Clementine and Tangerine, they're not ready, they're not in any condition to fight-" He stopped, breathing in shakily.

Berry's face was blank, processing, as she glanced past him toward Blue Diamond's palanquin, then back to where the Jaspers were still sitting; they hadn't moved from their spot on the stairs. After a moment of staring, the Ruby shook her head sharply and turned to face Steven again. "Alright, pull yourself together," she ordered harshly, and Steven blinked slightly in surprise, leaning back slightly. "You're hysterical right now and you need to calm down. C'mon." She turned away from him and reached out to open the ship again. At first, the hybrid hesitated - but, after a moment, he stepped forward to head inside, and the Ruby followed after him with a sigh.

"They're gonna get shattered," he mumbled again, sinking down into the closest seat. Berry positioned herself in the seat in front of him, sitting backwards so that she could face him.

"I…" The Ruby trailed off, frowning. "Could request a four-gem team instead. At the very least, if Blue won't send them back to Homeworld, we can at least keep an eye on them here." She paused, studying him when the hybrid failed to react; he just blinked back another rush of tears and leaned his head back, against the back of the seat with a slow, shuddery sigh. "I'm sorry, about Mandarin," the Ruby finally murmured. "I know she was your friend. And even if she wasn't, she probably didn't need to be for you to care about her anyway," she added somewhat begrudgingly, and Steven just shook his head. Yeah, that was true. Even if they hadn't been friends… Steven had still known her, he'd still trained with her, he was still part of her Squadron. Her being shattered would have shaken him regardless of whether they'd been friends or not.

"We gotta stop the Diamonds, Berry," Steven whispered after a moment. "We gotta stop _her_."

"I know," Berry replied quietly, crossing her arms over the back of the chair. "But the only thing we can do is try and… get through the rest of the war without losing anybody else. I know grief can impair judgment during a battle, but there's nothing we can do about that except hope they'll be able to keep their heads in the game by the time we have to go out and fight again." Steven didn't reply, so the Ruby continued on carefully, "and then when we get back to Homeworld, we… can figure out whatever we're going to do next. I've got an idea, but you won't like it."

"Does it involve me going back to Earth?" Steven sighed through his teeth, shutting his eyes. "Because I think at this point I'm gonna like whatever plan you've got if it's not that."

"It doesn't involve just… _you_ going back to Earth," Berry began tentatively. Steven paused and blinked his eyes open after a moment, turning his head a little to stare at her. He searched her gaze, furrowing his eyebrows silently, and Berry leaned forward a little more. "You, me, Lemon Lime, and whoever else wants to come with us. Once we get back to Homeworld, we just go."

"What about the other gems?" Steven asked tentatively. "We can't just leave them-"

"We won't be," Berry replied firmly. "We're not abandoning them, but let's be real here, hybrid. The longer you stay, the worse it's going to get. And the worse it gets, the more it's gonna break you. And you can't fix everything if you're broken," she warned, and Steven faltered. "So I say we put the 'save Homeworld' thing on hold and get you and whoever we can back to Earth. _Then_ we figure out what we're gonna do about the Diamonds, without them getting in the way." She leaned back and sighed, pulling her arms back. "It's not ideal, but it's better than here. We can get you back home to your family and friends, and you can fill them in on what's going on."

Steven clenched his teeth and swallowed. "I don't even know if I want to go back, Berry."

"I know," Berry replied evenly. "But sooner or later, you're going to have to decide. I just know that we can plan all we want, but trying to do anything from Homeworld… it's too risky." She fell silent abruptly, glancing past the hybrid, and Steven immediately pushed himself up a little to turn around. Thankfully, it didn't seem like anyone had overheard them, since the door was still taking its time to slide back open; when it did, an Amethyst soldier stood there, arms crossed.

"My Diamond wants everyone outside," the Amethyst said simply. "We're making battle plans." She turned and headed off without waiting for a response, and Berry pushed herself up.

"Think about it," she mumbled to Steven, walking past him.

"I will." Steven fell silent for a moment, looking ahead toward the control panel as he pushed himself up and turned to follow, rolling his shoulders back and tensing them up with a frown.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is all over the place... but enjoy some major soldier!Steven because god knows I did

After Steven and Berry turned their bubbles in to Sage, they joined the rest of the soldiers crowding around Blue Diamond's palanquin. He fell in beside Clementine, and Berry stepped up on his other side, sparing the Jaspers a silent glance before rooting her gaze upwards again. As for Steven - well, the hybrid was still having some trouble controlling his own fury, trying to keep himself calm and collected as he rolled his shoulders back and looked up at the palanquin. Honestly, he was surprised Blue Diamond hadn't immediately called him back to punish him, but at the same time, he figured that having to keep fighting was punishment enough in her eyes. And it wasn't even himself he was worried about; he didn't care about whether or not he still had to fight, he wanted to be out on the battlefield now more than ever. But Clementine and Tangerine didn't deserve to have to keep fighting after what they'd just been through.

He glanced down as Agate made her way through the crowd to stand with them, but he didn't keep his gaze on his mentor for too long. She was scowling, eyebrows furrowed so close together that they were almost touching, and Steven could see her jaw twitch as if she was grinding her teeth together. The hybrid spared her a few glances, none of them really lasting long enough to get a good enough look at her, to make eye contact. For the most part, he tried to keep his attention fixated on the Diamond ahead of him, as she finally ducked out of the palanquin with Blue Pearl at her side, brushing herself off and looking across the crowd calmly.

"It's time to strategize a plan to take these rebels down once and for all," Blue Diamond declared, and Steven narrowed his eyes slightly. "And end the war before it can begin."

She launched straight into the battle plans, continuing on firmly, "we've got weapons, explosives, we've got several battalions and ships. We currently have the upper hand, and I'd like to ensure it stays that way. Any prisoners taken are to be interrogated on one of the ships, and kept in cells until further notice. I want said ships to be guarded by a Squadron at all times." The Diamond paused, clearing her throat, and went on, "and I don't see any further reason to continue taking prisoners. From now on, you're welcome to- no, _required_ to shatter the rebels should you get the chance. We're going to show them exactly why Homeworld was the wrong planet to pick a fight with, and that going into war with us isn't something they're going to enjoy." At this, Steven set his jaw; he hated the rebels, he despised them, he was _livid_ with them, but he didn't want to shatter them for it. He wanted to fight them, he wanted to _hurt_ them, and he didn't care whether or not they got reset or taken as prisoners regardless, but killing them…

Killing them was too far. And he was just about to open his mouth, fully prepared to risk pissing Blue Diamond off even further - but he didn't get the chance to do so, because Agate was the one who raised her voice over the mumbling soldiers to be heard across the crowd. "Blue Diamond, your excellency," she began, though her voice was oddly strained, somewhat clipped. "I don't see why we need to shatter the rebels when we can take prisoners and rejuvenate-"

"We will shatter the rebels," Blue Diamond interrupted. "To show them that we're not afraid, and that we're not going to back down from a fight over a few shattered gems of our own."

Steven lowered his chin slightly and glared up at the Diamond at that, even more furious than he was before. Tangerine growled under her breath, Clementine clenched her fists tightly, and Agate sighed through her teeth, nodding. "Right. But the prisoners we take and rejuvenate could prove useful later on, in expanding our armies and bringing Homeworld back to full strength-"

"No," Blue Diamond interrupted sharply. "We're not going to show mercy to these gems. You are to shatter, and that's final." She turned away again, continuing on to the rest of the crowd. "Now, if anyone else has any questions or issues with the way I'm doing things, I'd like to hear it now instead of being interrupted again." This time, Agate stayed silent; Steven glanced over at her, watching his mentor cross her arms over her chest and drop her gaze to the ground, glaring downwards silently. She looked about as livid as Steven was; he had no idea how she was keeping herself calm right then, with as furious as she looked. How she wasn't yelling her throat raw. Steven figured it was the smart move, though - Blue Diamond was her superior, and she probably wasn't going to risk getting shattered over a bunch of rebel, murderer gems anyway. But the fact that she had spoken up against killing them at all… well, it kind of surprised him.

He glanced over at Berry, exchanging a glance with the Ruby, who shrugged.

"The Ruby soldiers are to handle the explosives," Blue Diamond continued after a moment. "We've had various rebel sightings in different areas where we assume they're hiding out, and we're sure there's many more around here. My plan is to send a battalion to each location, and take care of the rebels there." The Diamond grinned then, curling her lips back over her teeth. "Now, does anybody have any questions?"

"Yeah," Agate spoke up again, once more before Steven had the chance to. "I'm not sure about this strategy, your excellency. The rebels are dangerous, perhaps outright provocation isn't-"

"This strategy," Blue Diamond replied sharply, "is an excellent one, and that's not a question. If everything that's going to come out of your mouth is a direct argument, then I suggest you close it." At this, Agate jerked back sharply, curling her lips back into a snarl and opening her mouth. Steven just watched, honestly kind of bewildered but somewhat intrigued by how… argumentative the other gem was being toward the Diamond. He was surprised, but the more he thought about it, the more it actually began to make sense. She, herself, probably wasn't too happy that Blue Diamond wasn't sending them back to Homeworld. For all her harshness, Agate had been obviously shaken over Mandarin's death, and she had certainly looked concerned for the other two Jaspers. Steven furrowed his eyebrows, studying the gem silently.

"I think," Sage began quickly, before Agate had a chance to snap back, "we should probably go and get ready. We've got to prepare our Squadrons and arrange the battalions," she reminded Agate - and, while the gem was still obviously seething, she nodded sharply in Sage's direction. "We've got a lot of preparing to do if we plan to win this battle, don't we?"

"Wonderful." Blue Diamond smiled thinly at Agate. "Then go do that."

* * *

Arranging battalions was a rather simple process of clumping Squadrons together. Agate and Sage's Squadrons, of course, were already together - and two more were added to that, a Squadron of Ruby guards and another Squadron of Quartz soldiers. Steven watched Berry practically go out of her way to avoid the other Rubies while they were briefed on the mission, finding it hard not to get distracted by the way she would grimace in their direction from time to time and roll her eyes as they whispered among one another, seeming just as eager to fight as the other Quartzes were. Occasionally, Steven would also glance over toward Tangerine; there was no excitement in her eyes now, only absolute, pure rage. Her eyes were rooted to the ground, hands clenched into fists and her lower lip quivering from time to time. She didn't seem eager to fight, but Steven knew she'd take the chance to destroy a rebel in a heartbeat.

Beside her, Clementine still just looked tired. She'd look over at Tangerine from time to time, but her gaze never lingered for too long. Steven could see the worry in her eyes, the desperation. And if there was anything he could have said to reassure both of them, he'd be opening his mouth. But he kept it shut, because he knew nothing he said would make any of this right. It didn't make it any easier, and it didn't make him any less worried about them going back into battle, but he was hoping now that they were together, he could keep an eye on them.

They were briefed on the area they were going to, and the route they were taking. Steven was only half-listening, if he was being honest, but he was trying to pay attention. He did, however, look up when - once the briefing was over - Agate paused and diminished her screen to say, "and I know what Blue Diamond said back there, about shattering the rebels," she began. "But it's not a requirement for this battalion. The only requirement is to survive; like I told my Squadron and Hessonite 3AB's Squadron when we arrived, only shatter if you need to. Otherwise, take prisoners. Blue Diamond might not think it necessary, but we need more soldiers, and my Diamond will be more than happy to rejuvenate them when we return to Homeworld," she told the soldiers simply, eyes narrowing slightly as she scowled. "Am I clear?"

Steven nodded with the other Quartzes, but he saw Tangerine duck her head slightly, saw her jaw tense as she flicked her gaze back up to Agate. "Are you sure? It was a direct order-"

"I'm sure," Agate interrupted, but her voice was quiet, almost soft. But it hardened again when she spoke next; Steven watched her eyes trail upwards, and turned his head slightly to glance over his shoulder, following her gaze toward Blue Diamond's palanquin. "She's not my Diamond," his mentor continued firmly, and Steven looked ahead again after a moment, furrowing his eyebrows. "And if she's proven anything in the past few hours, it's that she should leave making the battle plans and strategizing to Yellow," Agate added, narrowing her eyes. "Now, we've got a lot of ground to cover, so let's head off. We're going to stop when we've reached the halfway point to prepare. And considering they know we're here, there's no point in walking, so we'll be taking a battleship. Ruby 5HX, I hope you don't mind piloting one."

"Not a problem," Berry sighed, but she looked surprisingly put-off now. Steven glanced over at her, numbly stepping after the other soldiers when Agate began leading them off, and the Ruby shared a glance with the hybrid and shrugged. "Battleships are loud and rickety, and they're not one of my own. The Sun Incinerator is the only ship I had built for real combat, after Era-1." She heaved out a sigh, but shrugged her shoulders and looked ahead again with a quiet hum. "They're not my first choice for a ship, even outside of combat, but we'll have to make do. Besides, there's no point in giving her a harder time than she's already having," she added begrudgingly, and Steven let his gaze flick toward Agate, tracking his mentor silently.

Despite himself, he had to agree.

* * *

The battleship they boarded didn't resemble the one they'd been in before. In fact, it didn't resemble _any_ of the other Homeworld ships that Steven had ever been in. The ones Berry had built were quite obviously more advanced regarding technology _and_ comfort. The Ruby had been right, of course, the ship was rocky and jostled slightly at any wrong move, and he heard Berry mumbling 'shards' and 'for star's sake' whenever she accidentally pressed a wrong button. Listening to her sometimes quiet, sometimes loud complaints about having to fly an 'older model with nowhere _near_ as much power or speed' was a nice distraction from the anger and grief still clouding the hybrid's mind, as he leaned his head against the window and watched the buildings drift past. The ship definitely was slow, but nobody else seemed to have a problem with that; Steven was sure he wasn't the only one who wasn't looking forward to actually arriving at their destination, if Agate's pacing back and forth was any indication of her own dread.

When they did stop to take a break and prepare, Agate stressed about being careful, about fighting defensively. She stressed about the risks of being shattered, the importance of watching out for your fellow soldiers. She stressed about things Steven had never heard her express any concern in before, and Steven kept himself at full attention as he listened to her. He already planned on watching his fellow teammates' backs, that wasn't the problem. He didn't need to listen to her drone on about being careful and watching his and other soldier's gems, but he did anyway. And he hoped everyone else was listening, too - because it _was_ important.

When they got going again, Steven looked back out the window and summoned his scythe. Nobody asked questions; he caught a glance from Agate, but she only nodded toward him. The hybrid kept himself silent, running his mechanical fingers up and down the handle, and trailing them upward toward the larger blade. He ran them across the edges, down the length of the blade, and trailed them right back up again. He imagined all the rebels he was about to fight, imagine the kind of battle that would follow. It wouldn't be like before; this time he'd be with more than Tangerine and Berry, he'd have several other soldiers to account for. Soldiers that might not make it out of the battle alive, or uninjured. There were gonna be more rebels, too. There was going to be screaming, fighting, explosions. This was war; he had to prepare for the worst.

They weren't even there, and he could already feel the adrenaline. Accompanying it this time, however, he felt cold in addition to the erratic pounding of his heart and the way his brain was spinning. He was still sweating, now worse than ever; the ship was even hotter inside, but he felt cold. He felt cold, and he felt like he had _goosebumps_ , but he could feel the sweat dripping down the sides of his face, the back of his neck. His chest was tingling, stomach churning. He felt like ice had wrapped around his spine, spreading all the way up, through his body. And he was even more tense than he'd been when he'd first boarded the ship. The hybrid breathed in slowly through his nose and sank back a little, leaning his head back and looking back down at the scythe as he clenched his mechanical fingers around the handle and pulled them upwards again, trailing them across the beautiful pink rose-design. He was ready to use it right then, more ready than he had ever been. But it didn't scare him anymore, just made him feel bitter. Bitter toward the rebels, bitter toward Blue Diamond, and bitter toward himself on top of it.

But it didn't make him any less ready, and it didn't make him any less excited to fight. That was what he chalked the feeling up to, as they passed another cluster of buildings. The coldness, the pounding in his chest and the throbbing in his veins. His head hurt, too, but that was nothing new. Regardless, he was excited. Excited to fight, excited to get out there and destroy some rebels on Mandarin's behalf. He decided that was what he was going to do; he was going to get out there with as much enthusiasm and energy as she would have. He was going to rush into battle just like she would - maybe not as recklessly, but certainly as enthusiastically. She wasn't there to take down the rebels that had shattered her. So that's who Steven decided he was fighting for right then; not Homeworld, not anyone else, not Blue Diamond, and not himself. He was going to fight for the friend he had lost today. He was going to fight for Mandarin.

He was going to fight for her and take down as many of those _star-forsaken rebels_ as he could.

* * *

When they finally arrived, Agate directed Berry to land beside one of the buildings. Unlike the demolished, destroyed buildings Steven had seen before, these stood tall and secure. Doors shut, windows intact, even the warp pads looked fresh and new, like they'd been used often. The rebels were definitely staying around here, the hybrid had no doubt about it. At least Blue Diamond had been right about that. He still thought it was ridiculous, the fact that she was sending them right to the rebels, right into the battle. But at the same time, the more the merrier; the closer he needed to get to be able to poof as many of them as he could, the better. So when Agate gestured for them, silent as ever, to leave the ship while Berry opened the door, Steven was one of the first to stand up - with Tangerine pushing herself up to stand right beside him.

He exchanged a glance with the Jasper; the smaller Quartz was silent, searching his face silently. She didn't smile, she didn't offer any other indication that she was just as ready for the fight as he was, aside from the way her hands clenched. They'd been like that since they'd gotten the news about Mandarin's shattering, and they'd stayed like that since.

Clementine pushed herself to stand after a moment, summoning her own weapon. The mallet appeared in her hands, clenched tightly in her vice-like grip as she looked ahead. But she didn't look like she wanted to fight; she looked like she didn't want to be there anymore, and he understood. She'd rather this whole thing wasn't happening, that it had never happened. That they were still back on Homeworld, with Mandarin, just training for something they never expected would be so serious, so devastating. Steven breathed in through his teeth and looked ahead again, following the other Quartzes out and listening to Agate as she spoke from the front of the group. "Keep your eyes peeled and get your weapons out," she hissed to the soldiers who hadn't done so already. Steven spun his scythe silently, looking up toward one of the buildings. "They could have explosives, so we need to watch our steps and keep our ears open."

She raised a hand and the soldiers came to a slow stop, waiting while the taller gem scanned the buildings in front of them. Then, quietly, Agate spoke again, "alright, separate. I want some of you to spread around, search for other entrances to the buildings. They know we're here. The rest of you, surround the rest of the buildings. We're gonna try and push the rebels outside."

Steven wasted no time in walking forward, and Berry and Tangerine were the first ones to follow him, followed quickly by Clementine and a few other soldiers. They circled around one of the buildings, sticking close to the walls and checking windows. There was another door in the back, panel-activated, and some of the windows on the building's left side had been shattered. Berry frowned as she inspected the glass, but Steven didn't waste too much time pondering over it. He circled around once more, this time on his own, and paused at the back entrance.

He waited long enough to hear the other doors to the buildings open, to hear weapons slashing and windows breaking, and battle cries. Only then did he reach out to open the door himself, pressing his hand to the panel like he'd seen done so many times - and Berry was at his side when it opened, storming through the building with him. The other soldiers filed through quickly, with battle cries of their own. But Steven was silent the moment he entered, and he stayed silent even as he lunged for one of the rebels inside, who was a little late to summon their weapon. His scythe clashed with a thin sword, but he didn't bother pulling back to swing again. Instead, he shoved himself forward and forced the rebel gem back, reaching out to grab their arm with his free hand and twisting to kick them back against the wall, yanking the sword out of their hand and pressing the blade of his scythe underneath their chin, against their throat.

The hybrid glanced up to meet the rebel's gaze briefly, then looked back down and shoved the blade forward. The gem poofed before he could see the blade slice through their throat, but he didn't care; he caught and bubbled the gem, and turned around again silently. At that point, the entire building had dissolved into chaos; soldiers were chasing rebels out the front entrance, some of them were fighting and screaming and slashing their weapons around wildly. He scanned the building, for Berry, Tangerine and Clementine; the two Jaspers were fighting side by side, watching each other's backs, and Berry was deflecting a rebel's attack and trying to drive them toward the door. After a moment, Steven lunged forward to help the Ruby.

* * *

The battle was as violent as he'd expected it to be.

At first, the soldiers seemed to have the upper hand. They drove the rebels out of the buildings, kept them rounded up in the same area while they fought. He wasn't sure how long the fighting went on; it felt like hours to the hybrid, and yet he was enjoying it more and more as time went on. The more rebels he took down, or forced back toward a cluster of soldiers for them to poof. Admittedly, he took more pleasure in scaring the gems than anything; he took pleasure in the screams, the fear in their eyes as they backed away, just before he attacked and poofed them. He took pleasure in it and wondered how scared Mandarin had been when she'd realized what was happening, if she'd had enough time to even process the situation. So, yeah, he found satisfaction in toying with some of the rebels, taking his time before he poofed them. As long as he was there, he might as well take some pleasure in it. He could feel guilty over it later.

Occasionally, though, he would make the mistake of looking down, glancing around. And he'd see gem shards under rebel's feet, he'd see them littering the entire battlefield. Every time he did, he wanted to scream - every so often, when he lunged for a rebel, he _would_ scream. He would yell, and roar, just like the other soldiers were doing. He grew more and more furious with every gem shard he saw, but it only served to further double his efforts on the battlefield. It made him fight even harder. He wasn't deterred, no matter how many times he was hit with a weapon, no matter how many scars he received slowly over the course of the battle. In the end, he was always able to poof and bubble his enemy and move on to the next one.

The pain was just another rush of adrenaline, another reason to keep pushing. Every scar, every drop of blood, was just a reminder to stay on edge and fight as hard as he could.

It wasn't long before Agate ordered them to start driving the rebels back, away from the buildings. He was happy to follow the other soldiers' lead as long as it meant he could take his sweet time scaring the rebels he was up against. He swung and slashed and _grinned_. He grinned when he landed a blow, and he grinned when _they_ landed a blow. He grinned for every new scar that was added to his collection; by now he was sure they were all over him, wherever the limb enhancers weren't covering. His legs, his shoulders, his chest. He made more of an effort to guard his gem, but everywhere else they could possibly hit him was fair game. And he nicked them back for every scar he earned, sliced without poofing, attacked just to _hurt_.

Everything else, it blurred and chipped away until there was nothing left but fighting. Nothing else mattered as much as this. Nothing could quite explain the rush he finally received when he let himself stop worrying about hurting them, and let himself really get into the battle.

At first, they had the upper hand. He didn't consider how quickly that could change.

* * *

The fighting lasted a week. Steven hardly noticed.

But he noticed every soldier they lost. He noticed every rebel he poofed. He noticed every gem shard on the floor. He noticed every time the numbers dropped, and every time they rose again. More rebels joined the fight as the soldiers forced them back. They seemed to come out of nowhere, ships descending from the sky, explosions rattling the ground around them, kicking up dirt, shattering buildings, creating craters. Whenever he heard the screams, the warnings, he'd bubble himself and the nearest soldiers until it was over. He kept his eyes on Berry, Tangerine and Clementine, just to make sure they were nearby and holding their own. Clementine was clumsy, distracted, but Berry ended up joining her and Tangerine, sticking by their sides as they fought. She guided them away from the explosions, kept them surrounded by other soldiers.

Steven was the one that wandered, fighting alongside other Quartzes and helping them whenever he could. The week dragged on, a week full of literal, nonstop fighting. He saw gems get poofed, he saw them get shattered, he saw them get cracked. The only break he got in between poofing rebels was when he was called to heal any gems injured in the fight. He would slash and shove his way through fighting gems to heal whoever he needed to heal, and when it was done, he'd throw himself right back into the battle. It was the only way to keep himself busy, to keep his heart pounding, blood pumping, adrenaline pulsing. To keep the guilt from getting through, to keep the grief from clouding his mind, to keep the anger from eating him raw.

He focused on the adrenaline, the excitement, the satisfaction that came with the fight, because it was the only thing he could focus on at the moment that didn't make him feel sick.

Over breaks, he was informed of how long it had been. The progress the other battalions were making. And he was to report every bit of news back to Agate when he returned to the battlefield, and he did so dutifully in between poofing rebels. He dropped off the bubbles he collected in the process, and ignored the confused looks he received in response. He didn't care what Blue Diamond would have to say about it - he was following his Agate's orders first.

He did notice when the progress reports steadily began to decline. He did notice, when more and more soldiers turned up injured, cracked to the point of almost shattering. Every time he returned to the field, he took his anger out on a few more rebels before he had to retreat again. Sometimes he found himself wishing he could crack them himself, but he didn't attempt it. He could scare them all he wanted, but even through his fury, and through the adrenaline, he knew he wouldn't be able to forgive himself if he cracked another gem, or if he pushed himself too far and actually shattered a rebel. He'd be able to forgive himself for giving them a little scare, for toying with them a little bit before they poofed. So he stuck to doing what he could live with.

"Our battalion is retreating," one of the Quartzes told him as he knelt down to heal the gem embedded in her stomach, with a thin crack down the center. "I think we're losing, Rose."

Steven didn't say anything, pressing one of his mechanical fingers into his mouth and reaching out to lightly press it to the gem. The Quartz shuddered, but she relaxed again quickly enough with a sigh, watching the crack seal itself shut as the hybrid pushed himself back up to stand. "If they're retreating, you should catch up to them while you can," he advised quietly, shaking his head slightly and reaching up to brush his sweat-soaked curls out of his face. "Be careful."

"Thank you," the Quartz told him genuinely as she jumped to her feet and turned to head off with the other soldiers that had brought her there. Steven waved a quick goodbye to them and reached over to grab his scythe from where it was propped up against one of the buildings.

He hefted it over his shoulder as he made his way back to the battlefield, following after the Ruby guards that often accompanied him. They ran straight back into the fight when they finally arrived, and Steven paused to scan the battlefield carefully - making sure he could see his friends before anything - and then finally made his way forward, using the scythe to smack a rebel out of his way and slashing his way between a soldier and another rebel that were fighting. "The battalion stationed near the Alpha Kindergarten is retreating," he yelled to Agate.

" _Shards!"_ Agate snarled, lashing her whip around the rebel she was fighting and turning to sling them back toward one of the nearby buildings, which had long been reduced to a pile of rubble. "We're going to have to retreat," his mentor spat, turning back to face him again. "We're losing."

"We can't retreat!" One of the soldiers shrieked. "We're so close-!"

"There's too many of them," Agate snapped. Steven grimaced slightly and swept his gaze around, then turned his head slightly to the side. The whistling was faint, but audible.

"Incoming," he mumbled, then breathed in and raised his voice as loud as he could, already forming a bubble around him and the soldiers that were clustered around him. " _Incoming!"_ He shouted, just before the bubble had closed, and lifted his scythe to slam the blunt end downwards at a rebel that had gotten trapped inside with them. He sliced through their stomach - just barely missing the gem, he noted somewhat numbly - and the bubble filled with the cloud that puffed up when the rebel poofed, briefly blocking sight of what was happening outside. The hybrid squeezed his eyes shut and ducked his head for a moment, rolling his shoulders back. The explosions were probably the second worst part about the battle, the way the ground shook and rumbled, the fear that his friends and fellow soldiers might not have survived the blast.

"She's right," one of the soldiers he'd bubbled growled, slamming her fist against the side of the bubble. "Shards, she's _right_. We're still too fragile. After all this time, after the _first_ war…"

"We're not fragile," Steven protested, opening his eyes again.

"Well, we're not strong enough for another war," another soldier muttered. "This just proves it."

Steven shook his head slightly, not responding. He felt the explosion hit; he felt the heat, through the bubble, he felt them move and skid a little. He held onto his scythe and let himself move back with the bubble, avoiding the other soldiers inside as he also tried to avoid falling. The blast launched them upwards a little, but they only went a few feet at most before the bubble dropped again, rolling to a stop. He waited a moment, peering through the bubble to get a glimpse of the other side, making sure the rubble had stopped flying and that there were no more explosions before he spun the scythe and shoved the blunt end upwards against the top of the bubble to pop it, letting the other soldiers fall free and landing carefully on his feet.

"Homeworld, retreat!" Agate was shouting to the soldiers. She'd taken cover in one of the craters, with a few other Quartzes. Steven looked around until he saw Berry, Tangerine and Clementine again, only allowing himself to completely relax when he saw the three of them climbing out after his mentor, spitting out dirt but otherwise looking unharmed. " _Retreat!"_

The victorious yells of the rebels drowned out the disgruntled, disappointed mumbles of the soldiers who weren't already fleeing the battlefield. Steven was a little reluctant to leave, himself; he took another quick look around, but he stepped back to follow after the other soldiers after a moment. He couldn't fight this battle on his own, he couldn't stay behind and take all the rebels on himself. He couldn't bring himself to feel disappointed, or relieved that they were retreating - if anything, the only emotion he could feel right then was an almost blind fury. After all this fighting, they had still lost. And this was what Blue Diamond had kept them there for. This is what Blue Diamond had made them stay behind for, had made them risk their lives for.

This is what Mandarin had risked her life for. Died for. For Homeworld to lose.

He clenched his scythe hard enough to dissipate it, backing away and spinning around to follow the soldiers, before he could let his anger get the best of him and did something he'd regret.


	16. Chapter 16

Steven stared out the window of the battleship, staring down across the battlefield.

It was still hard to relax, even now. They'd made the quick trek back to the ship they'd brought to the fight, and were on their way back to where Blue Diamond was. The hybrid was having a hard time calming down, controlling his fury. He didn't even know why; a part of him knew it was irrational, it had to be. He didn't get this angry over anything. And, yeah, he'd never had someone he cared about die, but… it was still weird, for him. This anger, this rage, it was unnatural. It was blind, it was different. Steven leaned his head back, breathing in slowly through his nose and closing his eyes. He didn't know what he was going to do when he got there, but he knew he had to keep his mouth shut and try to stay out of more trouble. _Don't speak to Blue Diamond, do not pass go, do not collect…_ the hybrid frowned, furrowing his eyebrows slightly, but he gave up after a moment. _Whatever. Just watch your gem here._

After all, it'd be a shame to survive the war and end up getting shattered for telling Blue Diamond what an absolute idiot she was for sending them into battle… Steven swallowed and clenched his teeth, trying in vain to stifle his anger. Toward her in particular, yeah, it was hard not to be bitter, for more reasons than one. Reasons he didn't really want to think about then. The hybrid breathed in through his teeth and opened his eyes again, rolling his shoulders back and letting the rumbling of the battleship bring him back to the present. He glanced ahead, toward where Berry was piloting, then swept his gaze around again. Tangerine was beside him, Clementine was behind them. He recognized most of the other Quartzes and Rubies, soldiers he'd fought beside during the length of the battle. He saw the empty seats where others had sat.

Where they should be sitting. Steven swallowed again, turning his head away again when the anger began to twist, churning into the guilt and grief he'd been trying to avoid feeling. Tangerine's head turned toward him briefly, and he saw the little Jasper pause, studying him. But he only really turned his head to glance at her when she pushed herself to sit forward and leaned toward him, whispering. "You haven't healed yourself, Quartzy. You okay?"

"M'okay." Steven paused, studying her. "Are you okay?"

Tangerine slumped back in her seat again and shrugged, half-heartedly blowing a tuft of hair out of her eyes and turning her head toward the window. "'Bout as okay as I can be, I guess." She fell silent, looking toward Clementine, and Steven followed her gaze with a frown. "I will be…" The smaller Quartz trailed off, but she didn't need to continue - Steven understood.

The hybrid breathed in through his teeth and looked down at his torn, battered uniform, stained with his own blood. Unconsciously, he brought his mechanical fingers up to curl them against the fabric, knowing full well that he wouldn't be able to feel anything through the uniform, but not caring regardless. He could still feel the pain of the injuries as he pressed against them, scars that undoubtedly littered his body. His chest was the worst, he noted numbly. He could feel the pressure there, the stinging, the aching of bruises. He trailed his hand down slightly, letting his fingers curl against his gem after a moment, and looked down at it carefully. It was fine.

Steven sighed, letting his fingers clench around the gem for a moment longer before letting his arm fall away again, and looking up when the ship finally slowed down. They hadn't taken any breaks this time, not stopping halfway to their destination. Why bother, after all? They wanted to get back as soon as they could, and get back to Homeworld even faster. The hybrid bit the inside of his cheek and glanced over at Agate for a moment, silent. She wasn't pacing now, sitting beside Sage while Candy typed away on a screen, probably notifying the other battalions that they were retreating. For a moment, he wondered what _she_ was going to say to Blue Diamond; he wondered what Blue Diamond would say, even, about them retreating. It wasn't like she was fighting, it wasn't like she was in the battle. She wasn't there, she didn't know how hard it had been, she hadn't seen how many soldiers they had lost, how many soldiers she had cost them singlehandedly with her orders, with her battle plans. He wondered if she'd care.

If there was a sliver of… compassion somewhere in there. It would go against everything Steven believed to assume that there wasn't; angry as he was, he had to believe there was good in everyone, right? He had to believe people - gems and humans alike - could be good. Even these rebels, even Blue Diamond. It was getting harder and harder to think like that, after everything the rebels had done, after everything Blue Diamond was putting him through. But he wanted to believe it was just his fury making him think that way right then; he wanted to believe it was the stress, the lack of sleep, the irritability making him think that way. He wanted to believe that maybe he'd feel differently later on, that maybe there could still be a chance left.

A chance left to make everyone happy, to fix things. If there wasn't, then he didn't know what he was doing anymore. Steven shook his head and looked up, staring through the window again.

The ship had slowed even more, Berry's cautious landing bringing them closer to the ground. He saw Blue Diamond's arm ship hovering in the air, and her palanquin just below it. She hadn't moved at all; she was still sitting inside, he could see her form outlined through the curtains. He could see the soldiers surrounding her, soldiers they could have definitely used in battle. Guarding her, a Diamond who probably didn't even need to be guarded to begin with. In fact, Blue Diamond didn't even need to be there at all; she wasn't helping progress the battle. She had just helped them lose it. The hybrid clenched his teeth, looking away as they landed. The moment the ship had stopped rumbling, Berry jerked her hands away from the control panel and spun around with a disgusted expression on her face. "Can't wait to fly a good ship now…"

"I have to speak with Blue Diamond." Agate stood up, along with Sage. "Ruby 5HX, if you would please direct mine and Hessonite 3AB's Squadrons back to the ship…" She didn't have to finish, Berry was already rolling her eyes and nodding, and the other gem turned on her heel to open the door and leave. Steven let his gaze track her silently as she left, and he watched Sage hesitate - just for a second - before she turned and rushed after Agate, ducking out of the ship.

"Alright, you heard the gem," Berry sighed. "Up and at 'em, everybody get out."

Steven stayed where he was for a while, just watching the other soldiers file through. It was over, just like that; the rebels had won so quickly, it didn't even feel like Homeworld had really had a chance to begin with. Thinking of everything they had lost, of every soldier fallen, every gem that had lost someone they cared about, it was just another rush of grief driven right home where it hurt. That kind of ache in his chest wasn't nearly as welcome as the physical pain - hell, he knew he could easily do without either of those things right then, and he didn't think either of them were going to get any better, either. The hybrid grimaced, finally reaching forward and grabbing onto the back of the empty seat in front of him to pull himself to his feet. Tangerine and Clementine had already left with the other Quartzes; Berry had paused between the seats while the other Rubies headed out, watching them with obvious disdain as they clambered over one another. The hybrid made his way through the rows of seats to stand beside her, still quiet.

"Hi," he mumbled, letting himself slump forward against one of the seats and watching the Rubies for a moment. Berry let out a quiet hum of acknowledgement to him, crossing her arms and leaning herself slightly to the side against one of the other seats; Steven let his gaze linger for only a few seconds longer before he glanced back over at her. "How're you doing?"

"I'm not falling apart," Berry replied pointedly, glancing at him. It didn't take long for her firm expression to soften, though, reluctantly searching his gaze for a moment before looking away again with a sigh. "I told you there was nothing I could do to prepare you for this, hybrid."

"I'm okay." Steven stretched his arms over the back of the seat, sighing.

"Bull," Berry snorted. "It's your first battle. If you're not shaken after everything you've just been through and seen, _then_ I would actually be worried about you," she remarked, rolling her eyes. Steven fell silent after that, but he let a hesitant smile linger on his lips for a moment. Well, he didn't have to confirm or deny anything; Berry wasn't really the emotional type, not on the surface. She wasn't going to ask him how he was feeling now, she wasn't going to pry and press about him being _shaken_ or otherwise, and Steven really, really didn't want to talk about it right then anyway. As far as the entire battle went, he didn't think he wanted to talk about it with anybody at all. "Hopefully it's over now, though," Berry mumbled. "If Blue lets us go, anyway."

Steven stayed silent for a while, eventually lowering his head into his arms and heaving out another gentle sigh. The rage still hadn't faded; he wondered how long it would be until it did, how long he'd have to deal with the blind fury he still couldn't seem to shake, the irrational anger he couldn't place to save his life. For all that he didn't want to talk about it, that didn't quite stop him from letting out a quiet mumble of, "this sucks." Mostly for his own benefit, mostly to himself. Berry glanced at him, and Steven hesitated for a moment before shrugging. "It does. It… sucks." The hybrid bit the inside of his cheek, lifting his head again. "I couldn't _do_ anything. I got sent out here to help in the first place, to- to try and end the war and win, and I couldn't do it."

"Yeah," Berry scoffed. "Because you're one person. You're a fourteen-year-old hybrid abomination with no battle skills or knowledge. You weren't going to be able to fix this."

"Thanks," Steven muttered, gritting his teeth.

Berry sighed through her teeth, shaking her head. "That's not what I meant. Nobody in your position would've been able to make a difference like that," she grumbled. "One soldier can't carry the weight of an entire war and expect to come out on the winning side. It's not about resilience or strength - it's about numbers. _War_ is about numbers and experience. You can march in there with the best intentions possible, you can fight for the noblest cause, you can be the best person on the face of this star-forsaken universe." Berry rolled her eyes. "But the universe doesn't care. Death doesn't discriminate. Wars don't end because someone wants to save the world. War doesn't care whether you're a good person or whether you're a bad person. And one good person," she added pointedly, flicking her gaze over his face carefully, "isn't going to be able to fix all of the bad there is. You can't save everybody, hybrid. Trying to be everyone's hero isn't going to save anyone, it's going to break _you."_ The Ruby paused, glancing toward the entrance to the ship, and pushed herself up with a grunt. "What you're experiencing right now, it's called survivor's guilt. That's what happens when you think you're responsible for the fate of everybody in the universe. So do yourself a favor-" She glanced at him again, "-and try to stop."

"That's not-" Steven stopped and clenched his teeth, swallowing. "I can't _stop_ , Berry, this is- this is what I'm here for. This is what I'm supposed to do. I'm supposed to- to fix everything to help people. And I'm not just supposed to, I _want_ to." He paused and sucked in a shaky breath. "You're right. I can't save everybody. I know I can't. Now, more than ever, I _know_ that-" His voice wavered slightly, the grief finally cracking through the anger once again. "But I still have to try for the ones that I can save, right? I can't just give up on the rest because I failed a few times. And I can't just forget about everybody else just to keep myself from- from breaking, and…"

"You can't save anyone," Berry told him simply, "without looking out for yourself first. Going in blindly and expecting to be able to fix everything when you're falling apart yourself is…" She trailed off, and heaved out a sigh. Steven didn't say anything for a moment, glancing away.

"I'm fine," he finally replied, cautious. "I'm just…"

"Beating yourself up over every little thing you can't control?" Berry retorted. "Yeah, that sounds perfectly fine to me. Either you've got a martyr complex, or you actually, genuinely believe you can save the world on your own. Whatever the case, it's going to destroy you in the end if you don't stop lying to yourself and figure out that you can still be a good person without piling the entire universe on your shoulders." She didn't wait for a response, pausing and glancing toward the door, and let out a grunt when she saw that the rest of the soldiers had left. "Finally."

Steven stayed still, watching her silently as she turned to leave the ship. The anger was still there, and he was having a hard time not directing it toward Berry. She was wrong; he was fine. He was going to _be_ fine, he just needed to suck it up long enough to figure out what to do now. The hybrid pushed himself up after a moment, reluctantly following the Ruby. He was fine.

Berry made a direct beeline for the ship they'd taken from Homeworld, calling over a few of the soldiers who had stopped to talk to the other Squadrons. But Steven paused to look toward Blue Diamond's palanquin, just for a second, as he walked. He could still see her figure through the curtain, and he could see Agate and Sage inside, too. Both of the larger figures were tense, he could tell; he could see his mentor moving her hands slightly, gesturing furiously as she spoke, and Sage would reach toward her every once in a while as if to comfort her. As for Blue Diamond, it wasn't hard to see she was angry; he could see the way her hands were curled around the arms of her chair, he could see the way she turned her head downwards as Agate spoke. It was obvious they were arguing, and Steven knew why; the hybrid set his jaw and grimaced, staring for a moment, before turning to board the ship with the rest of the soldiers.

He sat down and watched the other soldiers bustle around, oddly quiet now as they took their seats. Tangerine sank into the seat beside Steven, and Clementine sat behind them after a moment, leaning forward and crossing her arms over the back of Tangerine's seat with a sigh. Steven glanced over at them, letting his gaze flicker from one to the other, then turned his head to look back out the window, rooting his gaze back to the palanquin once again. And he let his gaze linger, just staring, until the curtains opened and Agate, Sage and Candy finally left, watching them make their way to the ship and continuing to stare as they each ducked inside.

"Chart a course for Homeworld," Agate ordered stiffly. Berry was already brushing her hands over the control panel, the ship rumbling to life as she prepared for takeoff. "We're going home."

Steven finally let himself relax, leaning his head back and closing his eyes.

* * *

He didn't think he'd ever be so relieved to arrive on Homeworld, but the moment he saw the familiar planet through the window, the relief was almost painful. Berry directed them toward the shipyard - Steven saw her smile to herself at the sight of the lab, the rows of the other ships, as she carefully lowered them down to land. The hybrid stayed still, even when the ship finally landed and Berry swiped her hand over the panel to turn it off, but Agate had stood the moment the planet had come into view, pacing over to the door and preparing to open it the second she could. He heard it hiss open the second the ship landed, and the soldiers immediately leaped to their feet to rush out of the ship - even Tangerine, who was right at Clementine's side now as the Quartzes rushed to leave, clearly relieved that the battle was over - when Agate called out, "everybody out. Blue Diamond will be arriving behind us shortly, with the other Squadrons."

Berry was quick to leave, herself; she wasted no time moving forward and jumping out of the ship behind the other Quartzes. It took Steven a few seconds to be able to heave himself up, and he winced as he did so. Sitting still didn't do anything for the pain; the adrenaline had worn off completely by then, and it seemed like the wounds and the exhaustion was finally catching up to him. He turned, wincing again as he turned to leave the ship, only for Agate to stop him.

"You did good out there, Rose Quartz," she told him quietly, and Steven blinked, furrowing his eyebrows slightly as he stared at her. "You did really good. Go take a break with your friends." She glanced outside again, and Steven paused, watching her eyes drift toward where Berry was already heading toward the lab. She knew - Steven wasn't surprised, not really, about that in particular. But he was surprised by how she had seemingly just accepted the fact that Berry didn't actually scare Steven as much as they wanted everyone to believe she did. He was surprised that he wasn't in _trouble_ for the act that they kept up. But at that point, tired and in pain, he decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth. He wasn't going to question Agate's sudden leniency; he was just going to be grateful and take her advice, and try to relax.

"I- uh- thank you-" He mumbled quickly, stepping past Agate to continue on his way. The other soldiers were disbanding, most of them being led away by Sage. Steven glanced over, briefly catching Candy's gaze, and he watched the Pearl pause and turn to say something quickly to her owner - and when Sage nodded, she wasted no time in turning and running over to where Steven was, and the hybrid slowed to let her fall into step with him, glancing over at the Pearl and pinching his eyebrows together slightly as he studied her. "Hey… is everything okay?"

"Blue Diamond wanted you taken to your Room," Candy told him breathlessly, and Steven stopped walking completely, rolling his shoulders back. He looked ahead at the lab, tense. Right, his little outburst back at the Pyrope Colony. He had figured he wouldn't have been let off the hook so quickly, but he was still frustrated regardless. She really was just a bitter, petty Diamond with too much power in her hands. Steven grimaced, but he turned after a moment, fully prepared to let Candy lead him back to the Room. He wasn't going to put up a fight with her and risk getting her in trouble; she was just following orders. But then, to his surprise, the Pearl shook her head and offered him a grin. "But she's not here yet, so we've got a few minutes."

"Really?" Steven hesitated, glancing toward the lab again. He wanted to see Lemon Lime again, wanted to take a moment to relax with his friends before he was swept off for yet another punishment, but he also didn't want to risk getting Candy in trouble if they got caught. He did wonder, for a second, why Agate hadn't mentioned anything about going to the Room, but he brushed the thought off after a moment. Blue Diamond had probably just told Candy - she and Agate didn't exactly seem to be on the best of terms right then… "I don't wanna get you in tr-"

"I'm fine," Candy assured quickly; she was already walking forward, heading for the lab. "And I'll have you there before Blue Diamond gets here, honest. Her Pearl will tell me when they reach Homeworld, and we can just use the warp pads." She offered him a smile over her shoulder, and the hybrid hesitated for a moment longer before giving in and following. "Besides, between you and me, I've been aching to see Lemon Lime again anyway. I missed that little weirdo." She reached out to open the door; it had closed behind Berry the second the Ruby had entered, and judging by the angry squeaking coming from inside, she was probably definitely regretting her decision to willingly approach Lemon Lime right then. Steven breathed in and steeled himself, stepping through the door after Candy and glancing back as it slid shut behind him again.

"Lemon Lime, put her down before she poofs you!" Candy exclaimed, but she was laughing. Steven paused and glanced ahead again, unable to bite back a somewhat surprised laugh himself when he saw that Lemon Lime had completely trapped the Ruby in their embrace, hugging her tightly to his chest like she was a stuffed animal. Berry certainly wasn't pleased by that; she was wriggling and snarling, letting out unintelligible shrieks that sounded like they could have been threats, but Steven wasn't sure. Luckily for Berry, though, she wasn't the only one Lemon Lime seemed to have missed; the Peridot dropped her the moment he looked up at Steven and Candy, and rushed forward to give them the same treatment. And, despite himself, Steven found himself stepping back while Candy practically threw herself forward to hug them.

"Oh, thank the stars you're okay-! I'm so glad you're back," the Peridot gasped, squeezing Candy hard enough that Steven honestly thought they were going to poof her. But they managed to pull away, and the pink Pearl was laughing as they did, shaking her head.

"Of course I'm okay. I wasn't even fighting!"

"Still," Lemon Lime insisted, turning to face Steven again. The hybrid offered a hesitant smile, silently bracing himself for the hug he knew he was about to receive, and didn't have the heart to turn down. He clenched his jaw tightly so he wouldn't make a sound when he was pulled into the Peridot's arms, breathing in shakily through his nose as he felt Lemon Lime's limb enhancers pressing into his back, against some of the scars he'd received there. Still, he wrapped his arms around the Peridot in return, even offering them a small squeeze. He wasn't sure what to make of the relief he felt when they finally pulled apart, or the way he could feel the touch of the other gem's limb enhancers and the way their fingers curled into the back of his uniform still lingering even long after Lemon Lime had pulled away and turned.

And he wasn't sure what to make of the fact that if he didn't have to receive another hug ever again in his life, it would be too soon. He used to love hugs, he used to relish any physical contact and affection he could get. So he chalked up his sudden aversion to contact to the anger and irritation that was still continuing to linger, to the stress he was still feeling, even now.

"You actually had them rearrange my tools," Berry muttered, looking around.

"Yeah," Lemon Lime replied hurriedly, looking excited. "I didn't mess with anything in your lab, though, I figured you'd want the stuff in there the way you left it. But I kept the other Peridots busy and I did what you told me and tried to keep everything in order-"

"You did fine," Berry replied distractedly. Steven, finally recovering from the physical contact, rolled his shoulders back and looked up just in time to see Lemon Lime's expression shift, excitement immediately fizzling into pride and their eyes widening slightly as they looked down at Berry, who - to her credit - either didn't know the effect her words had on them or was adamantly refusing to look up at them and check. "Better than expected, so, there's that."

Lemon Lime whimpered. "I'm gonna hug you again."

"Don't you _dare!"_ Berry finally looked up, jabbing a finger in their direction. "You know the rules, I get to praise you every so often but you're not allowed to express any physical affection!"

"You can't praise me and then expect me not to show you physical affection!" Lemon Lime argued, and Berry stumbled back when they stepped forward, opening their arms up to the Ruby. It wasn't long at all before Berry had taken off to the other side of the lab, screeching at the Peridot to leave her alone, while the taller gem dashed after the Ruby. "Accept my love!"

" _Never!"_

Candy laughed as she watched the two, and Steven managed a small smile after a moment. It felt… it felt nice to be back on Homeworld, despite everything. It felt nice to be back, with his friends, the gems he'd grown to love and care about. The gems he was still determined to save. He still had a lot to figure out - and he knew, he _knew_ he had to work through the anger before he did anything else. Rage like this was only clouding his judgement, and at least his mind was clear enough now to realize that. He just had to figure out how to work with it, to work through the constant irritation and the fury he couldn't shake. At the very least, he needed to figure out how to shove it down; he was usually so good at suppressing his anger, but it was getting harder and harder to do so the longer he spent on Homeworld. But that just meant he needed to work even harder. If he was cracking already under the pressure, he needed to learn to _adjust_.

Maybe some time alone would actually do him some good.

"Hey," he called out as Lemon Lime finally caught up to Berry, scooping the little red gem into a hug from behind while she wriggled and squealed. Despite how averse _she_ seemed to physical affection, Steven could see the corners of her lips tugging upwards anyway as she writhed in the Peridot's arms, the smile she was fighting and the laughter she was shoving down in favor of shrieking her disapproval and disdain. He had seen her in battle, how quickly and easily she could maneuver herself away from an enemy. If she really wanted to, she would have broken out of Lemon Lime's grip by now - and he was sure the Peridot knew that just as well, themself. "I've gotta go back to the Room soon. My- Blue Diamond's still a little upset with me."

"What?" Lemon Lime offered a dubious look, not letting go of Berry. But the Ruby had stopped struggling anyway, pausing in her half-hearted efforts to get away and staring at the hybrid with an almost perplexed expression - ah, right, Steven hadn't told her about his little outburst toward Blue Diamond… but he had a feeling he already knew how he'd react when he did. "Why?"

"I kind of…" Steven bit the inside of his cheek. "Snapped at her back at the battle."

"No way!" Berry exclaimed, wriggling in Lemon Lime's arms again, but the Peridot still didn't seem to have any intentions of letting her go anytime soon. "Where the shards was I?"

"Calling Lemon Lime." Steven shifted slightly, offering a half-hearted shrug in their direction. "It wasn't really a big deal, I guess- I was just- she wouldn't send my Squadron back here after what happened to Mandarin, and…" At this, Lemon Lime finally released Berry, lowering her toward the ground a little more gently than they had before. They looked confused, concerned; for a moment, Steven hesitated, briefly flicking his gaze over the Peridot's face. They didn't know Mandarin had been shattered. Steven couldn't help but wonder if they knew Mandarin at all; Berry had known her, so there was a pretty good chance, but he himself couldn't recall ever seeing the two interact. "Mandarin was shattered," he finally explained, clenching his teeth and swallowing past the anger brewing in his gut from just uttering the words, just thinking about it. "Clementine and Tangerine, they were really- … they should've been sent back," he finally mumbled, getting straight to the point. "But she made them keep fighting, and I just…"

"Shards…" Lemon Lime whispered. Berry still looked somewhat startled, eyes darting rapidly across Steven's face as she stared at the hybrid. Steven hesitated, clearing his throat.

"So I think… I should go, before she gets here," he finally mumbled, glancing over at Candy.

Candy hesitated a bit, herself - but after a moment, she offered a small smile and nodded. "Yeah. That's probably a good idea," she mumbled, glancing back over at Lemon Lime and Berry as she stepped back and turned slightly to open the door. "I'll see you guys later."

"See you, Candy," Lemon Lime replied quietly, staring at Steven. "And, uh… good luck."

"See you when you get out, hybrid," Berry murmured. The hybrid offered a hesitant smile in response, glancing back slightly and turning to follow Candy outside without responding. He knew prolonged goodbyes would just be his ultimate undoing; it would make him want to stay with them instead, and then he ran the risk of getting Candy in trouble for letting him hang behind in the first place. He followed after the pink Pearl as she led him toward the warp pad, reaching up to run his mechanical fingers through his hair, smoothing it back slightly. Candy was more or less silent as they warped, but she did speak up when they arrived at the palace, leading him down the hall. Steven breathed in through his teeth, looking around carefully; it had been a long time since he'd been down here just to be locked away again.

"I'm gonna see if I can bring you a new uniform," Candy said suddenly, and Steven glanced at her. "Maybe we can get you out of those limb enhancers for a little while, too. They can't be too comfortable…"

"They're not that bad," Steven lied, still looking around. _I've gotten used to them, anyway._ The limb enhancers were the least of his concerns - but with that said, he wasn't gonna complain about being able to get a new uniform. This one was wrecked all to hell, and practically drenched with sweat as it was. Being able to change would be a blessing. "But a new uniform sounds nice. The rebels pretty much destroyed this one." He glanced down at it, pausing.

"I can tell," Candy sighed. "You should probably heal yourself, too." She paused and reached up, fingers searching for the invisible panel. Steven shifted slightly and looked up when she finally found it, watching the wall crack open, the door sliding open slowly to reveal the familiar, empty room. It wasn't as dark as it usually was - the lights inside were dimmed, but not off. And not flickering, either. The hybrid hesitated for a moment before he walked in, taking a deep breath and steeling himself. Without the flickering lights and buzzing, and his earrings silent for once - which he had a feeling he wasn't going to be relieved from for too long regardless - he had a chance to sit down and really let himself think. Which, he decided for the first time, was probably a good thing - because Homeworld knows he had a lot to think about right then.

"See you," Candy murmured before the door closed, the wall sealing itself shut.

Finally left alone, Steven let himself relax slowly. His shoulders drooped, releasing the tension he hadn't even realized was still there. Even his legs seemed to go slack after a few seconds; when his knees started to buckle underneath him, ever so slowly, the hybrid just let himself go down. He let himself crash to his knees, ignoring the way the limb enhancers dug into his legs, the discomfort only further increasing from the odd angle; he relieved it, a little, by leaning forward and pressing his hands against the floor in front of him, letting his mechanical fingers curl against the ground to hold himself up, and ducking his head between his arms silently.

Every part of him hurt, physically and emotionally. The pain in his chest wasn't just from the scars he wore now, the ones he couldn't quite bring himself to heal yet. Even he couldn't explain his aversion to it, the discomfort that came with the idea of healing his own wounds. Maybe it was because he deserved the pain, because he deserved to have some kind of physical reminder of what he'd been through on the battlefield, of what he was lucky enough to survive. Of what Mandarin _wasn't._ He gritted his teeth at the thought of the Jasper - but for the first time since the battle had begun, memories of her weren't tainted with rage and disgust. Grief was all that remained; alone with only his thoughts to keep him company, with nothing else to be angry at, the fury slowly began to fizzle out. There was nothing to distract himself with right then. And the pain hit him all at once, sorrow and guilt and grief and _fear_. Sorrow over everything they'd lost, guilt over not being able to fix it, grief over the death of his friend, and fear for everything that would follow, fear for what they were going to do now, fear for what he was becoming.

The anguish was unbearable. The hybrid let his jaw fall slack for a moment, opening his mouth and sucking in a shaky breath. It came back out as a quiet, stifled sob - and that was it.

With memories of the battlefield raging through his mind, with thoughts of Mandarin and the other shattered soldiers, the broken gem shards, Steven finally let himself dissolve into sobs. The tears he'd shed when he first arrived on Homeworld had been silent, a quiet sorrow that he never let himself express audibly. But he couldn't hold it back anymore, not after everything that had just happened. The whole week had been nothing but strenuous, physically and emotionally - and without the heat of the battle to keep the emotions at bay, they all came flooding back in.

So he screamed, and he sobbed, and he cried. He let the tears well up and spill, ducking his head until his forehead pressed to the floor. He sobbed in grief, in fury, in despair, in confusion. When the anger returned, he screamed through his tears; not words, nothing coherent at all. Honestly, the sounds he was making were nearly inhuman. They didn't sound like they were coming from him, and if he wasn't in such an agony-filled haze right then, he'd have probably been alarmed. He screamed until he couldn't even hear himself anymore, and he kept screaming even after that, because once he started, he didn't know how to stop. He screamed out of anger for himself, for everything he did back on the other planet. For his fight with Lars, for yelling at Blue Diamond, for every little bit of pleasure he felt when he was poofing rebels.

He screamed for turning down the offer to leave when he had the chance, and he cried from his guilt over being upset about not leaving, knowing logically that he had done what he did so that he could save Homeworld - and simultaneously wishing he hadn't at the same time. The conflict of emotions was horrible, the way the guilt and anger clashed, the sorrow and pain and fear. He sobbed because he wanted to go home, and he screamed right back at himself for it, feeling horrible every time the thought crossed his mind. He just wanted to help people, he just wanted to stop the Diamonds, he just wanted to free Homeworld from the chains they were trapped in. But he hadn't meant to get caught up in a war; he hadn't meant to get so involved in it; he hadn't thought it was going to be this hard, this confusing, this painful, this _real._ He never thought he'd be here like this, so torn between his own emotions that he couldn't think straight. He just wanted to do the right thing for everybody - but he was still just a child, a scared… _terrified_ child trapped in the middle of a war, trapped in all the stupid decisions he'd made, trapped in everything he hadn't known he was getting into when he made the split-second decision to sacrifice himself to save his friends. And he screamed for the guilt he felt when the thought finally crossed his mind, the fleeting, desperate thought that he _wished he hadn't._

When he couldn't scream anymore, it didn't make much of a difference. The emotions were still there, still as intense and agonizing as they'd always been. The only difference was that he couldn't express them audibly anymore - not like it was doing him any good in the long run. There was so much grief and anger and pain he thought he was going to drown in all of it, suffocating and choking on his own tears as he tried to rationalize the conflict raging in his mind.

In the silence, the stifled, quiet sobs, someone spoke. "Oh, Steven…"

Steven sucked in a shaky gasp when he heard the voice behind him, startled, terrified and ashamed to have been caught like… this. It took him a second to be able to heave himself up to his knees again, to pull his shaking legs underneath him one at a time to turn around and see who was there. He hadn't even heard the door open - but at the same time, he knew he hadn't heard much of anything over the screaming he was doing, which led to the horrified conclusion that whoever was there had been there more than long enough to see the hybrid finally crack. He swallowed another sob down and forced himself to turn around to see who had spoken.

It took him longer than he cared to admit for him to realize who it was. He wasn't sure why.

For a while, he just stared, blinking past the tears in his eyes, startled out of hysterics. Then it clicked, and it didn't make any more sense than the few seconds he hadn't been able to recognize who was standing in front of him. But he was too shocked to question anything logically, far too caught off guard to realize that who he was seeing couldn't actually be…

… real.

Steven stared, then blinked, letting the last of his tears fall. "Pearl…?"


	17. Chapter 17

"Steven," Pearl said again, softly, quietly.

Steven felt like his chest was crushing in on itself, pressing against his heart and squeezing until it finally stopped beating. Every so often, he'd feel it flutter in response, as if it was trying in vain to break out of the cage it was trapped in that was now steadily closing in on it. The room tilted violently, spiraling around him in a dizzyingly painful attempt to throw him off of his feet. But despite that, the hybrid stood startlingly steady with his feet on solid, unmoving ground. The walls were all that were spinning, and Steven numbly wished they would stop for a second, just long enough to let him compose himself and collect his thoughts enough to rationally react to the situation. He could do nothing but watch, breath hitching, as Pearl crossed the room to make her way over to where he stood dead in the center of it, reaching her hand out to him. Despite wanting to flinch back and avoid the touch, he kept himself still, letting her approach.

Her hand grazed against his cheek. The touch was cold; not the warm, soft brush of the gentle fingers he remembered. They scraped against his skin like… like stone, simultaneously hard and sharp. For a moment, he thought he was going to crumble under the simple touch, something that should have been reassuring, comforting, only making him feel even worse. "What did they do to you?" Pearl whispered, trailing her hand down slightly, toward his shoulder.

Steven jerked his shoulder back before she could touch him, but he felt the pain anyway, as if she'd already pressed down on the wounds that resided there. "What are you doing here?" The hybrid managed to spit the words out shakily, the first time he'd spoken since he'd mumbled her name. It had felt weird on his tongue, unnatural to say. Hearing her voice felt different, too; she was quiet, softer, speaking in almost muted tones. Barely audible enough for him to catch what she was saying - and yet somehow, he knew what she was muttering anyway, despite having to strain to actually hear the sound of her voice. It should have been familiar, it should have been comforting, but he couldn't find anything comforting about the situation right then. Something felt off about the situation… and he decided it was the fact that Pearl shouldn't be here at all, she shouldn't be standing in front of him, on Homeworld, in the Room with him. She was going to get caught here, she was going to get- _hurt_ , and Steven wouldn't be able to save her from it. "You- you're supposed to be back on Earth." He pulled back a little. "With G- Garnet and…"

Pearl didn't answer. She stepped forward, moving with him, and he found himself backing away instinctively despite himself. "You're hurt," she noted carefully, her eyes flicking up and down as she looked him over. Steven hesitated slightly, lifting one of his mechanical hands to try and cover some of the tears in the uniform, the cuts revealing the scars and bruises beneath them. Watching her expression shift as she took him in was… frightening. He couldn't suppress the guilt that flooded his chest, churning in his stomach nauseatingly as she checked him over. She shouldn't be seeing him like this; it was one of the reasons he had been hesitant to even think about returning to Earth, the idea of his family and friends seeing him in such a vulnerable state. Seeing him so different from the sweet, happy little boy that had left. Blue Diamond had succeeded in stamping out his excitable immaturity, replacing it with bitter exhaustion and fear. He would have rather they assumed he was dead than to know what was really happening.

"How did you get here?" Steven asked cautiously after a moment, and she glanced up at him, furrowing her eyebrows, but she didn't speak. She continued forward, and Steven finally stopped backing away; he knew it was only a matter of time before he reached the other wall, and he knew being pinned up against it wasn't going to help his anxiety one bit. He also knew that, despite being incredibly uncomfortable and still wary and averse to any physical contact, he wasn't about to fight Pearl over getting close to him. So he sucked it up and leaned his head slightly to the side when she reached for him again, stretching up to brush his hair back. The curls fell right back into place; the corners of her lips curled downwards, gazing at him.

"I'm sorry," she breathed, pulling back, and Steven almost ached for the touch again.

His lower lip trembled as he fought to respond, not knowing why the apology had sealed his throat shut and pushed tears to his eyes, but desperate to refute it anyway. "It's not your fault," he told her hoarsely, swallowing thickly and shaking his head as he tried to compose himself. "It's not your fault," he repeated, sucking in a shuddering gasp. "I knew what I was doing…" He wanted to tell her everything, to admit that he didn't want to be there, that he wanted to go home. But he couldn't bring himself to utter the words, and he couldn't stifle the guilt he was feeling for even considering it, even for a second. "But you- you're not supposed to be here. They're going to recognize you, i- if-" He stopped again to breathe in, not knowing why it was so hard for him to get in a simple breath, but right then it was one of the hardest things in the world.

Pearl chuckled and shook her head slightly at that. He couldn't put a name to the expression on her face then, he couldn't figure out what emotion was there flickering through her eyes. "Turning yourself in as your mother… it must have been so hard," she said suddenly, and Steven furrowed his eyebrows slightly as he stared at her. "And scary. Telling them you shattered Pink Diamond…" She trailed off and sighed, looking up at him, and Steven just stared. "But they kept you alive," she continued softly. "They turned you into a soldier…" Her hands lifted again, this time to cup his chin; he flinched at the touch, but he didn't try to pull away. "It all has to be so terrifying… You've been so brave, Rose. You've been so brave, and so strong."

"It's…" Steven was already responding by the time he'd realized what Pearl had called him. Admittedly, the name went right over his head for the first few seconds; it felt oddly natural to him, responding to it like he was, but coming from Pearl - that was when it really started to settle in, the fact that something was dangerously wrong here, and he had the terrifying suspicion he might know what it was. The hybrid lifted his hands shakily, mechanical fingers curling around Pearl's wrist to pull her hands away. She was solid, touchable. He could feel her fingers pressing against the skin on his chin, brushing against his cheeks as he pulled her arms down. She felt so real - he didn't want to believe what he was thinking, but he also didn't want to accept that what she said could have been real, either. "What…" He swallowed. "What'd you…"

The glance Pearl offered him was almost harsh now, as she pulled her hands out of his grip. "You said it yourself. You knew what you were doing when you turned yourself in."

Steven rolled his shoulders back sharply, heart sinking. "I don't-"

"You _know_ who you are," Pearl interrupted firmly. Her voice finally raised, if only slightly, and Steven couldn't do anything but stare at her now as she went on. "That's why you've given up, isn't it? Why you haven't really tried to tell them you're not Rose Quartz? You know you could convince them if you really tried to. You've already convinced the others, why not Blue Diamond? Why not Yellow Diamond? Why didn't you go home when you got the chance?"

"You're not real," Steven mumbled, squeezing his eyes shut. He finally backed away until his back hit the wall, letting himself slump back against it, knowing just as well that he was about to pass out at any second if he didn't get some kind of support to steady himself. He wasn't sure why his heart had stopped at the realization, why he could feel the last little bit of hope slowly churning and twisting, being torn away from him just like that. He hadn't wanted it to be her. He didn't want her to be here, on Homeworld, knowing she'd be hurt or worse if she was caught. But the fact that she wasn't real - that he was sitting here, talking to her, talking to Pearl, but knowing that it really _wasn't her_ , it scared him even more. The realization that she felt so real to him, sounded so real, looked so real, but it was all in his head. He didn't know whether it was the sleep-deprivation, or everything he'd just gone through on the battlefield. He'd dealt with hallucinations in the Room before, the shadows, the hands. But he'd never dealt with something that felt as real as this. It was like he was in his mother's room, conjuring up a fake copy. Something tangible - not a hallucination, not an illusion that his mind was conjuring instead.

"Why are you letting them do this to you?" Pearl - no, Not-Pearl - demanded.

Steven shook his head, sliding down against the wall to sit down. "You're not real…"

"Because you know you're in there, Rose," Not-Pearl continued softly. "You've known it all along. That's why you felt like you had to turn yourself in, isn't it? You're finally remembering. You're finally realizing that you're _you_." He didn't say anything; he didn't dare open his mouth, just squeezed his eyes shut even tighter as Not-Pearl spoke to him, wishing she would stop. "That you've always been you. And you had everyone going for a while there, didn't you? You had Garnet convinced, you had Amethyst convinced, and Greg, and even me…" Not-Pearl chuckled, as Steven lifted his hands to his head, curling his mechanical fingers over his ears. "You even convinced yourself you were someone else. But you're really not, are you, Rose?"

"Stop it!" Steven finally begged, dropping his arms and snapping his head up to look up at her. "I'm not my mom! I'm _not_ Rose Quartz, okay? I know who I am! I'm _Steven!"_

"That's what you want yourself to believe, isn't it?" Not-Pearl chuckled. She lowered herself to the floor in front of him, sitting cross-legged and offering him a smile. "Why do you hate yourself so much? Even now. Even when you didn't even know you were you, you hated yourself. Hiding from yourself isn't helping anything, and lying to yourself… it's just hurting you even more."

Despite himself, Steven faltered, and Not-Pearl pressed on calmly, "that's why you're ready to give up on Blue Diamond, isn't it? And why you're so obsessed with saving the rest of Homeworld. You wanted to do the exact same thing before," she crooned, and Steven shook his head furiously, once again ducking his head to press his mechanical fingers against his ears. "You can't hide from it anymore, Rose. You can't hide from everyone else, and you can't hide from yourself. Sooner or later you're going to have to face the fact that you were always _you_. That maybe they're right about the memory problems, about you being Earth for too long, about you trying to change into something you're not. You made yourself half-human, but you've still got your gem. Which means you're still in there, whether you want to remember it or not."

She huffed out a laugh as she continued next, "you did exactly what you're doing now, aren't you? Trying to forget, trying to push Earth, and us, and your home and family out of your mind. Forgetting little things bit by bit, if only temporarily. You suppressed everything about Homeworld just like you're trying to suppress everything about Earth, and now it's all unraveling again." Not-Pearl fell silent then, as if waiting for Steven to react; the hybrid just kept his hands over his ears, kept his head ducked and stared at the floor in front of him, just trying to ignore her. "That's why you're not going back. You can't explain it, but some part of you wants to stay. Some part of you remembers that you had a home here once, and maybe you want that back. Maybe Earth just isn't enough for you anymore. So you're pushing yourself to forget Earth, refusing to leave, because you know where you really belong." Not-Pearl's voice softened. "You know you're exactly where you should be. You know you're exactly _what_ you should be."

" _Shut up,"_ Steven finally snarled, losing his patience. He shoved himself up, ignoring the way the room spun in response to him standing up so quickly, so abruptly. "You're _wrong!_ That's not why I don't want to go back! I don't want to go back because I- because I can't! Because I have to stay here and- and help the Homeworld gems, and because if I go back now, I- … I…"

"Have to deal with the fact that you're actually cracking?" Not-Pearl grinned up at him, a shark-like expression that didn't at all resemble the soft, warm smiles she usually offered him. Such a malicious expression looked so unnatural written across her face like that; he choked on his words for a second, desperately scrambling to pull himself together and sort them out again. "Because then you have to deal with everyone being concerned, and you have to deal with the fact that not only are you trying to suppress those memories of yours, but you're actually doing it, aren't you? You're actually forgetting things, one thing after the next. You've got empty gaps where memories should be. You struggle to remember faces, and names, and voices. At least-" Not-Pearl laughed, tilting her head. "Names and faces and voices you aren't surrounded by."

"No." Steven shook his head, curling his mechanical fingers into fists. "No-"

Not-Pearl's grin continued to widen, looking up at him. "No? What does Greg look like? What does he sound like? What about the girl you train with, your best friend? What's her name?"

"I know her name," Steven insisted, but his breathing hitched slightly at the rapidly-fired questions, struggling to wrap his mind around all of them. "Connie. Her name is _Connie._ And- and my Dad, I know what he-" The hybrid clenched his teeth and faltered again. Now that he was thinking about it - really _thinking_ about it for the first time, really letting himself think about them, he couldn't… he couldn't answer the question. He couldn't put a face to either of the names, he couldn't put a voice to them. He knew who they were, but he couldn't remember what they looked like, what they sounded like. He couldn't remember _them_. "I know… he…" Steven rolled his shoulders back sharply, pupils shrinking as he stared at the hallucination.

"It's hard to think about people you can't remember, isn't it?" Not-Pearl cooed. "It would all just be easier to stop thinking about them, to stop remembering. Because then you can focus. Then you can focus on digging past those memories and uncovering your real ones, right? The ones you have of your real home. The ones you have of Homeworld, of the rebellion, of the first war. The ones you have of shattering Pink Diamond. You know you did that, too - that's why you feel so guilty, isn't it? That's why you felt bad enough to turn yourself in. You were _guilty."_

"Stop it," Steven choked out, voice cracking as he shook his head again. "Stop it!"

"And the fact that it was so easy to forget things about Earth makes you wonder, doesn't it?" Not-Pearl commented idly, tilting her head to one side and looking up at him. The grin faded into a smirk after a moment, dangerous and cold and just as malicious as the grin had looked. "Makes you wonder if it was that easy to suppress your memories about Homeworld. And that scares you. The fact that you don't want to go back to Earth scares you even more. The fact that you're starting to think of this as home, that you're making friends here, that you're thinking of Blue Diamond as _your Diamond_ more and more, it scares you. And it makes you _angry."_

" _Shut up!"_

"You're pathetic," Not-Pearl sneered. "You're a _coward_. You've always been a coward, and you'll always _be_ a coward. You think turning yourself in to Homeworld was an act of sacrifice, do you? Well, here's what I think." She leaned forward, curling her lips back. "It was a suicide mission. One last attempt to make yourself disappear forever, because you know you _deserve_ it." That alone hurt more than any physical blow could have. Steven froze and recoiled, staring at the hallucination silently, and Not-Pearl threw her head back with a laugh. "See?! You can't even deny it!" She exclaimed, gracefully pushing herself up to her feet. "Because _you_ told the Diamonds you wanted to be shattered at the trial. You're the one that _said_ you deserved it! You're not a hero, you're a guilty villain who can't stand the weight of what you've done anymore. You made yourself forget it, but now it's all coming back to you and you can't stop it. Now you've got to deal with it. Now they're _making_ you deal with it."

"That's not…" Steven wavered again, collapsing back against the wall sharply.

"Who are you angry at?" Not-Pearl asked with a grin. "Who are you _really_ angry at?"

Steven didn't respond. He just stood there for a moment, staring back at her for a while, before slowly sliding himself back down against the wall to sit down. She wasn't real; there was nothing he could do to shut her up, but she wasn't real. She was just in his head. The real Pearl would never tell him this stuff, the real Pearl would never be so heartless and cruel and _mean_. The real Pearl knew who he was, as much as she had loved Rose, as much as she missed her.

"Maybe," Not-Pearl declared with a grin. "But you'll never see her again, will you? Because you can't bring yourself to do the _really_ brave thing and make yourself go back there."

"Shut up," Steven whispered harshly, but he knew it was useless. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly, once again struggling to rationalize the spinning, spiraling thoughts racing through his head. He'd had doubts like that before, he'd had the thought cross his mind every so often that… yeah, maybe it was memory problems. Maybe he really was her. But the thoughts never lasted for too long, because he never wanted to believe they were true. He kept himself distracted from him and pushed forward to do whatever it is he had set his mind to do at the time. And that was why he kept himself so busy - at least, it was part of the reason, anyway. Running from his past, running from his thoughts, trying to keep them from catching up. But now it seemed like he could run as long and far as he wanted; but the moment he stopped, for even a split second, the second they caught up to him, it was even worse than it had ever been.

By the time he blinked his eyes open, Not-Pearl was gone. Vanished, as if she'd never been there. Steven stared at the spot she had been in just a moment before, letting his shoulders droop and slumping back against the wall again with a quiet, shaky sigh. He ended up just staring at the ceiling after that, for who knows how long, gathering his thoughts and once again trying not to break down into hysterics, swallowing back the screams threatening to escape.

When the lights started flickering, he closed his eyes again and grimaced. First the lights. Then the buzzing. Then the earrings sang their familiar tune, chirping and chiming as they activated.

_You are Rose Quartz…_

* * *

"Ohhh….  
It's getting late now…  
But to me, it's just beginning…"

Steven didn't know exactly how long he was in the room for, but he did know that it was definitely more than just a few hours. At first, he'd just spent his time pacing and listening to the earrings like he used to do. Listening to the words they repeated over and over again. But after his conversation with Not-Pearl, everything it said hit a little harder than it used to. So after a few hours _had_ passed, he'd begun singing, trying to drown out the words from the earrings.

"This life's tearing me to pieces  
And I know I've been defeated, oh… no…" Steven sighed, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment. He was stretched out on his back, one arm sprawled out beside him and the other one curled over his stomach. Candy had come in to give him the new uniform a while ago, but since the earrings shocked him every time he or the Pearl had tried to take the limb enhancers off, they'd just decided to leave it be and Steven would try to maneuver the uniform around them. And, thanks to the somewhat stretchy fabric, he'd been able to with only a little bit of a struggle; they weren't that different, design-wise, from the old ones - which were discarded in a corner of the room. But they were definitely a little more comfortable than the other ones had been. So he'd been able to relax, just a little bit, after he'd changed. He stretched out further and winced a little as he did, curling his mechanical fingers against his gem and breathing out heavily.

"And Homeworld only knows…"

He'd had a lot to think about. Things that didn't completely center around his conversation with Not-Pearl - but, thanks to her, he had ended up giving a little more thought to the idea Berry had proposed to him. Going back to Earth with a few of the Homeworld gems to think of a new plan. It wasn't a bad idea, he had to give the Ruby credit for that. He didn't like the idea of abandoning Homeworld, still, but… he also knew Berry was a gem of her word more often than not. If she said she was going to do something, she tended to do it. She wanted to save Homeworld as much as he did, not just get away from it for a little while. She would ensure they went back eventually, when they had the time to rationalize, to think, to actually _plan_ something.

"I've never seen someone like this before," he sang when the earrings chimed, drowning out the familiar mantra with his melancholy, slow melody instead. "Can't carry on a second more…"

_You are Rose Quartz Facet-1 Cut-8BR._

"And I'm staring at the ceiling…"

_Your Diamond is Blue Diamond._

"Wondering if the reaper's close…"

_You are a soldier, nothing else._

"And Homeworld only knows…"

And he was starting to think… maybe Berry was right. Maybe he should go back home. Maybe he should pack as many Homeworld gems into the ship as he could, whoever wanted to come, and just get out of there. Maybe he really was just torturing himself here for no real reason. If there was a chance he'd be able to still do something from the outside… why shouldn't he?

"That there ain't no drug in all the world  
Like _being_ you…" Steven curled his fingers tighter around his gem, closing his eyes once more. There was nothing else he could do here. There was a war, but Not-Pearl was right, wasn't she? He was just trying to distract himself from the inevitable, from the fact that he was ready to give up. He didn't want to do that - but every second spent on Homeworld was another second he could feel himself crumbling and slipping, another second he could feel his resolve wavering. Berry had been right, too; he wasn't going to be able to save anybody if he broke, himself. And thinking back to the battlefield, thinking back to the irrational, blind fury he had been feeling, the hallucinations - just, all of it, it all added up to him unraveling. Not-Pearl had been right about that, at least; he was cracking under the pressure, and he couldn't pretend he wasn't anymore.

"Glory on the battlefield  
Just had to do…"

He wasn't giving up, he told himself. He was just… he was just going to get his thoughts in order, to put his emotions back in check. He knew he couldn't do that as long as he was here. He _did_ want to get back to the gems, he told himself. He didn't want to just forget them. He wanted to see his dad's face again, he wanted to hear Connie's voice. He wanted to see them. He wanted a hug from the _real_ Pearl, he wanted to feel Garnet ruffle his hair again, he wanted Amethyst to tease him. He wanted to tell them all about what he was planning to do; he wanted to tell them that he was going to save Homeworld, and that he wanted their help to do it.

He wanted to go home.

"Won't somebody save me?  
I am screaming, out of breath…" He murmured.

He was going home.

"And my shadow, he's holding the scythe  
With those hands that I… once possessed…"

* * *

By the time the punishment was over, Steven had stopped singing. He had to admit, being able to lay around and stretch out after so long of training and fighting was actually pretty nice - he was starting to wonder if this was actually supposed to be a punishment or not, because it certainly didn't feel like it. When the door opened, he was busying himself with finally trying to heal the scars. He started with the ones on his face and neck; he could feel the sting as he brushed his mechanical fingers over his skin, so he knew he was definitely either scarred or bruised. The problem was that when he stuck his fingers in his mouth and pressed them to the spots that were hurting, the pain didn't let up. The stinging continued. He wasn't healing.

So he spent a while mulling over the possibilities of why; he was healing other gems just fine. At least, he had been during the fight. He didn't think anything had particularly changed, either. His powers were working, not on the fritz - he summoned and de-summoned his shield a few times, and ignored the warning buzz the earrings offered him when he did - but it definitely wasn't him. Something was wrong, and he couldn't figure it out. But he stopped when the door opened, reluctantly heaving himself to his feet and preparing to salute. As angry as he was with Blue Diamond recently, it was probably in his best interest to be quiet and respectful right then if he wanted to be able to leave and carry out Berry's plans. But before he could completely lift his arms into the salute, the door finished opening and the Ruby, herself, strode through, grinning.

"Berry?" Steven dropped his arms, surprised but not at all disappointed. As far as that went, he'd much rather it be Berry who came to retrieve him rather than Blue Diamond, but he honestly hadn't expected it. He figured he was going to get a stern talking-to before he was let out - unless Berry wasn't here on orders, and she was popping in without Blue Diamond's knowledge, but in that case they were probably both going to get in trouble. "What're you-"

"You wanna hear what you've missed over the past three days?" Berry interrupted, her eyes practically starry as she paused in front of him. "Then you better shut up and listen."

Steven arched an eyebrow, but he snapped his mouth shut after a moment.

"Okay. Alright." Berry sucked in a deep breath. "So, first of all, Yellow Diamond totally just went the _shards_ off on Blue Diamond after she got back. She was really upset we lost the battle, and really upset that she gave the order to have the rebels shattered. And then Blue Diamond got upset because Agate had to reassure Yellow by showing her all the bubbled gems we got, which just made Yellow even more upset, and- oh my stars, hybrid, you should've been there. She was practically yelling at Blue in front of all of Homeworld, and everyone was just-" The Ruby stopped and sucked in a breath, letting it out with a cackle. "It was beautiful. I think it was the first time I ever had any kind of respect for Yellow, and I'm never going to forget it."

"Wow…" Steven trailed off, but he couldn't help but smile despite himself. The Ruby's enthusiasm was infectious, he couldn't quite deny that. But he also knew he had to spit out what he wanted to say while he could, and since the earrings had shut themselves up now, the hybrid figured it was safe to say what he wanted to say as long as he was still inside the Room. "Definitely sounds tense. Listen, I-" He paused, running his tongue over his lips, and hesitated. But it only lasted for a second before he pressed on, "I think we should do it."

Berry blinked at him, wrinkling her nose. "Do what?"

"What you were talking about. About… Earth." Steven studied her face cautiously, relaxing when the earrings didn't shock him. Berry's expression shifted almost immediately, and this time, the excitement that crossed her face was accompanied by a slight twinkle of pride.

"I knew you'd come around." The Ruby grinned. "Come on."


	18. Chapter 18

"Wait, wait, we're doing this now?!" Lemon Lime was close to hysterics, but Steven was oddly happy to watch Berry marching around her lab, grabbing necessary tools to take with her and some little devices he had asked about before but she wouldn't really go into detail about yet. He stayed still, glancing toward the door every so often and furrowing his eyebrows, thinking, while Lemon Lime trailed after Berry uselessly, not really trying to stop her from gathering her things, but definitely trying to catch her attention long enough to talk to her. "Berry- Berry, I don't know if this is a good idea just yet I mean you just got back from war and the Diamonds are angry enough as it is and if we get caught we could totally get shattered and I'm too young to-"

"Chill it out," Berry ordered, spinning around to face the Peridot and causing them to stumble back in surprise, still looking panicked. "Trust me, this is the best time to do it. The Diamonds are busy; Yellow's still chewing Blue out, they're locked away in the palace, worrying over the war and practically at war with each other now at this point. If there was ever a time to hatch an escape plan and get the heck outta here, this is it. Now quit flailing around and help me find my ability enhancers, I know they're around here somewhere…" The Ruby swept her gaze around, frustrated - and while Lemon Lime whimpered, quite obviously not at all comforted by Berry's firm reassurances, they did turn around and walk away to look around on the other side of the lab. Steven let his gaze trail after them, furrowing his eyebrows and biting the inside of his cheek. Then, rolling his shoulders back, he slid himself off of the metal panels he was sitting on.

"And where in the name of Homeworld do you think you're going?" Berry demanded, rounding on him, and Steven held his hands up defensively, moving the mechanical fingers around and arranging them both to form two arrows, a trick he'd learned from Lemon Lime early on, and he aimed both of them toward the door while he shot Berry a sweet, somewhat sarcastic smile.

"Out." He hesitated, running his tongue over his lips, then spoke again, "Candy… told me a while back that she wanted to know when we were planning something else." At this, Lemon Lime seemed to startle a little - if the surprised squeak and the way they scrambled with a pile of wrenches they were holding was any indication - but Berry, after processing what Steven had just said, almost looked somewhat smug. "And I wanna see if Clementine and Tangerine wanna come along, too," he added after a moment, biting the inside of his cheek. "Just… you know, just in case. I know it can't be easy, staying around here after…" He trailed off, sighing.

"Well, hurry up, then," Berry sighed through her teeth. "And don't waste time trying to spit explanations out if you can't, just bring 'em to me and I'll fill 'em in. After I find my ability enhancers- Lemon Lime! What are you doing with those-?!" The Ruby shrieked, abandoning Steven and dropping the stuff she'd gathered in favor of rushing over to the Peridot. "Those are my new wrenches and I just had all of them cleaned so you'd better be careful with them!" Steven paused for a moment, glancing back to watch Berry carefully take the wrenches out of Lemon Lime's hands, since the Peridot was definitely close to doing just that; after a moment, he shook his head and turned away again, heading to the door now that he had gotten 'permission' from Berry to leave. Now he just had to figure out how to find the Jaspers alone… he'd never actually wandered Homeworld by himself before… The hybrid slowed to a stop.

He hesitated, knowing full well he was about to annoy the crap out of Berry, but knowing that there wasn't any way around it. He felt five years old again, turning to face the two once more, like a child about to be lectured. Sheepish and apologetic, but still determined to see it through. "Uh, Berry?" Steven rolled his shoulders back, twisting his mouth into a grimace as Berry turned her attention away from Lemon Lime to turn back to him, quirking an eyebrow as if to ask him why in the name of Homeworld he was even still there. "I can't, uh… I don't know my way around…" He trailed off with another apologetic glance when the Ruby groaned and let her head fall back, reaching up to rub her hand down her face before turning to put the wrenches down, while Lemon Lime glanced between the two of them with wide eyes. "Sorry…"

"Just- stay here and keep an eye on this big lug," Berry grumbled, marching forward. "And you keep an eye on him, too, Lemon Lime! Since I have to do everything myself!" She spared Steven a glare, but while definitely guilty, the hybrid knew she didn't really _mind_ either. She was Berry; she was as temperamental as they came, but in the long run, she was a huge softie. "Then when I get back, I'm going to find my ability enhancers and we're leaving, understood?" She reached out and pressed her hand against the panel, opening the door while Steven retreated back to Lemon Lime, somewhat relieved he didn't have to go out and do it himself.

"Aye aye, captain." He sat back down on the panels, leaning forward and crossing his arms over his legs. Admittedly, he was still pretty anxious about leaving - and while he'd already planned to inform Candy and the Jaspers of the plan anyway, he certainly wasn't going to complain about the fact that it was slowing him down. He assumed part of Berry's irritation had to do with the fact that she probably knew he was using the chance to stall while he had it, as well… but, she was getting what she wanted, and Steven was going back to Earth with her and the others. And yeah, he knew they had to go fast, so he didn't exactly want to slow them down too much, but he certainly wasn't about to object to having at least a few more minutes before they left to be able to get his thoughts in order and prepare himself completely, however short it might be.

"Stars, she really wants to leave…" Lemon Lime sighed as they watched Berry walk out, the door hissing shut behind her. After a moment, the Peridot moved over to sit down on the floor, keeping their arms close to their lap and trying not to touch anything after the lecture they'd just received. Lemon Lime probably knew as well as Steven did that Berry was harmless when it came to the two of them, but it didn't mean either of them liked being scolded by her either.

"She's excited," Steven agreed, biting his lip. "I guess I can understand."

"I guess," Lemon Lime echoed. They fell silent for a while, staring at the door with a frown, and Steven propped his arms up slightly so that he could rest his chin in his hands, lacing his mechanical fingers together and resting his head on them silently. "... can I ask you something?" Lemon Lime asked suddenly, and Steven glanced over, arching an eyebrow. He pushed himself to sit up completely after a moment and dropped his arms, at full attention now. "Berry told me about how 'male' humans… you know, like you, they go by 'he' instead of 'she' or… 'they'."

"Mhm." Steven nodded, forcing himself to keep his mouth shut. As much as he wanted to talk to Lemon Lime about this, he knew it probably wasn't worth the risk of getting shocked, and definitely not worth the risk of Blue Diamond knowing he was talking about it from that. So he just offered the nervous Peridot an encouraging smile and hoped that they would continue.

And they did, thankfully, after a few moments. "Well, you know I'm not like the other Peridots…" Lemon Lime trailed off, offering a hesitant smile. "I'm not even like other gems. Which I guess isn't so bad in the long run, y'know, Berry understands, you understand… I just try not to pay attention to the rest of Homeworld." They shook their head and lifted a hand slightly, running their fingers through their hair carefully and curling it upwards. "Berry's been calling me 'they' and stuff ever since I told her I didn't think I was… like the other gems. And at first it felt right, but now I'm starting to wonder. 'Cause, I mean- I don't know, really, but I think I might be…" They trailed off, eyes flicking around the room, and Steven furrowed his eyebrows silently. When they finally gained the courage to look up at Steven, they continued carefully, "I think I'm a 'he'."

Steven just blinked at the Peridot for a moment, staying silent for a few seconds as he processed that information. "Yeah?" Lemon Lime nodded slightly, somewhat hesitantly now, and the hybrid offered a small, understanding smile in response. "Well, I'm glad you figured that out. And I'm glad you're comfortable enough to talk to me about it, too." Honestly, he _reveled_ in it, cherishing the fact that one of his friends on Homeworld trusted him enough with this, with being able to talk to him about his identity. Especially from someone as cautious and anxious as Lemon Lime was - it was a big deal, especially to Steven. "So, you haven't told Berry, huh?"

"No, not yet." Lemon Lime paused, leaning back and lowering his hand after a moment. "I'm not really worried about telling her… not that I was worried about telling you," he added quickly, and the hybrid cracked an understanding smile. "It's just- it's Berry. I just wanted you to be the first one to know, y'know, since… I mean, I was only able to figure this stuff out 'cause of you." Steven took a moment to let that settle in, unable to keep the smile off of his face when it did. "I mean, it's not like I knew there was another… option, I guess. I thought it was just 'her' or 'they', and 'they' felt more natural so when Berry suggested it, we just kinda stuck with it. Then she told me about what you said about male humans, and that you were a 'he', I started thinking…" Lemon Lime shrugged his shoulders and leaned back again, glancing back over at him. "Honestly, I think Berry already knows," he admitted, cracking a smile. "But I guess she's waiting for me to say something. I'm a pretty lucky gem, you know, having friends like you two around."

Steven couldn't help but huff out a laugh at that, but he'd be lying if he said he wasn't flattered. He'd forgotten how nice it was to be around Lemon Lime, if he was being honest. How soft, and careful, and genuinely nice the Peridot was. Just being around his friend relaxed the hybrid. "And I'm a pretty lucky hybrid abomination, having a friend like you," he replied warmly. "You're a pretty cool guy, Lemon Lime. Don't let anyone else make you think any differently."

Lemon Lime chuckled at that, smiling at him. "You too, Steven."

Steven cracked a grin, but he paused and looked up when the door opened again. Berry was the first to enter, but Candy practically dashed inside after her, with Clementine and Tangerine following; it was the first time Steven had seen the Jaspers since the battle, and it was the first time he'd seen them with any kind of light in their eyes. They both definitely looked a little better than they had before. Of course, Clementine still seemed somewhat hesitant, and her eyes were still cloudy with grief even as she smiled at him. But Tangerine seemed oddly excited. Nowhere near as excited as she used to get, mind you, but still _excited_. "I heard we're leaving," the smaller Quartz declared as the door shut behind them, folding her arms over her chest.

"That's the plan." Steven hesitated for a moment, pushing himself up and walking over to the Jaspers, while Berry made a direct beeline for the other side of her lab to continue rummaging through her stuff and find the device she was looking for. Steven paused, glancing at Candy and offering her a small smile before he turned his attention back to Tangerine and Clementine. "So… uh…" He trailed off, furrowing his eyebrows and studying them. "How've you two been?"

"Adjusting," Clementine replied honestly, but the smile she offered him was genuine despite the grief still clouding her eyes. "It's been hard the past few days, but… I think this might help."

"It'll definitely help," Tangerine insisted. She already looked uncomfortable with the conversation, shifting slightly where she stood and turning to flick her gaze around wildly. "Any chance I get to get off this star-forsaken planet, I'm definitely taking now. You were right," she added, throwing a glance in Steven's direction, and the hybrid bit the inside of his cheek as he looked down at her. "Homeworld _is_ bad. And I…" She sighed through her teeth. "I can't be here. Not anymore." Clementine reached out to clasp a hand over the smaller gem's shoulder, kneeling down slightly beside her, and while Tangerine didn't push her away, she didn't seem to lean into the touch either. Steven just sighed, glancing between them silently for a moment before stepping back and turning his head to look back toward Berry and Lemon Lime again.

"You haven't healed yourself," Candy said suddenly, and Steven grimaced slightly despite himself as he turned his head to glance over at her, frowning. The Pearl walked toward him, and Steven couldn't help but tense despite himself. The resemblance between all the Pearls was something he had adjusted to rather quickly at the beginning, but now when he looked at her… the hybrid rolled his shoulders back sharply, forcing himself to relax again. "Are you okay…?"

"Yeah." Steven offered a small smile. "I'm fine."

Candy offered him a doubtful look, but before the Pearl could press, Berry abruptly let out a gleeful shriek and jumped to her feet, spinning around and lifting a circular device over her head. Steven stared at it, arching an eyebrow silently at the Ruby. "I found it! _Finally!"_ She didn't give anybody else a chance to respond; she rushed back over to the pile she had gathered before, dropping the device on top and reaching down to bubble everything at once.

"Does that mean we're leaving now?" Lemon Lime asked nervously, but he was already heaving himself to his feet, tense but ready to go the moment Berry gave the order. The Ruby paused, holding a hand up to him for a second while she sent her stuff away to her gem, and she took another quick look around, seemingly to make sure she hadn't missed anything. Steven, himself, let his gaze trail around the lab, feeling oddly… nostalgic, but he wasn't sure why. The fact that this was probably the last time he'd ever see Berry's lab again actually made him feel kind of wistful, almost… homesick. And he hadn't even left. And it wasn't even his home.

"Yes," Berry finally replied, turning back to them. "Let's go. I already prepared a ship."

"Then let's get outta here!" Candy had already stepped back to open the door, and Steven took a deep breath and turned to follow her and the Jaspers out, keeping his gaze rooted ahead now, knowing that the moment he decided to turn and look around, his resolve would waver. He had already gone too far to turn back and change his mind now. He was getting them out of there.

* * *

The worst part, Steven decided, was how nauseous he felt the moment they were on the ship. He couldn't explain the dread curling in his stomach, he couldn't explain the pressure against his chest. Everyone had piled inside quickly, shutting the door behind them, and Steven and Lemon Lime were keeping a careful eye on the windows while the others took their seats. The ship they were on was identical to the one the Rubies had arrived on Earth in, he recalled. One of them had thrown them out, but he couldn't remember which one it was now; he couldn't put a name to the face in his mind, just that it had definitely been a Ruby. But he kept his mind busy by rooting his gaze through the window and letting his eyes flick across the buildings as Berry started the ship, lifting it up into the air the moment it rumbled to life and typing something in. The moment it really set in - what they were doing, what was going on, where they were about to go and what they were about to leave behind - then the nausea _really_ got bad. It curled and twisted and churned in the hybrid's stomach, and if he had anything to throw up, he would have.

He leaned against the window and closed his eyes for a moment, feeling the gentle movements of the ship as they set off. Berry didn't even stop to count down, but he felt the ship jerk as they took off, and he heard Tangerine and Candy whooping quietly from behind him while Clementine tried to shush them, telling them they still needed to be careful and try and be quiet. Steven finally cracked his eyes open, just in time to look down through the window and watch the buildings get further and further away, watch all of Homeworld seeming to shrink before his eyes. He couldn't take his gaze off of the planet, lifting a hand to press his mechanical fingers against the window and still fighting a losing battle with the odd, irrational homesickness.

"I can't believe it," Lemon Lime whispered, staring through the window. He looked mesmerized, watching everything drift away; Steven shot him a glance, then rooted his gaze back to the planet before them, biting the inside of his cheek silently. "I can't believe it… we might- we might _actually…_ get away with this…" Lemon Lime breathed, sounding excited for the first time.

"Wow, Lemon Lime, I can't believe you doubted me," Berry commented idly.

"I didn't _doubt_ you-"

Steven sighed, sinking down into a seat after a moment and leaning his head back silently. He couldn't watch the planet anymore, he couldn't keep his eyes on the buildings. The ship was going faster, picking up speed, and the hybrid finally let his thoughts shift in the direction of where they were going, rather than what they were leaving behind. Earth. Back to his home. His family. Back to the Crystal Gems. He was already wondering how much they'd freak out, how horrified Pearl would be by the state he was in, how his father might react to finding out he hadn't eaten or slept in almost four months now. How angry Amethyst would be, how much she and Garnet would probably want to absolutely _destroy_ Homeworld for what they'd done. And he had no doubt Pearl's anger would exceed even theirs - she had been the one that wanted to show it to him, he remembered. He thought… she had tried once, but he couldn't remember…

He stared at the ceiling of the ship and let his thoughts drift again. Connie. Stars, how would she react to how much he'd changed? Maybe… maybe none of them had to. Maybe he could put on a smile by the time he got there. Maybe he could even muster some genuine enthusiasm. He knew it certainly wasn't going to be easy with the fear and desperation and guilt and grief and _pain_ still churning through him, the homesickness for a planet he'd never wanted to go to in the first place, for somewhere he never thought he'd be able to think of as a 'home' at all - but for their sakes, maybe he should at least try. Maybe they didn't have to see him like this at all.

Yeah, it would never work. They'd all see right through it.

The hybrid squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, breathing in shakily. Well, he had… however long it would take for them to get to Earth to be able to figure out a set plan, so until then-

Candy suddenly let out a shriek, and Steven's thoughts cut off rather abruptly.

It didn't take long for him to jump to his feet, even before he'd completely opened his eyes. He whirled around, searching for the danger, summoning his scythe - only to freeze right where he stood, eyes rooted ahead through the windshield of the ship. Berry was moving her hands frantically across the control panel, the ship shuddering and jerking to a sharp stop - which almost threw Steven forward, but he used the scythe to catch himself before he could go flying forward into Lemon Lime - and the others, unfortunately, weren't lucky enough to be able to keep their balance. Candy fell forward with a gasp, and Lemon Lime stumbled a bit at first before he fell backwards, himself. Steven wanted to look back to see if Tangerine and Clementine were okay, but he couldn't take his gaze off of what was in front of them to do so.

It wasn't hard at all to recognize the ship in front of them. The giant blue arm made a sharp turn and pinched the little red ship between two fingers before they could start moving again.

He hadn't even really wanted to go, but he hadn't wanted to get caught.

"Oh, shards," Berry whispered, backing away from the control panel after a moment. Lemon Lime was pushing himself to his feet, groaning slightly as he did so, and Tangerine was helping Candy up now while Clementine moved forward to stand beside Berry, tense and silent. Steven couldn't move; he just stared at the ship, still trapped between the blue hand's fingers as it moved again, abruptly turning over; the hybrid had little time to brace himself before they were released, vaguely seeing the palm of the ship's hand through the windshield. But then their ship was rolling down one of the fingers, and Blue Diamond's ship was rumbling, humming, buzzing.

Steven managed to hook his scythe around one of the chairs to hold himself steady at first, and tried to catch the other gems as they jerked and slid and rolled while the ship moved, but it wasn't long before he lost his balance and crashed forward with them, slamming into one of the windows and falling forward with a shaky gasp. When the ship did, finally, come to a stop, his friends simply let themselves flop forward with collective groans, but Steven remained still, even when the ship started moving again - not as violently this time, and it didn't take long for Steven to see why they were being moved, as the ship slowly turned to reveal Blue Diamond through the windshield. Steven's scythe diminished the second his gaze met hers, angry and cold, and it didn't take him too long to shove himself backwards against the front of one of the seats.

"And just where," Blue Diamond hissed, baring her teeth. "Do you think _you_ are going?" Steven flinched slightly despite himself; whatever anger he'd had toward her, right then, was replaced with absolute terror. Not just for himself, but for the gems unlucky enough to be trapped inside the ship with him, unlucky enough to have gotten caught trying to escape. And he knew she was going to punish them for it - and he knew if she did, it was going to be solely to punish _him._

"We're cracked," Lemon Lime whimpered.

Steven, honestly, didn't doubt that sentiment for a second. He breathed in, opening his mouth to speak, but he froze when the ship abruptly jerked - and then _cracked_ \- in Blue Diamond's grip. At first, he didn't realize what was going on. He heard the creaking of metal, which was enough to get Berry to lift her head and look around frantically, because she seemed to realize it before Steven did. The hybrid only figured it out when, as quickly as the creaking had began, it stopped. With a sharp, audible _snap_ , Blue Diamond ripped the ship apart, clean in half. Lemon Lime was the first one to fall, with a shriek - and Candy practically threw herself after him. Steven fell not too long after, scrambling for a grip on one of the seats, but he couldn't grab on in time. Tangerine and Clementine followed him, and then Berry, who looked absolutely livid.

They each landed in the palm of Blue Diamond's hand, much to the hybrid's horror. He didn't bother trying to scramble to his feet, just held his breath and stared up at the blue gem. She just glared down at him for a moment, flicking her gaze from him to the others. "Oh, of all the days you could have tried this…" She reached her other hand down, curling it around Steven.

"Steven-!" Berry and Lemon Lime shrieked.

Tangerine and Clementine yelled with them, sounding absolutely horrified. "Quartzy!"

Of course, Candy joined in with a furious scream of her own, " _Rose!"_

"Oh, _shut up,"_ Blue Diamond snarled, as Steven wriggled slightly in her grasp. It was useless, he knew, with her entire, large hand clasped around him, pinning his arms to his sides. Her grip was tight, and it _hurt_ \- and he gasped when he was abruptly jerked upwards, away from the hand she was holding the other gems in; he looked down just in time to see her clench her fists around all of them, silencing their screams, but the hybrid couldn't bite back a scream, himself. She ignored his protests, turning around silently and opening her hand to let the gems drop onto the control panel of her ship, and Steven leaned forward as much as he could to see them. "Of all the days you could have tried this," Blue Diamond growled, bubbling the gems and turning away again, blocking them completely from his view. "You picked the worst one."

"Let them go," Steven pleaded, wriggling again and looking up at her with wide eyes. "Th- they didn't- I mean it wasn't- we were just-" He didn't know what to say, how he could possibly begin to explain the situation, how he could keep them out of trouble. He didn't think there was an explanation he could offer her that she would believe regardless; she had seen them with her own eyes, she saw the ship, she saw them leaving. She knew they were trying to escape. Steven faltered for a second, flinching as she raised her hand, but she seemed to just be directing her ship now, because he felt it move underneath them after a moment. "Please," he begged again. "Please, I'm sorry- just- just don't hurt them- punish me, but don't hurt them, I-" He gasped and fell silent when she tilted her hand to roll him into her palm, but before he could speak, a bubble formed around him. And he yelped when a spike shot out from one side of it, coming within inches of his face, but somehow not touching him. The hybrid leaned away from it, breathing in shakily, but he got the hint rather quickly. She was mad. Talking wouldn't work. Not right then, anyway - no, right then, she was more livid than Steven had ever seen her.

The hybrid swallowed, blinking back the tears brewing in his eyes. When it came to talking to Blue Diamond, he knew it was more than futile, but it wasn't going to stop him from trying, before she had the chance to do anything to his friends. He could handle whatever she wanted to do to him, whatever punishment he was going to receive - but he couldn't let her hurt them.

* * *

Steven was screaming. He'd been screaming since they arrived on Homeworld, and he probably wasn't about to stop anytime soon. Blue Diamond had turned him in to a group of Amethyst guards the moment they'd landed, and when the hybrid had started pleading with her again to spare the others, she had ordered them to do whatever it took to shut him up.

So they were currently in the throne room, and the hybrid's arms were being held behind his back to hold him still, despite his struggles and screams. And he was screaming because there was a destabilizer pressed into his back, having long torn through the fabric of his uniform and broken skin the moment the Amethyst holding it had stabbed it into his spine. He could feel the electricity racing through him; every part of him hurt, every bone, every muscle, every vein. His back arched, bursts of electricity shooting up his spine every time the Amethyst twisted the destabilizer, tearing another scream from his lips, as long with a few sobs too. He knew it was only his human half keeping him from poofing, but this was undeniably worse. As another scream bubbled to his lips, a hand covered his mouth, muffling the sound; fingers dug into both sides of his face, and he choked a little bit at the pressure on his jaw, but he shut up quickly.

He felt a hand clamp over the back of his neck, causing him to stiffen instinctively, tears prickling at the corners of his eyes as his head was forced backwards, causing his back to arch with it, pulling him closer to the destabilizer pressed into his spine. But he still couldn't scream through the hand clasped over his mouth, the pressure the Amethyst was applying to his jaw rendering him completely, utterly unable to make even a single sound, aside from a shaky, silent sob.

He could see Blue Diamond and Yellow Diamond up ahead, near the thrones. Yellow Diamond was currently holding the bubble with the other gems in it, and it looked like they were arguing. Through the haze of pain, he caught little snippets of 'shatter' and then 'rejuvenate', but it wasn't enough yet to paint him a clear enough picture of what would be happening to his friends. The hybrid shuddered, and finally released a scream through the hand that was clasped over his mouth, arching his back again in a futile attempt to push himself away from the destabilizer. He had never felt such absolute agony before, not even during the battle. And this was undeniably worse; this, he couldn't fight back from. He couldn't break away and summon his scythe. He was forced still with the tight grips on his arms, the hands wrapped around his torso. They dug into fresh bruises, scars left behind from the battle, and he could even feel one of the Amethysts fingers digging hard against his gem. It was enough to knock his breath away, but he fought past that, as well as the tears in his eyes, looking ahead desperately to where Blue Diamond and Yellow Diamond were, praying that the latter would show some mercy to his friends.

He didn't know whether or not he was going to get his wish, but he couldn't fight back the terror he felt when Blue Diamond turned away, clearly still furious, and stormed over to them again. The destabilizer twisted again, and Steven _screeched_ , more tears forcing their way from his eyes and spilling down his cheeks, onto the hand of the soldier that was holding his mouth shut.

"Take her to my room," Blue Diamond ordered, gritting her teeth. She glared down at Steven, who sucked in a gasp of relief when the destabilizer was finally pulled away, but only so that the Amethysts could pull him back to leave the room. "It's time to show you, Rose Quartz, that I meant what I said when I told you I was being merciful. And it's time to show you," she added, reaching forward to open the door so that the Amethysts could shove him through. Steven didn't even have a chance to pick up his feet and walk along with them, but he didn't think he could have even if he'd tried anyway. "That I'm not going to tolerate any more disobedience."

Blue Diamond's room wasn't far. He dreaded what was coming, but he couldn't keep his thoughts from trailing in the direction of his friends, and Yellow Diamond, and whatever she might do to them now. They had been arguing for a reason, right? Maybe she wasn't going to shatter them. Maybe she'd let them off with a warning. Maybe she'd just punish them. All things considered, a punishment wasn't worse than them being shattered. At least then they'd still be alive. Of course, he'd also heard the word 'rejuvenate' get tossed around a few times, and while the idea of them being reset still definitely scared him, that also wasn't as bad as being killed. The hybrid clenched his teeth and swallowed, trying to breathe past the hand clasped over his mouth, as Blue Diamond opened the door to her room to let them in. "You see, Rose Quartz…"

His gaze darted around the room silently, but he couldn't really focus on anything. Blue Diamond continued to lead them forward, stepping around what looked like an empty pool. When she was finally satisfied with the spot they'd stopped in, she turned around and lifted a hand; Steven let out a muffled whimper when the ground shifted beneath him and the Amethysts that were holding him back, lifting them up to the giant Diamond's level. "Learning that you had survived on Earth was a surprise in itself," Blue Diamond began casually. "I never thought I'd get the chance to have my revenge on the gem that had hurt my precious Pink." She reached above her for something, but Steven couldn't tilt his head back to see whatever it was. "I remember how conniving you were. How so many gems fell for your tricks, your lies. How you made such a large army in such a short amount of time. Even now… you're still the same."

Steven shook his head as much as he could, struggling against the Amethysts now, but their grips were strong, and the one covering his mouth certainly wasn't going to let up enough to let him talk. He gasped when her fingers dug further into his jaw, and fell still again quickly.

"You've certainly made an impression, though," Blue Diamond commented. "On the gems you convince to join you, don't you? For instance, this one…" She lowered her hands after a moment, revealing the bubble she was holding between them. Gingerly, carefully; she was almost gentle as she displayed it for him, and the hybrid furrowed his eyebrows as he stared. "From what I understand, she flew all the way here to save her precious 'Steven'." She squeezed the bubble lightly and popped it, then dropped her hand to catch what had fallen.

It didn't quite register until she held it out for him to see.

"I have to admit." Blue Diamond grinned, watching the hybrid's expression shift. A scream tore from his lips, a pleading, desperate, muffled one, and he couldn't find words to accompany it. He twisted and writhed again, this time not caring how much pressure was applied to his jaw. He screamed and struggled and fought as hard as he could to break free. He couldn't take his eyes off of the gemstone pinched between Blue Diamond's thumb and forefinger, and it just made him struggle even harder, desperate to at least remove the hand from his mouth so that he could speak, so that he could scream, so that he could beg and plead with her to stop, before she did what he _knew_ she was going to do. "Your friend here is very determined…"

Steven finally managed to get one arm free, and the hand around his mouth immediately moved so that the Amethysts could restrain him properly again. But it left him open to scream, and he did so the second he was able to, gasping for air. "Please- please don't- don't hurt her-!"

Blue Diamond ignored him, turning her gaze to the gem. "For a Lapis Lazuli, anyway."


	19. Chapter 19

The past few months had been terrifying, but none of the fear Steven had experienced during that time could amount to the terror pounding in his chest now. He was still screaming, he knew, struggling against the Amethysts that were still restraining him, while Blue Diamond held Lapis' gem up to her face to inspect it. He was screaming, and he was sobbing, too; the hybrid was practically hysterical at that point, and the only reason he was even still trying to suck in any air to speak was because he needed to get the words out, he needed to beg and plead and do whatever he could to get Blue Diamond's attention, to get her to stop for a second, and listen. "Please, please, _please-!"_ He screamed, jerking his arms against the soldiers' hold and trying to move forward, but they dragged him right back toward them again before he'd even had the chance to really pull away from them. "Please don't hurt her- please- please, let her go-"

He remembered how scared Lapis had been at the mere mention of the Diamonds; he remembered how horrified she was at the idea of ever returning to Homeworld, after she'd already gone back and been taken as a prisoner once. As he stared at her gem, the thought of her flying all this way to the planet she never wanted to come back to - just for _him_ , no less - brought a rush of tears to his eyes, and another anguished wail tore from his throat, another desperate cry of " _please!"_ as he lunged and struggled against the Amethysts grasps. "Please," he sobbed again. He couldn't stop saying that word, that one word. And he didn't even care. He wasn't going to stop saying it until it finally got her attention. "I- I'll do anything- anything you want," he gasped, briefly pausing his struggles and falling slack against the soldiers, who took the chance to tighten their grips as he did. "I- I- I'll- I'll- I'll be your soldier, I'll go back to war, I'll do whatever you want me to do and- and I'll train and-" Another sob broke through his lips.

Finally, Blue Diamond's gaze flicked back up to him, lowering her hands and letting Lapis' gem roll into her palm instead. Steven sucked in another gasp and paused again, chest heaving as he fought for air. But a spark of hope finally flickered through his chest, the fear briefly giving way, when he watched the giant blue gem tilt her head to the side and furrow her eyebrows at him. She looked thoughtful, like she was genuinely considering what he was saying. So with the sparkle of hope that he'd been given, with the little encouragement he'd received, he went on.

"Please," he whispered, searching the Diamond's gaze frantically. Once again, he let the hope pulse, he let himself believe there was an inch of compassion there, something inside of her that wasn't corrupted by grief and anger. He knew she was furious, she was mourning the loss of someone she'd cared about. But maybe she wasn't all that bad. She was just hurt, wasn't she? For all her torture, all the things she had done to him and everybody else… he had to hope there was some goodness left inside of her, and that maybe he could bring it out now. Maybe he had this chance, this one, final chance to get through to her. "Please," he begged again, raising his voice after a moment. He blinked desperately past the tears blurring his vision, still breathing heavily, but trying not to panic as much. He could do this. He had to at least try, for Lapis. "Please don't hurt her. Please. Please." Another stifled sob, this one much quieter than the last.

After a moment, studying him just as intently as she had been before, Blue Diamond smiled. She smiled and, just like that, in just a split second, Steven felt his heart stop beating.

There was no warmth. There wasn't even a trace of kindness or compassion in her gaze, or her smile. It was sharp, it was cold, it was cruel. There wasn't even the blind anger Steven recognized there There was almost nothing but malice reflected in her eyes now, a merciless amusement from a gem that had dedicated everything she did to torturing him, at any cost. There wasn't a chance of getting through to her now, and, honestly, as he stared back at her… the hybrid was genuinely beginning to wonder if there ever was. His breathing hitched again, sucking in as much air as he could to keep pleading, keep begging. There was nothing else he could do; the soldiers weren't letting him go, and now that he had gone still for those few seconds, they had a tighter grip on him than they had from the beginning. "Please…" He tried. He tried again, and again, and again, because he didn't know what else he could do or say. "Please…"

Blue Diamond still didn't say anything. She stepped forward after a few seconds, pausing in front of the elevated platform the hybrid was standing on. More tears blurred his vision; he blinked them back furiously to watch as the Diamond held her hand out to him and silently uncurled her fingers to reveal the gem in her hand once again. His gaze snapped down to it at once, pupils shrinking as he stared. Lapis' gem was so small in her hand, nothing but an insignificant speck to a giant, almighty Diamond such as the one holding it, but it was everything to Steven. The hybrid's lower lip trembled slightly, furrowing his eyebrows as he looked down at it, then quickly snapped his gaze back up to Blue Diamond's face. For a second, through the fear and the pain and the confusion and the despair, he wondered if maybe he _had_ gotten through to her, if maybe, despite the cold smile on her face, she had actually listened to him. Maybe she was giving him the gem, maybe she was going to tell him he had one last chance. Steven jerked his arms slightly, trying to move forward, but the soldiers weren't letting him go.

Just as quickly as the thought had crossed his mind, before Steven could even open his mouth to whimper out another 'please', before he could ask what she was going to do, and plead with her even further not to hurt his friend - Blue Diamond abruptly curled her hand around the gemstone again, and this time, he could see the soft glow pulsing through her fingers. His breathing hitched once again, and this time, he ended up holding his breath as he watched. Watched Blue Diamond slowly curl each of her fingers back again, the familiar glow of a bubble rising up as it enveloped the gem. For a second, just a second, he almost felt relieved. She was bubbling her again. Being bubbled was better than being shattered. She wouldn't kill her.

Blue Diamond opened her hand completely again, revealing the bubble in her hand. It looked different from the one Lapis' gem had started out in, he realized faintly as he stared at it. It looked oddly clouded inside, murky and thick like it was filled with dirty water. Lapis' gem was lying still at the bottom as the bubble shrunk around it, steadily growing smaller and smaller in the giant gem's hand as she lowered it completely to where Steven was, until her hand was right there in front of him, until the bubble was within arms reach. If he wasn't being restrained, he could have reached out to take it from her, and the only thing keeping him from struggling was the fear of upsetting the gem again. He watched her turn her hand, pinching the bubble.

"Don't you ever," she said softly, and Steven continued to hold his breath, eyes widening slightly as he flicked his gaze from her face to the bubble and back again. "Disobey me again." And he opened his mouth, ready to choke out every reassurance he could, ready to make every promise he could muster as long as it meant she was going to let Lapis go. But he didn't have the chance to spit the words out, he didn't have the chance to make even a single sound. The words caught in his throat with nothing more than a quiet, strangled gasp. A spike shot up from the bottom of the bubble, straight to the top. Steven watched it cut straight through the center of the tiny gem in the middle of the bubble, and he watched the cracks spread when the bubble popped, he heard the sound it made when it fell apart. It sounded like a window being broken. It sounded like every time he'd cracked his head against a hard object when he fell, or when he was thrown, or dropped. It sounded like something cracking, breaking, shattering all at once.

Blue gem shards fell from Blue Diamond's fingers, dropping onto the platform at Steven's feet. The hybrid watched them as they fell, as some of them bounced off the edge and fell even further to the floor completely. The rest of them laid still in front of him - so many of them. Tiny shards, a gemstone that had been reduced to nothing but little, sharp, chipped pieces. His pupils shrank for a second as he stared, and for a few seconds, the pain that enveloped him right then was like nothing he'd ever felt before. Even his grief over Mandarin didn't nearly amount to the agony that exploded through him at that moment. He couldn't scream. He couldn't cry. His eyes were surprisingly dry, but they burned hot with the threat of tears.

The pain lasted a solid five seconds before everything went _numb._

For a moment, the world went still. Every bit of sound had turned to static. Everything had blurred to almost nothing. It only took a second this time for the emotions to vanish, and it didn't take even that long for the memories to screech to a halt. The shift was sudden, but not unwelcome. On one hand, he could recall the pain he'd just felt moments before. He knew he should still be feeling that, probably - he knew something bad had just happened, something he should have been upset about, but he didn't know why. All he could feel was everything that he was steadily chipping away. Every memory, every emotion. Pushed down, buried underneath… nothing. There was just nothing. Blank gaps where memories should be, confusion where grief had just been. It was like he was zoning out, dissociating, but on a much larger scale now. The memories didn't return this time, even when the slowed-down world caught up with him again. Even when time kept ticking, when sound and sight returned. He just stared at the shards.

Everything was gone. Every memory. Every emotion. There was nothing left but confusion. But otherwise, he was blank, empty. At least, he _was_ , until he flicked his gaze back up to the gem in front of him. She looked rather pleased with herself, grinning down at the gem shards lying on the platform in front of him. She had been the one to shatter the gem, he remembered that. While it took him a second to recognize her, it did eventually set in. She was his _Diamond_.

He was a soldier. He was _her_ soldier.

Something had been chipped away, something had shifted, but something else had clicked into place. He knew he was supposed to feel upset about something, something bad had just happened. He knew he had just been crying, screaming, begging. He knew he felt guilty and confused, he even knew he felt almost angry, but he still couldn't understand why. He didn't recognize the gem shards in front of him, he couldn't recall why he'd been so afraid before. Something had shifted. Steven Universe had crumbled and folded away, shoved so far down that he couldn't reach the memories and emotions that connected him to who he used to be anymore. The only thing he could really process was that he was a soldier. He was a soldier of Homeworld. Whoever Steven Universe had been, he was gone. Blue Diamond had finally won; she'd finally succeeded in what she'd always wanted, but the hybrid didn't even know that. He had no idea that she had just somehow stomped out everything he used to be in one swift, sudden strike. The grief, and the pain, in the shock - it had been too much, too fast.

As far as he was concerned, Steven Universe had never even existed. His mind had shoved that part of him down, locked him away, where he didn't have to deal with the pain and the grief. There were no memories to present as proof of his existence, not ones that he could reach. They were far beyond him now, and it didn't make a single difference to the soldier. There was no point in mourning someone he didn't remember - so he didn't mourn the loss of his old self, and he didn't mourn the broken gem in front of him, the shards littered across the platform, the ones that had fallen to the floor. There were no memories to tie him to the gem, no sentiment, no recognition. He did know that perhaps it should have mattered more to him than it did, that he was supposed to feel upset over something, but… he didn't. He didn't feel upset at all.

There was no Steven. There were no Crystal Gems. There was no Earth.

But instead, there was only Homeworld. There was his Squadron. His fellow soldiers. There were certain gems he did remember; Berry, Lemon Lime, Candy, Agate, Sage, Tangerine, Clementine. Gems that meant… something to him, but at the moment he couldn't process exactly what that 'something' was. There was a tug of concern at the thought of them… he'd gotten them in trouble, he remembered, but he couldn't remember why or how. He just knew they were somewhere in a bubble. Right. He was being punished. He was being punished for disobeying his Diamond's orders - and why would he do something like that? There was no love in his heart for his Diamond, he knew that much, but there was certainly fear when he looked at her. Fear and confusion, and pain. Pain he didn't want to feel. He didn't want to disobey her.

There was Homeworld. His home. His planet. There was Yellow Diamond. White Diamond. _His_ Diamond. And then there was him. He was Rose Quartz Facet-1 Cut-8BR. He was a _soldier_.

"Take her back to her room," his Diamond ordered harshly. "And feel free to punish her more."

_Nothing else._

* * *

The destabilizer was stabbed into his back, between his shoulder-blades, and the hybrid screamed as he doubled over. His mechanical fingers dug into the floor beneath him, arching his back as the electricity raced up and down his spine. The pain was mind-numbing; while most of the Amethysts had left after they shoved him into the Room - another thing he remembered, somewhat, or at least had feelings toward. Feelings of panic and fear and pain and anger - one of them had remained. She was standing over him as he knelt on the ground, one hand clasped over his shoulder and holding him somewhat steady as she shoved the destabilizer deeper into his back and twisted; another scream tore through his lips, tears welling up but not quite falling. He hadn't shed a single tear since the torture had begun. He hadn't shed a single tear since whatever had happened back there in his Diamond's room. He wasn't exactly sure why.

He hissed and gasped when the destabilizer was pulled out again, swallowing and sucking in as much air as he could through shaky, unsteady gulps. He knew it was going to happen again, but he also knew trying to prepare himself for it at that point was futile. The electricity was something he couldn't brace himself for; he remembered wounds he received in battle, wounds he received from sharp weapons, bruises from being slammed up against walls. He still had those scars now, to connect with the memories. But even that hadn't been as bad as this. This hurt him down to his core, every part of his body bursting with painful, sharp jolts of energy.

The Amethyst circled around him and pressed the destabilizer, dripping with red liquid, underneath his chin. She forced his head up, and he let his gaze flick up to meet hers, silent. "Hopefully you've learned your lesson, Rose," she sneered with a grin, and he flicked his gaze away again, looking back down at the destabilizer and swallowing as much as he could with it pressed against his throat. He could feel the electricity, even now, but it didn't hurt. It didn't tend to hurt until it had pierced through him completely, until the electricity could spread through every part of his body. "Next time you'll think twice before disobeying our Diamond." But he was still relieved when she pulled it away from him, and he finally let himself slump backwards, sitting back on his heels and breathing heavily, chest heaving rapidly, as he watched her turn to leave, tapping the wall with the handle of the destabilizer until the door slid open to let her out.

Well, she was right about one thing. He wouldn't be disobeying his Diamond anytime soon. Honestly, he marveled over the fact that he'd even done so in the first place. He couldn't remember the decisions that had led up to that point; there was just nothing where memories should have been, gaps he couldn't fill in, but it hardly mattered regardless. He knew the risks now - but surely he'd known them before? Why hadn't he taken them into account then? And he had to have known the danger he'd be putting the other gems in. Steven grimaced and pushed himself backwards after a moment, letting himself fall back completely to sit down normally. He stretched his legs out in front of him and stared at the feet of his limb enhancers, not even looking up when the light above his head started flickering. Or when a high-pitched buzzing sound started. Or even when the earrings chimed and glowed, and began speaking to him. Familiar words, ones he could quote by heart at this point. He followed along with them quietly.

"I am Rose Quartz Facet-1 Cut-8BR…" He trailed off, staring at the floor. "My Diamond is Blue Diamond. I am a _soldier_ ," he said slowly, narrowing his eyes slightly. "Nothing else." It was fairly simple, embedded into him like it was programmed into his brain. These were things he already knew. Memories that had been there even after everything else had turned to static. And he eventually came to the conclusion that, through everything else that must have happened, with all the emptiness and the gaps and the blank spots he could feel were there, something missing from him, something he couldn't reach for - for him to remember this in particular, for this to have stuck with him through that, then it must have been important. It had to be important. Everything else had blurred and chipped away; this was one of the few things that remained.

There was nothing else. He couldn't follow the memories into the edges of his mind. He couldn't push himself to the point of digging them back up - something caused him to shy away from them, knowing something bad had happened, and knowing he had forgotten whatever it was, and knowing that it had to be a good thing. So he also decided that he was… content, not remembering whatever it was that had hurt him so badly. He couldn't remember the emotions now, and that was a good thing. He just remembered how _bad_ he thought it was, and how every part of him had been wishing for the pain to go away. He'd gotten his wish, so in the long run, there was really no other reason for him to go digging around for anything else at all.

Yes, he decided, he was content right then.

He was a soldier.

He was Rose Quartz.

* * *

Steven sat still while he waited. He didn't move. He didn't pace. He didn't get up. He didn't even shift positions after that; he remained sitting with his mechanical fingers folded over his legs, staring at the wall and just waiting. He couldn't remember, but he could still feel. He felt… relief. He felt like this was the first time in a while he'd been able to sit still without feeling some kind of pain, whether it be physical or emotional. And, yes, his legs did start to ache after a little while, the limb enhancers digging into them rather harshly, and his arms were a little sore themselves. Even so, he felt oddly peaceful - and he relished the feeling, because he knew it was something he hadn't been quite familiar with up until that moment. He liked solitude. He liked being alone. That was something else he decided; he liked having the room to himself. The earrings talking to him was, personally, enough interaction to last him for a while - but even so, the soldier determined that he would sit there and wait until his Diamond came to retrieve him again.

When the door did open, Steven finally rose to his feet, folding his hands into the salute with practiced ease. It came to him more naturally than anything else had so far, ducking his head and lifting his gaze as he watched his Diamond step through the opened door. "My Diamond."

She looked… startled, but not upset. Steven watched her carefully as her eyes flicked back and forth, studying him intently for a few seconds, before she spoke. "Rose Quartz," she hummed. "Come along. Your punishment is over for the time being." She turned to lead him out, and Steven moved forward without hesitation, falling into step beside Blue Pearl and walking after his Diamond quickly. Occasionally, he let his gaze flick around the palace; he wanted to ask about what had happened to the others, but he had a feeling that would just make her upset. And the last thing Steven wanted, right then, was to make his Diamond upset again. So he bit his tongue, he kept silent, and he straightened up as he followed after her, keeping his steps light and his strides long to keep up with her as she led him through the halls and outside.

"After the little stunt you pulled, you'll be training with Hessonite 3AB's Squadron now," his Diamond began, and Steven furrowed his eyebrows, silently wracking his brain to try and remember who that was. His memories of Homeworld were still a little hazy, but at least there were any memories to account for on that end at all. "Yellow Diamond rejuvenated the soldiers that were captured during the battle-" She sounded disgusted, displeased, as she said that. Steven cocked his head to the side, flicking his gaze toward her. "And Agate 4AX is busy re-training them. Hessonite 3AB is training a group of Quartzes and Rubies - including 5HX, but don't get any ideas. Yellow had her rejuvenated, so she's not your loyal little follower now."

"Of course, my Diamond." Steven twisted his mouth into a puzzled frown, jumping down the stairs and continuing to follow her. Berry had been rejuvenated… he couldn't really wrap his mind around that one, but at the same time, he also found himself glad for it. At least they hadn't shattered the Ruby. Rejuvenation was the least of her concerns - being reset meant she couldn't remember anything anyway, which was practically the same case with him at the moment… so when it really came down to it, if her situation was anything like his, she probably wasn't missing very much at all. The hybrid rolled his shoulders back, shaking his head.

"We're preparing for another battle." His Diamond paused, and added with a somewhat begrudging tone when she went on, "Yellow Diamond will be taking the command on this one."

Another battle. Steven nodded faintly, but he didn't speak. He came to a stop when Blue Diamond raised a hand and paused, and while he flinched slightly at first when the ground rumbled underneath him to start pushing him upwards, he held himself still and steady. There was going to be another battle, which meant they'd want him to fight again. Which meant he'd probably have to go through more training. Which… wasn't a problem, right? He remembered some things in snippets. He remembered how satisfying fighting had been during the first battle. He remembered how much he enjoyed training with his Squadmates. The battle was rough, of course, and the rebels had angered him, and he was supposed to have shattered them… but he was also given other orders not to do so. And something had stopped him from even considering the idea, anyway; something that was tugging at him now, aching to be released from whatever prison in his subconscious they had been locked away in. And he shied away.

If the memories came naturally, fine. He was happy to remember things that way. But he wasn't going to push for something he wasn't really sure he wanted to begin with, and that was that.

His Diamond let him into a training arena - a familiar looking one, at that. And even more familiar were the gems just up ahead, lined up, seemingly, for battle training. There was a row of Quartzes in the front, and two rows of Ruby soldiers in the back. Steven silently let his gaze trail over each of the gems as he followed his Diamond, furrowing his eyebrows silently. He only paused - if only for a split second - when his gaze rested on one of the Rubies. A Ruby with slightly curlier hair, with limb enhancers on her feet, a yellow visor and a gem on the back of her left hand. A Ruby that was staring at him from the corner of her eye as he followed after Blue Diamond - a Ruby that, understandably, looked a little more than furious while she was standing among the others. It was Berry, and that was unmistakable. He'd recognize her any day. But the way she was glancing at him, the way her fury seemed to abruptly dissolve and fizzle away into something… he couldn't quite place right then, it was also unmistakable. And it was confusing. His Diamond had told him she'd been rejuvenated. Reset. She shouldn't be looking at him like that, like she… remembered. The soldier stared for a moment, then looked away again.

"Your excellency," Sage greeted as they approached; Steven flicked his gaze toward her silently, and folded his hands into a salute when she turned her attention to him. "And Rose Quartz…" She trailed off for a moment, with an oddly puzzled expression on her face as she stared at him. But, after a brief moment of hesitation, she simply offered him a smile as warm as he remembered it to be, and nodded toward the row of Quartz soldiers. "You can go stand with them for now while I speak with Blue Diamond," she told him, and Steven didn't waste any time in following the command, scanning the soldiers silently and standing in place at the end.

He stood at attention dutifully, copying the other Quartzes with his arms at his sides, staring straight ahead while he waited. Waited for instructions, for orders to follow. That was his duty.

Because he was a soldier.

He was a soldier, and nothing else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I sincerely apologize--


	20. Chapter 20

At first, Berry didn't speak to him.

They didn't exchange 'hello''s turning training, they didn't glance at each other when they passed, they didn't catch each other's gaze from across the arena. Steven focused solely on training, and tried to pretend the Ruby simply didn't exist at first. It wasn't an easy thing to do; the next few weeks were spent training, and that training was spent with the same Squadron his Diamond had paired him with when he'd been let out of the Room. Nobody told him how long it had been anymore, nobody told him how long he'd been in the Room for, nobody told him how long it had been since he'd been on Homeworld. And it didn't matter. It didn't make a difference, because he didn't even remember arriving in the first place. He just remembered being there. He just remembered _always_ being there. He didn't remember anything before that, and he didn't care to; he just pushed himself forward, kept training, and ignored the blank spots in his mind.

Of course, while memories didn't return, emotions did slowly flow back in. Excitement for training and fighting, but worry about hurting one of his Squadmates. But watching the other soldiers poof each other was enough to stifle his concerns on that one for the time being - they were fine. It was just training, it wasn't like he was doing anything to hurt them. So when it was his turn to step up and train, he found he had stopped holding back. He slashed and sliced and poofed, did everything on command and didn't think twice about it. He found an odd glee in fighting that hadn't been there before, except for on the battlefield, against enemies he was angry at. Glee that came just from training with his fellow soldiers. The excitement of a Quartz.

Other emotions stirred, to. Toward his Diamond. Sometimes anger, sometimes fear. The fear itself was intense; it hit him hard now, as if he'd spent so long choking it down and shoving it back that it was making a vicious comeback now that there was nothing to hold it back. But the fear just reminded him that he needed to stay at the top of his game and obey. He was his Diamond's soldier, and soldiers weren't disobedient. As long as he did what was asked of him, then he wouldn't get punished. So the fear itself was easy to deal with - it was the anger he struggled with. The fury, the resentment lingering in the back of his mind whenever he looked at her. He couldn't explain it, and he didn't want to. He had a feeling it was connected to the blank, empty gaps in his mind, everything he'd pushed down and buried away, and he wasn't going to go digging through them just to explain a few odd feelings every now and again. He could fight past the anger and he could work through the fear - it was the pain he was afraid of feeling.

There was only one way to control the pain. Shove it down into the box he'd sealed his memories in and do whatever it took to make sure that box didn't come flying back open.

So he took his time with training. When he wasn't training, he was sent back to the Room - but most of the time, he was allowed to have… somewhat free reign of the training arena, that is. Sage - his Hessonite - was rather lenient, but oddly tense for some reason. She was hesitant when she spoke to him, cautious, but nice regardless. Steven followed her orders as easily as he would follow his Diamond's, continuing on with training and doing his best to stay out of trouble. And for the first few weeks, he actually managed to. Until he was paired with Berry.

She still didn't say anything to him as they fought; she matched him blow for blow, her knuckles against his scythe. Occasionally, her gaze would flick up to meet his, but she never said anything. She never broke concentration on the fight. Steven was struggling to ignore the discomfort boiling in his chest, the tugging at the back of his mind. His memories of Berry were still hazy - he remembered he had cared for her, trusted her, and he still did, somewhat. But she was different now, and he certainly likely wasn't the same as when he'd met her. There was also some guilt churning through his chest when he stared at her, guilt and shame he couldn't process, or explain. But he did his best to ignore these feelings as he fought, focusing on training and ignoring the way she would study him between blows, the way she frowned whenever her gaze caught his, the way she seemed to be searching for something she wasn't able to see. Their training went on like that for a while - until, finally, she seemingly had enough.

Blocking a blow from the scythe, Berry shoved him backwards - and the hybrid stumbled a little, but kept his balance easily, before whirling around toward where Sage was standing to the side, watching the other soldiers train. Steven paused, lowering his scythe slightly and glancing between them in confusion, but he didn't say anything; not even when Berry spoke up, raising her voice so that Sage could hear her over all of the fighting. "Rose Quartz is speaking to me," she yelled across the arena, and Sage's head snapped up at once, eyebrows furrowing slightly. Steven just blinked and glanced back down at the Ruby, offering her a dubious look.

After a moment, Sage leaned over to say something to Candy. The Pearl looked a little different, he thought, herself. Her outfit hadn't changed, but her hair was longer. When Sage spoke to her, she immediately headed over to where Steven and Berry were standing, and Steven frowned. He spared another glance back toward Berry, but the Ruby had turned away from him and was heading off to join the other soldiers who were still sparring, not sparing him another glance. To say he was confused would have been an understatement; he was downright baffled by what had just happened. He hadn't even been talking to her at all. Neither of them had been talking. But he didn't say anything, just let Candy lead him away to the Room, inevitably. That was where he went when he was being punished, and he figured trying to talk to one of his 'loyal little followers' was definitely grounds for a punishment. The hybrid grimaced and ducked his head as he walked, falling into step with Candy and staring down the hall with a frown.

Candy opened the door for him silently, and offered an almost apologetic smile when he turned to enter. But she didn't say anything until he had completely walked into the room and turned again to face the door, just as it was sliding shut. "Sorry, Rose," she apologized quietly just before the door had closed, and Steven cocked his head to the side, but he didn't bother saying anything. Just took a step back after a moment, sat down, and prepared himself to wait again.

He had a feeling something was going on, but he wasn't sure what. He wasn't even sure he wanted to know what, but at the same time, he couldn't stop himself from thinking about it. He knew Berry. He knew when she was up to something. He knew she didn't just _lie_ for no reason. She usually always had a reason for doing the things that she did… he remembered _that_.

Steven made a face and looked up at the wall.

He had a feeling he knew who would be coming through that door next.

* * *

Sure enough, he was right. He didn't even bother standing up when the door opened, just quirked an eyebrow and stared as Berry as the Ruby marched through. At that point, it hadn't taken him long at all to come to the conclusion that Berry had certainly remembered a lot more than she seemed to be letting on for his Diamond's sake, and he wasn't really torn between his morals at that point to decide whether he was going to cover for Berry, or whether he should tell his Diamond. There was no way on Homeworld he was going to get his friend in more trouble. But, with that being said, he had a lot of questions to ask at that point, and he wasn't going to let her get away with not answering. He didn't think that would be a problem, since she was _usually_ honest with him, but he still couldn't be too sure at the moment. Again, his memories were hazy. "So you get me in trouble for 'speaking' to you," he began the moment the door shut behind her. "But then you end up coming in here where you know I am anyway. What the shards was _that_?"

"Sorry," Berry grunted, but she didn't really sound sorry at all. Steven sighed and rolled his eyes to the side, but he pushed himself to stand after a moment. He wasn't annoyed, not really, but he did want to know what was up and why in the name of the stars Berry had decided that being in the same room with him right then was a good idea. "But I had to get you alone to talk to you, and I didn't have much time to think of another plan at the moment. You seem different," she declared, walking toward him, and Steven stayed silent as he watched her approach, thinking. "You seem _really_ different, hybrid. What did Blue do to you?"

"Obviously I got punished," Steven replied vaguely, fixing his gaze on her again after a moment. He furrowed his eyebrows, frowning. "So did you, though, didn't you? My Diamond said you'd been rejuvenated," he recalled, and he watched Berry blink as he spoke, looking startled.

" _Your_ Diamond?"

"Blue Diamond," Steven explained. "My Diamond is Blue Diamond."

Berry was already shaking her head; the shocked look on her face had melted away into something more akin to alarm, looking him up and down and studying him carefully. "No…" She mumbled, shaking her head again. "No, you never call her 'my Diamond'. You always correct yourself before you…" The Ruby trailed off and paced forward again, and Steven frowned, but stayed silent and didn't move as she circled around him, still checking him over. He flinched a little, feeling her hand rest against his back, but she'd pulled away rather quickly in favor of walking back around to stand in front of him again, looking even more worried. "Did she rejuvenate you somehow…? You can't even poof…" She whispered, now looking puzzled.

Steven looked down at her and furrowed his eyebrows silently, rolling his shoulders back. "I… don't think I got rejuvenated. I know I got punished, but I can't remember…" He trailed off again, watching her eyes flick across his face, and continued cautiously, "I know they used a destabilizer, but it didn't poof me. Then… something else happened, I can't remember it, and then I was back in here and they were using the destabilizer again, and you were in a bubble." He paused, studying her carefully. "Speaking of which, why aren't you reset by now? Isn't-"

"Shut- shut up," Berry ordered, pressing her index fingers together and pressing them against her mouth as she turned away and paced toward the other side of the room. Steven paused, and frowned, but he fell silent as requested and leaned back a little to prop himself up against the wall. Fine, he knew better than to challenge Berry, but he was still determined to get a clear answer before she left. "This doesn't… memory loss… without rejuvenation, I…" Berry ran her fingers through her hair, looking even more bewildered as she turned to face him again. "You're half human," she mumbled. "Your memories are more fragile than a gem's. But what in the stars could cause something like that to-" She stopped, her gaze snapping back up to his face, and he watched her entire body go rigid, pulling taut with alarm. "What _do_ you remember?"

"I'm not answering any more questions until you answer mine," Steven said simply. Berry blinked at him, managing to look startled, and Steven shook his head slightly. "My Diamond said you were rejuvenated, and I _remember_ -" He emphasized, "you told me that rejuvenation is basically a reset button and gems that get rejuvenated aren't supposed to remember. So, explain, and then I will gladly tell you whatever you want to know before we get caught." He crossed his arms, curling his mechanical fingers against the limb enhancers and leaning back. He did care for Berry, but she had a habit of dodging his questions in favor of asking her own. But the fact that she had supposedly been rejuvenated and still remembered didn't make sense.

Berry stared at him for a moment, almost looking taken aback, before she scrunched her face up and shook her head. "Dear stars- okay, fine. I didn't actually get rejuvenated," she snapped. "Blue and White are as stupid and hard-headed as two Diamonds could be, but Yellow is the only one around here who has any kind of common sense. She wanted to talk to me first." The Ruby paused, shrugged and crossed her own arms over her chest as she leaned back again. "So, we talked. We talked about you. We talked about Earth. We talked about Rose Quartz."

"I _am_ Rose Quartz," Steven corrected.

"Go get _cracked_ ," Berry snarled, and Steven blinked, genuinely startled by that - and honestly a little hurt, if he was being honest - and… confused. "You are _not_ Rose Quartz. You're _Steven_."

Hearing the name alone stirred something in his mind; it was violent, painful, filled with panic and fear and dread. The hybrid shied away from it, shaking his head furiously as if that alone could shake the memories and emotions away completely. It didn't - but for the time being, he had successfully stifled them yet again. "No," he muttered. "I'm Rose Quartz Facet-1 Cut-8BR."

"You're _not_ ," Berry insisted, stepping toward him again, and Steven narrowed his eyes as he glanced back up at her. "You know damn well that you're not! You _told_ me that you _weren't_. _This_ \- I know what this is. This is just Blue Diamond. She got to you. Whatever she did to you, it messed with your mind and it messed with your memories, and because you're _half-human_ , and not an actual _gem_ ," she pressed - and Steven arched an eyebrow - as she continued forward, "it was easier to screw with your memories without needing to be able to rejuvenate you. That's my theory, anyway, because up until we tried to escape, you knew exactly who you were. You knew exactly where you came from. You knew exactly what you wanted. Then you got punished. So either whatever she did to you scared you so much that you're _pretending_ not to remember, or you actually don't remember." She paused in front of him, tilting his head back to search his gaze. "And I hate to break it to you like this, but you're not as good an actor as you think."

"Berry," Steven began slowly after a moment, meeting her gaze and studying her face carefully. "I _do_ know exactly who I am. I'm _Rose Quartz._ I'm a soldier. That's all I am. Nothing else," he insisted, finally pushing himself away from the wall. He didn't approach her, though, just stepped around her and uncrossed his arms to reach up and run his fingers through his hair with a frown. "Nothing's wrong with me, okay? Maybe you're right, maybe I don't remember, but it's fine. It's better like this. It's better for me, and it's better for you, and everyone else involved."

"How do you figure?" Berry demanded, turning to watch him. "She _broke_ you."

"No. _No_ ," Steven corrected sharply, turning around to face her again, and lifting a finger to point toward the Ruby. "She didn't break me. I'm _not_ broken. I'm _fine_. If anything, she _fixed_ me," he added, and Berry recoiled at that, as if she'd been struck. "Come on, you know how I was! You now how- how angry I was, and how scared I was, don't you? If even I can remember, I know _you_ have to. And in case you haven't noticed, Berry-" He gestured toward himself, shifting the fingers of his limb enhancers into arrows again to point toward himself now, and Berry stared. "I'm not like that anymore. I'm _fine_ now. I follow _orders_ , I _fight_ better, I don't get _punished_. And I don't get any of you in trouble now, do I? No. Everything is fine. I'm fine, you're fine, _it's fine."_

A myriad of emotions crossed Berry's face; confusion, anger, pain, concern, desperation. "This-" The Ruby shook her head and gestured toward him, looking frustrated. "This is fine? _This_ is fine? This isn't fine! You don't remember anything, do you?" She demanded, and he furrowed his eyebrows slightly, leaning back again. "You don't remember Earth, or your family, or your-"

"Berry, stop," Steven cut her off desperately, curling his mechanical fingers against his chest. He watched her expression shift again, betraying worry once more as her eyes flicked down to follow the movements of his hands, as he curled both of them against his chest and shook his head furiously at her, taking a step back. "I know. I know, okay? You don't think I- I can feel it? You don't think I know something's wrong, something's missing? I can feel it every day," he insisted, swallowing hard and taking a deep breath. "I can feel the pain that I used to feel all the time. It's still there. But I can't- I can't… I can't be _scared_ and- and _hurt_ like that again."

Berry finally faltered at that, her expression pinching slightly; confusion and horror flickered across her face, searching his gaze once again. Searching for something she knew she wasn't going to find. Steven closed his eyes after a moment, ducking his head, and the Ruby finally spoke, "that's not… that's not how you stop hurting…" She trailed off, breathing in shakily. Steven blinked his eyes open again to look up at her, furrowing his eyebrows in confusion. Berry looked… she looked upset. Not angry, not frustrated. Upset. Worried. Concerned. For _him_. "That's not going to fix anything," she insisted, looking up at him desperately. "You're _miserable._ Even for all this- even without your memories, it's still going to hurt. That's why you can still feel it. That's why you're scared of it. You know it's there. You know it still _hurts_ , memories or not. Trying to forget about why you're- you're sad, or scared, or angry, it's not gonna make you any less sad, or scared, or angry- trust me-!" She huffed out a shaky laugh, and swallowed thickly. "Trust me… I know better than anyone that ignoring the problem… doesn't make it hurt less…"

Steven softened after a moment, despite himself. He cared for Berry, and he certainly couldn't remember ever seeing her display this kind of… vulnerability, this kind of sadness and concern. "But it does. It _is_ ," he mumbled, shaking his head and looking down. "This way, everything's okay. Everything can _be_ okay again. Everything can just- go back to normal, or whatever. You're alive, everyone else is alive, and my _memories_ and I aren't here to get you into trouble again."

"You've never gotten me into trouble at all," Berry retorted, lifting a hand to press it into her eyesocket. She was gritting her teeth, refusing to look at him now. "I got _you_ into trouble. Trying to escape was my idea in the first place. I rushed it, I got too excited. But that's not the point," she added hastily, swallowing and shaking her head firmly as she looked back up at him, still covering one eye with the hand that had her gem. Steven frowned, biting the inside of his cheek, but he stayed silent as Berry spoke. "I get it. I shouldn't have let you try to play hero. It was too much for you- especially considering you're the one that needed a hero to begin with."

"I'm fine," Steven murmured.

"You're a _liar_ ," Berry told him, lowering her hand after a moment. She blinked furiously, and Steven saw why; there were tears pricking at the corners of her eyes, almost unnoticeable. "You're a scared _child_ , as well you should be. You're allowed to be _scared_ , you know," she added, searching his gaze, and the hybrid curled his mechanical fingers tighter against his chest, struggling to ignore the throb of pain that flushed through him. "You're allowed to be _hurt,"_ Berry continued, a little more fiercely. "And you're allowed to be _angry_ at who _hurts_ you."

"I'm asking you," Steven's voice shook a little as he spoke, more than he cared to admit. It was getting harder and harder to ignore the pain flushing through him, the fear, the grief, the anger. It was getting harder to shove it down, but he figured that was the point. "I'm asking you to _stop. Please._ I'm asking you to just- just let it go, okay? Just let me- let me do this. Because I can't _do_ it anymore. I can't _deal_ with it," he insisted, and Berry finally lifted her gaze back to him again, eyes narrowing slightly as she searched his gaze. "I can't deal with it anymore, Berry. I'm _tired_."

Berry blinked at him, and stared. Her expression shifted, a hint of recognition sparking in her gaze. Then confusion. Then surprise. And then, finally, her expression just went blank.

She stayed like that for a while, and Steven slumped back against the wall after a moment to compose himself again, to push past the pain threatening to burst to life. Once again, he managed to suppress it. Once again, he managed to push it down, lock it away, to shy away from the memories and refuse to open the box. And, finally, Berry moved; she seemed hesitant at first, wandering a few steps forward, toward the wall - then, hissing out a sigh through her teeth, the Ruby abruptly turned and went back over to him instead. And he didn't move away; he didn't tense up when she approached, he didn't try to get away from her or push her away when she finally reached him. He just stayed still, letting her come to a stop in front of him. Then, abruptly, she threw herself forward and wrapped her arms around him, and he gasped.

He gasped - not because the contact hurt, or because he didn't like it. The hug was warm. It was gentle. It was soft. It was… nothing he expected from someone as affection-averse as Berry was, as much as she claimed to detest hugs, as much as he could recall she absolutely refused to accept any kind of affection from anyone, whether it be through actions or words.

"And you're allowed to be tired," she told him carefully after a moment. "You- you do what you have to do. You don't have to fix anything else. Just… breathe." She pulled away from him then, before he had a proper chance to return the hug, and Steven just stared at her. He just stared as she turned away from him and headed toward the wall, as she reached out to run her fingers along it before tapping on it a few times, like he'd seen the Amethyst do before. He stared as it opened, as he caught a brief glimpse of pink and red on the other side, and she left the Room. He stared, and wrapped his arms around himself as the door shut, and he was left alone again.

He dug his fingers into his sides and sighed, closing his eyes for a moment.

* * *

When he was finally allowed to leave the Room again, Agate was the one who came to retrieve him. He saluted her as she walked through the door, but she didn't particularly seem as interested in him as she seemed in getting him out and back to training. "You're being moved back to my Squadron," she told him simply, flicking her gaze around and looking at everything except for him. The hybrid lowered his hands after a moment, walking forward, and nodded. "And I wasn't sure whether you were aware, but I figured I'd let you know Jaspers 6JA and 6JB have been bubbled." At this, Steven glanced over at her, but he didn't say anything.

Tangerine and Clementine… he twisted his mouth into a frown, but he kept silent. He didn't know what he was supposed to say to that, so he figured he should just stay silent for now. They were in his Diamond's court, too. So he guessed it was her idea to have them bubbled. Regardless, it was better than them being shattered… not ideal, but better than death, right?

Agate was still refusing to look at him as she led him down the hall, but he followed after her dutifully as she led him to the warp pad to take him to the training arena. "You'll be training with former rebels. Some of them, you probably fought in the battle," she warned him as the warp pad activated, watching the stream rise up around them and feeling the warp pad disappear from underneath his feet. He glanced down, floating gracefully along with her, and nodded. "Just thought you should be able to prepare yourself before we arrive. I understand it might be uncomfortable." She paused, falling silent for a moment, and Steven nodded again, tilting his head back to look up at the stream and furrowing his eyebrows as he watched it, staying silent. "Yellow Diamond isn't going to send us into battle for at least five months- but with that said…" Agate finally glanced over at him. "You ought to prepare yourself to fight sooner than that."

Steven blinked, glancing over at her and furrowing his eyebrows. "Is my Diamond taking-"

"No," Agate cut him off simply, shaking her head firmly and landing on the warp pad. Steven landed beside her gracefully, frowning. "Yellow Diamond is in charge of the battle plans. But…" She paused, twisting her mouth, and glanced away. "Well, rebel gems are unpredictable, yes? You never know if we'll… have to fight a little sooner than planned." Steven didn't have the chance to respond, to question what she meant, before she had stepped down and gestured for him to follow her to where the other soldiers were. "So come on, we've got a lot to prepare for."

Steven let the questions fall off his tongue after a moment, stepping down to follow. "... of course, my Agate." He glanced up at the soldiers; former rebels and other Quartzes he'd fought with in battle. He did recognize a few of them; he recognized a tall blue gem, fighting against a pink Quartz, but he couldn't put names to faces, and he didn't bother trying to. Just straightened up, rolled his shoulders and summoned his scythe, ready for another round of battle training.

And ready for the more than welcomed distraction it would bring.


	21. Chapter 21

Four months passed.

Eight months, in total; Steven Universe had been on Homeworld for eight months. Four of those were hazy, blurry memories filled with snippets of conversations and thoughts and emotions. The rest of them were practically permanently embedded in his mind. The training, the fighting. The endless, unquestioning obedience and loyalty. His Diamond had noticed the shift only recently, and slowly, Steven watched things begin to change. She let him out of the Room more often, gave him occasional orders herself and sent him off on different missions. He would pass messages to soldiers and other Squadron Leaders. Sometimes he was responsible for rounding up Quartzes for training. Other times he was responsible for _overseeing_ other soldiers' training. He assisted Agate in training the rejuvenated rebels dutifully, and he obeyed every other command and order he was given without hesitation and without question. He was a soldier.

He was a soldier - and he was a _damn_ good one. With Yellow Diamond overseeing the training for the most part, he was occasionally requested specifically by her to train other soldiers. She would be nearby while he worked with the Quartzes alone, just watching. Sometimes, he couldn't help but look over at her, couldn't help but wonder what was going through her head. He knew Berry had told her things about him, but he didn't know what. That was connected to the part of him he was doing his best to stifle; there was no reason to dig deeper into it. The Diamond never mentioned anything to him, even when she came to retrieve him from his Squadron. He would walk beside her Pearl and nod when she spoke about training plans.

Toward the end of the third month, she had stopped him while he was training the new soldiers. "I'm aware that your first battle can be a very… jarring experience," she'd told him, while he sat himself on the warp pad and glanced over to where the soldiers were still training. After a moment of staring, just watching, the hybrid shook his head and looked back up at her again. "The second one isn't going to be much easier for you. But I do have a proposition, if you wish." He still said nothing, just nodding slightly as she eventually crouched down beside the warp pad. "I've been observing your progress with training the other soldiers. You've shown great promise, not just as a warrior, but as a general." She paused again. "I was considering putting you in command of a battalion to lead during the battle. The choice is yours to make."

Steven glanced at her, startled, then glanced away toward the soldiers again. Leading a battalion of his own… he remembered the first battle, the adrenaline, the rush of fighting. And he remembered following orders through the whole thing. That was what he did best at this point, wasn't it? Follow orders and do what he was told to do. Leading a battalion was a big responsibility; he'd be in command of soldiers, he'd be responsible for what they did and how they did it. He'd be responsible for making battle plans, overseeing training… another thing he could remember about the battle was the guilt. The guilt he felt, the anger he felt, whenever one of his fellow soldiers were shattered. It was one thing, to fight beside someone in battle and watching them get shattered in front of him. It was another to lead them to their death himself. The hybrid had sucked in a shaky breath, struggling to stifle the panic brewing in his gut. "If that's… something that you want me to do," he finally replied, cautious. "Then I'd be happy to."

"I want to know what _you_ want to do," Yellow Diamond replied simply. "Leading a battalion comes with a different kind of pressure. There's different responsibilities. It's jarring - all battles fought are jarring, but being responsible for a group of soldiers that you're leading into one…" Yellow Diamond sighed, and Steven watched her gaze flick back toward the soldiers, the corner of her mouth twisting sharply, almost thoughtfully. "War is a horrible thing," she finally murmured. "That's why I wanted to keep Homeworld out of it. I know now that there's no way to ensure their safety by staying silent and not fighting. Even with all we've lost, we could lose so much more if we don't strengthen our defenses." She cleared her throat. "And put… capable gems in charge."

Steven hesitated for a moment, letting his gaze linger on her. After a moment, though, he flicked his gaze away - but he spoke, albeit cautiously. "With all due respect… your radiance," he added quickly, taking a deep breath. "I don't… I don't know if I _am_ capable of leading soldiers."

Yellow Diamond just studied him, quirking an eyebrow. "And why's that?"

For a while, the hybrid stayed silent. He pressed his mechanical fingers together and spun them around lightly, staring ahead at the soldiers and watching them fight. He remembered the grief he'd felt over losing Mandarin, if only vaguely. The memory was hazy, but it was still there. He remembered the grief he felt over every fallen soldier in the fight. He remembered the guilt. Guilt he still felt, even now, just thinking back on the battle. He had been sent out there to save them. He'd been sent out there to bring Homeworld to victory, and he hadn't been able to do that. "Because I couldn't save them," he finally replied, quietly. "I couldn't save the other soldiers." Steven drew his arms closer to himself, curling his fingers into his ribs.

Yellow Diamond heaved out a quiet sigh; Steven saw her shaking her head from the corner of his eye, but he couldn't bring himself to look over at her again this time. "You tried-" She began.

"But I still couldn't do it," Steven cut her off before he could stop himself, and he flinched slightly the second he realized what he'd done. But Yellow Diamond had fallen silent, and when he glanced over at her to see if she was upset, to figure out if he was about to receive a punishment for interrupting her or not, he found that she was simply staring at him; she caught his gaze and nodded at him to continue, and, after a moment of hesitation, the hybrid did. "I was sent out there to win," he told her, somewhat despairingly. "And I still couldn't do it. I know I shouldn't- I shouldn't let that effect my decisions now, but I can't…" The hybrid ran his tongue over his lips and ducked his head after a moment, turning his head to look back at the soldiers.

Yellow Diamond was silent for a while, and Steven took the chance to compose himself again. He'd spoken a little more than he wanted to, said more than he'd intended. And to a Diamond… the hybrid grimaced, biting the inside of his cheek and silently berating himself. He was a soldier. He wasn't supposed to talk about his feelings, or his doubts, or his fears. "You know," Yellow Diamond said suddenly. Steven turned his head, but he kept his gaze on the soldiers. "I could name several of my greatest commanders that had the exact same problem."

Steven blinked, finally flicking his gaze toward her.

"Agate 4AX, for instance," Yellow Diamond continued, keeping her gaze trained on the Quartzes as they fought. "Hessonite Garnet 3AB. And that is what makes them so valuable, you know." She finally tore her gaze away to look down at him again, and Steven tilted his head back a little so that he could meet her gaze, furrowing his eyebrows silently and studying her expression. There was no vulnerability there; she was serious, genuine. "Because they know the value of life, and they understand the great… _weight_ that comes with taking it." Yellow Diamond paused, and studied him for a moment longer before she ducked her head and looked away once again. "You and I could find things to blame ourselves over for the next hundred years. All of the 'what ifs' and the 'should haves'. All of the lives we couldn't save… the ones that we took."

"Like Pink Diamond," Steven said quietly. That was something he found himself thinking about more often than not; Pink Diamond, the gem he had shattered. His Diamond talked about her sometimes, when she was around. The other Quartzes murmured her name when he walked by them, ones that had fought in the first Gem War. Sometimes, he couldn't remember what he had done. But other times, he'd sit there, lost in thought, letting thoughts of Pink Diamond and the things everyone said wrap around his brain - and sometimes he'd find himself in the middle of a battlefield, gem shards falling around him, looking down at broken, shattered pink shards. Sometimes he didn't know if it was a memory, or if it was his imagination. He just knew the incredible guilt that came with it; the guilt he felt every time he heard her name, or saw her murals on the walls of the palace, or walked by a soldier that had been under her command.

Yellow Diamond hesitated, closing her eyes for a moment. Steven glanced away again, taking a deep breath and fixing his eyes on the soldiers, watching the swift movements and strikes from their weapons. Watching the clouds rise as some of them poofed, hearing swords and weapons clashing against each other. He rolled his shoulders back and shook his head. "I'm… I'm sorry."

"What's done is done," Yellow Diamond murmured. "All we can do is move forward, and learn." The hybrid didn't respond; he didn't know what to say to that, but he knew she was right. There was no point in lingering on the past when they still had the future ahead of them. For a moment, he couldn't help but wonder what his future had in store for him. Right then, it was war - but then what would happen next? What would happen if they managed to win, what would happen when there was nobody else to fight? A soldier's duty was to fight, to carry out orders; mostly on the battlefield. He supposed he'd just… return home. Just come back and… wait. "One day, I hope to find a way to bring gems back," Yellow Diamond said suddenly. Steven blinked, furrowing his eyebrows, and turned his head to look back up at her once again. "I keep their shards. Every soldier that fell in battle, and every gem that was caught in the crossfire."

Steven blinked at her, searching the Diamond's gaze for a moment. She was so… different. Different from his Diamond; he was loyal to her, of course, but she was cold, and distant. She was harsh, stern. Not that Yellow Diamond couldn't be stern - but she was… almost… _gentle_.

Almost.

"That's…" Steven trailed off, biting the inside of his cheek. "... that's really nice, actually." He tried to keep most of his surprise out of his tone, but he figured it didn't matter anyway. With how often she and his Diamond fought, it was easy to assume that she knew what he meant, what the somewhat pointed tone indicated. And it wasn't a secret that his Diamond had it in for him, specifically; he knew he only existed then, that he was only _alive_ right then, as a punishment. He knew it, his Diamond knew it, Homeworld knew it - and he was sure Yellow Diamond knew it. The Diamond didn't respond - but he did see the corners of her lips tug upwards, just a little.

"I suppose." She paused, looking away again, and nodded toward the soldiers. "You should probably get back to training them- and don't worry about the battalion," she added as she pushed herself up again. Steven watched her, pushing himself off of the warp pad to stand. "You're not ready, and that's perfectly understandable. This is already an uncomfortable situation." Yellow Diamond sighed and glanced away, glancing down over the buildings below the training arena, and twisted her mouth into a frown. "I'm not going to try and make it worse."

"Thank you," Steven mumbled, folding his hands into the salute. "Your radiance."

"At ease, soldier." Yellow Diamond glanced down at him. Steven dropped his arms after a moment and turned away again to head back over to the soldiers, rolling his shoulders back.

* * *

After that, time seemed to go by a little faster. As they neared the four month mark, Steven started pushing the soldiers a little harder during training. Most of them were pretty good - rejuvenation hadn't impaired their skills, they were still Quartzes to the core. But he had to press them, like his Agate had pressed him during training. And it wasn't entirely his decision either; a few weeks after his talk with Yellow Diamond, Agate and the soldiers _she_ was training - along with the Ruby Squadron she was overseeing, with Berry - were transferred over with him, so that the both of them could train the soldiers together. They switched back and forth between the Quartzes and Rubies; Agate often singled Berry out to help him, and he joined the two of them in pressuring the soldiers while they trained (much to Berry's delight and amusement).

"You've certainly made an impression," Agate commented once, standing beside Steven as they watched the soldiers train. Berry was yelling at them to 'pick up their gems and move faster', and the hybrid couldn't bite back a smile as he watched the Ruby. He turned his head slightly to look over at Agate, offering a one-shouldered shrug in response. Despite how many gems still didn't trust him, Steven had pretty much faced an uphill climb when it came to his rank. He was still under Agate's command as a soldier, since he'd already denied having a Squadron or a battalion of his own to lead - since he did better following orders than giving them out - but there was also a slight shift in his relationship with Agate now, as well. Something akin to respect.

He respected her, at least. She was a good mentor - to him, and to the new soldiers. He watched her with them often; she pushed them, not as hard as she used to, but she still made sure they knew what they were going to have to deal with on the battlefield. Admittedly, most of the pressure now came from Berry's side of things. The little Ruby was ecstatic to be able to push her fellow Rubies and Quartzes around, and it showed every time she was able to yell at them. The best part about it, Steven mused, was how _Agate_ was often the one that had to step in and tell her to take it easy with them. Steven would be lying if he said it didn't disappoint him. Not that he had anything against the soldiers, of course - he just liked watching Berry go off. The soldier heaved out a sigh and leaned back, keeping his eyes trained on the Ruby for a moment. But he did eventually respond to Agate. "I learned from the best," he murmured.

Agate snorted. "Flattery will get you nowhere, Rose." Steven huffed out a chuckle despite himself, biting the inside of his cheek to keep back a smile as he shook his head and finally flicked his gaze over to the other gem. He noticed he was almost her height now; she still had a few inches on him, but he had gotten taller. And it didn't have anything to do with his limb enhancers, either, he knew that for a fact because he hadn't taken them off and put new ones on since he'd arrived. He was pretty sure he'd remember taking them off, too - because, stars, they hurt like shards most of the time and he would've remembered the relief he'd have felt.

"I'm serious," he insisted, crossing one leg over the other and leaning back against a pillar. "You're a good mentor. I don't think I'd have survived the battle if it wasn't for your training," he admitted - and he wasn't lying, he knew he wouldn't have been able to get through it otherwise. He didn't know how he knew, but he knew. He knew she had trained him so hard in the time leading up to the battle, and he knew that training had paid off once he was out on the field.

"It takes two for training." Agate narrowed her eyes, not looking at him. "You're quick to learn."

"Sounds dangerously close to a compliment to me," Steven mumbled, and let an apologetic grin split across his face when Agate turned her head around to glare at him in response. "Sorry." Agate continued to eye him for a moment, and he let himself settle again - with a small smile - when she turned away from him to look back at the others again. He let his gaze linger on her for a few moments, just studying her, before he turned his gaze away again. But he dared to speak, knowing he was treading dangerous ground - but also kind of wanting to see how far he could actually push her at the same time - with a half-smirk this time. "You like me, don't you?"

"That's preposterous," Agate scoffed, shooting him another glare. But she spoke too quickly, and she was fast to rip her gaze away from him again, too. "I don't like anybody. Shut up."

"Oh, but you like _me_ ," Steven commented, leaning himself slightly to the side when she shot him another warning look, and he tried in vain to keep the smile off of his face. Around her, and Berry, and even Sage, he was oddly comfortable. He hadn't been able to feel like that before, he knew. He hadn't been able to completely relax around them. "I've made an impression on _you."_

"Don't make me hurt you," Agate warned. Steven snickered, but he gave in after a moment, slumping back against the pillar again and uncrossing his legs to stretch them out a little. Agate fell silent, herself; she looked a little disgruntled, but not upset or angry. She was like Berry when it came to expressing affection. Maybe a little more closed off than the Ruby was… once Berry had gotten used to him, gotten to _know_ him, she'd started loosening up a little more, hadn't she? She'd even given him a hug. She'd expressed sympathy, she'd _softened_. Steven was sure if he asked her if she liked him, she'd grumble about it, but she'd answer honestly. But when it came to Agate, he knew if she did like him, she would keep that secret with her forever. That was just part of who she was. Steven had realized that by then, and he was okay with it.

Agate sighed after a moment, and mumbled, "I hope they're ready…"

"We've still got a month, don't we?" Steven paused and glanced away, making sure he had counted right. Another thing that had come easier to him was how to tell time on Homeworld; one thing that was not, however, easy to him, and never had been and probably never would be, was math. "I'm sure they'd be ready by then. At least… as ready as they'd ever be." He fell silent for a moment, biting the inside of his cheek and leaning his head back. "It's… technically their first battle. I mean, the first one as far as they remember, anyway. It's gonna be tough."

"I can't work with Rubies!" Berry shrieked just as Agate opened her mouth to respond, and the gem let out a groan and rolled her eyes before simply squeezing them shut and raising a hand to her forehead. Steven rolled his head to the side and glanced up, fixing his gaze on Berry.

"Take a break," he called - not just to her, but the rest of the soldiers. "You've earned it. We'll pick back up again in a few." A break was what they all needed. Yes, they needed to prepare, but there was only so much _preparing_ they could do now. He leaned back again, crossing his arms and watching the soldiers break away from each other, rushing off in different directions, clearly happy to have the chance to stop. And Berry looked even happier than any of them; as much as she liked yelling at them, Steven knew there was only so much enjoyment she could take from it before she started to get genuinely frustrated. He offered the Ruby an amused look as she made her way over to them, reaching up to put out the flames flickering in her hair. "And you've gotta learn to take it easy. At this point, you're gonna shatter from pure frustration."

"If I haven't already, I highly doubt I'm going to," Berry snapped back at him. Steven rolled his eyes, reaching out to pinch out a flame that she had missed between his mechanical fingers, and she reached up to swat his hand away as she usually did. "I just can't stand them, I swear. Quartzes? Fine, I can work with Quartzes all day. But Rubies… ohhh they make me so mad…"

"Yep." Steven popped the 'p'. "It's not like you are one, or anything…" Berry narrowed her eyes at him in response, and Steven cracked a smile. Teasing Agate was fun - but teasing Berry was even better. Mostly because, a lot of the time, she was the one firing most of the shots at _him_. All in good fun, he knew, but he couldn't resist poking the bear every once in a while, himself.

"We all know I'm the superior one," Berry grunted.

"I still think you should take it easy," Steven admitted, heaving out a sigh. "I know we've all gotta be ready for this, but we've still got a month left. I learned a lot in just one month, and they've had four already to prepare," he added, rolling his shoulders back and glancing over the training arena, briefly letting his gaze settle on the buildings down below. He pursed his lips, thinking. "And we've got some of our strength in numbers back. More soldiers, which means more battalions…" He fell silent for a moment, running his tongue over his lips, and glanced back over at them. "Yellow Diamond actually asked me if I wanted to lead one, myself, a while ago."

He watched Berry's shoulders twitch slightly at that, watched her expression shift into something more or less unreadable. Agate paused, glancing over at the Ruby, then slowly flicked her gaze back over to Steven. "That's quite an honor," she noted, almost cautiously. "What did you say?"

"I… told her I didn't think I was ready," Steven replied honestly, glancing between them now. Berry's shoulders twitched again, then drooped after a moment. She was relieved, but he wasn't sure why. The hybrid narrowed his eyes slightly, but he didn't say anything just yet. "Why?" He finally asked, glancing back over at Agate briefly. She stared at him for a moment, exchanging another glance with Berry, and Steven leaned forward to direct the other gem's gaze back to him. "Why?" He repeated, searching her face carefully. "Is there something I should know?"

Agate twisted her mouth, glancing past him once again. But, after a few seconds, she looked up to meet her gaze and shook her head. "No," she replied simply. "Nothing relevant." The hybrid narrowed his eyes again, studying her expression, then turned his head to look over at Berry. The Ruby shrugged and shook her head at him - but she didn't say a word. Not a single sound.

Steven sank back slightly, unconvinced. "Guys…"

"If it was relevant, we'd tell you," Agate interrupted sharply. Steven sighed, but he bit his tongue and nodded. He could tease her all he wanted any other time, but he knew when she was being serious, that he ought to shut his mouth and listen. Now was one of those times, and he'd be stupid to think about disobeying her now. Not out of fear, of course - he wasn't scared of her, and honestly, he couldn't remember ever having been scared of her to begin with. But he did respect her enough, as the leader of his Squadron and his superior, to follow her command.

"So, as long as we're taking a break…" Berry began, glancing over her shoulder, before flicking her gaze back up to Agate and arching an eyebrow. "I'm gonna go check on my lab."

"Be quick," Agate sighed.

"And be careful," Steven added, grimacing. It wasn't the first time Berry had sneaked away to her lab to do whatever the shards she did there, and it wasn't the first time he stressed over it.

"Ah, shut up," Berry muttered, brushing past them to head off to the warp pad. Steven turned his head to watch her go, keeping his gaze fixed on her until the warp pad activated and the stream sucked his friend away. The hybrid turned away after a moment, rolling his shoulders back, and calmly swept his gaze around the arena, glancing over the soldiers lazing around with a hum. There wasn't much to do during break time - sure, he liked the time to be able to lean back and relax again, but there was only so much relaxing he could do before he started getting restless. Not even anxious-restless, just… restless. Desperate to do something, to keep his mind busy. But he knew better than to cut break time short. He wanted to give _them_ a chance to relax.

The hybrid twisted his mouth, thinking, then glanced over at Agate. "Wanna fight?"

"I thought you'd never ask."

* * *

The four month mark came and went. An entire week passed after that; the soldiers were doing great with their training, Steven and Agate were barely keeping Berry from shattering the other Rubies, and Sage had joined in with her Squadron to help them train a few days at the start of the month. Steven was… somewhat confused, but he wasn't going to question the company. The more the merrier, after all, and Sage was just another gem who could help them hold Berry back when the Rubies pissed her off. She was much gentler than any of them were - even Steven was stern with the soldiers when he had to be, but Sage didn't push them as hard. Which, he knew, could also be useful - so he let her do her thing, and he watched her and Berry butt heads from time to time as they clashed over training tactics. He and Agate even made bets every so often on who would win the arguments. Most of the time, it was just a tie.

Throughout the past week, Steven busied himself with getting back into training himself. He fought with Agate and Berry and Sage, taking turns with one of them at a time while the other two watched over the soldiers' training. And sometimes he'd watch the soldiers himself while they took turns training, as well; sometimes they'd all join in to train with the soldiers, even. One of the best parts about it was watching how much the soldiers had advanced in their training, how much better at fighting they had gotten. Hopefully, they'd hold their own in the battle. Steven knew there was only so much even training could do for them; they had to have the experience, and learn how to roll with the punches - literally - when they were out on the field.

"Keep your stance wide," he was advising an Amethyst soldier, circling around her as he spoke. Honestly, Amethysts… he wasn't really a big fan of that particular stretch of Quartz, but there was no reason to voice these opinions regardless. He'd deal with it for himself; his job was to train them, not to befriend them, so they didn't exactly need to be best of friends in this situation. "Keep your body lowered…" He trailed off for a moment, something stirring in the back of his mind - and he pushed it back sharply, stifling it right back down. He shook his head and continued, twisting his mouth into a grimace. "You have to keep your balance," he continued.

The Amethyst glanced down for a second, carefully adjusting her stance, and flicked her gaze back up to Steven. The hybrid paused in front of her, nodding his approval, and stepped back. "That'll do. Learning how to carry yourself in a fight will make a big difference - it'll make it harder for your enemy to knock you down." He rolled his shoulders back, summoning his scythe, and the Amethyst narrowed her eyes slightly and nodded. "Alright, do your worst-"

"Bad news! _Bad news!"_

Steven paused, letting his grip on the scythe loosen. "Hold that thought," he muttered as the Amethyst straightened up, tilting his head slightly to crack his neck before he turned around to face the other Quartzes that had warped into the arena. They were supposed to be with Sage and Berry at one of the other arenas - there wasn't enough room on just one of them for all of the soldiers, so they took turns going back and forth most of the time. He tightened his grip on the scythe, but he swung it downwards so that the blade pointed toward the tiles instead, making his way forward to meet the Quartzes with a frown. He didn't know what the shards this 'bad news' was, and why Sage and Berry weren't coming to tell him themselves, but he decided that last part wasn't as important yet as figuring out what was wrong right then. "What is it?" He demanded, turning and sweeping his gaze around carefully. Agate wasn't there, either.

"Rebels," one of the Quartzes gasped, skidding to a stop. Steven snapped his gaze back over to them immediately, pupils shrinking slightly. "The rebels- they're coming- they're here-"

"Here? On Homeworld?" Steven pressed, and the Quartzes nodded furiously.

"Hessonite 3AB sent us to- to find you and the other soldiers," the other one added hurriedly, looking absolutely petrified. "We were just notified- they've already breached the atmosphere, there's ships and we can't force them back- they're trying to attack Homeworld-"

"Breathe," Steven ordered, clenching his teeth and swallowing. He stifled the panic brewing in his gut, knowing most of it was just because the other Quartzes were panicking. He had no doubt, with the training they'd been doing, and with how many gems were on Homeworld that weren't there during the first battle, that they'd be able to at least fight hard enough to make the rebels retreat - but he also had no doubt that it wasn't going to be easy to do that, and that it was more than likely that they'd lose a little bit more than they would gain. He had absolutely no idea how the rebels had even come to the conclusion that attacking Homeworld directly was a good idea at all - but Steven, right then, was more determined than ever to make them regret it. "We need to make our way down to the ground. One of you, go tell Hessonite 3AB to meet us down below with the others," he added, and one of the Quartzes immediately turned to leave. "And you go find Agate 4AX. We're gonna need her now more than ever. Are the Diamonds-"

"They're aware," one of the Quartzes called, rushing back to the warp pad. "They're arranging battalions already- we've gotta hurry and get there before the rebels land, we're gonna have-"

"Just go," Steven insisted, turning back to the other soldiers. "You guys follow me and stay close. If you see anything up there-" He pointed upwards, shifting his mechanical fingers into arrows, and most of the soldiers tilted their heads back to look up - which, honestly, made him roll his eyes despite himself - and he dropped his arms again with a grimace. "Let me know."

The soldiers followed after him dutifully as they made their way off of the training arena. And, thankfully, by the time they had made their way to the palace, Sage and Berry were already there with the others. Berry was pacing back and forth, arms crossed over her chest, and Sage was making sure the soldiers were standing still and being quiet so they could hear the Diamonds over the panicked mumbling. Steven fell back a little, letting the soldiers he was leading rush past him to fall into place with the others, and he stretched up slightly to peer over the crowd, lifting his arms to catch Berry and Sage's attention. He succeeded; the two spotted him quickly, abandoning the others to make their way to the back of the crowd to where he was.

"Where's Agate?" He questioned the moment they reached him, stretching up again on the toes of his limb enhancers and taking another quick look around, but he couldn't see the gem.

"She…" Berry trailed off, exchanging a glance with Sage. "Uh, she had something to do. Listen-"

Steven rocked back on his feet after a moment, frustrated. Not particularly with Agate - but whatever she was doing, it had better be important, because Homeworld was about to be attacked; and Steven would have thought she'd be on the frontlines right then, ready to lead another battalion into battle. The hybrid grimaced and tilted his head back, looking at the sky. "She'd better get here soon," he muttered, setting his jaw. "This isn't going to be good…"

"Rose," Sage began, carefully. Steven grimaced, lowering his gaze again after a moment to look back down at her. "You need to listen, very carefully. We don't have much time here."

"You gotta come with me," Berry added, stepping forward.

Steven shook his head slightly, glancing past her again, toward the soldiers. "But the rebels-"

"Do you trust me?" Berry demanded; Steven hesitated, torn, and let his gaze flick back down to her after a moment. When the hybrid failed to answer, the Ruby narrowed her eyes slightly and held her hand out to him; he flicked his gaze down to it, silent, tense. "Do you trust me?"

Steven bit the inside of his cheek, searching her gaze. This was Berry he was talking to; he knew that. She had never really given him a reason to doubt her, had she? She was always honest with him for the most part, always open with him. She was still one of his best friends on Homeworld, memory loss or not, and he wasn't going to waste any time trying to deny that. Trusting her… that wasn't even a question. Even in the middle of a war, in the middle of a battle, he would always trust Berry to have his back. Because she had during the first one.

"Go," Sage urged. " _Hurry."_

 _Berry always has a reason,_ he reminded himself. _To do the things she does._ The hybrid set his jaw, steeled himself, and reached out to take her hand, curling his mechanical fingers with hers. She took off the moment she had a firm grip on his hand, and he rushed after her, glancing over his shoulder briefly. His mind raced, trying to figure out where she was taking him, what she was doing. Maybe to find Agate. Maybe somewhere, to get something that could help them here. He didn't know, but he didn't ask questions yet. He just followed her as she led him further away from the palace. As she led him to a warp pad, pulled him up onto it, and activated it before the hybrid had even managed to balance himself on top of it completely. She didn't let go of his hand even as they floated in the warp stream; if anything, when he looked down to check, her hand was clenched even tighter around his mechanical fingers than they had been before.

"Where are we-" He finally opened his mouth, but he didn't get to finish before they had landed on the warp pad. The sight of the shipyard startled him at first - but not as much as the giant ship that rested in one of the front rows. He couldn't remember that one being there before; and the more he thought about it, finally, tentatively prodding at the memories he had carefully sealed away, he realized it was the ship she was working on when he had first met her. He stared at it, following clumsily now as she tugged him off of the warp pad. "Berry, what's-"

"Shut up," Berry interrupted. Steven sucked in a sharp breath, gritting his teeth slightly, but he stayed silent. He clenched his hand tighter around hers, almost warningly. Hoping she wouldn't steer him wrong here, because she hadn't done so yet. "Just- shut your mouth, keep it shut." They reached the ship, and the Ruby paused; without letting go of his hand, she reached her other one up to press it to the panel beside the door, and it slid right open, almost abruptly.

He hesitated as she stepped up into the ship. "Berry…"

" _Trust me."_ Berry's tone startled him; no anger, no frustration. Just urgency, desperation. She turned to face him, still reaching up as much as she could to hold his hand, and he faltered. His gaze flickered over her face silently as she continued, "just trust someone else, for _once_."

"You know I trust you," Steven muttered, stepping up into the ship with her after a moment. She wasted no time in stepping back to pull him in completely, finally releasing his hand to turn and shut the door, and Steven swept his gaze around the ship silently, furrowing his eyebrows. He counted the seats, the windows. He looked toward the control panel - and to the gem that was pacing in front of it. He stared, silently, as the familiar Peridot turned around to face them.

"You remember Lemon Lime, right?" Berry asked breathlessly, spinning around to face them again once the door shut. Steven couldn't even bring himself to roll his eyes at the comment. Of course he remembered Lemon Lime - it had just… been so _long_ since he'd seen him.

Lemon Lime's face split into a grin almost immediately, looking half-relieved, half-nervous. He looked different, from the last time Steven had seen him; for one, his hair was slicked back, no longer pulled into the triangle shape he had tried so often to force it into. The hybrid blinked, flicking his gaze over the Peridot as the other gem lifted a hand to wave at him. "Hey, pal." His friend sounded almost… apologetic; Steven ventured a few steps forward, somewhat hesitant. The Peridot stepped forward to meet him, but he didn't move in for a hug, like the hybrid had honestly been expecting; instead, his eyes flicked past the hybrid, to where Berry was standing. "How long d'you think we've got? The rebels are gonna be here soon," he warned.

"They'll be here," Berry replied quickly. "Just a few minutes. They'll be here."

Steven turned to face the Ruby again after a moment. Something was definitely going on here, and Steven was definitely getting the feeling that he wasn't going to like it. "How long do we have for what?" He asked cautiously, studying Berry. "I really wanna know what's going on, B."

"All I can ask is that you please- don't- _hate_ me," Berry began, spreading her arms out slightly. "And this wasn't all my idea, so if you wanna wait for the others to get here first-"

"I want an _explanation-_ " Steven began, raising his voice slightly, but the door slid open again before he had a proper chance to chew the Ruby out. Berry whirled around immediately to see who had entered, and the hybrid could only stare when Candy climbed inside, with Sage following not too far behind her. He glanced between them furiously, still not comprehending. Or, at least - not entirely wanting to comprehend what was going on. Deep down, he knew it already, but he really… _really_ hoped he was wrong. Steven grimaced, glancing between Candy and Sage for a moment longer before he turned his head, staring at Berry again. " _Berry_."

"Surprise," Candy cut in, and Steven glanced up, startled. The Pearl flashed a grin at him, and Steven's eyes widened slightly at the realization. Candy hadn't spoken to him at all the past few months; she'd been by Sage's side the whole time, dutifully following orders, as silent as ever. But the grin she flashed him right then was familiar, filled with mischief and excitement.

She hadn't been rejuvenated.

Steven paused, stepping back again, and glanced back toward Lemon Lime. Berry hadn't been rejuvenated, he knew that. Berry had mentioned the Peridot once or twice, so Steven had already come to the conclusion that he had been spared from the same fate. But he hadn't known Candy hadn't been rejuvenated, either. He hadn't known it was all an act, even to him. The hybrid flicked his gaze around, and took a deep breath, glancing from one gem to the next. "Okay. Okay, if someone- if someone doesn't start explaining what's going on, I'm gonna-"

"We'll explain on the way," another voice interrupted; Steven whirled his head around just in time to see Agate jumping into the ship, reaching back to shut the door behind her almost instantly.

"Thank the stars," Berry breathed, stepping back and rushing over to the control panel. Steven opened his mouth slightly, watching her, then turned his head again to look back at Agate. He genuinely didn't know what to say at that point. He didn't know what was going on, what they were doing, where they were apparently going and why Berry had chosen now, of all times, to try something like this. All he knew was that the situation was _not_ funny, it was _not_ ideal, and he was both unamused and somewhat frustrated at that point - as well as very, _very_ anxious.

"Do you have them?" Sage stepped toward Agate as the ship rumbled to life.

"I've got them." Agate paused, her gem shimmering slightly. Steven just stared as she summoned two yellow bubbles from her gem, one in each hand. "Let's go."


	22. Chapter 22

Steven had been glaring out the window for the past five minutes.

Apparently five minutes was all it had taken for this ship to be well on its way through space. Homeworld hadn't been in sight for a while now, but he couldn't stop staring out the window. The hybrid was _furious_ , angrier right then than he thought he'd ever been in his whole life. Of course, to him, his whole life was pretty much stretched over the span of a few months then, but he figured that if he could actually remember everything else, he was still angrier right then than he had ever been regardless. And he wasn't about to go digging through memories to find out. He'd taken a seat, only for the promise of an explanation, but nobody had _explained_ anything; Agate was pacing, Lemon Lime and Candy were sitting together, Sage was holding Tangerine and Clementine's bubbles in her hands, and Berry was at the front of the ship, piloting as usual. Honestly, Steven knew very well that he was about to snap. It was only a matter of time now.

He turned his head, glancing toward the front of the ship, and narrowed his eyes toward Berry. The thing was, he wouldn't have been so upset if they hadn't chosen this moment - _this_ day, of all the days, to pull something like this. Right when there was an attack launched on Homeworld, they had all decided to come together and pull this. And, yes, Steven was well aware that the timing was far too convenient, far too well-thought out, for there not to be any connection between the attack and the escape plan. And that pissed him off even further. The fact that his planet was back there, his fellow _soldiers_ were back there, fighting for their lives. And he was here. He was on a ship. Because they were kidnapping him to who-knows-where.

Steven scowled, twisting his mouth sharply, and turned his head to look over at Agate. She was just making him dizzy at that point, with her seemingly endless pacing. She looked anxious, and she had every right to be. Good. She was with them, she was condoning this. Steven honestly would have figured that she'd be the one gem who would actually be against something like this. He watched her for a moment, as she paced back and forth. Tried to imagine the kind of trouble they'd all get into. Steven knew that there was probably no chance now that his friends wouldn't be rejuvenated - he wasn't even worried about the punishment he would receive, whether it be a shattering or something even worse. He didn't even care about that at that point. He did, however, care that his whole planet was back there under attack, and he was stuck in a ship unable to do anything about it. A soldier who couldn't fight - yeah, he was gonna go off.

The hybrid finally slammed his hand down against the windowsill and turned in his seat to face the others. He didn't care who jumped at his outburst, he didn't care who he startled right then. "What the _shards?!"_ He spat, watching Candy and Lemon Lime flinch in response - and even Sage jumped slightly when he yelled - but Agate only paused and turned to face him again. "We just got attacked by the rebels- and you guys- kidnap me- to _space?!_ What, are you _fissured?!"_

"I like to think we un-kidnapped you," Lemon Lime commented nervously. "Um-"

Agate sighed and lifted a hand, rubbing it down across her forehead and pinching the bridge of her nose with a frown. She was stressed. _Good._ "It was a strategic removal-" She began.

"Oh, oh, is that right?" Steven huffed out a sharp laugh at that, stretching his arms out across the empty seat in front of him. Again, he respected Agate. He wouldn't dare argue with her in any other scenario. But for the love of Homeworld, this was the most idiotic thing he thought any of them had ever done, and he'd be damned if he wasn't going to speak his mind about it now. "Well, then, I'd like to remind you of the _war_ we just abandoned Homeworld to fight alone! I'm sure they could use a few commanding officers for battalions right about now, and the _soldiers that are supposed to be fighting!"_ He yelled toward the front of the ship, but Berry didn't react. She simply stayed still, hands hovering over the control panel, completely calm and collected.

"We're aware of the war, Rose," Agate told him stiffly, and Steven whirled his head back around to glare up at her, quirking an eyebrow quizzically and tilting his head to the side as if to say _are you really?_ And she narrowed her eyes right back at him firmly in response, crossing her arms. "So we could either turn the ship around now and, oh, risk being punished immediately once the battle is over and not be able to do anything anyway, or you could actually let me explain."

"I asked for an explanation before we even-!"

"Would you have listened before we had the chance to leave?" Agate asked pointedly, scowling, and Steven paused with his mouth open. No, no, he probably wouldn't have. He'd wanted an explanation, and he would have stopped to let them explain, but the chances of him actually listening back there had been pretty slim for the most part. He was more concerned with the battle going on, and why in the name of the stars everyone had just up and decided to abandon it simultaneously, and the fact that he'd basically been tricked into getting onto a ship. Not even tricked, not really! It wasn't like Berry had lied to him, or anything, she just hadn't said a thing while she led him away! "'Hey, Rose, we're going to leave right as the battle starts!'" Agate mocked. "Now, how would you have responded to that? Because I'm thinking, mm, not good."

"Well I pretty much got that memo without needing an explanation," Steven snapped back, curling his fingers against the back of the seat in front of him with a scowl. "But, no, I wouldn't-"

"Then shut your mouth," Agate hissed. "And _listen_." Steven paused, at that; he continued to glare up at her for a moment, wrinkling his nose and searching her gaze silently. But, alas; he slumped back in the seat after a moment and jerked his chin up a little, gesturing his other hand toward her to continue. He might as well hear her out; he was already on the ship, and they were already too far out in space now. Besides, she was right; turning around and going back would risk punishment, and as much as he wanted to fight in the war with the other soldiers, he knew trying to go back right then would be as stupid as could be. "Thank you," Agate growled, then took a deep breath and cleared her throat. "Okay. You've seen- first hand, might I add," she reminded, and Steven arched an eyebrow. "The kind of mess Homeworld is in. We're not equipped to handle a second rebellion, especially one on such a massive scale. This isn't even just a rebellion-" Agate huffed. "It's a full-on war, and it's being fought _everywhere._ We have to face the facts; Homeworld needs to _change,_ before we even have a _slim_ shot at winning."

Steven was already shaking his head, opening his mouth. But Agate held a finger up, and the hybrid bit his tongue again, furrowing his eyebrows with a scowl to let her continue on carefully. "I'm not saying we should stage a rebellion of our own. That would be idiotic." She rolled her eyes, and Steven resisted the urge to mention that _this_ in itself was even more idiotic than that. They might as well go ahead and stage a rebellion, it wasn't like it would make a difference. "But we need the space to actually _breathe_ and _think_ before we can do anything else, and we can't do that while we're in the middle of a _war_." Agate fell silent for a moment, and Steven faltered. The hybrid narrowed his eyes, studying her silently, then glanced away, out the window again.

"I don't know what it is about you, Rose," Agate finally muttered. "But from the second you set foot on Homeworld, you started something…" She trailed off. "... something _good_."

Steven faltered again, but he didn't move his gaze.

"Blue Diamond is trapped in grief and rage," Agate continued. "She can't look past her own little bubble. White Diamond hasn't left her own damn head in eons- and she rarely even has anything to do with Homeworld anymore." His mentor paused, and Steven closed his eyes for a moment, ducking his head and shaking his head. "And yet, you got through to Yellow Diamond."

"I didn't-" Steven began, tiredly, as he blinked his eyes open and turned to look up at her again. He was offered a reproachful look in response, enough to render him silent for a few seconds. 'Got through to' was… a pretty strong choice of words. He hadn't gotten through to a _Diamond_. He had just talked with her a little bit, engaged in a brief conversation he hadn't even meant to get into in the first place. He hadn't even intended on talking to her for as long as he did, and he was practically a nervous mess the entire time. She had been patient, lenient with him, but he wouldn't exactly say that he'd been able to get through to her during their _one_ conversation.

"She offered you the chance to lead a battalion of your own. _That_ is an honor she only bestows to those she respects," she told him firmly, and Steven bit the inside of his cheek as he stared at her, silently searching her gaze again and shaking his head, but he stayed silent after that now. "And considering how you're - supposedly - the gem that shattered Pink Diamond," she added - and Steven tried not to flinch as she held his gaze, searching his face just as intently in response - as she lifted her hands, palm up, and leaned back. "I believe that speaks for itself." Agate sighed, leaning back, and Steven sank back against his seat with a grimace. "Rose…" His mentor shook her head, and tore her gaze away from him to look out the window, sighing. But he watched her expression soften, watched the gears turning in her head. "You've started something _amazing_. Each and every one of us… aside from Berry, perhaps," she added, rolling her eyes. "Would have never _dared_ leave Homeworld without the Diamonds' permission."

"You can say that again," Lemon Lime piped up with a weak chuckle, and Candy huffed out a quiet giggle from beside him, but she nodded her agreement as she looked out the window.

"And this isn't calling our loyalty into question," Agate sighed - and she and Steven both rolled their eyes when Berry snorted. "Well, at least not _mine_ ," his mentor added hastily, shooting a glare toward the Ruby over her shoulder before she turned back to face Steven again. The hybrid just glanced up at her, narrowing his eyes with a frown. "But for the first time, we actually have something to fight for, rather than just obeying orders. You started something, Rose." She lifted a finger to point at him, and the hybrid leaned back slightly, twisting his mouth into a scowl. "And you're going to finish it. Homeworld needs to change, and you're bringing it."

"I didn't start _anything_ ," Steven insisted. But he faltered again after a moment, staring at his mentor for a few seconds, before he sank back again and looked away. Yeah, he didn't even know if that was the truth or not. He couldn't remember what he'd done the first four months, not really. Most of the memories were still hazy, still somewhat out of his reach. "I didn't _mean_ to…" He trailed off, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment, and shook his head again with a frown.

"Maybe. But it happened anyway," Agate conceded. "And it's not a bad thing."

Steven shook his head again, but he blinked his eyes open to glance back up at her. And he watched her expression soften again, finally looking back down at him and arching an eyebrow. "It's a great thing," she told him, quietly, and the hybrid faltered. "What you've done for us. So sit back, shut up, and let us return the favor so that we can _all_ finish what you've started, because I have a feeling that once this is all over… Rose, Homeworld is going to be different. _Very_ different. And you're the one that gave us the hope that we could change it." She leaned back, and Steven furrowed his eyebrows for a moment, then let his head fall back with a quiet groan. His resolve had wavered, and she knew it; he wasn't completely convinced, mind you - he still didn't think this was a good idea, he still felt like something bad was going to come out of it. But for the moment, he was ready to give it, and them… at least a bit of a chance, if only a slim one.

"Okay," he finally mumbled, watching the corners of her lips tug upwards, just slightly. The hybrid shook his head again and rolled his eyes to the side, staring out the window again.

"So, right now, the plan is simple," Agate hummed. She finally moved over to sit down in the empty seat in front of him, turning slightly to sit in it sideways so she could lean herself back beside the window and turn her head to look over at him again. Steven kept his gaze where it was for a moment, watching as they passed a cluster of meteors, but he rolled his shoulders back and turned his gaze away again after a moment to meet Agate's gaze, listening. "We get you somewhere safe, and then we're going to begin a… different kind of training," she began. The idea of training cheered him up a little, but he still wasn't completely sold on the situation. "And, if everything goes well…" Agate leaned her head back. "We might have new recruits."

Steven arched an eyebrow at that. "Who?"

Agate turned her head, glancing ahead to where Berry was. The Ruby glanced back, if only for a second, before shrugging and turning away again, and Agate sighed. "The Crystal Gems."

"What remains of them, anyway," Berry called over her shoulder, with a sigh.

Steven glanced between them, but he didn't say anything. The Crystal Gems. The name brought a flicker of some emotions, some guilt, some grief, some pain and anger and sorrow. He fought against the memories that came with the feelings, shaking his head furiously and glancing out the window again. He knew he was supposedly the leader of the Crystal Gems; he was Rose Quartz, after all, former leader of the rebellion. So the fact that there were memories connected to the former rebels didn't _surprise_ him, but it did leave him somewhat unsettled. The hybrid shook his head and fell silent after that, closing his eyes and leaning his head back. He supposed there was nothing to do yet except to wait at that point, wait until they got there.

"We're almost there," Berry said suddenly, and Steven blinked his eyes open in surprise. He wasn't the only one; Candy leaped to her feet with a gasp (though she seemed less startled and more excited), but he did see Lemon Lime's jaw drop, leaning forward to stare out the windshield, while the Pearl moved from her seat beside him to rush over to where Berry was.

"What?" Lemon Lime choked out. "What did you put in this _ship?"_

"Oh my goodness," Candy breathed, leaning forward across the dashboard beside Berry, despite the Ruby's protests as she reached over to push the Pearl toward the part of the control panel that didn't have giant red blinking buttons on the front. "I'll finally get to meet _her!"_

"'Her'?" Agate questioned, while Steven leaned forward to lightly smack his forehead against the back of her seat. Great. They were there. They could die happy and he could die miserable.

"Pink Diamond's former Pearl," Candy gushed - and Steven lifted his head sharply - as she spun around to face them again. Her eyes were practically starry, rocking back and forth on her feet. She was about to start bouncing, and they all knew it; Berry was grimacing now, Sage was grinning, Agate looked curious and Lemon Lime still looked baffled. "She's a _legend!"_

"Calm down," Berry grumbled. "She's not that big of a deal."

Candy smirked, turning her head. "Oh, no?"

"Nope. We've met. Nothing special."

"She's the reason why the first cross-gem fusion exists, Berry," Candy sang.

"I love her," Berry declared simply.

" _And_ she's a legendary warrior!" Candy squealed, turning around again. Steven glanced up at her, arching an eyebrow silently. "She proves that Pearls aren't just servants. We can fight, too!"

"I'm more interested in the Amethyst, myself," Agate commented. Steven leaned back, making a face at the mention of an Amethyst, but he didn't say anything. Again, there was no point in voicing his disdain for them. He just hadn't met one yet that he could tolerate, that was all. "Sure, she's not an original Crystal Gem- but I've heard that she's quite the fighter," she added, flicking her gaze toward Berry again, and the Ruby glanced back at her with a shrug. Her eyes did, briefly, trail in Steven's direction, but she rooted her gaze forward again almost immediately. "Of course, with that…" Agate abruptly pushed herself up and turned to head over to Sage, and the other gem smiled as she held up one of the bubbles for her to take, which she did gingerly. Steven pushed himself away from the seat in front of him, leaning back silently to watch. He watched as Agate popped one bubble, and Sage popped the other, catching the gems.

Tangerine was the first one to reform, almost immediately. At first, she stumbled, staggered, and Steven guessed it had something to do with the fact that she hadn't expected to reform inside of a moving ship. But it didn't take long for the smaller Quartz to regain her balance, to register her surroundings; her eyes widened, flicking her gaze around frantically - then she blinked, paused, and swept her gaze around the ship again with a more confused look than a startled one now. Steven lifted a hand slightly to wave at her, turning in his seat to face them all again. "What…?"

Clementine took a little longer to reform, but it only took a few seconds for her to do so after her gem had started glowing. Tangerine hadn't changed much - but Clementine looked different. Her hair was longer, pulled back into a ponytail now, but she was, otherwise, the same. Like Tangerine, she took a quick look around, clearly startled, before snapping her gaze up to Agate. Then she blinked, tensed, and leaned back slightly in surprise, pupils shrinking slightly.

"Welcome back," Agate murmured. Steven glanced over at her as Clementine's gaze flicked downwards, watching the other gem reach out to take Sage's hand; Sage curled her fingers with Agate's immediately, and Steven couldn't help but soften, watching her give a gentle squeeze.

"And welcome to Earth," Sage added with a smile.

Tangerine sucked in a gasp, realizing it at once, but it took a little longer for Clementine to register it. She paused, and blinked, looking around with wide eyes. "But- we were caught-"

"Oh, that was forever ago," Berry commented idly - and earned a smack on the back of her head from Candy, much to Steven's amusement. He might be willing to give this a chance, and he knew Berry's heart was in the right place, good intentions and all that, but he certainly wasn't going to be getting over the fact that they - and she especially - had kidnapped him to space in the middle of a battle. They could have at least waited until after the fight. He still certainly had a lot to say to his best friend after this, and he wasn't so sure he'd be thanking her just yet, either. "We'll catch you up later," Berry added with a growl, rubbing the back of her head with one hand and reaching out to swipe the other one over the control panel as she looked up again, staring ahead through the windshield and arching an eyebrow as she continued quickly, "we're here."

Steven reluctantly let his gaze flick forward. The planet was coming toward them fast; he saw mixtures of green, and blue. Despite himself, he couldn't help but falter. Homeworld was colorful - but there was something about the colors of his planet, it was almost… overwhelming, to him. But as they watched the planet, _Earth_ , come into view, Steven's irritation steadily dissolved, if only for the time being. There was something peaceful, just the sight of it; it was enough for him to push himself to his feet and wander forward to stand beside Candy, leaning forward over the control panel - and being careful not to touch anything - as he stared at the planet ahead. The closer they got, the easier it was to see, and the clearer everything became; the colors, the views, just… everything about it. For the moment, just taking it in was enough to stun him. "This…" He began quietly, to nobody in particular, as he stared at the planet. "This is… Earth?"

"Yep," Berry sounded almost _smug_ , but Steven couldn't bring himself to care right then. He just stared, eyes widening even further as he flicked his gaze over the planet. Candy leaned forward beside him, keeping her gaze rooted ahead for a moment before she turned her head to glance over at him, and he finally tore his gaze away just in time to catch the smile on her face.

"What d'you think?" She asked quietly.

Steven answered honestly, all irritation gone. "It's… beautiful." He looked ahead and pretended not to notice the glances Berry and Candy exchanged, the grins on their faces. Just… stared.

Berry reached out, pressing her hand to the control panel. "Welcome home."

* * *

For a while, they just drifted. Steven, anger completely diminished by that point, stayed at the front of the ship to watch where they were going. More than once, the others would point out something; they'd mention buildings, they'd mention the creatures there. Humans, Berry commented as they soared over their heads. Some of the humans looked up to point at the ship as they passed; some looked surprised, some of them looked anxious. Others looked… grim. Grim, as if they'd seem something like this before; as if they were expecting it. Steven tried not to pay too much attention to those humans - because those were the ones that made the back of his mind shift, made the box he'd sealed his memories away in loosen just a little.

He stifled them back and turned his attention away quickly, staring around at everything else; he couldn't stop watching the sky. It was a beautiful blue, painted with soft, fluffy blobs of white up above. He swooned with the others, and he almost hated to admit it. He almost hated to admit the awe he was feeling, the excitement, the enjoyment. Every so often, he would remind himself that he was here, happily exploring the Earth with his friends, while his planet was still under attack. While other soldiers had probably been shattered during the fight. And every so often, he would let it sour his mood, until one of the other gems drew his attention away, back to the Earth. Back to watching the sky, back to the humans and the other creatures they saw.

He squealed with Candy when one of the creatures flew at them, soaring over the ship at the last second. He had only gotten a glimpse of beating wings; Berry, herself, had freaked out at the sight of it. Steven honestly couldn't say why. One second, she was calmly steering the ship - the next, that thing was coming at them from out of nowhere, and the Ruby screamed as if she was being shattered, jerking the ship to the side and diving downwards. Admittedly, Steven couldn't help but laugh, pressing himself forward against the dashboard, and Candy dissolved into giggles at his side as they gripped the control panel and pressed their hands against the windshield to hold themselves steady. Even Sage and Tangerine had started laughing behind them; he could picture Agate and Clementine rolling their eyes, and Lemon Lime was probably just as scared as Berry… the hybrid chuckled to himself, ducking his head and looking ahead.

"I changed my mind," Berry gasped when she finally steadied herself - and the ship - again. "I hate Earth. I hate Earth and I hate the tiny- the tiny little _creatures_ on it. I hate it. I hate it all." And Steven just laughed again, sweeping his gaze around and pausing. At that point, they were hovering over what… looked like a large stretch of blue liquid. Water. Steven leaned forward, crossing his arms over the control panel in silent fascination as he stared, and Candy breathed out a quiet 'whoa' from beside him as she leaned forward with him to get a better look.

"Look." Steven pointed ahead of them, toward a structure floating along over the water. As they passed, he also saw there was a human standing there - or at least, he thought they were human. They stared at the ship as they passed, and Steven and Candy lifted their hands to wave just before they had completely flown over them; the hybrid couldn't help but chuckle at the bewildered look on the human's face as he slumped back again, leaning back with a sigh. Okay, so maybe this hadn't been so bad. He still didn't like the circumstances, but he wasn't going to lie and say he wasn't fascinated by the Earth, and everything he had seen so far. Even if everything about it made something in the back of his mind stir, made those empty, blank spaces ache for something to fill them. And yet, he still found himself shying away from them. The hybrid sighed, watching the white splotches reflected in the water below them.

"What's that?" Agate said suddenly, moving forward to stand on Berry's other side. Steven paused, lifting his gaze again, and he furrowed his eyebrows as he stared ahead of them.

The very first thing he saw was the giant structure ahead of them. It looked like it was carved out of the hillside that was behind it, stretching far and wide across where the water met a chunk of yellow land that looked almost white with the Earth's sun beating down against it. The structure, he recognized immediately; he wasn't sure how, he wasn't even sure why. He didn't know what it was, but it didn't even stir up anything in the back of his mind - he just _knew_ , the moment he rested his gaze on it, that he had seen it before. He knew exactly what it was, too. And so did Berry, if her soft whisper of "fusion…" was any indication. The Ruby only took a moment to compose herself again, rapidly flicking her hands across the control panel, almost frantically. "I'm going in for a landing now. I think I know where we are," she declared excitedly.

Steven had no objections, watching the structure come into view. He also noticed the one that rested just below it, a little smaller; it didn't look like it quite fit with the giant stone gem ahead of them, but Steven still couldn't help but stare at it. This time, there was something tugging at the back of his mind again, something aching to remember. And he almost wanted to let it; for just a second, he forgot about all of the pain that the memories usually brought, the terror and agony. For a moment, the excitement and awe he was feeling was almost enough for him to let the memories flow through - but as soon as he considered it, the thought was gone. Just… gone.

So he stayed silent as Berry lowered the ship again, and as they finally slowed to a stop. They slid a little bit at first - much to the Ruby's confusion - but she got a handle on the ship quickly. For a while, they just stood there; just staring. Then, finally, Berry whirled around, finally pulling away from the control panel for the first time since they'd left Homeworld. "Open- the _door-!"_

"Stars," Sage mumbled, getting up and walking over to press her hand to the panel.

Candy was the first one through when the door opened. She was squealing as she launched herself out, and then - surprisingly - Lemon Lime was quick to jump to his feet and follow her. Then followed Tangerine, and Clementine, and then Sage and Agate. Berry was the last one to cross forward, after she had flicked her gaze around the ship rapidly as if to make sure she wasn't missing anything. Then, with one quick glance at Steven - and a small smile, as well - she turned away and rushed after the others; Steven took a deep breath, steeling himself silently, and rolled his shoulders back as he walked forward to follow his friends out of the ship. He was cautious as he stepped out, blinking in surprise as his limb enhancers sank through the soft, yellow ground beneath him. He lifted his foot, kicking up a few specks, but he made his way forward regardless to fall into step with Berry as they walked toward the stone gem.

"Look familiar?" Berry hummed, glancing over at him. Steven shook his head.

"That's not what we're here for."

"Actually, it is," Agate cut in. Steven flicked his gaze away from the giant statue in front of them, glancing over at his mentor in surprise. "Welcome to your new training. First order of business is to get your memories back - your real ones, mind you, not the fake ones Blue Diamond poisoned your mind with," she added sharply, and Steven leaned back slightly, genuinely startled. He then flicked his gaze over to Berry, who offered him an unapologetic shrug.

He didn't have time to respond. Lemon Lime suddenly let out a scream, and Candy shrieked not too long after in response; Steven whirled around at once, every muscle in his body pulling taut, and wasted no time in summoning his scythe. The Peridot and the Pearl had wandered quite a bit, having broken away from the group to head toward the structure connected to the statue. And they definitely seemed to be regretting it, because Lemon Lime was currently shielding Candy from two other gems - one of which was a Pearl with a spear, and the other - _stars help me_ \- was, of course, because it was just his luck, was an Amethyst with two, spiked whips.

" _Hey!"_ He yelled, summoning his scythe. Agate and Sage summoned their whips, but Berry had paused, glancing rapidly between the gems, and abruptly sucked in a sharp gasp when they turned to face the rest of the group. They both looked startled, the Amethyst and the Pearl - and the shock written across their faces only intensified when their eyes locked with Steven's; for a second, the hybrid froze quite a bit, himself, glancing between them - and then upwards, to where another gem was approaching. She was taller than the other two; her hair took the block shape most Rubies had, but the rest of her… well, he didn't think he'd seen anything like it. She clasped her hands down onto the Amethyst and the Pearl's shoulders, seemingly to try and calm them down, but they had already long dropped their weapons in favor of just… staring.

"Hybrid, wait," Berry uttered quickly, but Steven had already lowered his scythe. But he narrowed his eyes at the three gems in front of him, just for a moment, as he stepped forward.

"I'd like to _advise_ you against attacking my friends," he growled, but diminished his scythe when Agate raised a hand to stop his advances. He ran his tongue over his lips, jerking his shoulders back slightly, but he steadied himself and fell still once again while both Sage and Agate de-summoned their weapons, and Tangerine took a few steps forward to where Lemon Lime and Candy were, eyeing the other gems warily as she beckoned them over to their side again.

The Amethyst and the other gem were speechless, but the Pearl whispered, "Steven…?"

Steven stared at her for a moment. That was what Berry had called him, wasn't it? Back in the Room? That was what she insisted his name was. The hybrid curled his mechanical fingers tightly, clenching his fists, and he shied away from the memories prodding the back of his mind. He shied away, shoved them down, stifled them as much as he could while he was face to face with three gems he still recognized, even then. He couldn't put names to faces, and he couldn't remember his past with them - no, he didn't _want_ to remember. But he did know them. He knew he knew them. He recognized their faces, knew he'd seen them before, felt every emotion… every bit of confusion, and fear, and desperation, and longing, and… and _anxiety_.

And he shied away. If those were the emotions he was feeling now…

… he didn't want the memories that came with them.

"No." Steven jerked his chin up, narrowing his eyes. "I am Rose Quartz, Facet-1 Cut-8BR." The Pearl's hand had flown up to her mouth before he had even finished his sentence, and the Amethyst had almost thrown herself backwards with a strangled gasp. The other gem's shoulders twitched, and she seemed to glow slightly, as if she was destabilizing. She was a fusion - and he watched as she recovered just as quickly, watched as she jerked her hands back and folded them around herself, as if she was trying to physically hold herself together.

That bad feeling was back - Steven didn't think it was gonna go away, not this time.


	23. Chapter 23

It took a while for anybody to be able to speak. It was the Pearl who broke the silence, with her hands still folded over her mouth; her voice was muffled, but the word was audible. " _No…"_

"No," the Amethyst echoed shakily. Steven paused, leaning back slightly on his feet and sparing a glance toward the others; by that point, Agate and Sage had backed away, beckoning Tangerine and Clementine with them, and the Jaspers were following somewhat reluctantly. Berry hadn't left Steven's side, and Candy and Lemon Lime were still making their way over; the Peridot looked positively petrified now, but the pink Pearl seemed to have recovered, staring at the other Pearl with wide eyes as Lemon Lime ushered her over to where Agate and Sage were. Steven grimaced, letting his gaze flicker over each of them in turn before he snapped his head back around to look at the others, as the Amethyst took a stumbling step forward, gasping. "No- _no_ , you- you're not- you _know_ you're not, right-? You- you know you're- St- Steven-"

"No, no, no, no, no," the Pearl was whimpering. Steven saw her fingers crease around her mouth - the pressure she was applying had to be painful, but the hybrid had a feeling that it wasn't _that_ that was causing the tears to brew in her eyes, a steady stream already flowing. The hybrid faltered, if only for a second - his anger and irritation dissipated after a few moments, replaced with an almost crippling sense of uncertainty, a terrifying waver in his resolve. "No," the Pearl whispered, shaking her head furiously. "No, no, this can't be- they _can't_ have- they _didn't-_ "

"Pearl," the fusion warned carefully, "Amethyst-"

"No!" The Amethyst practically screamed; Steven flinched in surprise, and a little bit of alarm, when the short purple gem walked forward again. But she turned to glare back at the other two, and Steven could see the tears that had brewed in her eyes before she could completely turn around. The hybrid sucked in a deep breath and watched, lowering his chin slightly in silence. "No, Garnet, he- he has to _remember_ , okay?!" She whirled back around - and Steven flinched again instinctively - and took another few steps forward. "Steven, come- come on, it's _us_ ," she urged; Steven looked down at her, furrowing his eyebrows silently and taking another step back. Behind her, the Pearl choked out a stifled sob through her hands, seemingly unable to speak.

The fusion - Garnet? - seemed to hesitate then. She lifted a hand, and Steven watched the visor covering her eyes vanish the moment her fingers touched it, revealing three eyes - a red one, a blue one, and a purple one. The soldier stared, ever silent (he didn't think he could speak right then if he tried, anyway, he was still conflicted, still torn, still… terrified) as the fusion lifted her hands, two gems glittering as they hovered over the Pearl's shoulder again, as one of them stretched out in vain toward the Amethyst that had wandered away from them. Steven looked back down at the purple gem, who had pressed her own hand over her face, fingers digging into her forehead and tears pricking at the corners of her eyes. Then he looked back up, back to where Garnet and the Pearl were standing, and the fusion shot him a helpless look, silent.

It took a few seconds before Steven to compose himself, to rationalize the conflicting emotions in his chest. It took him a few more seconds to finally come to a decision, to make up his mind.

He wasn't happy with the conclusion he came to, but at that point, there wasn't a choice.

"Okay. _Okay."_ The hybrid tilted his head sharply after a moment, and the sharp crack his neck offered was enough to startle the Amethyst and the Pearl out of their tears; he watched the pale gem's hands finally lower, staring at him in shock, while the Amethyst looked like she didn't know whether to be impressed or worried, her expression a mixture of both emotions as she flicked her gaze across his face. Steven just rolled his shoulders back, staring at them for a moment, before he rolled his head to the side to glare at Agate. "You want me to finish what I started? Fine," he growled, and she quirked an eyebrow right back at him in response, silent. "But just know when all of this goes off the rails, I tried to tell you. Just remember that."

Agate shrugged, responding lightly, "welcome to your new training regimen."

"I didn't say I was going to remember," Steven warned. "I don't _want-"_

"I'm giving you an order, Rose."

Startled into silence, the hybrid jerked his shoulders back and stepped slightly to the side, away from his mentor, as Agate jerked her chin up and arched both of her eyebrows at him this time. But she didn't say anything else to him; instead, she turned her head to look toward the gems, and Steven slowly followed her gaze after a moment. Each one of them looked startled, but Steven wasn't sure why. They were glancing between the two of them, tense and shocked, but every bit of hostility they had displayed before toward the other Homeworld gems had vanished. Unfortunately, Agate didn't seem to return the sentiment, despite her comments back on the ship. She had seemed… not excited to meet them, but intrigued. Now, she narrowed her eyes at them with an almost warning expression on her face, curling her lips back as she spoke. "This isn't for you," she warned them; Steven turned his head to glance back at her in surprise. That tone, it was a tone she only reserved for gems who had majorly pissed her off. "It's for _him."_

He stared at her at the use of that last word. Berry still referred to him as that, and so did Lemon Lime. Every other gem called him 'Rose', they called him 'she' and 'her'. It was the first time Agate had said any different, and it rendered him speechless. The hybrid hesitated, staring at her, then glanced back at the gems, and then toward his friends. Berry was grinning, looking toward Agate with an almost excited expression, a look of what Steven could only describe as _pride_ flickering through her eyes. Steven stayed silent, sweeping his gaze back toward his other friends again. They were all silent; Candy offered him an encouraging smile, and Lemon Lime did the same, trading hesitant glances between Steven and the other gems. Tangerine still looked a little wary, and Sage seemed to be trying to comfort her and Clementine, who was also still rather tense herself - but she caught his gaze when he looked over, and offered a smile. They all wanted this. Everybody wanted this but him. Nobody else could feel the fear, the dread. There had to be a reason he had forgotten everything - but was there a reason they wanted him to _remember_ it again? Did they really think he'd be better off like that? Should _he_ think that?

Steven closed his eyes for a moment, ducking his head and furrowing his eyebrows. Once again, he rolled his shoulders back - and once again, he wracked his mind for an explanation that he couldn't reach. Once again, he felt the stirring in the back of his mind, still trapped away but not too far beyond his reach just yet. The emotions were so close - he knew that if he wanted to, he'd have a chance to remember. Maybe it wouldn't come as easily to him as it felt like it would, but it would still come. He didn't know how long that window would be open. He didn't know how long he'd have the chance to uncover the memories he'd suppressed. He didn't know if he even wanted to - but at that point, he was starting to second-guess himself, starting to wonder if it was really so important… so important that his friends had dragged him off of Homeworld, in the middle of a battle, abandoned their home planet, just to help him do it. Just to bring him here, to the gems he used to know, to the place he used to live. They had done that.

They'd done that for him. Steven couldn't fathom why - but he didn't need to, not right then. The hybrid breathed in through his nose, taking a deep breath and trying to relax as much as he could. It was an order, one he intended to follow. He just hoped that, in the end, it really was worth it. He hoped that all the pain and torment and grief he could still feel now was worth it. Maybe it was. Maybe it wasn't. But he would never know until he remembered, would he?

He blinked his eyes open and steeled himself, turning back to the gems. "Okay."

The Amethyst sucked in a sharp breath, looking like she was holding it for a few seconds, and the Pearl dug her fingers into her shirt as the hybrid took a few steps forward, spreading his arms out slightly. He almost lifted his hands into the Diamond salute, but he stopped himself before he could, remembering that these gems didn't follow the Great Diamond Authority. They were the rebels, the Crystal Gems. And as of right then, they were his new mentors; the only gems right now that could help him with his new 'training'. "I guess I'm all yours," he began, staring at each of them cautiously as he took another step forward, and looked down at the Amethyst that was now only a few feet away from him, staring at him somewhat desperately.

"You really don't remember…" The Amethyst squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, briefly turning away from him to run her hands through her hair. Steven gazed down at her for a moment, and breathed out a quiet sigh through his teeth as he looked up again, hesitant now.

"I'm sorry," he told them simply, letting his arms fall back to his sides.

"You have _nothing-"_ The Pearl's voice cracked, shaking her head furiously at him now, and the hybrid shook his head a little himself and glanced away. "You have _nothing_ to be sorry for."

Steven didn't respond, twisting his mouth sharply and staying silent. He was a little relieved when Berry stepped in, though the Ruby seemed reluctant to do so. "Alright, sorry to ruin the moment, or whatever…" She reluctantly stepped forward, and the hybrid arched an eyebrow silently, glancing over at her. "Hybrid, Lemon Lime, I'm gonna need your limb enhancers."

"Not a _chance,"_ Steven retorted instantly, spinning around and backing away from her. He saw Lemon Lime do the same, even though the Peridot was already at a pretty good distance, looking positively horrified with the idea of having to take his own off. Steven himself hated the idea - mostly because, as much as they hurt, it was something the hybrid had long adjusted to. Adjusting to not having them on was going to be even more difficult, and he didn't think he could deal with one quick change after another like that. Berry sighed and wrinkled her nose at him, opening her mouth to snap back almost immediately, but the hybrid cut in before she could. "Hey, I'm serious, Berry, I am _not_ , under _any_ circumstances, taking them off, so you can-"

"Tracking devices," the Ruby interrupted sharply. "The limb enhancers? Yeah, they have tracking devices. I would know, since, oh, guess what, hybrid? I made them myself. So if you wanna walk around like a giant _blip_ on the Diamonds' radar, then you can go ahead and have fun and we'll just see Blue Diamond whenever she gets here. Or, you know, you can not be dramatic and _take the star-forsaken things off so I can disable them before we all die here."_

By the time she finished speaking, Lemon Lime had already sat down to start taking his off. Steven, however, continued to hesitate for a few seconds, glancing past the Ruby briefly. Tracking devices… that made sense, but he still didn't like it. He'd had them on for _literally_ as long as he could remember, and the idea of taking them off now was almost sickening. But, eventually, he gave in - knowing he didn't really have a choice in the matter, for the most part. Between keeping his limb enhancers on for his own comfort, and taking them off so that Berry could do what she needed to do so that they wouldn't get caught by Blue Diamond just yet… yeah, Steven… honestly couldn't argue with that logic. But he continued to hesitate, only for a few more seconds, before muttering begrudgingly, "I don't know how to take them off."

"I can help," Candy offered after a moment; Steven hesitated, studying the pink Pearl carefully. But he nodded, and she immediately moved forward, reaching out for him; he kept silent, staying absolutely still when she touched him, watching her fingers trail over the limb enhancers and press down on the buttons on the sides. "You might want to take those off, too," she commented after a moment, nodding toward the earrings dangling from his ears, and he grimaced. Great, another thing… actually, you know what? He wouldn't miss those too much. "We don't know what Blue Diamond's using to track you at this point…" She trailed off, scowling.

"I think my Diamond has bigger things to worry about right now," Steven murmured. He sucked in a gasp when Candy pressed another button, the tight grip the limb enhancer had on his arm loosening at once. Whatever had clamped into him when he'd first put them on had receded, and the hybrid rolled his shoulders back sharply - but otherwise didn't move - as the mechanical fingers fell limp and clattered to the ground beneath them, and Candy pulled the mechanical limb off of his arm carefully. A thin trail of blood followed, trickling down his arm; the pink Pearl frowned, but Steven just grimaced as he pulled his hand back - staring at the smaller, fleshy fingers for a while - before he let his gaze trail upwards to where the limb enhancers had been clamped firmly into his skin, tearing a little bit off, but otherwise the wound wasn't too serious.

"I'm sorry," Candy apologized, but Steven just shook his head at her and held his other arm up. His gaze flicked past her for a second, to where the other gems were. The Pearl had her hands over her mouth again, watching them in silent horror, and the Amethyst had turned away by then, seemingly unable to watch anymore. Garnet, however, was staring at him intently - she looked worried, almost unnerved, but it didn't seem to be because of the limb enhancers.

"Your Diamond is Blue Diamond?" The fusion asked after a moment - and when he nodded, she abruptly turned away from him and took a few steps away, clenching her fists so tightly that Steven thought she might have fractured the gems that resided there. He tilted his head, eyebrows furrowing, but he didn't say anything - just winced when the other enhancer was pulled off of his arm, a little more carefully, but it didn't quite change the ending result. Eventually, Candy gestured for him to sit down, dropping the two mechanical arms; the hybrid hesitated for a second, then reluctantly lowered himself to the ground and reached his hands down to prop himself up a little while he kicked his feet back, only to gasp and jerk them away. His hands had sunk into the little yellow… specks beneath him, but that wasn't what startled him. What startled him was the feeling of them grazing against his skin, the fact he could _feel_.

Completely distracted from everything else now, Steven found himself reaching down again. He gently ran his fingers across the ground, sucking in a shaky breath and watching the way it caved in underneath his hand. It was… it was warm, somewhat prickly, but not uncomfortable. His skin tingled where it touched him, almost ticklish; he couldn't mask his silent fascination, lightly flipping his hand over and pulling up a clump of it with him. It disconnected from the rest of the ground easily, feeling oddly soft despite the scratchy texture as he curled his fingers around it and tilted his hand to watch it spill through the cracks in his fingers, back to the ground. By that point, Candy had removed the limb enhancers from his feet and passed them over to Berry; by the time he looked up, the pink Pearl herself was playing with the odd substance underneath them, and Garnet, the Amethyst, and the Pearl were watching silently. Steven turned his gaze toward them for a second, hesitating as he glanced between them. "What… do you call this?" He finally asked, holding up a little bit of it to show them.

"Sand," the Amethyst choked out, almost looking dubious. "That's _sand_."

"Sand…" Steven echoed quietly, staring down at it and letting the rest of it trickle from his hand, falling back to the ground. Some of it stayed in his palm; he turned his hand over and reached the other one out to brush the specks off, flinching slightly when he felt his own fingers grazing over his palm. The touch was unfamiliar, not quite uncomfortable, but he didn't know how to react to it just yet. He stared down at his hands, trailing his gaze up to his arms, to the torn skin and the trail of blood, and reached up to rub some of it away, once more flinching at the feeling.

He glanced up when the Pearl approached him; his gaze flickered over her face silently, watching as she crouched down beside him with only a few feet to separate them. "Do you wanna see something cool?" She asked him, almost hesitantly, with a somewhat shaky smile.

"By all means…" Steven trailed off, watching the pale gem put her hands out over the sand. She lifted a finger - and the hybrid couldn't bite back a sharp inhale as he watched the sand rise up along with her, the specks spinning and swirling around each other as they took form. Briefly, he watched the sand shift into him; he cracked a half-smile despite himself, huffing out a laugh. "Wow," he murmured, catching the small smile that tugged at the Pearl's lips. She twitched her hand again, and the sand dropped back into place, the specks falling back into position as if they'd never been disturbed. The hybrid continued to stare down for a moment, tilting his head and furrowing his eyebrows, then glanced back up and offered the pale gem a small smile. "Okay… that was pretty cool," he conceded, cracking a grin. "I didn't know Pearls could do that."

The Pearl chuckled, crossing her arms over her knees. "Pearls can do a lot of things, Steven…" She trailed off for a moment, staring at him; the smile on her face faltered for a second, searching his gaze, and the hybrid ducked his head silently as he let his own grin falter, keeping his gaze rooted with hers. After a moment of hesitation, the Pearl spoke again, cautiously. "You… don't mind if I call you Steven, do you?" She searched his face again, frowning.

Steven fell silent for a moment, biting the inside of his cheek and studying her right back. "That's my name, isn't it?" He finally asked, clearing his throat. "Or, it… _was_ my name, anyway, right?"

"Yes," Garnet cut in, and Steven glanced up at her, furrowing his eyebrows. He hesitated for a second, lifting a hand up to his chest when it offered a sharp throb of pain, a sharp twist in his gut. The feeling could only be described as uncomfortable, almost painful, like his insides were being shattered and ripped apart piece by piece. But, through the feeling, he nodded. And he instinctively shied away from the memories tugging loosely at the back of his mind, the box he still didn't know if he was completely ready to open yet. But he nodded. It was a small step, one he didn't really want to take, but one that he knew he had to, if he was going to remember. He wondered what the guilt churning in his chest was connected to, mind running through every possibility of what he could have done, without necessarily trying to remember at the same time.

"I'm sorry," he said suddenly. "I'm sorry for- for whatever I did- however I ended up…"

All three of them practically rushed to reassure him, so fast he didn't have much time to react. He heard "What? No!" and "Oh, no, Steven, it wasn't-" and "You didn't do anything…" from each of them, practically clambering over each other in their haste to comfort him - and… he wasn't sure what to feel. He wasn't sure whether to be uncomfortable, or startled, or reassured. But, after a moment of hesitation, he managed to crack a smile toward them. Mostly forced, if he was being honest - mostly a reassurance of his own, just to try and drop the subject on that one. Clearly it was a sore one, for all of them. Last thing he wanted to do was bring up memories… whether they were his own, or whether they were theirs. "It- It's okay, I was just… I don't know. I've got a habit of…" He bit the inside of his cheek and offered a somewhat awkward smile now. "Nevermind. It's fine… I…" The hybrid paused, glancing between them, then looked away again. "Uh- hey, guys, weren't- weren't we gonna tell them about the war? Right?"

"War?" The Pearl uttered, and Steven bobbed his head lightly in confirmation. Disaster evaded. Now that he wasn't… as wary as he'd been, all that was left was the knowledge that he was… someone else. Someone he didn't even know, but someone they did. And someone… who must be very, very different from the person they used to know. From 'Steven'. And he didn't even know if he knew how to be Steven anymore, if he would ever be anything more than a _soldier_. That was what he was, right? _Nothing else._ He didn't know how to cope with that realization. He didn't know how to cope with the fact that he'd just fallen into line, just came to terms with being someone his Diamond wanted him to be, being someone _Homeworld_ wanted him to be. And now he was in an entirely new situation, with people who wanted him to be somebody _else_.

"Rrrright," Berry heaved out a sigh, and cleared her throat. "Agate! Take it away."

"Thank you, Berry." Agate rolled her eyes, and Berry offered a quick thumbs up before she turned away again, back to Steven and Lemon Lime's limb enhancers, while the taller gem dusted herself off and walked forward, crossing her arms over her chest. "Homeworld is at war. We've been dealing with rebel activity since the end of Era-1," she began curtly, and Steven nodded slightly, leaning back a little and watching the other three carefully, gauging their reactions. The Pearl just looked horrified, Garnet was frozen, and the Amethyst just stared. "Recently, we've engaged in battle with them. And, before you ask, no - they're not the good kind of rebels," Agate added quickly, a sour look crossing her face. "Like you. They shatter."

Steven faltered slightly, glancing past Agate for a moment. Clementine and Tangerine were silent, but he saw the former flinch, and the latter clenched her fists tightly in response. "They… um…" The hybrid trailed off and ran his tongue over his lips, looking away again with a frown. "They shattered most of our army during the first battle. Just recently, they launched a straight attack on Homeworld itself, but…" He trailed off, grimacing. "We left before we could fight."

"We decided," Sage cut in carefully, "it would be easier to construct a plan ourselves without the pressure and stress that came with the war. We can't do anything else from the inside."

"We should have stayed." Steven shook his head, glaring down at the sand.

"We could have been shattered-"

"I am _more_ than willing to _die,"_ Steven snapped, flicking his gaze back up. Sage and Agate exchanged a glance, and Berry looked up silently, unfazed. The Pearl, the Amethyst, and Garnet, however, seemed to recoil slightly when he spoke, shoulders jerking back in surprise; the hybrid paused, glancing over at them, and slowly slumped back again, taking a deep breath. "I'm sorry. Look, I still- I still think we should've fought. We could have left after the battle," he stressed, curling his fingers into the sand again. "Or something like that, but… we shouldn't have just left Homeworld to deal with the rebels. The soldiers, the Diamonds…" He sighed through his teeth and glanced away. He wouldn't ever be comfortable with that.

It was a while before anybody else spoke. The fusion was the one who broke the silence, arms crossed over her chest. Not to hold herself together now, it didn't seem like, but thoughtfully. "The rebels," she began, glancing toward the Pearl with a frown. "You don't think it could be…"

The Pearl was tense now, staring at the sand. "... it's… it's entirely possible, but…"

"Explain," the Amethyst ordered, sitting down in the sand with a frown. Steven arched an eyebrow in her direction, narrowing his eyes slightly, but he turned his gaze back to the other two after a moment. Right, he was curious to see how this was connected to them, too. The other two exchanged a glance, staying silent for a moment, before they both took a deep breath and shook their heads, turning back to the others. The Pearl lifted her hands slightly, grimacing.

"Back during the first war, there was a battalion that defected to the Crystal Gems," she explained after a few seconds. She looked reluctant, like this was information she didn't want to be relaying - but she also looked uncomfortable, almost nervous. Steven furrowed his eyebrows, studying her silently. "But they… had their disagreements with Rose." The Pearl gestured at nothing in particular - and seemingly tried to ignore the way Steven lifted his head a little more at the name - as she flicked her gaze away to look back over at Garnet helplessly. "They were keen on shattering, rather than poofing. They were violent, and very… anti-Diamond." Again, the uncomfortable look was back on her face; she tore her gaze away from Garnet then and fixed her eyes on the sound, silently lifting a hand toward her mouth.

Steven glanced over at the others pointedly; Agate and Sage looked thoughtful, but Berry's gaze was fixed on the Pearl with a blank expression - her 'processing information' look. "You don't happen to remember names, do you?" He finally asked, turning back to the other two. "Names, facets, cuts… just, anything. So we can be absolutely sure that it's them."

"Angel Quartz…" Garnet trailed off.

"Oh- _oh-"_ Tangerine practically shrieked, and Steven winced slightly despite himself. Right, Angel Quartz. He remembered her, if only faintly. He remembered her poofing Tangerine, but everything else after that was practically a blur at that point. The hybrid wrinkled his nose.

"Melanite," the Pearl said quietly, covering her mouth.

There was nothing but silence for a few seconds, as Steven thought that over, frowning. But it wasn't long before the quiet was broken once again - this time by Clementine - and the hybrid whirled his head around to look toward her at once; her voice was quiet, somewhat strained. "Melanite?" She asked tentatively, taking a few steps forward. "D- did you say… Melanite?" When the Pearl nodded, Clementine sucked in a shaky breath and held it for a moment. Steven could already see the tears pricking at the corners of her eyes, even before she'd spoken again, her voice shaking violently as she did. "She- she was- she was the one th- that shattered-"

Once again, Steven faltered. Well, that was definitely confirmation, but at what cost? He grimaced, rolling his shoulders back and looking back down as he dug his fingers into the sand beneath him once more, pulling some of it up and shaking his head slightly with a slight scowl. When Clementine moved to walk past them, heading back to the ship with Tangerine close behind her, and Agate and Sage rushing after them - presumably to comfort the two - the hybrid finally flicked his gaze up. Not to watch them leave, but to turn his attention back to the others. "We shouldn't have left," he repeated quietly. "We should have stayed and fought." He breathed in through his teeth, shaking his head furiously, and pushed himself backwards to stand up. The sand tickled the bottoms of his bare feet - and he winced, initially - but recovered again quickly. "There's nothing we can do here. We've even got names now, and we can't even…" He turned, pacing a few steps away, and lifted his hand to run his fingers through his hair - only to jerk it back down again, once again startled by the fact that he could still feel anything physically.

"There's plenty of time to think about this, hybrid," Berry grunted.

"Yeah," Candy chimed in. "Come on, you know launching an attack on Homeworld was _stupid_. They wouldn't have sent all the rebels, and we've got more soldiers on our side now, right? Homeworld's going to be fine. What we need to worry about is what we came here for," the pink Pearl urged, and Steven grimaced, finally running his fingers through his hair. The curls were tangled, dirty; he didn't like the feeling, but he wasn't sure why. The hybrid lowered his hand.

"They attacked Homeworld directly…" The Pearl paused and let her hand hover over the sand again, twitching her fingers and bringing up another cluster of the little yellow specks. Steven turned around completely to watch her, furrowing his eyebrows as she began forming a small, makeshift model of Homeworld. A circular planet; it definitely looked like Homeworld, at first glance, but at the same time, it was also much different. Not broken down the center, like Steven remembered the planet to look like. The hybrid shook his head, gesturing toward it. Maybe a little picky, but that wasn't what the planet looked like anymore. It had changed, drastically, it seemed, from the last time the Pearl had been there, which honestly made him wonder how long it had been, and what, exactly, had caused the planet to break at all.

"That's wrong," he mumbled, and shrugged slightly when the Pearl glanced up at him, clearing his throat and shaking his head, gesturing toward the sand model again. "It's more like…"

"Broken," Berry cut in with a sigh. "It's broken."

The Pearl flicked her finger, and Steven arched an eyebrow as the model cracked down the center. Alright, that was pretty good. Not exactly identical, but without being able to explain what the planet looked like to her, he guessed he shouldn't expect too much. He studied it for a while, furrowing his eyebrows faintly and narrowing his eyes as he stared, and the Pearl paused and swirled her finger around above the model, spinning the little sand planet around carefully. "Where did the rebels attack from?" She asked after a moment, glancing up at them again.

"I wouldn't know," Steven remarked, glaring at Berry. "We didn't stick around-"

"There." It was Candy who pointed at the model; Steven and Berry stopped glaring at each other for a few seconds, exchanging a bewildered glance between them, before they both turned to look back at the pink Pearl. Even Lemon Lime had turned his head to look at her; Candy blinked, glancing between each of them, and raised her hands slightly with a shrug. "What? I pay attention. I can be observant." Steven offered her a curious look, but he didn't say anything. Well, at least someone had information. He'd been too busy following after Berry to have any idea where the rebels were attacking from; the Quartzes hadn't given any specifics, he hadn't stuck around with the Diamonds long enough to get any information, and he'd been far too wrapped up in his anger and irritation to take note of anything while they were leaving. The hybrid sighed, once again sparing Berry a half-hearted glare before he turned his attention back to the others, taking a few steps forward as the Pearl poked a tiny dent in the sand planet.

After a moment of staring, the Pearl let out a sigh through her teeth and looked up, scowling. "She's looking for Rose Quartz."

"That would be me," Steven muttered, narrowing his eyes.

"That would be your _mother_ ," the Pearl corrected. Steven opened his mouth, and paused. The word… that word was… different. It _hit_ different. Once again, it stirred something faintly in the back of his mind, feelings of anger and confusion… the hybrid stayed still for a moment, curling his hands into fists briefly before loosening them again. He didn't shy away from the memory this time, didn't make any attempt to stifle it, but he couldn't suppress the anxiety churning in his stomach when the prodding at the back of his mind started getting stronger and stronger. He saw glimpses, visions. He saw… a giant pink gem. Not Pink Diamond, not the one who resembled the murals on the walls of the palace. No, this one had curly pink hair, a warm smile. He'd seen her face somewhere before. It brought feelings of confusion, inadequacy… longing.

Guilt…

Steven opened his mouth again, ready to speak - but he paused, flinching in surprise when he heard loud, thundering footsteps behind him. Berry let out a squeak - not a scream, not a shriek, not a yell, a literal _squeak_ \- and Lemon Lime practically jumped about a foot in the air, leaving Berry and his limb enhancers to scramble backwards instead. Steven had summoned his scythe before he had even completely turned around, but he had no idea how to react to what he saw.

The first thing he saw was a giant, pink… _thing_. It was tall, standing on four legs. Its hair was wispy, circled around its head rather than resting on top of it; Steven couldn't help but stare, caught off guard. He'd never seen anything like that before, not that he remembered…

But the weirdest thing was the human sitting on the thing's back.

The human, who was holding a sword.


	24. Chapter 24

Steven's gaze locked with the human's, and the soldier froze.

Time seemed to move in slow motion. Her eyes seemed to widen, staring at him; the recognition that flashed through her gaze was unmistakable, and, honestly, he already figured he knew her. He already figured that the tugging at the back of his mind was for a reason; the emotions connected to her were… different. There was still guilt, so much of it. That was an emotion that seemed to stay with him no matter what, he noticed numbly. Guilt, and confusion, and apprehension. But he could tell, the moment he locked his gaze with hers, she was… important. Very important. He blinked a few times, rolling his shoulders back and lowering the scythe to diminish it again as the human slid off of the pink creature's back, walking forward slowly. His gaze flicked toward the sword in her hand for a moment, watching it droop until it was dragging through the sand, and then she just let it go altogether. That alone… it looked _familiar._

"Steven," the human whispered, pausing in front of him. Steven flicked his gaze back up to her, furrowing his eyebrows slightly. Honestly, he only reacted to the name because he knew it was what the people on Earth were calling him. It had apparently been his name, before. 'Steven'. The word replayed in his mind a few times, hearing her voice echo through his head as it did. He tilted his head slightly, not knowing what to say, and she took another step forward, almost cautious. Then - before the hybrid had a chance to react, or compose himself, or push the memories back just enough for him to be able to process the situation that was happening _now_ \- she threw herself forward and wrapped her arms around him. He stumbled back with a gasp and lifted his arms slightly, pupils shrinking as he stared down at the human clinging to him.

Like with Berry, her hug was… warm. But the human was also much _taller;_ she and Steven stood at about the same height. When she hugged him, her arms wrapped around him completely, folded firmly around his torso with her fingers digging into the back of his uniform. He felt them pressing against the scars on his back, and for a moment, he almost felt the electricity racing up his spine in response, a phantom pain, remembering exactly how he'd received most of the scars that resided there. She held him close to her, his body pressed against hers, and buried her face into his shoulder. It only took him a few seconds to realize that she was hugging him, not attacking him - and it took him even longer to realize she was crying. Her shoulders were shaking, shuddering slightly as she held onto him, her body wracked with silent sobs as she pressed her face further into his shoulder and sucked in a shuddery gasp. And… it hurt. His chest ached for her, a mixture of sympathy and confusion, and… sorrow.

After standing there for a while in silence, with his hands still in the air, he finally lowered them. He hesitated initially, not really knowing what to do, before carefully settling his hands on her shoulders. He felt her still under his touch - and he almost flinched away, honestly. Not because she had frozen, but because the feeling was much different from just touching sand, or his hair. It hurt, and yet it didn't at the same time. It was a different kind of sensation, a feeling that sank through his flesh, piercing through and spreading to every part of his body. The fear, briefly, diminished. Confusion and shock remained, along with awe, with longing. And he found himself aching when the human suddenly pulled away, left feeling cold, _empty_ by the loss of contact.

He almost wanted to reach for her, to tell her not to go, but he couldn't force the words out. "Y- You're back, you're- you're _alive-_ " She gasped, and Steven jolted slightly under her touch when she abruptly grabbed his shoulders, leaning back to look him over. He stayed still, just staring at her as she assessed him; watching her expression shift, watching the confusion settle in, the realization, the surprise. She flicked her gaze back up to him again, curling her fingers around his shoulders for a second before she pulled back again, and once more, he mourned the contact when she pulled away from him, this time completely enough to look him over again. "Are you okay? Y- you…" She looked back up at him again, wide eyes meeting his once more. Steven just furrowed his eyebrows again, watching her. "You… you look… different…" The human finally seemed to falter, another realization steadily creeping in, and the tearful relief in her eyes slowly fizzled out to concern, and alarm, and confusion. "You're _acting_ different…"

"I'm… sorry," Steven managed, not knowing what else to say. He couldn't stop staring at her, and he didn't know why. This was a human. Not a gem; she was a _human_. An Earthling he didn't remember ever having met before. Berry had insisted he was half-human, but he'd fought so hard to keep that particular information locked away with his memories, something he refused to think about no matter how much she called him 'hybrid', or how many scars he received during training, or during the frequent punishments he had received for the first few months after everything had changed. He didn't remember ever _knowing_ a human before. He'd heard about them on Homeworld, heard mutters and murmurs, but never anything specific. He only knew enough to be able to identify one, but even that was a long shot sometimes, too…

She stared at him for a few moments longer before she looked away again, past him to where the other gems were. He watched her gaze flick toward Lemon Lime and Berry, and he couldn't help but glance over after a second, himself. They were both still, and silent; the Ruby was watching the human in silence, almost looking fascinated, herself, and while the Peridot still looked rather nervous, he had relaxed and sat back down in the sand beside Berry again. "Guys," the human said slowly, hesitantly, cautiously. "What's… what's going on?"

Steven paused and stepped back after a moment, somewhat hesitant now, and turned his head to glance back at the others. The gems paused, exchanging quick glances between them, then glanced back at Steven again, clearly hesitant. After a moment, though, the Pearl suddenly pushed herself up again, brushing some of the sand off of her pants and nodding toward the structure the giant, stone fusion was connected to. "I'll explain… and call Greg," she mumbled the last part a little quieter, but Steven caught it anyway. He glanced after the human as she walked past him again, catching her gaze once more and leaning back slightly with a frown. He hadn't meant to upset her - he hadn't even interacted with her for that long. She was rubbing her eyes, trying to dry them of the tears Steven knew had brewed there, but the hybrid stayed silent. He just leaned back on his feet, perplexed, and watched her and the pale gem walk away.

"Did I do something?" He finally asked, sparing a bewildered glance toward Garnet and the Amethyst, who exchanged another glance, looking worried. "I didn't mean to upset the human-"

"You didn't do anything," the Amethyst assured quickly, shaking her head, and Steven fell silent. Well, he must have done _something_ wrong. He usually did. He had only just adjusted to Homeworld's rules, and he was still adjusting even then. He had just gotten to a point where he wasn't getting in trouble every other day for one thing or another. Adjusting to Earth, he realized blankly, was going to be even harder, wasn't it? New rules, new things to adjust to. New people. He needed to watch his step, probably even more so than he had before. It was easier when he knew what was expected of him. He was a soldier. Nothing else. He fought, he followed commands, he apologized when he did something wrong and he accepted his punishments. And if he wasn't doing that… then what was he good for? What else was he supposed to do? _How_ was he supposed to know what to do, if nobody here was _telling_ him what to do?

He grimaced, glancing after the Pearl and the human again, but he stayed silent after that. Silence was probably his best bet, right? He couldn't say or do anything compromising if he just stayed silent, and stayed still. So, he resolved to do that, rolling his shoulders back and straightening up and silently deciding not to move - only to do just that, with a startled gasp, when he felt something brush against him. He stepped to the side, stumbling slightly. And, honestly, he was just about ready to summon his scythe when he finally caught a glimpse of what had touched him. The pink creature had moved forward, and was still advancing despite the hybrid's startled retreat, leaning forward and lowering its head to stare at him in silence.

Steven hesitated, leaning back on his feet. "Hello…"

"That's Lion," Garnet told him, as the hybrid lifted his hands slightly toward the pink creature, flinching a little despite himself when it leaned forward, nostrils flaring, its giant face and nose hovering only inches away from his chest. "He's… a lion. One of the many different types of animals and creatures on Earth." After a short pause, the fusion added, "you used to say he was kind of like your pet - and don't worry, he's relatively harmless." She let out a chuckle, and while Steven did flinch slightly at the almost _indignant_ huff Lion offered in response, he cracked a hesitant smile at the creature this time. Relatively harmless. Alright, that was… reassuring…

Lion continued to assess him, nostrils flaring again as he lifted his head upwards, sniffing the hybrid's face. Steven flinched again, but he remained still, dutifully letting him continue his investigation. He couldn't help but feel relieved when he finally pulled back - but he wasn't expecting the 'animal' to abruptly press himself forward again, and he couldn't stifle a surprised gasp once again when he felt the creature press himself against him, pupils shrinking. But just as he had been about to pull back, Lion's head pressed against his chest - and he froze. He froze because the contact wasn't painful, or uncomfortable. He paused because the creature abruptly lifted his head upwards, pressing it right up under Steven's chin, and the hybrid's eyes widened as he let the pink animal lift his head up. The wispy hair around Lion's head tickled him, bringing a startled laugh from Steven's lips as he flinched back again, this time out of surprise. But he stayed close enough to let the animal continue pressing against him, letting him rub his head under his chin again, pressing even closer than before and… _rumbling_.

"Guess he missed you, too," the Amethyst commented quietly. Steven found himself unable to speak, as Lion's face pressed against his, and while he winced, he did huff out another laugh. He was so soft, and warm, and _fluffy;_ he finally raised his hands to the sides of Lion's face, digging his fingers loosely into the animal's fur, and lightly pushed the animal back a little bit. The affection was… well, he'd just go ahead and say it was _startling_ , though it was certainly much more than that. He just couldn't think of a stronger word right then. And the contact…

… the contact was different, but not something he could complain about, either.

Steven paused, keeping his hands where they were for a moment. He felt Lion's head press forward, leaning into the hybrid's touch. He was just so _soft_ \- Steven was fascinated by how anything could feel that… gentle. Especially something as big, and as scary-looking as the large pink animal was. He stayed silent for a while after that, eventually trailing his hands upwards; they seemed to move on their own accord, gently running across the top of Lion's head, and the animal pressed himself up into the touch. The rumbling grew a little louder, but Steven wasn't too worried about that; he was just in awe, still registering the gentle touch, the warm contact. He ran his hand over Lion's head again, enjoying the soft feeling of the animal's fluffy, short fur. Once again, something prodded at the back of his mind - and, once again, Steven resisted the urge to shy away, distracting himself with petting the animal and letting the little box in the back of his mind that held the memories crack open again, letting one slip out, ever so carefully.

It came to him slowly. Visions of sitting by the animal's side at night, petting him while he looked out the window of a building, up at the stars littering the pitch black sky. Images shifted through his head, like he was flipping through pictures on a screen. Cuddling, snuggling, wrapping his arms around Lion's neck. Hugging him, kissing his cheek. Talking to him, soft and sweet sometimes, or excited and affectionate other times. He remembered squishing the animal's cheeks between his hands, looking him in the eyes and saying, " _Lion, blink if you love me!"_

Despite himself, he found a laugh bubbling to his lips, wrapping his arms around Lion's neck. Lion. He remembered Lion. He remembered little things, but he _remembered_. He'd remembered something else, and it hadn't hurt as much as he had expected it to. Honestly, it felt… good. He pressed his face lightly against Lion's cheek, feeling him continue to rumble… no, purr. He was purring. That was what it was called - and it meant he was happy, right? It meant he was happy. He marveled over this for a moment, as he closed his eyes and let the situation sink in. For the first time since he'd arrived on Earth, he was comfortable. He was content, he was… _happy_. For the first time in what felt like a long time - _too_ long - he felt safe. He didn't know how, or why.

Maybe… maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all.

Maybe this really was worth remembering.

* * *

He was still practically cuddling with Lion (he had climbed up onto the animal's back after a little while, and Lion had laid down while the hybrid rested on him with his head overtop of Lion's) by the time the Pearl and human finally came back. Steven lifted his head the second they approached; by that time, Berry had finished the limb enhancers - and Steven had declined the offer to put them back on, since he was not only getting used to being able to feel the things he touched, but was actually enjoying it - struck up a conversation with Garnet, while Lemon Lime and Candy, once the Peridot had gotten his limb enhancers back and actually felt comfortable with getting up and being noticed again, had headed off to explore what the gems called the 'beach'. Steven crossed his arms over Lion's head, lightly scratching behind the animal's ear and watching Berry circle around Garnet, who looked more or less amused by the little Ruby.

He lifted his head, however, when the Pearl and the human approached again. They both looked like they had been crying, much to the hybrid's disappointment; he knew the Pearl had gone to explain the situation, which meant explaining Steven, which meant he had definitely done something wrong if they were both crying over it like that. He didn't like being the reason for _anybody's_ tears, whether indirectly or not. The hybrid hesitated, resting his hand on Lion's head and pushing himself up a little to sit up on the animal's back, turning to climb down again. "I'm sorry if I… if I upset you, earlier," he told the human once he'd steadied himself, keeping one hand on Lion's neck and continuing to pet him when the animal shifted impatiently under his touch. "I mean, I don't know if I did or said anything wrong, but I really didn't mean to-"

"No, no," the human interrupted quickly, shaking her head. "It wasn't you, I… I promise. You're fine." She seemed hesitate for a second, staring at him with an almost cautious expression now. "Pearl… told me that you don't remember us. Or… anything…" The human trailed off, frowning. Steven hesitated, lightly curling his fingers into Lion's mane and stroking him again carefully. After a moment, though, the human stepped forward and extended a hand to him, taking a deep breath and seeming to steel herself as she finally met his gaze again. "My name's Connie."

This time, there was no prodding; the memories and emotions hit him all at once. He remembered meeting her, saving her; he remembered fighting side by side with her, against… against the _Pearl._ He remembered training with her, he remembered laughing and joking with her, he remembered sitting beside her and watching… something, something on a big box with a glowing screen. He remembered sitting on the beach and just watching her as she talked. He remembered just… _being_ with her. Just existing with her. He remembered that she was usually always there with him when he needed her, that she fought by his side, and had his back. He remembered being scared for her; he remembered… he remembered leaving her behind.

He remembered leaving them all behind.

He remembered Aquamarine. And Topaz. And the ship. He remembered being desperate to save them, desperate to make sure nothing bad happened to them. He remembered every conflicting feeling that had raced through his mind; he remembered making the decision, fast.

He remembered turning himself in to Homeworld, insisting he was Rose Quartz. He remembered them screaming after him; all of them. Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl. Even some of the other humans, stranded and stuck in water, unable to get to him. He remembered Connie screaming _no_ , and _Steven_ , and he remembered turning around, just for a second. He remembered saying that he loved her. That he loved all of them. He remembered that those were his last words to them, the last time he'd seen them since he got to Homeworld. He remembered the pain, and the grief that had come with it. He remembered knowing how much he had let everybody down by leaving them behind, and yet how much he honestly didn't regret his decision, as long as it was one of the things that had kept them from being taken, too. Yeah, he remembered Connie. He remembered thinking that he'd do anything, _everything_ for her. He remembered knowing, at that moment, right there, that night on the ship… that he _would_.

Steven faltered for a second, lowering his gaze, and furrowed his eyebrows as he stared at the sand. He didn't remember anything after that… not really. Everything was still fuzzy, unclear. But he did remember a few key points; he remembered some emotions, he remembered the situation he'd been in, the dilemma he had faced. He remembered loving them; each and every one of them, so undeniably, so unquestioningly, so unconditionally, that he had turned himself in to save them. That he had insisted that he was a shatterer, that he had shattered Pink Diamond, that he was the former rebel Crystal Gem leader, war criminal Rose Quartz. But he wasn't.

Stars above, he _wasn't Rose Quartz._

"I'm not Rose," he whispered. "I'm not Rose Quartz." He felt dizzy from the realization. He felt confused. He felt… _wrong_. This all felt wrong. He ran his tongue over his lips, furrowing his eyebrows, then slowly flicked his gaze up after a moment. He stared at Connie, then looked past her, toward the gems. Each one of them had gone completely tense; even Berry was staring at him, wide-eyed. The memories were there, pieces having clicked into place, but he was still confused. It wasn't enough to put the whole picture together. It wasn't even enough to put _half_ of the picture together. They were just visions in his head, things he felt oddly disconnected from, and yet… things he felt far too attached to at that moment. Memories, flickers, pictures and scenes coming together in his head that he couldn't really process yet. Information he was soaking in, emotions he was feeling, memories that were returning. Somehow, none of it was completely enough. Somehow, something was still missing. And somehow, that missing piece screwed up the entire picture, made everything else feel _blank._

Suddenly, he wanted to remember then more than ever. He wanted to take all of the pieces and put them together and see what the picture was, because he couldn't… he couldn't take it. He thought he'd be able to handle not ever knowing, not every remembering again. But, as it turned out, the moment he started actually putting the puzzle together, he couldn't stop short. He couldn't make himself stop reaching for the pieces, finding out which ones fit perfectly. He was _desperate_ to finish it, to piece it all together again. He was desperate to finish what he started. He'd be damned if he didn't, and that was a fact; he had to figure it out now. He _had to._

"Steven…?" Connie stepped forward; Steven shook his head a little, trying to focus.

"I'm… I'm okay…" The hybrid trailed off, sucking in a shaky breath and lifting his gaze again. Connie furrowed her eyebrows at him, and the other gems moved forward slightly, concerned. He glanced over each of them, still baffled by the memories. Baffled by the feelings. Baffled by the puzzle pieces, the snippets of history that didn't go back far enough for it to feel just _right._ "I'm okay," he whispered, clearing his throat and forcing himself to raise his voice. He was hesitant at first, battling with himself for a few more seconds before he could finally spit the words out, before he could finally bring himself to speak again. "I… I think I remembered…"

"You did?" Amethyst practically lit up, then; Steven frowned at her, just for a moment. He had, and he wasn't sure what he was feeling right then. He wasn't sure what to make of the memories. He wasn't sure what to make of the emotions. He wasn't sure how to _process_ it all. "That's a good thing, right? What'd you remember?" The purple gem urged, though she backed off quickly when Garnet reached down to touch her shoulder, much to Steven's silent relief.

"I remembered…" Steven trailed off again, shaking his head. "I remembered turning myself in, and… and I remembered… things about _you_ ," he added, flicking his gaze back up to Connie. And, of course, Lion chose that moment to push himself up and press his head up under Steven's chin, and the hybrid let out a startled chuckle as he lifted his head along with him. "And things about Lion," he added, lightly scratching the animal behind his ears. "Like how he's not usually this _affectionate_ toward _anybody,"_ he chided teasingly. "Now I _know_ that you love me."

"This is…" Connie glanced back at the gems, looking excited. "This is good, right?"

" _Definitely_ ," Amethyst exclaimed enthusiastically; Steven rubbed Lion's head again and looked up at them once more, carding his fingers through the pink animal's mane with a quiet hum.

"I mean, I guess…" He trailed off for a moment. "That's kind of the point of me being here." The soldier paused, biting the inside of his cheek for a moment. He hesitated for a few seconds, honestly wondering whether or not he should bring up the flickers, the visions that had hit him. He wondered if he should mention the things he had remembered - some of them weren't particularly pleasant, not for him (or them, he imagined). He had left them behind. Of course, he had left them behind out of sheer desperation and concern and _terror_ , but he had still left them. He'd still caused them all of that pain, all of that fear, for themselves. Steven sighed through his teeth and shook his head a little, clearing his throat and looking down. He'd done it to save them, but it had still hurt them. There was no point in bringing it up, not when he knew it would just hurt them even more in the long run. The hybrid ran his tongue over his lips, looking up.

He was grateful when Berry stepped in; the Ruby had walked forward to inspect Connie, looking more or less curious by the human, but she seemed to be avoiding trying to go near Lion, too. "So you're Connie," she mumbled, looking the human up and down. "You're _the_ Connie…"

Steven arched an eyebrow at the Ruby while Connie huffed out a startled laugh, but she looked a little wary as she glanced between Steven and Berry, seeming bewildered. "Yeah, I'm Connie."

"Mm." Berry studied her. A small smirk tugged at her lips. "Hybrid told me _much_ about you."

"He did?" Connie glanced up at Steven again, looking startled.

"I did?" Steven stared down at Berry, somewhat unsettled.

"You _did_." Berry's smirk widened slightly, and Steven narrowed his eyes, suspicious. She knew something, and of course she did - that fact didn't quite surprise him, but he wished he could remember what he had told her just to make sure she didn't have some kind of leverage over him right then. Hoping that whatever it was wasn't anything _bad_ , but he couldn't help but wonder why he would say anything bad about the human anyway. From what he could tell, they were close; the memories, the visions that had flickered through his mind, they showed that she was important to him. _Very_ important. She must be, if she was one of the people Steven had turned himself in for. If she was the reason he had opened himself up to everything Homeworld had done to him, and more. Honestly, the fact that he'd ended up there because of that baffled him. He had never given much thought to however he ended up there. He was just… _there_.

The hybrid tilted his head, eyeing Berry. "You're so lucky I like you…" He paused and turned his head, hearing something squeal - not someone, _something_. At first, all he saw was a cloud of sand - then he saw a shape. There was a structure coming toward them, hovering over the ground. Propped up on some kind of… circular objects, rolling through the sand and stirring up sand as it moved. Steven tensed, every muscle in his body pulling taut with carefully restrained violence, and immediately flicked his gaze around. Lemon Lime and Candy were at a safe distance - so far away they hadn't seemed to even notice - and the others were still at the ship. Agate, actually, had started to exit, only to pause when she saw the moving structure.

"So, the past few times I've prepared to fight, it's been pretty useless," Steven commented after a moment, glancing over at the gems. He wasn't gonna bother summoning his weapon unless there was a reason to do so now, but he figured, judging by how relaxed everyone else looked, that there wasn't anything to get upset over right then. "So is this something I should…"

"No, no," Pearl assured him, shaking her head. "It's your father, Greg."

Steven mouthed the words to himself, looking up again. Father. Greg. The words stirred up more emotions, about the same as the word 'mother' had. But a different face appeared in his mind when he failed to suppress the memories. Actually, this face was even… warmer. Even gentler. There were no feelings of resentment or inadequacy. No confusion, no longing. There was love, and respect, and some wistfulness. There was another word in his mind, connected to the face; _Dad_. The structure pulled to a stop, and Steven continued to stare. _That's… my Dad._

The structure opened, and a human stepped out. This one didn't look anything like Connie, and Steven hadn't expected him too. He'd already recognized the face in his mind, already put a name to it, already remembered this one. His eyes widened slightly as he stared, as the human - as his _Dad_ \- rushed over to where they were standing, looking breathless, looking almost frantic. Garnet stepped forward, and so did Amethyst, reaching out to stop the human before he could get too close to Steven - the hybrid knew why, of course, but he honestly didn't mind this time. There was no fear, no wariness. But he couldn't say anything, couldn't reassure them that he was fine. He could just stare, letting the memories wrap themselves around his mind. Letting them flow freely from the box they were trapped in, letting it crack open just a little bit more.

"Greg," Pearl was saying, desperately, "I tried to tell you, he doesn't _remember_ -"

"No-" Steven interrupted quickly, sucking in a shaky gasp. "No, I- I remember him- I remember." The gems seemed startled, but Garnet and Amethyst eventually pulled back. Greg had frozen at that point, pupils shrinking as he stared at the hybrid, and Steven looked up at him hesitantly. Among the other emotions, there was anxiety - but it wasn't the predominant one this time. "You're my Dad, right…?" He asked after a moment, searching the human's gaze carefully. The only problem was that he couldn't remember what that _meant_. He couldn't remember what it entailed, he couldn't remember anything else but that word, Greg's face, and the amount of love and respect he apparently held for the human. For a moment, he almost wondered if a 'Dad' was like 'Diamond' for humans, but he couldn't be sure right then. He _couldn't_ remember.

"Yeah- kiddo, I- I'm your Dad-" Greg stammered, taking an almost cautious step forward. Steven just stared at him for a moment, furrowing his eyebrows. But he stepped forward with him after a few seconds, not feeling wary, or afraid. The human seemed to take that as an invitation to rush forward, and Steven could do little more than blink before Greg had reached him and pulled him into his arms. The embrace didn't startle him this time; honestly, he'd been expecting it. He felt the human's giant arms fold around him, felt himself wrapped up in a warm, gentle, _loving,_ hug. "I missed you so _much-_ " Greg's voice cracked slightly, pressing his mouth to the top of Steven's head. That contact was a new sensation of its own, and it brought up a thousand different emotions. The hybrid shifted slightly, not to pull away, but he did eventually wrap both of his arms around one of Greg's, somewhat hesitantly. "I thought I _lost_ you- I thought- I thought you-"

Steven couldn't explain the way his eyes stung in response, but no tears came. He breathed in shakily and clenched his teeth, swallowing, then pushed forward and buried his face into Greg's shoulder, sucking in another shaky gasp and holding his breath for a moment. "I'm sorry…" Every other emotion could dissipate, vanish, change. He didn't think anything would ever shake the guilt he was constantly feeling, he didn't think anything was going to keep it from _exploding._

He was sorry. For what, he didn't know what yet. But, _shards_ , he was gonna find out.


	25. Chapter 25

Once Greg had finally released him, and given him a quick once-over, the gems had decided it would probably best to move to what they called the 'house' for the time being, the little structure connected to the stone gem. The other Homeworld gems had decided to stay outside, mostly due to Berry, who practically forced them all back when they tried to follow, because Steven 'needs time alone with them'. The hybrid couldn't help but roll his eyes at her despite himself, but he didn't want to risk arguing. He didn't want to come off as rude; it wasn't that he was… uncomfortable with them (though Amethyst, he couldn't help but be wary of regardless), and he was sure the other gems wanted a chance to explore anyway. So he followed the gems and his Dad and Connie to the 'house', glancing back on occasion to watch Tangerine finally climb back out of the ship, coaxing Clementine along with her and letting Berry lead them away to where Lemon Lime and Candy were still exploring, having picked something up from the sand to show them once they'd approached. He was worried, but… he was sure they'd be fine.

His friends could defend themselves. Agate taught him everything he knew, Berry was one hell of a fighter despite how much she hated it, Sage was quick on her feet, and Tangerine could destroy anything within seconds - even on accident. Clementine was a good fighter, herself. Of course, that just left Lemon Lime and Candy, but he was sure they'd be fine, too. There was no reason for him to doubt that the others would keep each other and themselves safe. Steven rolled his shoulders back and sighed, looking up and following Greg up the stairs with a frown. Not worrying wasn't his strong suit; he was already on edge as it was regarding their escape, and since he already knew his Diamond was going to be absolutely furious with them… yeah. He was concerned. And he was gonna keep himself on edge; he needed to be prepared.

"You know, your friends are very welcome to come with us," Pearl commented, opening the door to let Amethyst and Garnet through. Steven paused, watching Greg head inside, and glanced over at Pearl, furrowing his eyebrows. "I know we weren't very, ah- welcoming- at the beginning, but we didn't exactly know they were…" Pearl huffed out a nervous laugh, clearing her throat. "What I mean is, they're certainly welcome here, if they'd wanted to come inside or…"

"Don't worry." Steven glanced over his shoulder, pausing as he looked back at his friends. "I'm sure at this point, they're already over that, anyway. If they want to come in, they will. Besides… Berry gets bored quickly." He rolled his eyes and offered Pearl an amused, awkward smile, finally stepping forward to walk inside after the other. "So I'm sure she'll be bursting in here within the next few minutes, anyway…" He trailed off, looking around, and blinked. The inside of the house - he recognized it, just as instantly as he had with Connie, and Greg. At least, he knew he'd stood there before. He knew he'd been in here before. He swept his gaze around for a second, taking a few steps further inside. There was a… warp pad at the far end, on the other side of the house, and a door with a star embedded on it just behind that. But the main part of the house looked cozier than the cave-like area the warp pad and door resided in; Amethyst had fallen back onto some kind of soft structure, which sank down beneath her when she sat on it, and Greg had retreated to another part of the house, which was separated by what looked like an only half-built wall - but he assumed, with the chairs and stools centered around it, that was probably how it was supposed to be. And there was another part, with stairs leading up…

Pearl paused beside him, glancing over at the hybrid briefly before looking up the stairs. "That's where your room is," she told him, and he furrowed his eyebrows in response, staring upwards silently and tilting his head. His room… "Where your bed and your clothes… oh, speaking of clothes! I'm sure you want to get out of that uniform, right?" She stepped forward and held her hand out to him; the hybrid hesitated slightly at first, but reached out to take her hand eventually. Get out of his uniform… honestly, he wasn't sure how he felt about that. But he let her lead him up the stairs, flicking his gaze around and furrowing his eyebrows as he glanced around.

"I'm not sure I'm supposed to take my uniform off…" He began as she released his hand, heading over to one of the structures in the room and reaching out to open a drawer.

"You can do whatever you…" Pearl faltered, suddenly. "Oh, these clothes won't… fit…"

Steven hesitated, staying where he was for a few seconds, before taking a few steps forward. "It's okay. I don't mind the uniform," he told her, scanning the room after a moment. "It's not uncomfortable or anything, I'm pretty used to it by now… what's that?" He gestured toward one of the structures in the room, sitting low to the ground. There were few things on top, but Steven couldn't name any of them; he stepped forward, but he didn't reach out to touch anything. He wasn't exactly keen on getting into trouble here, remembering what he'd decided - don't do anything, don't get in trouble. If he just stayed still and didn't touch things, didn't do anything he wasn't supposed to be doing, then there wasn't any reason for them to be upset with them. Considering he'd just met them again, and only remembered a few things that could hardly light a _candle_ to what he was sure really mattered, he was gonna try not to piss them off too much.

"Hm?" Pearl turned, and blinked. "Oh, that's your bed. That's where you sleep," she explained, closing the drawer after a moment and walking over to him, and Steven furrowed his eyebrows. He thought for a moment, scanning the 'bed' in silence, and shook his head. Yep, no memories.

"What's 'sleep'?"

The way Pearl looked at him then was enough to make him flinch; the horror, the bewilderment, the realization that flashed across her face. He bit the inside of his cheek and steeled himself; for what, he wasn't entirely sure. He wished he knew what to expect from these gems, honestly. At least on Homeworld, he knew what was going to happen when he said the wrong thing to the wrong gem. At least he knew what kind of punishments he might receive; whether it be a few days in the Room or whether it be a destabilizer shoved into his back. But he was in completely uncharted territory here, having absolutely no idea what these gems could do to him. The idea that they might not even do anything was so far out of his reach that it wasn't even a possibility.

"Sorry…" Steven trailed off, biting the inside of his cheek. "I didn't mean to-"

"No, no, it's- it's okay, I just-" Pearl shook her head quickly, and Steven fell silent for a moment, still tense, but a little more relaxed knowing that he wasn't going to be punished. He still didn't feel completely _right_ , though; his question had bothered her, and he didn't know why, but it was enough to make him wish that he had just kept his mouth shut right then. "Sleep…" The pale gem sucked in a breath. "Sleep is… well, it's a necessity for humans. Basically, it's like…" She trailed off. "Oh, I don't know how to describe it. It's like a… recharge. You lay down and close your eyes, and think about nothing… or everything," Pearl added faintly, glancing at him. "It's necessary for a human's survival and health. Physical and emotional. When humans don't sleep, their bodies shut down." Pearl paused, studying him. "You… you haven't… slept at all?"

"Uh… no." Steven narrowed his eyes, puzzled by the explanation. Alright, tread carefully now. She was still upset, and he didn't want to make it any worse. "I guess…" He ran his tongue over his lips, narrowing his eyes faintly. "Gems… don't need to sleep. I know I'm only half-gem, but… I guess, the other gems- and my Diamond- figured since I'm not completely human, I don't need to do human things. Honestly, I don't even think my Diamond knows I'm not a real gem…"

"Being half-gem doesn't make you any less of a gem at all," Pearl told him quietly. The horrified look on her face had intensified, and now it seemed to be for more than one reason. Stars, he really needed to start thinking about what he said before he said it. At this point, he was either going to get in trouble or he was just going to keep upsetting them, and neither of which sounded particularly favorable to him at all. "And…" She seemed to hesitate, gaze flicking across Steven's face carefully, before she steeled herself and straightened up a little bit. "Being half-human, it doesn't make you any less of a human. I guess… if you haven't slept, you might not _need_ to to _survive_ , but… for your health, otherwise… you do look exhausted, Steven…" The hybrid paused, glancing down as if to look himself over, but he looked back up after a second. "I'm sure you might feel a little better if you get some rest," she murmured. "And some food…"

Steven opened his mouth slightly, but he snapped it shut again after a moment of hesitation. Asking what sleep was hadn't gone over too well, he'd upset her. Asking what 'food' was…

Pearl stared at him for a moment, looking almost despaired. "You don't know what food is."

 _Shards_. "Sorry…"

"You've got _nothing_ to apologize for," Pearl told him for the second time that day, and Steven grimaced slightly in response. "Food is another thing that's necessary for humans. Eating…" She trailed off, and Steven watched her face seem to scrunch up, almost looking disgusted. "Well, humans consume 'food' because their bodies require it. Like with sleeping, if they don't eat, their bodies shut down. If a human goes long enough without eating, they could die-" At this, Steven's eyes widened slightly in surprise, while Pearl continued on tentatively, "Amethyst might be able to explain how it works better than I could, but you should probably eat, too…"

"But I'm not completely human," Steven said slowly, confused. "So maybe I can just…"

"You might not _die_ if you don't, but…" Pearl trailed off. "Well, it's certainly going to take a toll on you. It has already…" She stared at him again, offering another silent once-over, before she shook her head and cleared her throat. "Not eating and sleeping can make you weak and tired. Your body might not shut down completely, but I'm sure you can only go so long without… you need to take care of yourself, Steven," the pale gem urged, finally looking back up at him, meeting his gaze, and the hybrid furrowed his eyebrows, staying silent. "You're still half-human. That part of you still needs to be taken care of, still needs to thrive on necessary _human_ things." For a while, Steven just twisted his mouth and stared at her, staying silent. Eating didn't exactly sound favorable for him; he knew what 'consume' meant, at least, and he wasn't sure he liked the idea of that. Another thing was that he wasn't sure about going to Amethyst for _anything_. Yes, he'd remembered some things, but it wasn't enough to make him _comfortable_ around her. Or any of them. Honestly, the only ones he was really comfortable with were the humans…

"I…" Steven closed his eyes for a moment, ducking his head. Alright, right. This was an order. To 'recover', to listen to whatever the gems had to say. Agate had basically passed his training over to them, so, whatever they said goes, right? If he thought of it like an order, then it wasn't his decision. If it wasn't his decision… then it was easy. He could hate what they were telling him to do as much as he wanted to, but when it came down to it, it wasn't his choice at all. And as long as it wasn't his choice, then he wasn't conflicted on whatever it was he should do. Following orders was what he did best - so he was going to follow this one, like a good soldier. The hybrid steeled himself again, rolling his shoulders back and opening his eyes once more. "Alright. If that's what you want me to do, I'll do it." He offered a quick nod, glancing at the bed.

"You don't h-" Pearl began, and Steven shook his head quickly to cut her off. He didn't want her to finish that sentence; if she did, then it was his choice. Then it was up to him to make the right one. Following orders was a lot simpler than that; then he knew that whatever he did was the right choice, because it was the only one he was given. Pearl seemed to falter, staring at him desperately for a moment, before she took a deep breath and nodded. "Alright, well… you can go ahead and sleep, then," she told him quietly, gesturing toward the bed again, and Steven took a slight step forward. "While you're asleep, I'll get Amethyst to go and get you some food."

"Right…" Steven trailed off, looking down at the bed for a moment. But he stepped forward after a few seconds, hesitating as he hovered beside it. "How does this 'sleep' thing work again?"

"Here." Pearl walked forward and pulled something off of part of the bed. It was long and flat, and it folded slightly under her grip as she pulled it back. "This is a blanket, you put it over you while you sleep to keep yourself warm," she explained, gesturing to the rest of the bed. "And that's a pillow, which is what you put your head on when you lay down. You always used to say it was comfortable," she mentioned, almost fondly, with a small smile on her face and Steven relaxed a little as he looked down at the bed. Good, at least she wasn't upset anymore.

The hybrid breathed in through his teeth and reached forward to pull himself up onto the bed, and Pearl guided him to lay down without quite touching him, letting him sink back against the bed and rest his head back on the pillow. Well, he'd be lying if he said that it wasn't comfortable; she draped the blanket over him after a second, and she seemed to hesitate with her hands hovering in the air before she pulled back again, offering another smile. "Just close your eyes," she told him. "Lay still, don't say anything, and just… let yourself fall asleep. It's fairly simple." Pearl paused again, as Steven hesitated for a second before letting his eyes drift shut, taking a deep, careful breath to steady himself. "I… could stay with you until you fall asleep," Pearl said suddenly - and the hybrid blinked his eyes open, pausing to glance over at her once again. "Of course, if you want me to leave you alone, I'd understand," she added quickly. "I just figured-"

"Actually-" Steven paused, taking another deep breath and running his tongue over his lips again. He hesitated for a moment longer, uncertain as to whether or not he should voice his thoughts, whether or not he should say what he wanted to say. But, she had offered - so maybe it was okay, maybe it was okay to let his guard down just a little. He had to learn to trust her, right? She didn't seem to be all that bad, and he liked Pearls for the most part. Some of them didn't like him, but most of them would smile and wave at him when he walked by them, so… yeah, Pearls in general were okay in his book. And this one… well, he had known her before. She was part of his past. He wanted to trust her. "I… don't… like being… alone," he finally mumbled after a few moments, clenching his teeth and swallowing as he looked away again. "Not really, anyway. I guess I'm just used to it sometimes, but I don't really… it's not…" Steven trailed off, shaking his head furiously. "I- what I mean is- you can stay… if you want to stay."

"Then I'll stay," Pearl murmured. He watched her as she sat down on the floor beside the bed, stretching one hand over the blanket toward him almost hesitantly. It took a moment to realize what she wanted, but he didn't hesitate to reach out and take her hand. As far as contact went, he was willing to explore that particular aspect; he liked being able to feel things, he liked being _touched_ without experiencing some kind of pain immediately afterwards. And this didn't hurt. If anything, feeling Pearl's hand curl around his as gently and cautiously as ever, it felt… nice. The hybrid settled again, closing his eyes once more and heaving out a gentle sigh as he relaxed.

After a few minutes, everything was dark.

* * *

Sleeping for the first time in eight months was rather peaceful. It was just… dark, and quiet. Nothing really to account for, nothing _happened_ while he was asleep, he just existed, frozen. It felt like no time at all had passed when he finally began to stir; it felt like he had only just closed his eyes. He hadn't even realized he'd drifted off, but he had. He knew because waking up felt much different than just having been laying there with his eyes shut. It was like he was being pulled out of something, out of whatever frozen space he'd been trapped in just moments before, and time kept ticking the moment he shifted, winced, and forced his eyes open again. Something was different; something _felt_ different. He was relaxed, calm, he felt… _good_.

Steven blinked a few times, screwing his eyes shut again for a few seconds. Well, he _had_ felt good. His eyes felt heavy and his body didn't want to move, even as he tried to push his arms underneath him to sit up. But his hands only offered a twitch before he was still again, unable to make the necessary movements to push himself up out of the bed. He also vaguely noticed that Pearl was gone, no longer there and holding his hand; he wasn't upset about that in particular, she'd said she was only going to stay until he fell asleep, but the fact that he was alone right then didn't settle well with him. But, it wasn't enough to make him move; he did open his eyes and try again, managing to roll over a little onto his side in the process, but he still couldn't bring himself to sit up - or to want to sit up. No, he was actually rather content where he was. Content to just lay there and close his eyes, and find himself trapped in the darkness again. It was funny, he didn't like the dark at all. But it had come and gone so quickly, and it had been so _peaceful…_

The soldier let out a quiet sigh, then a groan, as he finally shifted his arm underneath him to push himself up. He didn't want to get up at all, and the second he was actually sitting up, he wanted to lay back down and fall asleep again. In fact, the longer he was upright, he just wanted to crumble again. He couldn't explain why it had felt so good, he couldn't even explain how _good_ it _had_ felt, but he just knew it was something he definitely wanted to do again. Over and over. Preferably for longer than however he had been already, because it had felt like _nothing_. The bliss had been over far too soon, and he found himself more disappointed by the second. Steven sighed, groaning once more, before he pushed himself to stand up again with a grunt.

He lifted a hand to rub his eyes, glancing around for a moment, before stumbling forward. He winced a little initially when he stepped forward, finding himself oddly unbalanced, dazed. But he still managed to navigate himself toward the stairs, only making his way down a few of them before he abruptly realized he might not be supposed to leave at all. Pearl hadn't specified as to whether or not he was supposed to stay in his room or not, and there wasn't exactly a door or anything to shut him in, so without orders and without the _obvious_ , he was left without instructions. So, naturally, he paused, grabbing the wall to hold himself up and fully preparing to turn and walk back up the stairs until he had received specific orders to do otherwise. And he'd just been about to, ready to turn and leave, and maybe even go back and try that sleeping thing again - but he froze when he turned his head, his gaze locking just above the door to the house.

Admittedly, he almost fell down the rest of the stairs.

It was the pink gem, the one from the vision, the memory. That was the face he had seen. It was his mother. Steven just stared, silently flicking his gaze over the picture. The portrait. That's what it was called, a portrait. It was a painting of his mother… a painting of _her_. Rose Quartz. He didn't know how he knew it - he didn't even know how he knew what a _mother_ was to begin with, but it just clicked. _Something_ clicked. Another piece of the puzzle. That was his _mother_ , the gem who had created him, brought him into this life. And there were many conflicted feelings on that front, feelings that had seemingly been there for a long time. Feelings he had felt out on the beach, during the brief, few seconds when her face had flickered through his mind.

There was the hurt, and pain, and the feelings of inadequacy... even a little bit of rage. But there was also warmth, and love, and awe - he remembered thinking how beautiful she was all the time, just sitting there and staring and wishing she was there with him. Wishing she could hold him, and love him, sit with him and talk to him and be there to care for him, like mothers did-

-but that brought up an entirely new set of feelings.

 _Mom_. While he did associate the word with the woman in the portrait, other faces popped up in his mind the more he thought about it. Pearl's came up more often than not; feelings of warmth and acceptance, unconditional love, feeling safe and warmed and content as he wrapped himself up in her arms and snuggled close to her. As she spoke with him, sang to him, made him feel safe, and _loved_. He jerked a little as the emotions twisted in his chest, unconsciously curling his fingers against the wall. Rose Quartz was his mother. Pearl was his _Mom_.

The hybrid shivered and ducked his head a little, ripping his gaze away from the portrait and bringing a hand up to his head, fingers gripping at his hair. His head was starting to hurt, still hazy, still left in a daze. But more memories had flown free, more emotions added on top of it. Better feelings than he'd been receiving so far; only Lion and Greg had made him feel that safe and warm and… and _loved._ This was the first time he'd felt anything positive regarding any of his memories of the gems, or even Connie; those feelings were still linked to guilt. On some level, so were these - but they weren't the strongest ones that took hold when he thought about Pearl like that. No, that was the love, the unconditional acceptance, the safety he felt with her.

"Hey," Amethyst's voice snapped him out of his thoughts - and, honestly, the hybrid couldn't help but flinch and jerk back in surprise, snapping his head up at once. The purple gem was standing at the bottom of the stairs now, watching him carefully. She held her hands up when Steven looked at her, offering him an apologetic smile. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you. Are you okay?"

"I…" Steven hesitated for a moment, just staring at her. He still wasn't sure what to think about her, wasn't sure how to feel around her. But… if he could push past his disdain for Amethysts to be able to train them for battle, maybe he could push through it to give this one a chance. The hybrid sighed, taking a deep breath and clearing his throat as he looked down, forcing himself to take another step down the stairs so that he could make his way to her. She stepped back to let him, just watching him as he struggled to recompose himself again, nodding. "Yeah, I'm okay." He paused when he reached the bottom, quickly scanning the house. It was mostly empty - but he did notice Connie, curled up and seemingly sleeping on the couch, with Lion beside her.

Amethyst followed his gaze, snorting out a chuckle. "Yeah, she was too worried to leave," the purple gem explained, stepping back for a second and turning to head over to where the stools were propped against the half-built wall. Briefly, another word stirred in the back of his mind - kitchen - but he wasn't sure what to make of that. It was definitely a weird word… the hybrid narrowed his eyes, thinking. "Pearl just left- she went to show some of your friends the Sky arena, and I think your Ruby friend dragged Garnet off to show her her ship or something…"

"Sounds like Berry," Steven noted quietly, watching her. "She gets pretty excited about fusions."

"Not like Garnet minds," Amethyst laughed again, reaching over to grab a box. Steven furrowed his eyebrows and ventured a few steps forward. "She'll take any chance she can get to be able to show herself off, to anybody. That's the thing about literally being a fusion of two gems who're madly in love, it means that you're madly in love with yourself, as weird as that might sound." Steven couldn't help but snort out a laugh of his own at that, rolling his shoulders back and letting the rest of the tension drain from him. Alright, this gem currently had his attention. She didn't seem to be nearly as bad as the other Amethysts on Homeworld, so he'd give it a go. "Also, Pearl told me to feed you if you woke up while she was gone," Amethyst added, holding the box up and offering a grin. "She'd probably go for a healthier option, but I got you a treat."

"She told me you'd be able to help me with the 'eating' thing," Steven admitted, finally walking forward to meet her, on the other side of the counter. "Since I don't know how to do it."

"And you couldn't ask for a better teacher." Amethyst smirked, sliding the box in front of him as he pulled himself up onto one of the stools to get a closer look. She reached forward to open it, but turned it toward her before he had the chance to see inside. "Okay, so these things…" She took something out of the box, and held it up so he could see. A circular, soft-looking object with a hole through the center; Steven furrowed his eyebrows, staring at it until she put it back. "Are called donuts. They're one kind of food, and let me tell you, little man, they are a _delicacy."_

Steven quirked an eyebrow, crossing his arms over the counter. Amethyst then pulled another 'donut' out of the box; this one looked different from the other one, a darker brown color covered in pink specks. "And this, this was your favorite kind of donut. Chocolate with pink sprinkles." The purple gem grinned, reaching across the counter to give the donut to him.

The hybrid took it carefully, somewhat curious now. It was… sticky. Sticky like the red liquid that trickled from his skin whenever he was cut during training, or by the limb enhancers. The blood. Actually, it was a little more sticky than even that; it stuck to his fingers as he pulled them apart from the donut one by one, mostly just to make sure that he could, and that the purple gem hadn't handed him something that he was stuck to or something. He wasn't sure what to expect here, what kind of weapons they could have - and just because he was willing to give her a chance didn't mean he wasn't going to be somewhat cautious regardless. But, once he was content that the thing he was holding was relatively harmless, he looked back up at her again. "And you… consume these," he said slowly, and Amethyst nodded. "Weird…"

"Weird, but awesome," Amethyst commented, selecting another donut out of the box. This one had different colored specks - 'sprinkles', as she had called them. "Eating is pretty simple. All you gotta do is take a bite." She demonstrated by sinking her teeth into part of her donut, and Steven watched, raising his eyebrows, as she bit off a chunk of it and leaned back again. "Then you chew it- basically use your teeth to mash it up as much as you can- and then you swallow."

Once again, she demonstrated. Steven watched her jaw twitch as she chewed the part of the donut she had bitten off, and furrowed his eyebrows as she tilted her head back to swallow it. "Weird," he murmured again, leaning back and looking down at his own donut. And he hesitated for a few seconds, turning it around a few times in his hand and scowling slightly at the sticky texture - it hadn't stuck to him, but some of it had rubbed off on his fingers - before he finally settled again, resting both of his elbows on the counter in front of him and bringing the donut up to his mouth. Unlike Amethyst, he didn't take a huge chunk of it; he sank his teeth in carefully, tearing off a little piece of it to start with, and pushed it back with his tongue to chew it.

And, _oh_ , the _flavor_ …

It was so… _strong_. It made the inside of his mouth tingle; his first reaction was to gag, clasping his free hand over his mouth so that he didn't spit the piece of the donut out. He wasn't sure what he'd been expecting, but he certainly hadn't expected it to cause such a reaction, for it to… to _taste_ like that. He hadn't expected it to _taste_ like anything. Of course, he'd tasted things before; he'd tasted blood, he'd tasted the metal of his limb enhancers whenever he had to stick his finger in his mouth to heal a gem, or whenever he tried once again to heal his own wounds. But he'd never tasted anything like this, nothing so strong, nothing that made his mouth _ache_. And as much as it startled him, it also intrigued him; once he recovered, after a few seconds, he found himself doing as she'd demonstrated, chewing slowly. That just made the flavor burst to life once more, but once he was a little more prepared for it, it didn't startle him so badly.

It made his throat ache as he swallowed, and his stomach twisted the second he did, offering a loud rumble in response. The hybrid blinked, looking down at his gem in surprise, and he heard Amethyst huff out a somewhat muffled down as she swallowed another bite of her own donut. "There you go!" The purple gem exclaimed, and Steven looked up again, eyes wide now. "See? You're a natural at this. So, whaddya think?" She leaned forward across the counter, grinning. "You miss food as much as I think you did? Sounds like your stomach sure missed it to me."

Steven paused, staring at her for a moment. The donut was… well, it was certainly different. It was sweet; that was the only word he could use to describe it. It was _sweet_. A little _too_ sweet. Too strong, he thought. But staring back at the excited expression on Amethyst's face… he couldn't bring himself to say that he didn't like it as much as she probably thought he did. At least, he didn't think he'd willingly be eating one anytime soon. It wasn't that it was horrible, it was just that it was new, and he didn't know how to react to it. The way it made his mouth tingle, and his throat burn, and his stomach hurt. But he didn't have the heart to crush her like that, and he didn't think it had anything to do with his disdain or fear for Amethysts. It was just her. He didn't want to hurt her feelings by rejecting the donut. He didn't know why, he couldn't explain where it was coming from, the odd protectiveness stirring in his gut. But he knew he couldn't tell her he didn't like it. "It's…" He trailed off, and forced a smile. "Yeah, it's really good, Amethyst."

He watched her pause, flicking her gaze across his face, and his smile faltered when hers did. Shards, did everybody on this star-forsaken planet just see right through him? Berry was right, he wasn't as good an actor as he would have liked to believe. "Dude, you don't _have_ to like it."

"I… I know that, but…" Steven trailed off, and faltered, glancing down at the donut.

Amethyst was silent for a while, seemingly lost in thought, before she spoke again. "Alright, how 'bout this?" She turned the box around and scooted it toward him again, and Steven reached forward to drop the donut inside when he realized what she'd wanted. "Let's try something else. Maybe it's just the donuts," she suggested, closing the box and stuffing the rest of her own donut in her mouth, and Steven crossed his arms over the counter again with a frown. His hands were still sticky, but he wasn't about to complain about that on top of everything else. "I'd tell you you didn't have to eat anything, but Pearl would totally kill me if I don't get you to try again-" She paused, and added hastily, "that, and the fact that you really, _really_ need to eat anyway. You might find something else that you like. I got some fry bits we can try instead!"

"Okay." Steven watched as she turned around, reaching down to grab something else. This time, she deposited a bag on the counter instead; Steven stared at it for a moment, biting the inside of his cheek and leaning back a little. "I'm sorry," he said suddenly after a second.

Amethyst blinked, glancing up at him. "For what?"

Steven hesitated, staring at her for a moment. Well, he wasn't used to being asked _why_ he was apologizing. Usually, there was always something to apologize for. And if there wasn't, they just told him that, but it was never really much of a reassurance. But for a split second, he couldn't help but wonder what he _was_ apologizing for; she didn't seem upset with him about the donut thing, and while he still felt pretty guilty about that anyway, he didn't think it was anything to apologize for since she had moved on from it rather quickly regardless. Besides, she had told him that he _didn't_ have to like it - and he knew, logically, that he didn't. So why _was_ he so…

The hybrid rolled his shoulders back and lowered his gaze, running his tongue over his lips and lightly curling his hands into fists, knuckles pressing against the counter. He didn't want to answer because he didn't _want_ to answer, but the idea that the question might have been a trap made him feel nervous enough to speak. "I… I don't know," he replied uncertainly. "I'm sorry."

"Hey," Amethyst's tone had softened slightly; Steven grimaced, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment and shaking his head. "Don't worry about it, guy. You don't have to, like, apologize for every little thing you think you're doing wrong. And trust me, you're not," she added quickly. The hybrid didn't say anything for a moment, but he blinked his eyes open to glance up at her again, furrowing his eyebrows slightly. She offered him a small smile in response, reaching into the bag. "Seriously. Nobody's gonna get on your tail, or anything. Getting into trouble is the last thing you've gotta worry about right now, at least with us. _I'm_ certainly not gonna give you any bullshit," she added with a grin, pulling a small, open container out of the box. "So, it's okay."

Steven studied her for a moment, furrowing his eyebrows. That was probably the nicest thing an Amethyst had ever said to him, and if she wasn't purple and didn't have a Quartz embedded on her chest, Steven would have highly doubted that she was one at all. He fell silent for a few seconds as she pushed the container to the center of the counter between them, glancing down at the small, yellow squares that rested inside before he flicked his gaze back up to her again. "You know…" He began hesitantly, studying her. "You're pretty nice… for an Amethyst, anyway."

"Thanks, I try," Amethyst huffed out a laugh, lifting one of the little yellow rectangles out of the container and holding it out to him. "This is a fry bit. Same concept like with the donut, but it tastes a lot different, trust me." She paused, then added with a grin as he reached out to take the fry bit from her hand, "and if you don't like it, tell me… so are other Amethysts like, not… nice or something? The ones I met back at the human zoo or whatever were actually pretty decent." At this, Steven offered her a curious look, and the purple gem shrugged her shoulders with a grin. "It's a long story, I'll tell you all about it later. But I thought they were nice."

"Eh…" Steven trailed off for a moment, looking down at the fry bit. "I mean, I guess so. The ones at the zoo… I think they're younger. Still Era-1, but I don't think they were around during the war… most of them, anyway. The ones that were are kept on Homeworld so they can fight, and train and stuff," he added, propping his elbows up on the table and glancing back up at her. "They don't really like me, 'cause I'm- 'cause they _think_ I'm Rose Quartz," he added hastily. "And I don't really like them all that much either. Most of them. I had to train a batch of Era-2 Amethysts for battle, but they weren't…" He gestured faintly, and Amethyst furrowed her eyebrows, almost looking perplexed, but she nodded. "My Diamond used to send-"

"Blue," Amethyst corrected, but not unkindly. "Blue Diamond."

Steven hesitated. "Right. _Blue_ Diamond used to send Amethysts to punish me whenever I did something wrong, so there was usually a… mutual kind of… hatred…" He trailed off, faltering slightly when the purple gem's expression shifted into a mixture of horror and absolute fury. The hybrid grimaced, gripping the edge of the counter to push himself back a little, leaning away. "Sorry, I'm- stars, I'm sorry. I- I shouldn't have said anything-"

"No- _no_ ," Amethyst interrupted quickly, sinking back sharply on the other side of the counter and shaking her head furiously at him in response. "No, don't- it's- don't. I need… give me a sec."

Steven took a deep breath and nodded, falling silent and looking down at the fry bit. It was small, smaller than the bite he had taken from the donut before. So, after a moment, he simply put the entire thing in his mouth. Amethyst was right; it was definitely different. Definitely not _sweet_ , either, that was for sure. It made his tongue tingle in a different way, and his stomach had ached and rumbled before he even started chewing it. The flavor was still strong, though. Stronger than he thought it would be, and too strong for him to be completely comfortable with eating it. Again, it wasn't bad - he actually kind of just _liked_ it - it was just… too _much_.

Amethyst took a deep breath, finally seeming to compose herself. "Whaddya think?"

"It's not bad," Steven admitted, and he hesitated a little bit before continuing, because at this point, he knew there was no point in not saying anything. "It's… I don't know, it's different. Eating is just… different." He fell silent for a moment, staring at the container of fry bits for a moment, and Amethyst let out an understanding hum in response. "I like it, but it's kind of… overwhelming?" The hybrid lifted a hand to run his fingers through his hair, but he jerked his hand back down quickly enough, remembering that he didn't like the feeling of the curls.

"That's okay." Amethyst shrugged, abruptly pushing herself up. Steven didn't flinch at the movement, offering little more than a blink as she hopped down from her own stool. "I think the only way to fix that is to get into eating again, though. It was like that for me when I started," she added quickly over her shoulder, turning away from him. Steven crossed his arms over the counter again, eyeing the fry bits for a moment, before he sat up again and reached out to grab another. She was right, wasn't she? He had to get used to it again. "But now I love eating anything and everything! And you know what I love almost as much as eating…" She grabbed something off of the counter and reached over to open the door to a giant, rectangular white structure beside it. "Drinking. Almost slipped my mind. So, what'cha want? Soda? Juice? Milk?" She paused, and Steven furrowed his eyebrows, bewildered. "We've also got water…"

"Uh…" Steven trailed off, arching an eyebrow. "I don't know."

"We'll go with… water," Amethyst decided, shutting the door again and heading to another part of the counter that seemed to cave inwards at the top. Steven just let out a hum and looked down again, turning his attention back to the fry bit in his hand. Like before, he put it in his mouth and chewed and swallowed; it was still as strong as it was the first time, but easier to eat somehow regardless. He ran his tongue over his lips, making a face at the taste. He couldn't decide whether he liked it or not; he didn't know what to feel, what to make of the food. What to make of eating in itself; everything about it was just… weird. He looked up again when Amethyst climbed back up onto her stool and reached over to slide something in front of him, smiling. "Drinking is easy. Just get some of the water in your mouth and swallow. Heads up, though," she added, as Steven reached out to grab the tall, circular object she had given him, holding it carefully so that he didn't spill any of the water that was inside. "Water doesn't have a _taste_."

"I think I'll like it, then," Steven commented, huffing out a laugh despite himself. Amethyst snickered a little, crossing her arms over the counter, as Steven cautiously tilted the cup upwards to pour some of the water into his mouth. Water. Just the word made his stomach twist - tasting it was an entirely different thing. Amethyst was right - it didn't _have_ a taste. But he could feel it in his mouth, and as he swallowed. Again, his stomach twisted, accompanied with a sharp, burning pain in his chest that he wasn't sure had anything to do with the liquid itself. But, after a few seconds, something else shifted. The water was cold. _Really_ cold, at least to him. And it felt… it felt _amazing_ on his tongue, and it was even better once he had swallowed.

He found himself tilting the circular object - a _cup_ , his mind supplied the word rather quickly, it was a _cup -_ upwards again to take another sip, pouring more water into his mouth and swallowing it down just as quickly. He heard Amethyst huff out a laugh as she watched him, resting her chin in her hands with her elbows propped up on the counter, and he only paused when she spoke, snorting out another quiet chuckle. "Alright, slow down," she chided; he lowered the cup a little, running his tongue over his lips and staring down at the water inside. He had drank almost all of it, with only a little bit of the liquid left at the bottom. "You'll make yourself sick. So, you don't like eating, but you like drinking… definitely noted. You know what…" She lowered her voice after a few moments, mumbling to herself, "if there was ever a time to get you to try alcohol, you'd definitely like that now… I wonder if Pearl would even let me…"

Steven laughed despite himself, though he was rather perplexed by what she was saying and whatever 'alcohol' was, he didn't bother asking right then. Instead, much slower now, he tilted the cup upwards to drink the rest of the water, setting it down once he'd swallowed the last little bit in the cup and shaking his head with a startled gasp. " _Stars_ that felt… that felt _good_ …"

"I'll get'cha some more," Amethyst laughed, grabbing the cup. Then she flashed him a grin as she slid off of the stool, nodding toward the container. "But only if you eat some more fry bits."

Steven made a show of picking one up and putting it in his mouth, grinning slightly now. _Maybe,_ he thought, as he watched her walk off to fill the cup back up with water, _maybe this isn't so bad. She seems nice… and the rules here seem pretty simple to follow. At the very least…_

… _at the very least,_ he reminded himself, _it's not like back home._

Yeah, the hybrid considered. This wasn't so bad.


	26. Chapter 26

He and Amethyst stayed like that for a while, hunched over the counter while they spoke. Honestly, the hybrid had never imagined that he could be so comfortable with an Amethyst… but he was, oddly enough. He was comfortable with her. She was important to him, too, he could tell; she was a friend. Maybe even like… family. Family was another word that had popped into his head during their conversation, but he hadn't voiced it aloud just yet. He had a lot of things to think about for himself, some stuff to consider. For the time being, he allowed her to take the lead on their conversation, let her decide what they were going to talk about. She brought up one thing after another, mostly on the topic of food, as she coaxed him to eat and drink. He had no trouble drinking more water, and he ate dutifully whenever she would gesture toward the container of fry bits. The taste, eventually, became tolerable, but it was still strong.

"The first time I tried food…" Amethyst was almost stretched out over the counter, with her head in one hand and the other one reaching out to grab a fry bit for herself. "Well, it was only 'cause I saw Greg eating, I'm gonna be honest. It was like, a few hundred years or something after-" She seemed to stop, then, pausing and staring at the hybrid for a moment, before continuing. "after I joined the Crystal Gems. I never really paid any attention to humans before that," she admitted, gesturing toward the container as she popped a fry bit in her mouth, and Steven reached out to grab one for himself. "But Greg was eating something one day… I think it was a burger. And I was like, hold on, I've gotta try that 'cause it looks fun, right? That's how I do."

Steven couldn't help but laugh at that, chewing and swallowing the fry bit and running his tongue over his lips. "You do stuff just because it looks fun?" Amethyst nodded, grinning as she sat back and tossed a fry bit up into the air. She caught it in her mouth as it came back down, swallowing without chewing, and Steven tilted his head slightly. "I wish I could do that…"

"It's pretty easy." Amethyst grinned, looking back down at him. "You just throw, and-"

"Not that," Steven said quickly, offering a small smile. "I mean, I don't… I don't do anything just because it looks fun. I guess training can be fun sometimes, but that's something I _have_ to do. There's nothing really… fun to do on Homeworld." He paused for a second, studying her expression carefully. The grin had faltered into a somewhat serious look, but she didn't seem to be particularly upset. At least, not with him, anyway. So, after a moment of hesitation, the hybrid continued cautiously, "and even if there was, I don't think I'd be able to do anything I wanted to do. Everything's pretty specific, especially when your existence is just… one big punishment." He hesitated for a moment, reaching out for another fry bit after a few seconds of silence. "That's just how it is, though. I'm a soldier," he commented quietly. "Nothing else."

"You are not just a _soldier_ ," Amethyst told him gently. "You're… you're _Steven._ You're a kid. You're a _Crystal Gem,_ " she added, and Steven paused, finally glancing back up at her. "Trust me, there's much more to you than just being some stupid soldier for that stupid planet. And now that you're on Earth, you're gonna be able to do things _you_ want to do. Just for fun, or just because it looks fun, or just… whatever you want to do, for whatever reason you want to do it. There's definitely nobody stopping you here, is there?" The purple gem cracked a smile at him.

"I guess…" Steven trailed off for a few seconds, biting the inside of his cheek. "But I don't know. Everyone here's nice and all," he added hastily, "but that's the problem. Everyone's so _nice_. Aside from the whole memory thing, and the eating and the drinking and the sleeping, nobody's trying to tell me what to do, or give me orders or…" The hybrid faltered for a moment, sighing.

"That's the point," Amethyst urged. "You get to do whatever you want."

Steven hesitated. "I don't _know_ what I want."

"And that's the beautiful thing, Steven." Amethyst smiled at him, crossing her arms over the counter and nodding toward the fry bit in his hand; the hybrid lifted it to his mouth with a sigh, popping it in his mouth and chewing and swallowing with a grimace. "You get to find out. You get to explore, and start small, and figure _out_ what you want. You get to make the choice for yourself. You get to…" She trailed off, thinking. "You get to disobey, and rebel, and test your limits. I'm not saying you don't _have_ any, but they're definitely not anything like Homeworld's. You get to decide who _you_ want to be, outside of the soldier _they_ wanted you to be." Steven faltered again, searching her gaze silently. "And you don't have to follow orders anymore."

Steven twisted his mouth, staring at her for a moment - only to pause, jumping slightly in surprise, and whirl his head around to look toward the door when it opened. He relaxed slightly when he realized it was just Greg, though; his Dad walked in carefully with what looked like a few plastic bags in his arms, shutting the door behind him with his foot; Steven stared at the bags for a moment, then lifted his gaze back up to Greg when he wandered inside and set them down on the stool beside him, offering the hybrid a warm smile. "Hey, good morning, kiddo. Did'ja sleep good?" He reached toward him, and Steven ducked his head slightly in surprise, eyes widening, when Greg's hand rested on his head, gently messing up the dirty curls. The touch wasn't uncomfortable, but certainly surprising enough to make him flinch at first. Greg paused, pulling back after a second, and offered a hesitant smile. "Sorry, Schtu-ball."

"No, it's okay…" Steven blinked, lifting his own hand toward his head. He looked up at his Dad after a moment, still wide-eyed. The contact hadn't hurt at all; if anything, it had felt _good_. Gentle and soft, and _affectionate_. His eyebrows furrowed again after a moment, flicking his gaze across Greg's face carefully, before abruptly remembering the question. "O- oh! I slept good, yeah," he agreed quickly, nodding vigorously in response. "At least, I think so. I don't think I did it wrong…"

"Well, that's not-" Greg paused, then cracked a faint smile. "Ah, nevermind, kiddo. Listen, I got you…" He reached down for the bags he'd brought in, and Steven paused, flicking his gaze downwards briefly and biting the inside of his cheek as he watched. "Some new clothes and stuff so that you should shower and change outta that outfit of yours, into something more comfortable." He paused, pulling out a few colorful items from the bag, what looked like cloth - some kind of fabric. "And… I'm guessing you don't remember how to shower, do you?" Steven shook his head slightly at that, and Greg smiled again, somewhat hesitantly. "I'll show you."

Calling a quick, quiet goodbye to Amethyst, Steven followed his Dad into what he called the 'bathroom' dutifully. The hybrid could name most of the things in there, himself, once he had stepped through the door. The tub, the sink… one of them, Greg had to explain was the 'toilet', and then he also had to explain that it was used to expel food (which was a whole new conversation in itself and Steven wasn't entirely sure he understood it at all). Then his Dad taught him how to turn the shower on and turn the handles in the tub to turn the water cold or hot, and he let the hybrid experiment with it idly for a few moments while he explained other things. Shampoo, body wash, rags, towels. Steven listened silently, nodding along carefully. He explained that the shampoo was used for the hair, body wash, obviously, for the body. And then to rinse himself off, dry off with the towel, get dressed in the new clothes, and he was done.

After the explanation was over, Greg helped him take the earrings off; the hybrid tried to do so himself, but they shocked him the second he touched them. So Greg reached out to pull them off himself, and Steven held still while he did, staring, wide-eyed, once they were removed.

"Thank you," he called before Greg left the room, shutting the door behind him, and glanced back toward the water spraying down into the tub. For a moment, the hybrid hesitated, watching it. Water. He didn't know how to explain the unsettled feeling twisting in his gut, but the emotions connected to it were horrible enough to make him shy away. The pain, the fear, the guilt. It seemed to come out of nowhere, and he didn't know why. So, for the first time since the memories had really started flowing, he gently stifled the prodding in his mind and focused, instead, on what he was doing for the time being; he took his uniform off like Greg had told him to do, stripping down completely and stepping into the shower, letting the water hit him.

He couldn't help but gasp at the feeling; at first, he almost jerked back. But he held himself steady under the stream of water spraying down onto him, feeling it soak into his hair, running down across his skin. He ducked his head a little, reaching up to cover his eyes when the water slipped down his face, feeling the droplets slide down across his skin like tears. For a moment, it was overwhelming. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't move. He couldn't think. The water rushed around him, enveloping him, soaking into him. He felt it slide down his shoulders and his back, tickling his skin with an almost gentle touch. But, slowly, he began to move again; it was almost instinct, raising his hands to smooth his hair back, before he tilted his head up gently so that the water could spray down onto his face, closing his eyes and letting it hit him silently. He felt it rush down against him, but this time… this time the sensation wasn't as overwhelming. The water was warm; not scalding, not freezing, it seemed to be just the right temperature.

Steven shuddered, smoothing his hair back again, and finally relaxed under the water.

For a while, he just… stood there. Letting the water rush over him. It felt even better against his back, where the scars were; he found himself leaning forward after a while, closing his eyes and leaning his forehead against the wall of the shower and just letting himself soak for a little while. If he could just stay there, right there, for the rest of his life… he wouldn't have any complaints.

Naturally, it took him a little while to actually do what Greg had taught him. He started with the hair, carefully squirting some of the shampoo into his hand and massaging it through the curls. He had to repeat the process a few times, using his fingers to run the shampoo through his hair, and he found himself relaxing even further as he did. After that, it was like muscle memory to him. He carded his fingers through his hair, spreading the shampoo around until he covered every inch of his head, every curl he could. He even double-checked, just to be sure, before dunking his head under the faucet to rinse the shampoo off like he'd been instructed. He squeezed his eyes shut, feeling the water and suds rush down across his face and the back of his neck, using his fingers to coax the rest of the shampoo out, guiding the water along.

After that, washing the rest of his body was a simple process. Feeling the water rush away the soap was an even better feeling; he reveled in it, marveling silently as he stood under the spray and closed his eyes again, tilting his head back and once again letting the water hit his face dead on. He stayed like that for a while, even long after the soap and shampoo was gone. He knew he had to leave eventually, had to get out and get dressed, but he couldn't move. It was like how he'd felt when he'd just woken up; it was so… so comfortable, so peaceful, that he just genuinely didn't want the bliss to end just yet. The hybrid ducked his head again, clasping both of his hands over the back of his neck and letting out a soft sigh as he let his shoulders droop. He rubbed his hands down over the back of his neck, then lifted them again to gently card them through his hair again, combing through the curls with his fingers and frowning at the tangles.

He spent the rest of his time in the shower trying to detangle his hair; the shampoo he had put in it and the water made it a little easier for him to pull some of the tangles out, wincing slightly on occasion when he came across a more unruly batch of curls. But he managed to untangle them after a little while, keeping his head under the shower and letting his fingers do most of the work, and ignoring the pain for the most part. Even that couldn't compare to some of the worst punishments he'd received on Homeworld the past few months - it certainly didn't light a candle to the destabilizer being shoved between his shoulder blades, so he'd take this any day.

When he finished, finally, he turned the water off as he'd been taught and stepped out of the tub, steadying himself against what Greg had called the 'bath mat' that resided beside the tub, so that the floor didn't get too wet. Drying himself off was a simple process, and one he actually kind of enjoyed doing. The water didn't feel the same once he had stepped out of the shower, so drying himself off was a relief. He was a little more reluctant to do so with his hair, wondering if it might tangle it again and undo all the work he'd just done, but he went on with it after a moment. Then, once he had dried himself off, he reached toward the clothes Greg had laid out for him. Shirts and pants - and this, he knew, without needing to be told. There were several different pairs to choose from; he sifted through each of them silently, mesmerized by the colors. One was a black shirt with a yellow star on the front, with a pair of blue pants. There were 'shorts', Steven recalled, and he picked out a pair of those because they looked the most comfortable. And he finally selected a shirt, a loose-looking white one with something printed on the front. He couldn't name the object, but it was round on one end and long on the other, with strings.

Just looking at it brought a grin to his face, and he didn't know why.

He pulled the shirt over his head carefully, then the 'underpants' - he didn't care enough about those to be specific about what he chose - then the shorts. Like he'd thought, they were comfy - the shirt irked him a little, though. It covered his body completely, even his gem; he couldn't help but stare down at himself every so often, narrowing his eyes when he couldn't see the gemstone. He'd gotten used to being able to see it when he looked down; having it covered now was an oddly unsettling experience. But he brushed it off for the time being, stepping forward and putting the clothes back into the bags Greg had left for him, and he paused, staring at his uniform. After a moment of thought, he bubbled them and sent them away to his gem instead.

When he looked up, his gaze caught something over the sink, and he straightened up a little more to get a better look. At first, he flinched in surprise at what he saw; it took him a moment to realize he was looking at himself, staring into a reflective surface. Like water, but solid, and much more clear; he found himself oddly drawn toward it, taking a few steps forward to study himself silently. He hadn't even noticed, he had a scar down one side of his face, from the bottom of his left eye, all the way down to his chin. And another one, toward his neck, running down the side of his jaw. He turned his head silently to study them, furrowing his eyebrows. He didn't even know where he'd gotten them. It could have been from the battlefield, it could have been from training, it could have been from a punishment. He had so many scars, he had been in such constant pain, that he didn't even notice the addition of a few more every now and then.

He traced the scar on his jaw and frowned, biting the inside of his cheek. It didn't hurt anymore, but he knew it was something that wasn't going to heal. None of his scars healed anymore. They hadn't healed since the battle, and he didn't think they were going to, even now. He wished he could say it didn't matter, as long as he could heal other gems, but it irked him. Stupid as it might have been, something about his inability to heal himself was just unsettling.

Steven stared at himself for a moment, letting his hand drop, before finally turning away. He grabbed the bags carefully and bubbled them, sending them to his gem and making sure he wasn't missing anything before he left the room, opening the door and stepping out silently.

The first thing he noticed was that Connie was awake, and had joined Amethyst and Greg at the counter. Lion was still sleeping, stretched out on the couch now where Connie had been. The hybrid paused for a second, glancing around and letting the door click shut behind him as he wandered over, and he offered a hesitant smile when they all looked up and turned simultaneously to look over at him, lifting a hand slightly to wave at them. "Uh… hey," he greeted cautiously, lowering his hand after a moment and balling it into a fist against the front of his shirt, twisting it slightly and biting the inside of his cheek as he glanced between them.

"Hey," Connie was the first to greet him, wide-eyed now as she glanced him over. "You look…"

"A _lot_ better," Amethyst chimed in, sounding relieved.

Greg turned around completely to face him. "How're you feeling?"

"I'm… okay," Steven responded faintly, relaxing slightly after a moment. They'd been whispering when he walked into the room, he noticed, but he hadn't heard anything they were saying. He had a sneaking suspicion he knew what it was anyway, but he didn't want to think about that; he paused, glancing past Greg for a second to focus on the earrings, which his Dad had set on the counter between him and Amethyst. He stared at them for a moment, silent, then shook his head and walked forward, summoning the bubbles with the bags from his gem quickly. "Oh, I put these back," he added, popping the bubbles and holding the bags out to Greg with a hesitant smile. "I wasn't sure whether I should leave them in there or not, so I just… yeah."

"Hey, that's okay, kiddo." Greg took the bags with a lopsided grin. "We'll put them away in your dresser later. It's about time we updated your wardrobe, especially now. You've gotten taller."

"Yeah," Amethyst snickered. "You used to be roughly my height. Guess you're out of the Shorty Squad now," she added, somewhat wistfully. Steven couldn't help but crack a smile despite himself, a little less hesitant and a little more genuine this time. Shorty Squad. Actually, that itself stirred up some memories. Little flashes, little snippets of things, but still memories. Nothing specific enough for it to be a full puzzle piece, though, much to his own disappointment. He opened his mouth slightly to respond, but he paused and turned his head when the door abruptly flew open; he flinched, only at first, but he relaxed when he saw it was just Berry; the Ruby rushed inside with an excited squeal, cackling all the while, and Garnet followed silently.

"Oh, jeez-" Connie huffed out a laugh. "What happened to _you_ two?"

"I'm a Crystal Gem now!" Berry exclaimed, skidding to a stop with a grin. Steven arched an eyebrow as the Ruby whirled around to face him, her eyes starry as she looked up at him. "Hybrid, I'm never going back to Homeworld. _This_ , this is where we're supposed to be. Right here. On Earth. As Crystal Gems. With the fusion. I'm telling you, it's- it's- it's _amazing-"_

"So you changed your mind about hating Earth and the tiny creatures," Steven commented, but he couldn't help but smile slightly at the Ruby's excitement. Seeing Berry so happy and childish was rare in itself - he'd seen her grinning like an idiot whenever she had the chance to yell at other Rubies, he'd seen her smiling when they arrived on Earth and got a good look around at the structures and the humans and the sky and some of the creatures - but there was something about watching her express her excitement over fusions, about the _Crystal Gems_ , that really brought a smile to his face. He couldn't explain why. "So you're a rebel gem now?"

"Not like _them_ ," Berry remarked, her expression briefly turning sour. "Stars, _never."_ The Ruby paused, finally seeming to get a good look at him; he leaned back as she checked him over, and watched as she quirked an eyebrow at him. "Well, you look… different. And you're wet."

"Yep." Steven paused, running his fingers through his hair, and flicked some of the water at her. She stood there for a few seconds in stunned silence - while Amethyst snickered under her breath from behind the counter - before her hair abruptly burst into flames; Steven winced, but laughed, while everyone else except Garnet jumped slightly and leaned back in surprise. "Alright, okay! Cool down, _shards,"_ he exclaimed, reaching out to pinch one of the smaller flames out with his fingers. He froze when he made contact, but he didn't pull away; it _hurt_. It hurt, and he wasn't expecting it to. Not enough to make him flinch or jerk back, but enough for him to go still for a second before he pulled away from her again, somewhat startled.

Greg pushed himself up almost immediately, looking worried, while Steven turned his hand over to stare at the burns on his fingers, genuinely shocked. "Steven?" His Dad rushed over, and Berry stepped back, reaching up to pat the flames out of her hair with an almost worried frown.

"It…" Steven trailed off. "I forgot I didn't have…"

"It's okay- let me see," Greg reached out, and Steven let him take his hand silently, still shocked. It wasn't the worst pain he'd ever felt in his life, that was for sure - honestly, it was rather tolerable compared to everything else Steven could think of that he'd been through on Homeworld. Just the fact that it had hurt at all had startled him; he couldn't count how many times he'd done that before, and how many times it had felt like absolutely nothing to him. He'd forgotten that he could feel anything with his hands now; it was natural to him, but still… _not._ The hybrid furrowed his eyebrows, glancing back up at Greg. "Ah, kiddo, are you okay…?"

"Yeah, I'm- I'm okay," Steven said quickly, peering up at him. "Really, it's okay- don't worry! I've had a lot worse. Besides, I've been burned before… I train with Rubies," he added, hesitantly pulling his hand back and trying to offer the most reassuring smile he could muster, but it didn't really seem to comfort his Dad. If anything, he just looked even more concerned. Upsetting the gems was one thing, but since he was still trying to figure out whether 'Dad' and 'Diamond' were the same thing -just… obviously for _humans_ instead of _gems -_ right then, upsetting the human was the last thing he wanted to do at that point. "I was just surprised, that's all. I've done that before, but-" He gestured toward Berry again, and the Ruby slid a step back, shooting him a glare as she pinched the last flame out of her hair. "I was wearing limb enhancers when I did, so I guess I never actually hurt myself or anything, so I wasn't exactly expecting the pain, but-"

"Steven- Steven, it's-" Greg stumbled over his words, staring at the hybrid. Steven bit the inside of his cheek, watching him cautiously, and genuinely wishing he could put a name to the expression written across his face right then. "It's okay, Schtu-ball. I was just worried about you." He reached out slightly, and Steven blinked, taking a slight step forward; Greg took the invitation, reaching up to lightly mess up his hair again, and Steven once more ducked his head under the touch without pulling away, blinking up at the human. "I don't want you to get hurt."

Steven blinked again, gazing at his hand. "I'm sorry."

"Oh, buddy… Steven…" Greg let out a slow sigh and pulled his hand away after a moment, looking conflicted, and Steven hesitated slightly, once again getting the impression that he'd done something wrong. But, after a moment, Greg offered him a somewhat hesitant smile and shook his head at the hybrid. "It's alright, kiddo. You've got nothing to apologize for."

Steven hesitated for a moment, then offered a reluctant smile of his own. "I don't know about that…" He began, flicking his gaze toward Berry. The Ruby was still scowling, but she had patted out the rest of the flames and was currently running her fingers through her hair, now as if to make sure she hadn't missed anything. She continued to glare when the hybrid offered her an apologetic smile, and she didn't seem any happier even after he'd spoken. "Sorry, B."

"Shut up," Berry snapped almost immediately. "Do that again and I'll burn you on purpose." Steven opened his mouth slightly, prepared to solemnly swear to never flick water on the Ruby again, but the little red gem added with a grumble, "trying to touch fire, star-forsaken idiot…"

Steven paused, blinking, then slowly let a grin tug at his lips. "You care about me…"

" _Don't-"_

"You care about me," Steven boasted, curling his lips back sharply. "You don't like it when I get hurt either! Awh, Berry loves me," he cooed, snickering when the Ruby burst into flames again. Greg jumped again, surprised, and Steven was about to reassure him to the best of his ability that the little Ruby was completely one-hundred percent harmless right then, but he stopped with his mouth half-open when he heard the familiar chime of the earrings. He braced himself immediately, shoulders rolling back sharply as he prepared for the shock that would usually follow, but it didn't; it took him a second to realize he wasn't wearing the earrings anymore, and it took him even longer after that to flick his gaze back to where they were sitting on the counter. His pupils shrank slightly, smile faltering, and the others paused and turned to see what the sound was, and what the hybrid was looking at. The earrings chimed again, then buzzed.

" _Rose Quartz."_ His Diamond's voice, for a second, made his heart stop. Steven sucked in a shaky gasp, and even Berry, for a second, seemed to recoil. " _You are in so… much…_ _ **trouble**_ _."_

Steven stared at the earrings, stomach twisting sharply. After a moment of hesitation, he slowly stepped forward, walking toward the counter silently to pull himself up onto one of the stools. Amethyst had stiffened on the other side of the counter, and if Steven had gotten a proper look at her, he would've seen her gem pulsing slightly, hands clenched, as if to summon her weapon. But his gaze was fixed solely on the earrings in front of him, gripping the edge of the counter. "My Diamond…" He began carefully after a second, wondering if she could even hear him. "I-"

The earrings buzzed again, and Steven flinched back instinctively. " _If you don't get your gem back to Homeworld right now, you'll be lucky if I don't shatter you on sight when I see you!"_

Steven pressed the back of his hand against his mouth, pupils shrinking. "I'm sorry-"

" _You're_ _ **going**_ _to be."_

For a little while after that, it was silent, tense; then, just as suddenly, Garnet walked forward. Steven leaned away silently when the fusion reached out for the earrings, and he couldn't help but flinch, jerking his head back, when she rubbed her fingers together; he thought back to Yellow Diamond at first, seeing the electricity sparking at her fingertips. That wasn't so bad. Then he thought of the destabilizers, he thought of the electricity racing down his spine, he thought of the paralyzing agony he felt as the weapon was twisted into his back. It was enough to make him scramble back after a few seconds, hopping backwards off of the stool. He only paused when Connie stretched a hand out toward him, looking worried, but even then, he continued to back away after he had grabbed the human's hand in return, only stopping when he was at a safe distance, to watch Garnet press her fingers against the earrings, silent.

The buzzing stopped, and the glowing flickered out just as quickly; Steven's eyes widened slightly in surprise, watching the fusion scoop the earrings up into her hand and crush them in one swift movement, clenching them tightly in her fists. He heard the crack as they broke apart - and his stomach twisted sharply, a nauseating jolt that sent his hand up to his mouth abruptly.

"She won't get to you here," Garnet vowed, turning back to the hybrid. Steven stared up at her, still wide-eyed, torn between his fear and his relief. "I won't let her hurt you again, Steven."

"It's gonna be okay," Connie offered gently, giving his hand a squeeze.

"She's angry…" Steven trailed off, flicking his gaze down to Garnet's hand. He couldn't keep himself from tensing again, but at that point, even he couldn't tell who he was the most scared of right then. His Diamond scared him, now, always and forever - but when it came down to it, she wasn't there. Garnet was. And a part of him knew the fear was irrational, that the fusion had literally just broken the earrings, cut off communication with his Diamond, to _protect_ him - and the rest of him couldn't help but tense when he looked at her now, when he realized just exactly what she was capable of. The hybrid ran his tongue over his lips and looked back up, tense. But he paused again, before he could say anything, and glanced past Garnet when the warp pad at the other end of the house activated, unconsciously curling his hand tighter around Connie's.

Admittedly, he relaxed - quite a bit, at that - when he saw Pearl standing there, with the others; the pale gem paused to sweep her gaze around, but she practically lit up when she saw Steven, stepping down from the warp pad gracefully and walking over to them with a warm smile and diminishing the spear in her hand as she approached. "Steven, you're awake! I'm sorry that I wasn't here when you woke up, your friends were very excited to see the training arena."

"That's okay," Steven replied quickly, offering a relieved smile. "Hi, Mom."

Pearl stopped with her mouth still opened, the smile freezing in place. Steven's own smile faltered at once, leaning back slightly in surprise at the shocked look that entered her gaze, and the way everybody else except for the Homeworld gems each seemed to gasp in unison. It took a second for the hybrid to realize what he'd said; he hadn't even meant to. His mind had made the connection between 'Pearl' and 'Mom', so it had felt only natural… he leaned back slightly, rolling his shoulders back, and spared a wide-eyed glance between Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl, Greg and Connie as he pulled his hand back and took a step away from them, tensing up. He'd done something wrong. He'd said something wrong. The hybrid braced himself, prepared for the worst; he didn't think Pearl would hurt him, he didn't think Amethyst would (and he was still a little iffy about Garnet), but he certainly didn't like the fact that he had seemingly upset them.

"Ah- geez-" Amethyst stammered, still looking shocked now, as she glanced back and forth between Pearl and Steven. The hybrid tensed up all over again, rolling his shoulders back sharply and taking another quick step away from them. "Pearl, don't you dare," the purple gem warned, "because if you start crying right now, I swear to God, you're going to _break_ him-"

 _Crying?_ Steven's gaze snapped back up to the pale gem, sucking in a shaky gasp when he saw the tears brewing in her eyes. Oh, no, that was even worse. He hadn't meant to make her _cry_. Something about the tears in her eyes, something about watching her lower lip quiver, it struck something deep, deep down within the hybrid. Tears always had that effect on him anyway - everyone else's, at least. He couldn't remember the last time he'd cried, himself. But he still didn't like it when other people cried; it _hurt_. And seeing Pearl cried… it hit a little different. It hurt just a little more. It made him anxious, it made him… confused. Even worse was being the reason she was crying, something he felt like he'd been familiar with, or at least something he'd always been afraid of. "I…" Steven breathed in again, eyes flickering rapidly across Pearl's face. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean… I thought that's… I don't…"

"Too late." Amethyst sank down and buried her face into her arms. "Here we go."

"You…" Pearl swallowed, briefly raising her hand to her mouth. But she continued to speak, though her voice was muffled and hushed, the tears brewing in her eyes on the verge of spilling. "You think… you think of me as- that's what- you- you think I'm your- your mother…?"

"I-" Steven sucked in another breath, glancing around again. Oh, ohhh boy. He couldn't lie here, he couldn't say anything that might fix it. He needed to suck it up and deal with the situation. "I mean, I think-? I didn't- I just thought… I know you… that's what I think- think of when I think about _you_ , I feel…" He trailed off, curling his hands into fists and pressing his knuckles against his mouth as he stared back at the pale gem, watching more tears rush to her eyes. "I'm…"

"You're making it worse," Amethyst muttered.

Connie hissed at her to shut up.

It took Pearl a few seconds to compose herself - and in those few seconds, Steven was genuinely considering stealing Berry's ship and flying back to Homeworld himself, because even that had to be better than standing here and watching her cry because of him - but when she did, she breathed in, held it for a few seconds, and lightly brushed the rest of her tears away with her thumb. "I…" She began, her voice still shaking slightly, but a little louder this time. She moved her hand from her mouth, balling it into a fist at her side. "Well, if- if that's what you see me as, Steven, I… oh…" The pale gem let out a whimper, rubbing her eyes once again. At that, Steven paused, blinking in surprise, and Pearl shook her head slightly. "Oh, I want to hug you…"

The hybrid paused again, feeling his chest tighten a little bit, heart stuttering slightly. "Wait…" He trailed off, staring at her for a moment longer. "So you're- you're not mad at me, or… upset…?"

"Goodness, _no,"_ Pearl exclaimed, rubbing the rest of her tears away. "Why would I be?"

Steven didn't have an answer. He just stared for a moment, still tense, before finally letting himself relax again after a few seconds. He let his breath out slowly through his teeth, shoulders drooping slightly, and managed to huff out a quiet, somewhat nervous chuckle as he pulled his hand away from his mouth. "I just figured…" He hesitated. "Because, I mean, I know the _word_ \- and I know what it means, I think, but…" The hybrid paused, glancing back slightly to look toward the portrait over the door. He stared at it for a moment, flicking his gaze over the woman smiling down at them, before he turned his attention back to the others once again. "It's you," he finally mumbled, not really knowing what else to say, how to explain what he was feeling. He couldn't even explain it to himself, couldn't really _process_ it completely. He just knew what he felt when he thought the word 'Mom', and he knew her face was the first one he saw in his mind. And, honestly, he knew… it had always been like that. "It's always been you…" He trailed off.

"Steven…" Pearl's voice softened slightly, if that was possible; the hybrid glanced up again, watching her make her way forward, and furrowed his eyebrows slightly. The tears had spilled, despite her best attempts to rub them away. And he found himself reaching out instinctively as she approached, hesitant but determined - but before he could brush the tears away himself, Pearl gently caught his hand in both of hers and slowly pulled him forward into her arms.

Steven blinked, feeling her arms wrap around him. One of them clasped gently over the back of his head, and her other hand gently curled into the back of his shirt, pressing her mouth into his shoulder. Despite himself, the hybrid couldn't help but relax almost immediately at the touch. He felt just as safe right then, in her arms, as he remembered he had always used to feel.

After a moment, he wrapped his arms around her in return, burying his face into her shoulder. He stayed like that for a while, eyes open, staring at the floor just past her shoulder. Every part of him ached to trust these gems - heh, he was already _starting_ to. He didn't want to go back to Homeworld. He didn't want to go back to his Diamond. He wanted to stay there… right there. Right here, with them. He wanted to relearn everything, to explore, to… test his limits.

He glanced up for a second, briefly letting his gaze focus on Amethyst, before he looked back toward the others. Berry had her arms crossed, watching them silently. Lemon Lime and Candy were grinning ear to ear, almost swooning - Agate was making a concentrated effort not to look moved by the situation, and Sage was half-leaning against her with her arm wrapped around the other gem's waist; she shot him a huge grin when he locked his gaze on her, and he couldn't stifle a giggle in time despite himself as he pulled away, taking in a shaky breath and flicking his gaze back up to Pearl to offer her another small, genuine smile. He wanted to keep feeling like this; he wanted to keep feeling safe, and happy, and loved, and everything he'd been _missing._ Homeworld, and his Diamond, and being a soldier… it couldn't give him that. He loved his friends, and he had no doubt that they loved him. Sometimes he was even happy with them.

But he could never feel safe on Homeworld. He had forgotten what it was like to feel safe; he'd forgotten what _safe_ even meant, that it was even a possibility for him to begin with. That it was a concept, anything more than a half-baked idea in the back of his mind he'd never get to reach. And for a moment, he wanted to be… selfish. He wanted something, just for himself, right then. He wanted to keep feeling this, to be able to hold onto it for as long as he was able to.

"You took a shower…" Pearl chuckled softly, reaching up to brush his hair back gently, and the hybrid cracked another small smile, leaning into the touch. "Did you eat anything?"

"Yeah." Steven glanced over at Amethyst, letting a small grin tug at his lips.

"He hates donuts," the purple gem admitted, "but he likes fry bits. He also might drink the ocean dry, just a clear warning…" Amethyst paused, and raised her head again, looking excited. "Also! Pearl, I wanted to ask you, how good is the possibility of you letting him drink alcohol-"

"Very, very _not_ good," Pearl interrupted, shooting the small Quartz a glare. Steven had to stifle another laugh, glancing back and forth between them. "Don't _even_ think about it, Amethyst." The purple gem wrinkled her nose at the pale gem in response, but she sank back down in her stool after a moment and opened her mouth, sticking her tongue out at Pearl - and this time the hybrid couldn't stifle the laugh in time, though he did try, even covering his mouth to muffle it. But what really got him going was when Pearl stuck her tongue out back at Amethyst in response, and it even got a few somewhat startled giggles out of the purple gem herself.

"Alright, if the moment's over!" Tangerine pushed herself forward after a second, and Steven stepped back to avoid being rammed into when she speed dashed herself forward, rolling across the floor at the speed of _light_ to reach him, and jumping up in front of him to stop. "Quartzy, you _gotta_ see the training arena here," she told him, landing on her feet with a grin.

Agate sighed from behind her. "The last thing he should be worrying about is fighting."

"You say that as if I don't _like_ fighting," Steven objected.

"I didn't say you didn't like fighting," Agate argued, crossing her arms and arching an eyebrow toward him. "I just said you shouldn't be worrying about it, considering it's not the kind of training that we came here to do in the first place." At this, Steven paused, eyeing her for a moment. Then he looked back down at Tangerine, who had turned to give his mentor the stink eye. Then he looked back up, toward Clementine, then Lemon Lime and Candy, then Berry - then, finally, he glanced over at the other gems, and Connie and Greg, glancing between them for a second. Greg had exchanged an almost worried glance with Connie, and while Pearl herself looked a little concerned, she also looked somewhat intrigued - along with Garnet, and Amethyst, who looked very interested. Steven met the purple Quartz's gaze for a second, staring at her.

_Whatever you want to do, for whatever reason you want to do it._

Steven twisted his mouth, thinking for a moment longer, before he turned back to the others. He glanced at Agate, holding her gaze for a second, then offered a one-shouldered shrug. "Then…" He trailed off for a moment. "Don't think of it as training. Think of it as… having fun." He held his hand out to Tangerine, and the smaller Quartz seemed to light up almost immediately, grabbing his hand with a grin; Steven couldn't bite back a smirk in time. "But I'm totally gonna _crush_ you."

"Ohohoho…" Tangerine cackled, tugging him forward. "You _wish!"_

"I _gotta_ watch this," Amethyst declared, pushing herself over the counter. Steven huffed out a laugh as Tangerine let him forward toward the warp pad, glancing back over at Agate as he paused to step up onto it with the smaller Quartz. And he couldn't help but grin a little more at the expression on her face, a half-proud, barely noticeable smirk tugging at her lips now. And she was still smirking as she wrapped her arms around Sage's shoulders, turning to step up onto the warp pad with them after a moment, and the hybrid's grin widened even further.

"Alright, don't. Freaking. Kill each other," Berry warned, crossing her arms and walking forward, along with Pearl and Connie, to join them. Garnet was coaxing a hesitant-looking Greg forward, too; his Dad looked more worried than anything, but Steven's attention was more or less focused on the Ruby now. "One of you is rusty and the other is a distracted, nervous mess. This is just a recipe for a cracked gem, so I stress, once again; do not. Freaking. Kill each other."

Steven paused, exchanging a glance with Tangerine. The other Quartz offered him a thoughtful look, tilting her head to the side as if she was considering it, before they both shrugged at Berry. "No promises," Tangerine declared cheerfully, and Steven snickered, as the warp pad activated.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! 
> 
> We just got a discord server up and running - you'll get some behind-the-scenes looks at what's going on, and this'll be the first place any announcements will be made. Come join! https://discord.gg/eWPETQdymh

Steven followed Tangerine down the stairs to the training arena, looking around with wide eyes.

Every bit of familiarity was overshadowed with memories of Homeworld; training with the Quartzes and Rubies, teaching them, messing around with Agate when he was bored. Heh, she had started taking it easy on him once he'd started training the new soldiers. She seemed to notice his aversion to the electricity that usually consumed her whips - so when they were fighting against each other, she was typically careful to leave the electricity absent. It didn't really matter much - it made him a little more _hesitant_ for sure, but he had gotten pretty good at learning how to dodge. And it was also extra motivation to do so. The hybrid shook his head a little at himself, reaching the bottom of the stairs and eyeing the tiles as he walked forward. "Wow. The Bismuths really outdid themselves with this one…" He commented.

"Right?" Tangerine whirled around to face him with a grin, curling her hands into fists and sliding back slightly to get into a fighting stance. Steven offered her an amused look in response, continuing on his way and circling around her silently without quite turning his back on the smaller Quartz; Tangerine turned with him, the grin on her face widening even further as she took another careful step forward. He took a step away from her in response, curling his lips back sharply and letting them turn upwards just a little into a steady, playful grin. "Ya ready?" Tangerine readied himself again, rolling her shoulders back; Steven let his gaze flick past her briefly, to where the others were. Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl were side by side, standing on the stairs somewhat anxiously. Greg eventually fell in beside Garnet, and Connie sat herself down beside Pearl on the stairs. The other gems had seated themselves calmly, watching curiously.

Steven summoned his scythe and twirled it lightly, pausing and glancing down at it for a second. He hadn't noticed the last few times he'd summoned it, but it felt different in his hands now. He could feel his fingers wrapping around it, and it took a more concentrated effort to hold it steady. "Hang on…" He trailed off, cautiously adjusting his grip. Right, he didn't have his limb enhancers. Certainly _different_ , for him, but something he could learn to adjust to. He definitely wasn't going to put them back on just for the sake of fighting. The hybrid breathed in through his teeth, making sure his grip was as steady as it could be, and finally looked up to nod. "Let's go."

Tangerine lunged at once, and Steven leaped back, dodging a well-aimed but poorly-timed punch. He twirled the scythe and swung it forward, slamming the blunt end into the smaller Quartz's chest with just enough force to send her flying backwards; she twisted and flipped in the air to land on her feet again, huffing out an excited laugh, and Steven let out a few chuckles himself as he slid one foot back and twirled the scythe again. There, he was already adjusting. Just as long as he didn't try any of his more advanced moves just yet, he'd be alright. Besides - the limb enhancers mimicked the movements of his hands anyway, so he had to move them anyway more often than not. The only difference was that he was actually touching his weapon. The hybrid ran his tongue over his lips, hefting it over his shoulder and flashing Tangerine a grin.

"Berry was right," he called, smirking as the smaller Quartz whirled around to face him again, eyes sparkling. Steven just tilted his head, taking a few steps back. "You _are_ rusty, Tangy."

"Oh, I'm still gonna kick your _butt!"_ Tangerine lunged again, and Steven laughed as he slashed the scythe down again, pressing the top of it against the ground and using it to push himself up. She managed to dodge a kick, grabbing onto his ankle before the hybrid could land, and Steven narrowed his eyes slightly and braced himself when the smaller Quartz whirled around and slung him forward, sending him flying back toward the stairs. The collective shrieks from the gems and humans startled him for a second - only the Homeworld gems didn't seem scared or alarmed, but the Crystal Gems and his Dad and Connie certainly were. Steven hissed, and sucked in a gasp as he crashed backwards into the stairs, dropping the scythe in favor of grabbing one of the steps he had landed on to steady himself and push himself back up again.

"Steven-!" Pearl shrieked, rushing down the stairs to him. She was followed closely by Amethyst and Greg, and while Garnet and Connie didn't move, the latter did push herself up worriedly. Steven hesitated slightly, heaving himself back up and reaching down for the scythe. "Oh my goodness, are you alright-?" The pale gem stammered when she reached him, and Steven pulled away slightly when she reached out for him, looking up to offer her a reassuring smile.

"This might be a little rough for-" Amethyst began.

"I'm fine, I'm good," Steven insisted instinctively, shaking his head slightly. Neither of the gems looked particularly reassured, and Greg looked like he was about ready to faint, but the hybrid turned away from them quickly. This was for fun, and he was having fun; if they thought _this_ was rough, then they definitely didn't want to see how he fought against Agate. He and Tangerine could fight all day long and, eventually, either just give in and call it a truce or one of them would somehow, miraculously win. Of course, that had been back before she was trapped in a bubble for eight months; she _was_ rusty, and Steven had been training all this time. "Trust me, it's okay," he added quickly, tugging his lips into a grin as he stepped back down the stairs. He didn't flinch, despite the pain in his back - he was fine, he'd had a lot worse. " _This_ is pretty normal."

"That's what worries me," he heard Greg mumble behind him, and he paused for only a second before he continued on his way. He didn't want to upset them, but he'd already promised Tangerine a fight. Besides, he _was_ having fun; everything else had either been overwhelming or emotional, and fighting was one of the few things that he could just _do_ naturally. He wasn't good with stress and he wasn't good with emotions, but he was one _hell_ of a fighter on the battlefield. The hybrid licked his lips, and Tangerine flashed him a grin as he approached.

The thing was, he knew Tangerine wouldn't hurt him. They could fight until they both gave up, and Steven would come out of it with little to no wounds. It was the same situation with Berry - they were both great fighters, and for the most part, they didn't hold back. But the thing was that even when they fought against each other, they were fighting _with_ each other. They still moved with one another, careful and calculated and controlled. Steven would never hurt Tangerine, and Tangerine would never hurt him. But they'd both give it their all regardless. It was an unspoken agreement when they fought, and one that had existed since Steven had started his training.

Tangerine matched him blow for blow.

He fought, and grinned, and laughed. He released all the tension that had built up inside of him. It seemed to be just as therapeutic for Tangerine, too; she laughed every time she managed to send him flying backwards, and he didn't go any easier on her than he would have in any other situation. She deserved the chance to be able to beat him, if she was going to, on her own. And even if she didn't, releasing the tension and negativity of her own was definitely a good idea. For the most part, once he had finally settled again and adjusted to using his scythe without his limb enhancers, it was a little easier to fight her. She didn't throw him back as hard as she had before, and he didn't lose his balance or drop the weapon anymore. She did manage to grab onto the scythe herself to lift him up and flip him over her head, slamming him onto his back behind her, but the hybrid recovered quickly enough to roll over and grab her by the feet, hooking the scythe around one of her legs and turning to fling her back toward the stairs.

She skidded across the ground just before she could hit the stairs, and grinned as she launched herself forward and spin dashed toward him. The hybrid paused, skipping back a few steps and shifting his feet back so that he could steady himself, raising the scythe. Timing was everything. He watched her get closer, counting down silently in his head, and curled his lips back. He twirled the scythe and brought it down just as she reached him, and winced in surprise when she came to an abrupt stop, her physical form dissolving into a colorful cloud as she poofed. Steven stopped with the scythe raised, letting the cloud settle as the gem clattered to the floor.

The hybrid stared for a moment, slowly letting the scythe diminish. He hadn't meant to poof her; it wouldn't be the first time she'd gotten poofed during training, or just in general, but it was still the first time that Steven had ever poofed her himself. She hadn't been expecting it. He bit the inside of his cheek, reaching down to pick the gem up carefully. Tangerine usually took her time reforming, for the most part; she didn't rush it, letting it come naturally whenever she poofed. That, he did remember. The battle was an exception, and then after she'd been unbubbled, but the hybrid could understand why she'd wanted to reform quickly in both situations - still, he expected her to take at least a minute or so to reform, so he pinched the gem between his fingers as he walked forward and held it up to display to the others as he approached them. Briefly, his gaze flicked toward Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl, Connie and Greg. The wide-eyed shock on their faces didn't confuse him - he already had a feeling this wasn't normal, not to them.

He had a feeling a lot of the things Homeworld considered 'normal' weren't… _normal._

"Nice job," Berry commented dryly. "You didn't kill her."

"I didn't exactly mean to poof her, either," Steven sighed, glancing back up at them. He offered Clementine a small smile when the Jasper hopped down the stairs, holding her hands out for the smaller Quartz's gem. He handed it over to her carefully, pulling back with an apologetic expression. "But she's unharmed. And I guess it just goes to show… I'm a better fighter."

"She's rusty, give her a break," Agate huffed, getting up and walking over to them. But she smirked at Steven as she approached, and the hybrid cracked a grin back at her in response. "Give me about a week with her and then step into the arena with her, you won't like it then. That's what happens when someone who can't poof fights against someone who rarely _gets_ poofed," she added, glancing toward the Crystal Gems for a second. They seemed to have recovered for the most part, but Pearl looked the most unsettled as she glanced between Steven and Tangerine's gem. Steven caught her gaze momentarily, then bit the inside of his cheek and glanced away. They didn't seem upset, just uncomfortable. So poofing was another thing he should probably check off the list. Not that he minded that all too much, but… well, he doubted he'd be doing that much training recently anyway. "They're _very_ competitive."

"I'm not," Steven objected, looking back up at his mentor with an indignant expression, and ignoring the deadpan looks that she, Berry, Clementine and Sage all shot him at once.

"I'm gonna take their word for it," Amethyst commented, looking a little less startled now. "Holy _shit_ , little man- I think that was the most intense thing I've ever seen…"

Steven paused, glancing over at them again. The purple gem actually looked somewhat impressed, and Pearl seemed to have recovered. Garnet's expression was more or less unreadable; Steven couldn't help but stare at her for a moment, somewhat hesitant now, but he looked away again quickly enough, toward the others. Connie looked like she wasn't sure whether to be confused, shocked, impressed or all three, and Greg… yeah, he still looked concerned right then. Steven looked up at him, searching his gaze for any disappointment or disapproval, but all he saw was worry. Which he didn't really understand - _Steven_ was fine, right? He had poofed Tangerine, but he was fine. And so was she. Why would Greg be…

"She might punch you," Clementine warned suddenly, and Steven looked up. Tangerine's gem was glowing; the Jasper held it up slightly so that the smaller Quartz could lift into the air. Steven rolled his shoulders back slightly, leaning back on his feet to watch as she reformed. It didn't take long once she'd started, but when she dropped to her feet, she looked… different. The hybrid blinked, just staring in silence, somewhat taken aback by her appearance. The Homeworld uniform was gone. Instead, she wore a shirt that… slightly _resembled_ Amethyst's. The top of the outfit - which was black, with a giant yellow star on one side and two smaller ones, each varying shades of a somewhat darker orange - had the same kind of straps, but it cut off above the smaller Quartz's stomach, revealing her gem; and it picked up again below that, with pants of the same color that completely covered her legs and feet. Steven couldn't help but stare at first, understandably startled; he opened his mouth slightly, wide-eyed.

Tangerine spun around the second she reformed, her newly-formed pigtails flying as she moved. Steven was too caught off guard to block or dodge when she lunged for him again, but it didn't matter; the Quartz barreled into him and sent them both rolling. He ended up pinned, holding his arms up in surrender while Tangerine held him down with her hands on his chest.

"You _beat_ me!" The smaller Quartz exclaimed, lightly punching his stomach, above where his gem was. Steven winced and huffed out a laugh, pushing his hands against her shoulders in an attempt to shove her off of him, but she shoved him right back down again. "I can't believe it! What happened to ya, huh?! Who do I gotta maim?! Someone done taught you somethin' you don't need to be knowin', if it's good enough to poof _me!_ I don't get poofed, Quartzy, and if ya ever do that again, I swear, I'm gonna crush ya," Tangerine warned, and Steven finally gave up on trying to push her off, choosing instead to use his hands to heave himself up a little to sit up.

"Fine," he agreed breathlessly, cracking a lopsided grin. "You look different."

Tangerine huffed, lightly pushing him back down - and Steven squealed out a laugh in a half-hearted protest - before she finally jumped off of him again. " _Good_ different, yeah?"

"Mm… yeah." Steven nodded slightly, twisting to push himself up. Only to stop, gasping, when Tangerine abruptly grabbed him by the back of his shirt to lift him to his feet. A startled yelp broke through his lips, landing quickly enough on his feet with his shirt still raised, and Tangerine was cackling as she skipped backwards a few steps and avoided a half-hearted swat from the hybrid. "You're such a sore loser!" He exclaimed teasingly, shoving his shirt back down quickly - but not quickly enough, it seemed. Tangerine paused, tilting her head slightly at him, before abruptly stepping forward again. Steven winced in surprise, but he didn't object or pull away, when the Quartz grabbed his shirt to yank it up again, turning him around to stare at his back. The hybrid tensed slightly, briefly glancing up at where the others were, and turned his head. "Uh… Tangy?" He said tentatively. "What is it?"

"Ya _still_ ain't healin'?" Tangerine let him go, and the hybrid turned before he had the chance to completely tug his shirt down again. The collective gasps from behind him made him flinch, but he didn't turn around again to see their reactions this time, just breathed in and shook his head. "What gives?" She demanded. "I know ya ain't doing it on purpose… are you?"

"No," Steven replied quickly. "No, I'm not. I just… can't." He gestured toward his face, to the scars he now knew resided there, and Tangerine furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. The hybrid hesitated, biting the inside of his cheek for a moment, then cleared his throat and rolled his shoulders back, stepping away from the smaller Quartz. "It's not a big deal, anyway," he said quickly, turning around again to face the others and looking down to adjust his shirt again. He watched Pearl lift a hand slightly, opening her mouth only to cover it again. Amethyst and Garnet seemed to hesitate; the purple gem glanced over at the fusion, and shook her head.

"Well." Garnet lifted a hand, adjusting her visor. "It's getting late. Perhaps we should get back."

Steven paused, staring at her, then flicked his gaze upwards. He hadn't noticed it before, how dark the sky had gotten; it had been a bright, pale blue when they'd started fighting, but now it was much darker, the sky painted in different shades of blue, orange and pink.

He couldn't stop staring, even when Tangerine finally walked past him.

"Steven?" Pearl's voice, quiet and hesitant, finally snapped him out of his thoughts. He looked back down, eyes wide, but he rushed forward quickly after a second to meet the gems and humans; Lemon Lime, Candy and Berry had already retreated to the warp pad, but Clementine was heading down the stairs with Agate and Sage now, calling the smaller Quartz back for more training. Tangerine, of course, didn't seem to have any objections with that; Steven leaned to the side and offered her a small smile when she rushed past him to catch up with the others. He looked up, hopping up the stairs to get to the others, and he leaned forward slightly when Pearl reached out for him again, letting the pale gem smooth his hair back carefully. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah." Steven offered her a smile, a little wider this time. Pearl almost looked taken aback for a second, but it didn't take long for a look of relief to flush across her face, a warm smile steadily replacing the concerned frown that had previously been there. "Sorry if that was… uh, too intense," he added quickly, glancing back at the others. "I know it's probably really different here, but we're used to training like that back home- back on Homeworld," he corrected himself quickly, biting the inside of his cheek. Home. He didn't want to think of Homeworld like that.

"It's okay, Schtu-ball," Greg chided, and Steven glanced back up at them. He reacted to the nickname almost instinctively, flicking his gaze up to his Dad and offering a small smile.

"Besides, you were pretty cool out there anyway!" Amethyst exclaimed, as Pearl wrapped an arm around Steven's shoulders to lead him to the warp pad. The hybrid fell into step with her, leaning into the gentle touch and letting his smile widen a little more at the purple gem's praise. " _Man_ , you're really good at fighting now. And where the heck did you get that _scythe?!"_

"Berry made it," Steven huffed out a laugh, looking ahead, but the Ruby had already warped away with the others. "She makes weapons and stuff. I needed a better weapon, for the war." The hybrid lifted a hand slightly, running his fingers through his hair carefully. "I've got a shield, too, but I can't really do as much with that except block attacks and stuff when I'm fighting. But that's only if I'm fighting against someone with a weapon," he added faintly. "There's not much of a point otherwise. Tangerine can't _hurt_ me, not really, and she wouldn't hurt me anyways."

"But you're hurt anyway, right?" Connie asked suddenly, and Steven paused, glancing at her. The human hesitated for a second, staring at him for a moment as she stepped onto the warp pad, but she continued again quickly after a moment, "your back… you've got a lot of scars…"

"Oh." Steven paused, stepping up with Pearl. "Those are from the destabilizers." At that, Pearl seemed to freeze glancing at him, and Amethyst's expression shifted slightly as she stepped up with Garnet beside her. Greg was the last one up, once again looking somewhat out of place; he looked nervous, uncertain, but more concerned than anything as he stared down at Steven. He was the one that broke the silence, sounding confused and concerned as he stepped forward.

"De… stabilizers?"

Steven nodded slightly, biting the inside of his cheek. He steadied himself as the warp pad activated, staring at the stream for a moment. "Yeah…" He trailed off, breathing in slowly. "Uh, destabilizers are usually used to poof gems. They're pretty much made of electricity," he added. He could feel them ripping through his back even as he spoke, he could feel the pain, he could feel his legs go numb. For a second, he almost thought that he would fall, that his knees were going to buckle underneath him. He figured the only thing keeping him from falling right then was the fact that he was floating in the warp stream; he reminded himself to steel himself, knowing he was about to land on a warp pad at any given second. "And… during my punishments, that's what they used. Since I couldn't poof," he added quickly, chest tightening. "Since… since I couldn't poof, they figured it was better… because it still hurt anyway, and…"

"Oh my god…" Greg whispered, rubbing his face. Pearl had covered her mouth again; Amethyst, once more, looked absolutely furious, and Garnet was, once again, unreadable. But the look of absolute horror written across Connie's face was the only thing he needed to see for him to root his gaze downwards, shoulders tensing slightly. Great, he'd done it again. He was starting to wonder if he should answer their questions honestly at this point - it never seemed to go well when he told them about the things that had happened back on Homeworld, anyway. Maybe they were just reacting… about as well as could have been expected, but it was still…

Steven wasted no time when he finally landed on the warp pad, feeling a rush of instant relief when he could finally jump down. He pulled away from Pearl to do so, stepping down and immediately heading over to where Berry was standing, with a screen open in front of her. "Hey," he greeted hesitantly, grateful for the distraction. Berry glanced up briefly, arching an eyebrow, before looking back down again with a noncommittal grunt. "What're you doing?"

"Making notes," Berry replied faintly, typing something in and closing the screen again. "I was also thinking I should probably find somewhere else to park the ship. In case any humans…"

"I know somewhere you can take it," Garnet cut in.

Berry looked up at once, eyes widening as she stared at the fusion. "Whatever you want."

Steven managed a hesitant smile, stepping back as the fusion passed him to lead Berry outside again, and he took a deep breath and leaned back once they were gone. He wished he could feel anything other than pure wariness around Garnet, but he was still so uncertain with her. Her powers had _scared_ him. The hybrid ran his tongue over his lips, staring at the door for a few seconds, then finally lifted his gaze toward the portrait above it. He stared, lost in thought, trapped in another whirlwind of visions and pictures that never really completely _clicked_. The fact that he could vaguely remember having met her before somewhat confused him. She was gone, right? That was another thing he had remembered. She was gone. He _couldn't_ meet her.

"Guys," Candy gasped suddenly, tearing the hybrid out of his thoughts. He looked down, furrowing his eyebrows and walking forward when the pink Pearl beckoned him and Lemon Lime over to where she was standing in front of the large window beside the door. "Look." She pressed her hands against the window, leaning forward to look up at the sky; Steven leaned forward slightly, himself, and Lemon Lime stretched up to lean over him, peering upwards. What he saw drew a quiet gasp from his own lips - the sky had darkened even further, the brilliant oranges and pinks and blues mixing together. But it looked even more beautiful with the sand and the giant, moving water outside; he could see the reflection of the Earth's sun in the water, with the colors rippling around it. "The Earth's sky…" Candy whispered. "It has so many colors."

The hybrid leaned forward a little more, looking back up at the sky once again. "It's _beautiful…"_ He breathed after a moment, briefly distracted from the anxiety that had been churning in his gut. Candy was right; there were so many colors. And they always seemed to be changing - whether it was blue, or white, or orange or pink. He wondered what it would look like next. Steven furrowed his eyebrows, leaning slightly to the side and looking over at Connie when the human stepped up beside them, peering through the window to focus on the sky with a smile.

"It looks even better outside," she commented quietly, glancing at Steven. "Wanna check it out?" The hybrid paused, glancing over at Candy and Lemon Lime; they both nodded quickly, looking excited, and Steven cracked a small smile, glancing over at Connie as she chuckled. "C'mon."

"I'm gonna make dinner!" Pearl called from the kitchen. "Connie, are you staying?"

"I think I can stay for dinner, but it's a school night." Connie opened the door for the others, and Steven waited for Candy and Lemon Lime to walk through before he followed after them, heading down the stairs and glancing back slightly to see if the human was following. She said something else, something the hybrid didn't catch this time, before she shut the door and turned to rush down the stairs with the others, offering Steven a smile when she fell into step with him. He returned it hesitantly, genuinely hoping he hadn't upset her. She was really nice - and he could tell they were close. Like with the others, the last thing he wanted to do was upset her, especially when he was just trying to answer what should have been a normal question.

"Lime, look!" Candy squealed, grabbing the Peridot's hand and running forward, toward the water. He stumbled to keep up, but he was grinning as he followed, anyway. Steven slowed slightly after a moment, glancing toward the water as it splashed up against the sand, briefly coming close enough that the hybrid honestly thought it was going to keep moving forward - but it retreated again after a moment, falling into place with the rest of the water, and he relaxed.

"Well, they're definitely Earth enthusiasts," Connie commented with a giggle, and Steven couldn't help but huff out a chuckle, biting the inside of his cheek to keep back a smile. "Hey…" Connie trailed off hesitantly, and Steven glanced over at her, furrowing his eyebrows faintly. "I didn't mean to press you… about the scars. I'm sure it has to be hard to talk about…"

"No," Steven admitted quickly, shaking his head. Connie blinked, glancing up at him in surprise, and the hybrid hesitated for a second before he continued, "I don't mind talking about it, actually. It's… pretty normal for me," he added, taking a deep breath and looking away from her briefly, to look back toward Lemon Lime and Candy. The Pearl had waded into the water, and the Peridot was - reluctantly - removing his limb enhancers again so that he could follow after her as well. Steven watched them for a moment, rolling his shoulders back and heaving out another sigh. "It's just, every time I talk about it… everyone seems really uncomfortable." He hesitated again briefly, running his tongue over his lips and glancing up. "I don't wanna make anyone upset."

"Nobody's upset," Connie assured quickly, eyes widening slightly. "At least, not at you…" She trailed off once again, and Steven sighed, glancing over at her silently. Everyone kept reassuring him of that, that nobody was going to get upset or angry with him, but it was still hard to believe. It was still hard to think he wasn't going to get into trouble for _something_ , whatever it was. There still had to be something, something he did or said one day that made them angry. "I mean, we're just… worried, that's all. It's hard hearing about what happened…" She trailed off again and swallowed, and Steven furrowed his eyebrows. "I think we all just wish we could've been there for you. It must have been really awful, and really- really _scary_ , going through all that, and it's just…" Connie fell silent for a while, biting her lip, then shook her head slightly. "But we're not upset with you for talking about it. You _should_ be talking about it! You can talk to us about anything. I think we're all just surprised that you _are_ now, since…" She stopped.

Steven stared at her for a moment, finally relaxing completely beside the human. She made him feel safe, too - safe, but guilty, and confused, and conflicted. He wanted to talk to her, and he understood what she was saying, and he wanted to believe her. He just hated the thought of saying something wrong, _doing_ something wrong with her. He had just gotten all of this back - just started to _remember_ \- he didn't want to do anything to ruin that. He didn't want to make them mad at him, or make them hate him. "I… guess I didn't… talk to you guys much, did I?" He wondered, searching the human's gaze. "Is that why everyone seems so… surprised when…"

Connie hesitated for a few seconds, then nodded slowly. "Yeah. You just… you didn't like talking about whatever was wrong. If you were feeling upset, or scared, or anything like that," she mumbled, raising a hand to rub the back of her neck. "Usually you'd just keep it all to yourself unless someone managed to get you to open up, but even then, you… you were always more worried about everyone else. I guess that itself hasn't changed much," she commented after a moment, huffing out a hollow laugh. "... honestly, I'm… glad you're talking to us now, though…" She paused, as Steven furrowed his eyebrows, gazing at her. "I mean, I know it's hard, for all of us- especially _you_ ," she added, shaking her head. "But I'm glad that you want to talk about it at all." Connie fell silent for a while after that, tearing her gaze away from him briefly. There was another quick, split-second moment of hesitation, before she added, "that you feel like you can."

Steven blinked back at her, silently studying her face for a while. But he nodded after a moment, still staring at her, before he spoke, quietly, "then… I'll tell you whatever you want to know."

"Only if you want to, Steven," Connie murmured, looking ahead for a moment. Steven continued to gaze at her for a few seconds before he finally turned away again, silently lifting his hands to clasp them together and lightly trailing his fingers up his arms, tracing the scars still left behind by the limb enhancers. Connie finally turned her head to glance over at him, and he felt her gaze linger for a few good seconds, rubbing his thumb over the scars faintly before he let his arms drop again. "Do they hurt?" Connie asked suddenly - Steven paused, blinking, and glanced over at the human for a second before following her gaze down to the scars again.

"No." He shook his head slightly.

Connie's gaze flicked toward his back. "Any of them?"

"Not anymore." The hybrid bit his lip, grimacing. "Not for a while. It's just something I've…" He trailed off, taking a deep breath and offering a hesitant shrug. "Gotten used to, I guess. The scars don't hurt as much as the destabilizers do. Once it's done and over with, it's not as bad." He reached behind him slightly, curling his fingers against the back of his shirt with a frown.

He watched Connie hesitate, studying him silently before glancing toward his back again. Then she lifted a hand slightly, stepping closer to him, and Steven blinked. "Can I…?"

It took Steven a second to realize what she was requesting. He didn't hesitate too much in lifting his shirt up - he did, however, take a moment to study her carefully before he did, just to make sure that was what she really wanted. She stepped forward to help him lift his shirt a little more, stepping around him to see his back - and he heard a quiet, somewhat shaky gasp from behind him when they finally managed to lift it up past his shoulder blades. The hybrid swallowed and squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. It didn't hurt - but there was something about this, about her seeing them, about being this vulnerable… he knew he could trust her, everything inside of him, every instinct, every part of him _knew_ he could. He did trust her. He _wanted_ to trust her. That wasn't the problem… that wasn't it at all.

"Steven…" Her voice was hushed, trembling. He heard every missing word in each shuddering breath, everything she wanted to say but either couldn't or wouldn't spit out right then. He felt her pain, and her fear, and her worry. He felt her horror over what she was seeing right then. There was no anger, like he had expected. No rage, no fury for the gems who'd done this. Right then, there was nothing but pain - pain for _him_ , he knew, pain for something that he couldn't really feel any pain for, himself. He ran his tongue over his lips and flinched, arching his back slightly when he felt her fingers, warm and soft against his skin, brush lightly across his spine; it took him a moment to relax under the touch, breathing somewhat shakily now as she traced one of the scars. It ached under the contact, another phantom pain connected to the wounds; for a moment, he was on his knees again, held down with the destabilizer pressed into his spine. For a moment, he was frozen in time, sent back to something else. For a moment, the pain… even for all her tenderness, the gentleness in which she touched the scars on his back, it still _hurt_.

It flooded his senses, stealing his breath away.

Finally, he pulled away; he turned just as quickly, letting his shirt fall back into place and reaching out to catch her hand in the same second, guiding her away from the scars before he had even completely turned around to face her again. The touch was careful, cautious - he didn't want to hurt her, and he wasn't going to attempt it, but he couldn't deal with the contact. He couldn't deal with her touching the scars, not yet. And judging by the tears in her eyes, ready to spill, she couldn't quite deal with it yet either. Neither of them were ready for this, not then.

Connie shook her head slightly, looking up at him desperately. The tears hadn't spilled yet; Steven found himself reaching out with his other hand, somewhat hesitantly, to brush them away himself with his thumb. "I'm sorry," he whispered, this time knowing what he was apologizing for. Maybe it wasn't entirely justified - but he had done this, hadn't he? He remembered that much. He had been the one to turn himself in to Homeworld. He was sure he'd have known what he was doing when he did, sure he must have known the consequences. He'd done it for them, but that didn't mean it wasn't painful for everyone else involved. He was starting to wonder who had been hurt the most out of this situation - them, or himself. He was leaning toward the first option. At least he had come to terms with the things that happened to him, the things he went through on Homeworld. At least, he'd come to accept that he either deserved most of it or he just couldn't do anything about it otherwise. They hadn't, not yet. They hadn't had the chance to think all this through, for all this time. They'd thought he was dead.

"No…" The human shook her head again and pulled him into a hug. This time, Steven wrapped his arms around her tightly in response, digging his fingers into the back of her shirt silently.

"No," she breathed again shakily, burying her face into his shoulder. "No… _I'm_ sorry."


	28. Chapter 28

"Steven, Connie!" Pearl called from the house. "Time for dinner!"

By that time, Steven had settled in the sand beside his human friend, leaning back on his hands and watching with a grin as Candy and Lemon Lime started splashing each other in the water. What Connie had called the 'sunset' was over now; the sky was darkening, the Earth's sun was gone. Steven had never seen anything like it, the changing skies… it was certainly different. Magnificent, he thought, how this planet seemed to just naturally change. He couldn't help but compare the Earth's sky to Homeworld's. _That_ planet never changed, appearance-wise. The sky was always painted in the same color. He remembered being mesmerized, awed by it at first, until it had steadily become 'normal'. And then once it was normal, there was no excitement or fascination. Homeworld stayed exactly the same… and Earth changed, every single second. Steven marveled over this, the absolute beauty in Earth. Not just the planet, but… the _concept._

He looked up when Pearl called out to them, wasting no time in pushing himself up. He didn't quite know what 'dinner' was, but he was about to find out, so he doubted there was a point in asking. Instead, he called ahead to Candy and Lemon Lime. "Hey, you guys coming or what?" He couldn't bite back a smile, reaching a hand down to help pull Connie back to her feet; the human grabbed his hand with a giggle, allowing the hybrid to help her up with a warm smile. She seemed to have recovered, thankfully - he could still see the sorrow, hidden behind her gaze. Sorrow for someone he didn't even know. Sorrow for someone he used to be, someone he didn't remember. He marveled over that, too. _He_ had changed, but they still wanted him.

"Coming!" Candy was pulling Lemon Lime out of the water, giggling while the Peridot spat some out with a baffled expression on his face. Steven blinked, watching them for a moment. The way Candy grabbed his hands and tugged him out, wrapping an arm around him once he was out of the water and guiding him over to where he had momentarily discarded his limb enhancers. They were so… cute together, Steven couldn't explain it. It was the same way with Agate and Sage. They were around each other so much, holding hands and smiling at each other. Steven tilted his head slightly, furrowing his eyebrows, but he smiled at the two when Lemon Lime finally managed to pull his limb enhancers back on and they headed back over to them. Candy was still giggling, but making more of an effort to stifle it now, because Lemon Lime was dripping, soaking wet with water, and looked a little less than happy about it. "Lime sinks," the Pearl declared as she approached, finally letting out a snicker. "Just so you know. Lime sinks."

"You _pushed_ me under the _water,"_ Lemon Lime objected, but a small smile formed on his lips as he looked over at Candy. After a moment, the Peridot heaved a sigh and looked away again; Steven watched his cheeks flush, turning a slightly darker shade of green. "Fine, yeah. I sink."

Steven laughed slightly at that, turning to follow Connie as she led them back toward the house. "Probably because you don't know how to swim, yet," the human called over her shoulder, chuckling. She reached down to dust herself off as she walked, heading up the stairs with a smile. Steven followed after her, blinking. "Maybe we can set up lessons later or something. Then you can kind of defend yourself when you get pushed under the water… or sink."

Candy stifled a giggle. "That sounds fun."

"Even more so for me," Lemon Lime commented.

"Yeah, good luck teaching these two anything," Steven mumbled to Connie with a grin, shaking his head slightly and glancing back at the other two in amusement. "They're either gonna be at each other's throats the whole time or they're gonna do that playful arguing thing they're doing now and just make the whole thing weird yet oddly adorable. Trust me," he added, snickering under his breath as he fell into step with her, hopping up the stairs two at a time. Another thing that was different, the stairs on Earth were smaller. Easier to walk down and up - but he still couldn't help but skip a few steps out of instinct, making big jumps when he didn't need to. "You're not the only one who has to deal with them…" He trailed off, offering a small smile as he glanced back at Candy and Lemon Lime, as the Pearl helped the Peridot adjust his limb enhancers. Steven watched for a moment, then turned back to Connie. "They are cute, though."

He did end up finding out what 'dinner' was; turned out, that was what they called 'mealtime' on Earth, when, basically humans ate throughout the day. There was 'breakfast', which came in the morning. 'Lunch', which came during the day. And then 'dinner', which came at night. The food Pearl served them was different from the stuff Amethyst had given him, but intriguing all the same. Something that she called 'chicken vegetable soup'. Connie dug into it eagerly, though he did see Greg hesitate a little bit before he started eating, which made him hesitate a little bit. He stared down into the bowl he'd been given, then curiously reached out to grab something that was sticking out of it, pulling it upwards carefully by the handle. It was kind of circular on the other end - more like an oval, really - kind of caving in on itself… _spoon_ , his mind commented, _that's a spoon_. He knew that, but he had absolutely no idea why he was holding one.

Garnet and Berry returned not too long after they'd sat down to eat; Steven was still staring at the spoon, silently trying to figure out what he was supposed to do with it, and was considering asking for help before the warp pad activated. He glanced over, briefly flicking his gaze up to Garnet - and tensing slightly as he did - before he looked back down at Berry. The Ruby was practically grinning as she jumped off of the warp pad; any extended time with Garnet seemed to give the little red gem a mood boost, and Steven really wished he could understand why. Of course, he knew Berry loved fusions, but Garnet was so… she was just so _terrifying_ to him.

"Welcome back," he greeted as Berry walked forward. The Ruby paused and let her eyes flick around, focusing on the bowl in his hands before looking over at the other humans. Curiously, she made her way closer to him, and the hybrid arched an eyebrow at her as she approached, lowering the spoon down into the bowl. It didn't take Berry long to climb up onto the stool behind him, stretching her arms over his shoulders and leaning forward to peer into the bowl cautiously. Steven puffed his cheeks out, leaning his head to the side silently and letting her have her little inspection; it was only when she reached forward to grab the spoon that he finally reached out to grab her wrist, just before she could pull it out of the bowl. "What the shards are you doing?"

Berry smacked his hand with her other one. "Trying to see what _you're_ doing, you pebble." The hybrid wrinkled his nose at her in response, but he let her go after a moment, and the Ruby pulled the spoon out of the bowl cautiously. Steven watched, moving the bowl under it when she held it up so that none of the soup dripped off of it. He wasn't keen on making a mess, and he was even less keen on _Berry_ making a mess, which she would so definitely do here if she was given the opportunity to. "What is this, some kind of tiny Earth weapon?" The Ruby mumbled, holding the spoon up again briefly before she held it out to him again, and the hybrid took it back silently, turning it around in his hand carefully to inspect it and putting it back into the bowl.

"It's a spoon, I think…" Steven trailed off, glancing up at the others. Pearl looked up at him quickly, a pleasantly surprised expression crossing her face as she looked up at him.

"You remembered!" The pale gem exclaimed, beaming as she leaned over the counter. "Yes, that's a spoon. You use it to scoop the food out of the bowl and eat it," she explained, and Steven flicked his gaze down to the spoon, fascinated. But Berry was the first one to reach down for it, and while Steven rolled his eyes at her, he lifted the bowl up again so that she could scoop some of the food up into the spoon carefully; the little red gem was oddly cautious, managing to scoop up a spoonful of the soup and hold it steady as she pulled the spoon out.

"Fascinating," Berry mumbled, crossing her other arm over his head.

Steven rolled his eyes at her, but he smiled as he flicked his gaze up. "You're weird," the hybrid told his friend simply, and Berry snorted at him in response. "And I'm gonna need that back." The Ruby seemed like she was contemplating it for a moment, studying the spoon, before carefully shifting it around so that Steven could take it again. He took it carefully, trying to hold it as steady as Berry had been so that he didn't spill anything. He narrowed his eyes slightly, tilting the spoon a little bit before bringing it up to his mouth. Once again, it was like muscle memory; once he figured out what to do with it, it was easy enough to take the first bite. It was still hot, but tolerable. He also didn't have to chew as much as he had with the donut and fry bits, but he was still careful to do so before he swallowed. The taste, of course, was even different. It wasn't sweet like the donuts, and it certainly didn't taste like the fry bits. It didn't make his tongue tingle, it wasn't too strong, or too flavorful. But there was still a flavor to it, something he couldn't place. And while he didn't hate it, or even remotely dislike it… he couldn't quite say he _liked_ it either.

He had taken a few bites and was currently downing half of the cup of water Amethyst had given him when Berry suddenly reached forward for the spoon again. He jumped, but he didn't move otherwise, letting her grab it and scoop up another spoonful of soup as he swallowed the water down and set it down on the counter, glancing up at her cautiously. "What're you doing…"

"Testing," Berry replied faintly, sticking the spoon in her mouth before Steven could spit out a warning, or a protest. He inhaled sharply, watching her expression shift almost immediately.

A myriad of emotions crossed her face; confusion, disgust, shock. Each one flicked past too quickly - at that point, almost everyone had stopped to stare. Even Greg had paused mid-bite to watch, wide-eyed with surprise. Pearl looked like she wanted to protest, but she also looked somewhat amused now as she stared at the little Ruby, crossing her arms over her chest while Berry finally chewed, swallowed and sank back sharply, a blank expression crossing her face. Steven decided that was the perfect time to take the spoon away from her, lightly pushing her off of the stool and toward Lemon Lime, who caught the Ruby quickly with a quiet squeak. "You can have her," he told the Peridot. "I don't want her on me if she explodes or something."

Lemon Lime sucked in a gasp, and Berry had about three seconds for the situation to register. The Peridot wrapped his arms around her just as the Ruby started to push herself up; the little red gem let out a squeal and struggled against him, writhing and thrashing, and Steven couldn't help but snicker as he watched the Peridot just tighten his grip in response. "Lemon _Lime-!"_ Berry screamed, writhing again, and snarled up at Steven. "That was just _cold_ , hybrid!" She spat at him, and Steven shrugged his shoulders right back at her in response, stifling a smile.

"Love you, B."

Berry scowled, glaring at him. "Oh, go get cracked."

"Oh, crack me yourself, you coward," Steven shot back, and Berry writhed against Lemon Lime again, still trapped in the Peridot's arms as he hugged her. The hybrid chuckled, biting the inside of his cheek and shaking his head as he turned away from them again to continue eating.

Dinner was mostly quiet after that.

* * *

After they finished eating, Connie had to leave; she hugged Steven again, called a quick goodbye to Pearl and the others, and rushed outside with Lion in tow - but not before the animal could press his head under Steven's chin one last time, rubbing against him gently before he bounded outside after the human, and Steven couldn't help but smile as he watched them go. After that, he spent a little while longer with Berry and the others, before Pearl suggested going back to bed (because the hybrid had suddenly started 'yawning'). And, of course, Steven didn't have any objections to that at all; he was happy to follow the pale gem - and Greg this time - up to his room again, climbing into bed with little hesitation. This time, when Pearl draped the blanket over him, she tucked it around him and leaned down carefully to press a kiss to his forehead, warm and soft. Admittedly, he found himself melting into the touch with his eyes shut.

"Goodnight, Steven," Pearl murmured, straightening up again after a moment.

"Goodnight, Mom," Steven mumbled, relaxing completely. "Goodnight, Dad." He couldn't help but smile when, in response, he felt his Dad's hand press against his head, gently messing up his curls again. He leaned into the touch, and stifled another yawn to the best of his ability.

"Goodnight, Schtu-ball," Greg whispered. "Sweet dreams."

* * *

_He was on Earth._

_Admittedly, he didn't know where. He was standing in the middle of some field, littered with weapons. Giant red things he didn't recognize; he ran his fingers over them silently as he walked forward, furrowing his eyebrows and looking ahead. Giant battle axes, pickaxes, swords, weapons of all kinds… he remembered being here before, but he didn't know when, or how. The hybrid took in a shuddering breath and reached toward one of the weapons, carefully running his fingers over the edge of a blade. A sword. A giant, pink sword that… now that he thought about it, it looked like the one Connie had when she'd showed up, didn't it? Steven stared for a moment, furrowing his eyebrows as he looked it up and down, scanning it silently. It was just bigger, covered in red liquid from one of the giant red things in the field he couldn't name._

_Steven frowned and turned away for a second. He didn't remember being here. He didn't remember coming here. There was a warp pad just in front of him, but he couldn't remember using it to warp here - and even if he did, he wouldn't have understood how. He didn't even recognize this place, so he highly doubted he'd be able to figure out how to warp there himself. Something about it was familiar, though… he found himself drifting forward, lost for a moment. Lost in thought, lost in the memories desperately trying to break free. It was like there were still some left in the box, but it had sealed itself shut completely without his permission. He couldn't think, he couldn't remember. The only thing he could do was move, walking forward slowly through the field and looking around, as if maybe the longer he stayed there, taking in his surroundings, the more memories might come flooding back. But nothing else happened._

_For a moment, he let his gaze flick down - and he froze. Below him, gem shards were littered across the ground. But they weren't in thousands of different colors, like it had been at the battlefield - no, he only saw shards of two colors, but there were dozens of gem shards there. Blue and orange. They covered the ground beneath him, surrounded by a circle of weapons. Despite himself, he felt his throat restrict as he tried to swallow, staring down at the shards._

_His scythe was in his hand. He didn't remember summoning it, but he was holding it now. Gripping it a little tighter than should have been possible, tight enough to diminish it. But it stayed heavy in his hand, weighing down on him. A crushing kind of weight that didn't just sink down to his hands, but through his entire body. He felt like it was pulling him down, like it was going to send him crashing straight to the ground; more than once, he found himself trying to drop it, and more than once, he found himself unable to loosen his grip, even a fraction._

_When he finally looked down, he realized he_ _ **was**_ _falling. The scythe was pulling him down, and he was holding onto it for dear life, even though he knew it was what was making him fall so quickly. It didn't feel fast, not at first; suddenly he was surrounded by darkness, frozen and trapped for a moment in time. But when he saw the ground beneath him, he only had a split second to realize that he was still falling, that he was dropping even faster than before. But just as soon as he'd realized it, as he realized he should be letting go of the scythe, he slammed into the ground; the pain that exploded through him drew a scream from his lips, landing hard on his knees and crumbling completely to the ground, with the scythe pressed underneath him. Everything hurt; his head, his legs, his arms, his stomach. For a second, he couldn't even move._

" _Rose Quartz…" A familiar voice crooned. "Welcome back."_

 _Steven's pupils shrank slightly, finally managing to force his hands underneath him. He tilted his head upwards, cringing as he did so. A shaky gasp broke free from his lips when he finally rested his gaze on who was in front of him. His Diamond, standing tall; she looked down at him coldly, with a smile on her face that spoke of nothing but malice. He tried to move, tried to push himself up and sit back so he could try and get away from her, but he couldn't. He was frozen. The pain in his stomach continued to get worse, and worse - until he was doubled over, screaming, hands flying down to clutch his gem as he threw himself back to the floor once more. The pain was excruciating. Nothing like the destabilizers. Nothing like electricity. It was_ _**worse** _ _._

" _You haven't been a good soldier, Rose," his Diamond cooed. Steven screamed again, another rush of agony flushing through his body, his stomach, his_ _ **gem.**_ " _Now I have to_ _ **break**_ _you."_

_Tears flooded his eyes for the first time in months as he screamed once more, howling from the pain he was feeling. He felt something crack under his fingers, his gem seeming to cave in where he was holding it. If he could have rolled over and pulled his shirt up to check it, he would have - but he could only lay there screaming, curled up and writhing as the pain split through him. As it ripped him apart, literally and figuratively. He screamed until he couldn't breathe anymore, and he continued screaming a little even after that. He couldn't seem to stop. It hurt too much to stop, and he couldn't relieve the pain. Not that screaming was helping, and logically he knew that - he knew he needed to get up and check on his gem, he knew something was wrong, he knew this couldn't possibly be happening- how had she found him so soon? Were the other gems okay? Berry? Lemon Lime? Candy? Agate? Sage? Tangerine? Clementine? Garnet? Amethyst? Pearl? And his Dad, was he okay? And Connie… he screamed again, another abrupt burst of pain arching his back instinctively, clawing at his gem desperately._

_He screamed until he choked, tasting the blood that bubbled up to his lips. He coughed and gasped, spitting as much of it out between agonized wails as he tried to get a grip on himself. After everything he'd endured on Homeworld, this, by far, had to be the worst kind of pain. He pressed his hands harder into his gem, fingers tearing at the edges, trying to relieve the pressure he could feel building. Something was really wrong. He was going to_ _**shatter.** _

_He felt something else crack, and he screamed again, choking and coughing out another glob of blood. He sucked in a breath, He gasped, feeling more blood bubble to his lips instantly - but something else was there, among the blood pooling out of his mouth. Something glittering alongside the crimson liquid, reflecting a harsh blue glow just ahead of them that he knew was coming from his Diamond. Come to think of it, what he was staring at_ _ **was**_ _blue. Dull blue. There were gem shards sprinkled throughout the blood; another rush of blood cut his airways off again, and another choked cough released another shard-filled glob. He screamed again, this time more so out of terror than agony. He didn't know what was happening, but he needed it to stop. For just a second, he needed it to stop. Just a split second of relief was all he wanted._

_Fear clouded his mind, cutting him off from everything else. Again, he was choking - but he couldn't taste blood anymore. No, instead, he was tasting… water. He coughed as much of it out as he could, gasping and hacking as he fought to release the pressure that was now not only on his stomach, but in his lungs, and his chest, and his throat. He couldn't breathe._

_He sucked in a gasp of what should have been air. Instead it was water, more liquid filling his lungs. It didn't matter how much he coughed or gasped. Every inhale was suffocating. Water filled his mouth, his nose, his lungs. It stung his eyes, but he couldn't close them. The gem shards and the blood were washed away - unconsciously, he screamed through the water that was trapping him now, reaching out for the shards with both hands. Bubbles formed around his mouth as he screamed, and water rushed back into his mouth and nose when he was forced to inhale because of it, sending him right back into another fit of coughing and choking, suffocating,_ _**drowning,** _ _unable to breathe. And yet he continued to reach out, desperate._

_Another rush of pain made him recoil._

_He wondered how he wasn't dead already. How he hadn't shattered._

" _That's how it felt for me," a voice whispered harshly. Steven let out another cry, but this time he didn't know why. The voice hurt; it felt like another crack in his gem, even more pressure added. Water and tears and blood blurred his vision, coughing and gasping and screaming as the voice continued, muffled through the water, "nothing but pure agony…_ _ **trapped**_ _, in_ _ **pure agony!"**_

_He screamed again, curling his fingers around his gem._

_That voice… "And now you'll suffer for eternity," it hissed. "Trapped, just like I was, Steven."_

_He felt another crack, but he choked on his wails when he opened his mouth to scream again. His hand clenched around the empty space on his stomach, where his gem used to be. But it was gone; there was nothing there now. Not his gem, not even shards. There was nothing._

" _Steven…"_

* * *

"Steven-"

He woke with a start, sucking in as much air as he could and letting out a gasp the moment he was able to. The pain was gone, vanished, just like that, but something was still wrong. The hybrid blinked furiously through the blurriness clouding his gaze, just barely managing to catch a glimpse of a familiar figure hovering over him. Garnet. That was Garnet. She was tall, taller than anybody else there, and he could recognize the shape of her hair as she loomed over him. At first, Steven almost wanted to scream; he clasped a hand over his mouth, staring up at the fusion with wide eyes as he scrambled backwards and pressed himself back, away from her. Her hands reached toward him slightly, hovering close to him but not quite touching, but he still had to choke down a rush of terror and a petrified scream, holding his hand over his mouth. "Steven, it's alright," Garnet said cautiously, pulling her hand back a little. "It was only a dream."

Through the haze of terror, he thought he recognized that word. But he couldn't think about it too much right then. He just gasped again, dropping his hand from his mouth to suck in another gasp of air. It came back out in a breathless sob; there were no tears in his eyes, he wasn't crying like he thought he had been. He didn't know where he was, but he felt his bed underneath him, and Garnet was there. So he wasn't on Homeworld. He wasn't trapped in an endless stretch of water, floating among broken gem shards and blood. He was on Earth. Another loose sob broke from his lips, this time one of relief. A dream. Dream meant it wasn't real, right? Dream meant that it was just his imagination. It wasn't real. It hadn't been real.

"Shh." The bed jostled slightly, and Steven flinched, breath hitching again, as Garnet came a little closer to him. She settled herself on the bed beside him, wrapping her arms around him; once again, he flinched, but didn't recoil. "You're alright now," she told him cautiously. Steven sucked in another shaky gasp, desperate to get more air in. "It's okay. You're safe. You're safe." Steven shuddered, staying still for a moment. She continued to mumble the words to him, pulling him closer. And, despite himself, despite the terror he felt toward her, the wariness and the fear, he found himself sinking sideways against her as she pulled him into her arms again. He didn't flinch this time, but he found himself trembling as he pressed himself closer to her. "It was only a dream," Garnet murmured, pressing her mouth to the top of his head. The contact reminded him of Pearl, and Greg. It was warm, and soft, and… sweet. "You're safe now."

Finally, he relaxed against the fusion, and his head sank back against her shoulder as he collapsed into his arms, shaky and tired and trying to recover from the lingering fear still clouding the corners of his mind, left over from the dream he'd had. Unconsciously, he let his hands trail down, fingers trembling as he searched for his gem. And he found himself huffing out another quiet, dry sob of relief when he could feel it beneath the fabric, uncracked, unharmed.

"My Diamond…" He choked out in a whisper, sinking back against Garnet again. "I thought…"

"It wasn't real," Garnet told him quietly. "She's not here." The hybrid shuddered again, breathing in shakily and leaning his head back against her shoulder once more. Her arms wrapped even tighter around him then - not tight enough to be uncomfortable, but enough for him to feel it. Feel the warmth of her arms, wrapped securely around him, like a protective shield, a bubble. The safety, right then, was intoxicating. After the terror and pain he had experienced in his dream, he needed it now more than ever. So he curled himself even closer to her, turning to burying his face into her chest. After a moment, she pulled him closer, into her lap. "You've got nothing to fear here," she whispered, pressing her lips against his forehead. He squeezed his eyes shut, leaning into the touch and trying to calm his shaking. "I've got you. You're alright…"

"She broke me," the hybrid whispered. "M- my gem… sh- she broke my g- _gem."_

Garnet's hands curled against the back of his shirt. "... she's not here."

Steven shook his head slightly, burying his face into her chest again. She held him close for a while after that, silently rubbing her thumb over his shoulder, keeping her lips pressed to his head. After a little while, though, she pulled her head back again and took a deep breath. "Come on," she murmured gently, and Steven leaned back, looking up at her. The fusion offered him a warm smile, reaching up to diminish her visor - and Steven silently glanced between each of her eyes, taking a shaky breath and letting it out slowly - as she positioned her hands under his arms to lift him up a little, setting him back down on the bed in front of her and getting up. When she reached her hands out toward him, he took them both after only a second of hesitation. She pulled him forward, but let him stand up on his own for the most part. "Let's get some air."

He held her hand as she led him down the stairs; her grip was firm, but gentle enough that he could have let go if he'd wanted to, but he didn't. Right then, despite whatever he might have thought about her, her presence alone was comforting enough to stifle any fear right then. Glancing over hesitantly, he saw Greg was stretched out on the couch, fast asleep. And… on the floor, the other gems were piled up. Berry was curled up in Lemon Lime's lap, he noticed - and he couldn't help but stare for a moment, honestly - with Candy sleeping with her head on Lemon Lime's shoulder, the Peridot's arm wrapped around her. Tangerine was stretched out on her back with her head resting on Candy's leg, and Clementine was curled up just beside her, one hand resting protectively against the smaller Quartz's arm. They were all… sleeping. Aside from Agate and Sage, who weren't there, but Steven only stared for a moment before he turned away to let Garnet lead him out the door, following her outside and taking another shaky breath.

"Better?" She asked quietly, and Steven nodded hesitantly in response.

"I'm sorry," he apologized quietly, voice somewhat strained with the effort it was taking to hold himself steady. Once again, he didn't know what he was apologizing for. He felt like there was definitely some apologizing to do, though; now that the fear was wearing off, he felt… _guilty_. Right then, he felt, quite possibly, more guilty than he had ever felt. He didn't know why.

The dream, right then, was a distant memory, one getting more and more clouded as time went on. He could feel it slipping away, despite his attempts to hold onto it. He couldn't _focus_ on it.

"It's alright, Steven," Garnet told him quietly. She briefly let his hand go, walking over to a table and chairs sitting out on the porch; the hybrid hesitated where he stood, unsure of whether he should follow or not, as he watched the fusion pull the table out slightly, positioning it in front of the house. She then proceeded to grab one of the chairs and place it on top, balancing it carefully, before she turned away and held her hand back out to him again. Admittedly… his curiosity over whatever she was doing far overruled his fear and confusion. He did find himself staring for a few seconds as he walked forward, but he allowed her to take his hand and lift him up onto the table, helping him climb up onto that, and then the chair, and guiding him to the roof. And, when she climbed up behind him, she helped him up onto the higher ledge so that he could sit with his legs hanging down, and positioned herself the same way, sitting beside him.

"Are we…" Steven stared down toward the ground, furrowing his eyebrows. With all the things he'd been through, with how many times he'd flown in a _ship_ by then, being scared of heights was probably the most ridiculous thing ever. But he vaguely remembered the feeling of falling, from his dream. He remembered the feeling of crashing into the ground, feeling the _pain_ burst to life through every part of his body. The hybrid swallowed. "Are we supposed to be up here…?"

Garnet shrugged, glancing over at him. He looked up to see her blink her red eye at him, a small, mischievous smile tugging at her lips briefly. "We're not _not_ supposed to be up here."

"Fair enough." Steven cracked a hesitant smile.

"Besides." Garnet paused, tilting her head back and gesturing toward the sky; Steven paused and lifted his gaze, furrowing his eyebrows slightly, and his eyes widened slightly when he finally managed to focus on what he was seeing. The sky had fallen pitch black, stars littering the sky; somehow, seeing it from far away rather than up close like he usually did was… something else. He recognized the various galaxies, things Tangerine had pointed out to him during the ride to the battle, things Berry grumbled about while she drove. Clusters of stars and planets… and the moon. He saw the Earth's moon. He widened his eyes a little more, tilting his head back further and sucking in a shaky breath as he flicked his gaze across the sky, taking in the stars silently. And, after a few moments, Garnet murmured, "you can see Homeworld's galaxy from here."

Steven lowered his gaze slightly, following her gaze. He recognized that, too; he'd seen it on their way back from the battlefield, watching the stars and the planet getting closer. He stared at it now, all the way from Earth, and wondered if they could see Earth's galaxy from there, too. The hybrid fell silent for a few seconds, letting his gaze roam across the sky again. His voice was quiet as he replied, hushed, as if he was scared to speak any louder, lest the Diamonds hear him from all the way across their galaxies. "You're right…" He fell silent again, swallowing.

"I can't imagine what it's like now…" Garnet trailed off, lowering her gaze. "... Blue Diamond was Sapphire's Diamond, you know. Once upon a time." She held her hand out to him again, and Steven glanced down at the gem embedded in her palm, furrowing his eyebrows silently. Then he looked back up at the fusion, the rest of his fear and wariness steadily slipping away already. Sympathy replaced it instead, a sudden rush of empathy for the fusion in front of him then. The fusion, and one of the gems that made her up, who was unlucky enough to know Blue Diamond at all. Unlucky enough to have probably experienced her wrath, her unfairness, her torture. If the fact that she was here was any indication… the fact that she scowled at the mention of her, the anger he could feel radiating from her when the Diamond was mentioned… the ferocity in which she had broken the earrings… it made a little more sense to him now, more than it had before.

"I'm sure she was very… different from how you know her now," Garnet murmured after a moment, curling her fingers again and rubbing them over the gemstone lightly. "Still very sad, and cold, and cruel, but I'm sure losing-" She paused, glancing down at the hybrid; Steven grimaced, but he nodded slightly, and Garnet hesitated for a moment before continuing. "I'm sure losing Pink Diamond didn't help matters. I don't know what it was like, serving under her then…" She trailed off for a few seconds, taking a deep breath, and presented her other hand to him. This one, Steven did recognize; a Ruby gem rested on her other palm, glittering gently as it reflected the starry night sky above them. "But I know she was a merciless tyrant when Sapphire was under her command. Cruel, and angry, and unforgiving. When Sapphire and Ruby fused for the first time by accident, many years ago… she was going to shatter Ruby."

Steven breathed in shakily, staring down at the gem. "Oh, stars…"

"Sapphire protected her," Garnet told him quietly. "But neither of them could go back to Homeworld after that. Blue Diamond would have had them both shattered on sight. That's why they joined the Crystal Gems, why _I_ exist- to be able to fight for the freedom they never had. Ruby, and Sapphire, and the rest of the Homeworld gems who wanted something more. Who were unhappy under the Diamonds' command. Who wanted to be free, and independent. We weren't just fighting for Earth during the rebellion. We weren't fighting out of anger." She pulled her hands back, a small smile appearing on her face. "We were fighting for _love_ , Steven. We were fighting for the ability to protect the ones we cared about, gems and humans alike."

Steven stared at her for a moment, silently flicking his gaze across her face. His eyebrows furrowed silently after a moment, looking away. Something stirred in the back of his mind again, and this time the visions that flickered across his vision came abruptly, in a flash of memories. He remembered seeing her fuse - for the first time, he remembered. The first time he realized she was a fusion. He remembered her crouching down in front of him, _thanking_ him, kissing his forehead. He heard her voice, clear as day, like she was saying it now; _we already love you._

 _I am made…  
_ _Of…  
_ _Love…_

The hybrid blinked, staring out at the ocean for a moment, then let a smile tug at his lips. Garnet wasn't scary. She wasn't even close to being scary. She was like Pearl. She was like a Mom. "That doesn't sound like a bad thing to fight for," he whispered. "For love… for protection." He lifted his head slightly, glancing up at the stars in the sky. They glittered down brightly, shining down against the two of them, glowing and flickering; he let his expression soften slightly as he watched, pausing and tilting his head back to look up at the moon. But he continued to speak to Garnet after a few seconds, watching the sky carefully. "I think I want to fight for that, too…" Steven trailed off, lowering his head again. "I want to remember… and fight for you."

"And we want to fight for you," Garnet replied steadily. She reached toward him again, and Steven scooted over to let her wrap her arms around him again, letting out a muffled giggle when she leaned down to kiss the top of his head again. "I hope you know that, Steven. I hope you know that we're all going to fight for _you._ I hope you know we're all going to protect you." He looked up at her, leaning his head against her shoulder, and Garnet offered a small smile as she pressed another kiss to his forehead. "We're not going to let anybody hurt you, not ever again. Not Blue Diamond, not Homeworld… and not anybody else," she murmured. "We've got you."

Steven fell silent for a while, looking up at her. "I know…" He finally replied, trailing off briefly. "I know." He took a deep breath and let his eyes drift shut for a moment, relaxing once again. Garnet rested her head on top of his, offering the hybrid a gentle, cautious squeeze.

"And we love you," the fusion whispered. "Very much."

"I know," Steven mumbled again. A small smile tugged at his lips after a moment, blinking his eyes open to look back up at her, and reached up to grab her hand. "I love you, too, Garnet."

_And it's stronger than you…_


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, guys, I got some news you should hear!
> 
> I'm excited to announce that the story- I Am Rose Quartz- will be a series, rather than a single book. There's a loooot of stuff I have planned that I can't cram into one thing without it being overwhelming - so consider this 'part one' of the IARQ series. So! Part one will end with Chapter 30, and will be continued as a sequel (and with some little one-shots and snippets in between about Steven and his recovery). So there will be a brief hiatus between part one and part two.
> 
> Hope you enjoy the chapter! We've got one more to go...

Thankfully, Steven's dreams were nightmare-free after that. He fell asleep beside Garnet, curled up in her arms while the fusion held him close and steady and _safe_. Honestly, the contact alone was enough to put him at ease. He knew he could trust her. He knew she wouldn't hurt him. He knew she loved him, and that was what mattered. As long as he knew that, then he was safe. So he didn't have much trouble falling asleep, feeling Garnet's fingers run through his hair and staring up at the sky until he couldn't keep his eyes open anymore. His head dropped against Garnet's shoulder, managing a tiny smile when he felt her lips press against the curls. He reached out sleepily to wrap his arms around her, burying the side of his face into her shoulder. She had him. She was right there. He was on Earth, and he was safe. He could go to sleep.

So, he did; he let himself drift off, content with Garnet there, holding him. Once he fell asleep, the peaceful darkness he remembered met him immediately, blissful and quiet. And when he woke up, he was still in Garnet's arms; she was holding him still, curled up sideways in her arms with his head on her chest. But she had moved him back to his bed, just sitting with him; it took a moment for Steven to be able to lift his head, wincing slightly as he did so. Once again, like when he'd first fallen asleep for the first time in months, he didn't want to move, and his body physically protested against it, making his muscles ache when he tried to so much as twitch. He winced again, leaning his head back slightly before simply letting it fall sideways against Garnet's chest again, settling for simply blinking his eyes open again with a quiet, steady sigh. He felt the fusion's fingers run through his hair again, murmuring quietly, "good morning."

Steven responded with a quiet groan and shut his eyes once more, still not bothering trying to move for a few moments. He didn't think he'd ever understand that phrase - it was certainly not a 'good morning', no. Like before, he wanted to curl up and roll over and go right back to sleep. And maybe he would have, if he didn't think doing so would have been rude; Garnet was there, she knew he was awake and she had greeted him, so it was probably only fair of him to return the gesture. The hybrid sighed, peeling his eyes open again and looking up at her reluctantly. "Good morning," he mumbled, finally raising an arm to rub at his eyes and trying unsuccessfully to stifle a yawn as he shifted to sit up a little more, leaning into her touch and simultaneously pulling away just enough so that he could raise his head from her chest without immediately falling forward against her again. "I don't like waking up…" He yawned again, shaking his head. Garnet chuckled quietly in response and ran her fingers through his hair again; another sleepy smile appeared on his face after a moment, silently pressing his head closer to her hand.

"Well, that hasn't changed," Garnet remarked quietly, and he leaned his head against her hand and peered up at her, furrowing his eyebrows. He breathed in sharply, feeling her thumb rub across his cheek, but he practically melted into the touch, closing his eyes for a moment. It felt so _good_ \- the contact without pain. It made his entire body ache for more of it, and Garnet seemed more than happy to deliver on that particular aspect. The hybrid closed his eyes for a moment, lightly wrapping his fingers around her wrists. "You can sleep a bit more if you want to. Or I can get you some breakfast while you're up. We've got a big day ahead of us."

Steven blinked his eyes open at that. "We do?"

"Mhm." Garnet smiled down at him, a mixture of relief and warmth etched across her face. Her visor was back, but it didn't matter at that point - every bit of the emotionless, cold expression he'd always seen from her was completely erased, replaced with nothing but gentleness and love. He wondered how he had ever seen someone like her as terrifying. Wondered how it had been so easy to flip the switch in his mind, to remind him that Garnet could be trusted. More than that, even. He felt, toward her, exactly the same as he felt toward Pearl. Warm, and happy, and safe, and loved, whenever he was around both of them. So many emotions he wasn't quite used to, the safety being the predominant one. He was still adjusting to that feeling, but he knew it was there. "I was thinking I could take you to… meet a friend of ours. You knew her, too," she added, as Steven leaned his head back to look up at her, furrowing his eyebrows again silently. "You helped her quite a lot when she first came to Earth. Perhaps she can help you a bit, too."

Steven stared at her for a moment, considering that silently. Someone else he had known… yeah, he'd figured he would probably have to meet more people anyway. And what Garnet said obviously led to the conclusion that whoever this person was, she wasn't a human. A gem. The hybrid puffed his cheeks out and nodded, a little more excited now. Honestly, he'd have probably been horrified at the idea before, but now he had a little more… a little more _hope_. Hope that good things could happen here on Earth. And he wanted to believe that his friends - and his family - that lived here were all the same, at least in terms of how he felt about them. And if there was anyone else who could make him feel this safe, then he was all for it, too. "Okay," he mumbled, stifling another yawn and letting out a surprised laugh when Garnet lightly ruffled his hair, ducking his head and looking up at her with a grin. "Let's go get breakfast."

He followed Garnet downstairs to the kitchen, glancing around as he walked. Greg was still sleeping, but most of the other gems were awake; with the exception of Tangerine, who was still curled up and snoring, and Berry. Lemon Lime was awake, mumbling with Candy and trying not to wake the sleeping Ruby still curled up in his lap; Steven waved at them as he passed, but he didn't say anything, or call out a greeting. The last thing anybody wanted was to deal with a grumpy Berry, and Steven already knew how grumpy you could get when you first woke up. He knew one thing for certain, he wasn't a morning person, and he doubted Berry would be either.

"How about some cereal?" Garnet hummed, turning and shaking a giant box toward the hybrid. Steven just nodded slightly, pulling himself onto a stool and crossing his arms over the counter. He didn't know what cereal was, but food was food and Steven wasn't going to be picky over it. They were nice enough to feed him, knowing he needed it - maybe not to survive, but even he couldn't deny that he felt a lot better after eating regardless, once he moved past the flavor and how overwhelming it was and how if he ate too much too fast he felt really sick - and he couldn't say the same for Homeworld. If they were nice enough to give him the option to eat, then he was going to be nice enough to take it. "I've got to hand it to Amethyst…" The fusion muttered, opening the box and grabbing a bowl with a somewhat amused look. She then turned to open the giant white box behind her - _fridge_ , his mind offered casually, watching the fusion, and Steven nodded slightly to himself as he stared at it. _Fridge._ "She certainly stocked up."

"Amethyst is cool," Steven commented quietly, crossing his arms over the counter and watching the fusion. "She's a lot nicer than the Amethysts I'm used to back h… back on Homeworld." Steven paused, running his tongue over his lips and straightening up again after a moment. "You're nicer than I thought you would be," he added after a moment of hesitation, and Garnet paused to turn back to him with the box, bowland a container of white liquid in her hand, setting them down on the counter in front of him while he spoke. "It's not a fusion thing, it was just…"

"I know, Steven," Garnet told him gently. "You don't have to explain anything to me. I understand. And I'm glad you don't feel that way anymore." She paused, tilting the box a little to pour some of the cereal inside, multi-colored little specks that fell right into the bowl. Admittedly, just watching the motion offered the hybrid a tiny bit of satisfaction; he propped his arms up to put his chin in his hand and leaned forward a little bit to watch. "Of course, if you do, you can always talk to me about anything. Whatever you're scared of, even if it's me," she added. Then, pausing, she lifted her head toward him then; Steven could practically feel her gaze boring into his, even though he couldn't see her eyes through the visor from where he was sitting now. "There's nothing you can't talk to me about, do you understand? No matter what it is."

"Yeah." Steven blinked, searching her face. "I… I know."

After that, he ate in silence. Garnet sat with him, on the other side of the counter, but they didn't speak much; Steven, for the most part, kept silent because he still didn't want to wake anybody up, but he also really didn't know what to say either. Garnet hadn't unnerved him, with what she had said, not quite - but something was stirring in the back of his mind, pressure building slightly as her words echoed through her head. Did she think there was something he wasn't telling her? Did she think he was keeping something from her? Despite his fear of making them uncomfortable, he didn't really mind talking to them. Connie had already told him that he could tell them anything, and he had no reason to believe otherwise, even for all their discomfort. Eventually, though, he came to the conclusion that since hiding stuff from them seemed to be something he used to do, if his conversation with Connie had told him anything, Garnet probably assumed it was the same deal, even with the loss of his memories. Honestly, Steven couldn't imagine that now. He couldn't imagine keeping anything from them. They'd been so nice to him thus far, they'd been… amazing. Why would he keep any secrets from them? He trusted them.

He was still eating, working through the cereal in silence, when he heard the warp pad activate. And he flinched - not out of fear, but because he knew Berry was going to wake up immediately from the sound, as quiet as it was. And he was right; the Ruby burst awake with a gasp just as Amethyst and Pearl landed on the warp pad, and Lemon Lime was already working on trying to get her to calm down, patting the flames from her hair while Berry recovered, when the other two stepped down and glanced around. It didn't take long for them to spot him; Steven offered a small smile as Pearl rushed over to him, a bright smile forming on her lips almost immediately. "Good morning, Steven," she greeted, leaning down to kiss him on the forehead.

"Mornin', Steve-o," Amethyst hummed, stretching her arms over her head and walking past Berry and Lemon Lime, shooting the Ruby a somewhat unsettled look in the process. She hopped up onto the stool beside Steven, glancing over at the cereal for a second before she sank forward against the counter and laced her fingers together overtop of it, beaming at Garnet. "I'll have the box of donuts on top of the fridge, if you would please, G-squad."

"Don't eat them all," Garnet warned, grabbing the box and tossing it to her. Steven watched the purple gem catch it, turning away briefly to scoop another spoonful of cereal into his mouth. "How did Peridot take the news?" She asked suddenly, looking toward Pearl now; the hybrid paused mid-chew, glancing over at the pale gem as well. A Peridot? He couldn't help but look back toward Lemon Lime and Berry, and honestly, he missed Pearl's response because he was too focused on the way the Ruby's eyes had gone impossibly wide, and the Peridot looked like he was about to poof on the spot, glancing rapidly between Pearl, Garnet and Amethyst; briefly, Berry caught his gaze again, and her eyes seemed to widen even further as she stood up. Lemon Lime didn't hesitate to get to his feet immediately after the Ruby had, looking shocked.

"There's a Peridot?" Berry demanded, cutting Pearl off. She exchanged a glance with Lemon Lime, who stepped forward slightly to stand beside the Ruby, almost shaking now. "Here?"

Pearl looked as startled as Steven felt. "Well, yes-"

"Oh, my stars," Berry whispered, lifting her hands to cover her mouth.

"Where?" Lemon Lime gasped, glancing between them furiously. Steven slowly lowered the spoon back to the bowl and turned to face his friends again, furrowing his eyebrows silently. He had never seen Berry like this before, and to say that he was intrigued was an understatement. He would have been concerned, if not for the fact that she didn't look upset or uncomfortable or angry. There was nothing but pure shock written across her face, a dozen emotions that Steven couldn't really put a name to, looking so out of place on the little Ruby's face. "Where is she?"

"We'll take you to see her after Steven finishes his breakfast," Garnet told them lightly, a small smile appearing on her face for a second. At that, Steven glanced down at the bowl, pausing.

"I don't think I can eat any more," he admitted, glancing up. "We can go." Admittedly, while he was telling the truth - he was starting to feel a little sick - he probably could have managed a few more bites before he had to stop. But his curiosity over the situation and the desperation that came with needing to figure out what was wrong with his friends right then just made him want to get up and go already - not only was this Peridot apparently a gem that he had known before, but apparently Lemon Lime and Berry both seemed to have come to some sort of realization, and Steven was rather eager to see how it turned out. Especially considering Berry was still covering her mouth, still looking about ready to faint, if a gem could even do that, and for someone like Berry to look like that over something that wasn't a fusion, it was very, very rare.

"Should we wake up Greg?" Pearl questioned, glancing back at the sleeping human. Garnet paused for a moment, then shook her head, reaching forward to take the bowl from Steven while the hybrid turned to slide off of the stool, heading back over to his friends with a frown.

"You guys okay?"

"We're fine," Lemon Lime replied quickly, voice shaking slightly. "It's just…"

"I think we know the Peridot," Berry finished for him, somewhat faintly, watching anxiously as the other gems got ready to leave. "5XG left for a mission to Earth a while back… we haven't seen her since. We thought… but if she's really been here all this time, then…" She paused, glancing over at Lemon Lime somewhat anxiously. Steven furrowed his eyebrows silently, glancing back toward the other gems. 5XG… yeah, he remembered Berry mentioning that number before. It was also familiar enough to make something else stir at the back of his mind, but it wasn't quite enough to unleash any memories just yet. The hybrid narrowed his eyes silently, glancing back over at Berry and Lemon Lime; after a moment, the Ruby met his gaze and offered nothing more than a shrug, stepping back and heading toward the warp pad with Lemon Lime in tow.

Steven exchanged a glance with Candy, giving the Pearl an absolutely bewildered look. She just shrugged right back at him in response, looking just as confused. "It's Berry and Lemon Lime," she commented fondly, glancing after the other two. "I've given up trying to figure anything out. It's nice, though," she added, turning to follow after them. "That their friend might be here."

"Yeah," Steven agreed quietly, following. "I just hope…" He trailed off, not finishing his sentence. He didn't want them to build their hopes up only to be disappointed. He didn't know the chances of it being another gem and not the one they thought it was, but he was hoping, for their sakes, that the Peridot they were talking about was the one they were going to see. The hybrid hopped up onto the warp pad and turned, just as Garnet stepped out from behind the counter to walk over to them, with Pearl falling into step with the fusion while Amethyst dashed forward and leaped onto the warp pad without breaking stride, landing beside Steven with a huge grin. The hybrid offered her a small smile in response; his wariness for Amethyst had long fizzled out, and he almost admired the purple gem's excitement, her energy. Energy he didn't quite have, couldn't quite keep up with - unless he was out there on the field or training, of course. But Amethyst seemed to have the energy for anything and everything, and Steven admired that.

The warp was quick; where they arrived looked much different than it did outside the house. The ground was green, mostly, with some brown patches. And the green stuff tickled his feet as he stepped down from the warp pad along with the others; he looked down silently, lightly running his toes across it. It was a weird sensation, and different from the brown path leading up to the building just up ahead. He couldn't keep his eyes from widening when he rested his gaze on the structure in front of them; a giant red building with holes in the front, and things sticking out of the side. He walked forward, silently falling into step with Berry, Lemon Lime and Candy, while Amethyst wasted no time in spin dashing forward to the barn, whooping. "Yo, Peridot! Peri!"

"Steven." Garnet's hand rested on the hybrid's shoulder, pulling him to a halt. Steven paused, glancing over and nodding at Berry when she stopped to look back at him, and the Ruby continued on her way along with Lemon Lime and Candy quickly; the hybrid rolled his shoulders back, not enough to shake Garnet's hand off, and turned to face her, eyebrows furrowing. "I'd just like to let you know, Peridot can be… a bit overwhelming," the fusion began carefully. "Sometimes, at least. She's been going through quite a bit here, herself. I'm sure Pearl and Amethyst did their best to warn her about the situation, but she might expect too much too soon. You were very… close." She paused, glancing past the hybrid briefly and pulling her hand back. "But if you get too overwhelmed, just tell her. She wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable." She seemed to hesitate, opening her mouth slightly, but faltered after a moment, shaking her head. "Just… be careful. Something's off… I don't know what, but I know something's off…"

Steven frowned, staring at her for a moment. But, after a few seconds of hesitation, he moved forward to hug her, wrapping his arms around her and offering a light squeeze before pulling back. "I'm sure it'll be okay," he said quickly, smiling slightly when he felt her hand rest on his head again, lightly ruffling the curls. The hybrid ducked his head with a chuckle, and continued, "besides, if we were close, then there shouldn't be a problem. I've been remembering everything else pretty well recently, and I like Peridots anyway. Eh… most of them. Well…" He trailed off, furrowing his eyebrows. "Actually, Lemon Lime's the only Peridot I know, but still…"

"Just don't push anything," Pearl fussed, lightly reaching out to straighten the boy's curls again. "We don't want you hurting yourself trying to remember, if you can't…"

"I'll be fine," Steven assured, glancing between them. Once again, he couldn't help but wonder why he would have ever kept anything from them in the past. They were so reassuring, so gentle and soft and _loving_ \- he was lucky to have them in his life, then and now. He doubted anything had changed. He remembered feeling just as safe around them as he did right then, even though the significance of those feelings had long increased by now. He was lucky to have both of them - no, he was lucky to have _all_ of them there with him, helping him through this. Steven shook his head and took a deep breath, pulling back and offering them a warm smile. "Don't worry. I'll be fine," he told them again, pausing and turning his head to look toward the building once more when he heard Berry let out a shriek. Something small and… orange was running out of the building, making weird _yapping_ noises as it went. Like Lion, it ran on all fours, and had its tongue lolling out of its mouth as it leaped up into the air and yapped at Berry.

Of course, like anyone would probably do in that situation, Berry shrieked again. What Steven wasn't expecting was for her to turn and practically throw herself at Lemon Lime, climbing into the Peridot's arms and immediately clambering around to his shoulders, ducking behind the taller green gem with another horrified squeal when the little orange creature came closer. "Somebody! Call this! Little creature off!" The Ruby yelled. "Before I kick it into outer space- _no! Get away!"_ She climbed back onto Lemon Lime's shoulders, completely now, when the orange creature circled around and jumped up again, with the Peridot and Candy watching bemusedly.

"Pumpkin!" Another voice yelled, and Berry and Lemon Lime tensed up, heads snapping up to stare toward the building. Steven paused, already making his way forward carefully with Garnet and Pearl beside him, while another Peridot walked out of the barn. She wasn't wearing limb enhancers - so naturally, she was _short_ , only a few inches higher than Berry, he imagined. Amethyst followed not too far after the little green gem, looking positively _thrilled_ right then. "Pumpkin, what are you doing?" The Peridot scolded, reaching down to catch the little orange creature as it bounded away from Lemon Lime and Berry to jump into her arms instead. She then turned, depositing the creature into Amethyst's arms - much to the purple gem's surprise - before she turned back around to face the others, huffing. "Sorry, Pumpkin gets- really…"

She stopped, and stared. Not at him - at Berry and Lemon Lime, who were both staring right back at her with eyes wider than the moon. The Ruby slowly slid down off of the Peridot's back, opening and closing her mouth as she stared at the short green gem in front of them.

"5XH…" The Peridot gaped at them. "5HX…?"

"5XG!" To his surprise, Berry suddenly let out a squeal and launched herself forward; he came to a complete stop when the Ruby rammed into the Peridot, sending them both crashing back and wrapping her arms as tightly around the small green gem as she seemed to be able to. "Oh my stars, you're alive! You're- okay!" Abruptly, the little red gem pulled back, staring at the Peridot while she seemed to be trying to recover from the abrupt tackle hug. Honestly, Steven was still trying to recover from it himself, and he hadn't even been the one that got tackled. "You've been here? All this time?!" Berry demanded. "You left me with _this_ little pebble?!"

"Well-" The Peridot stammered, wide-eyed. "I-"

"You're not wearing your limb enhancers," Lemon Lime uttered, sounding shocked and confused. The Peridot glanced up at him, eyes widening even further as she stared at him.

"And you look-" She seemed to choke on her words for a second. "Y- you look _different-"_

"He _is_ different," Berry agreed, and abruptly smacked the Peridot over the head, making her wince. "But as for you! You scared the living shards out of me, you know that?! We thought you'd gotten shattered or- or lost in space or something! And you've been here! All this time! With that thing!" She added with a disdainful look in Pumpkin's direction. " _All this time!"_

Steven stayed silent, but he couldn't help but smile now as he watched the three reunite. Well, he was glad that certainly worked out - granted, he was still surprised to see Berry willingly hugging anybody with that much enthusiasm and not really think twice about it, much less admit that someone had actually scared her because she thought they were dead - but this Peridot was one of her friends, too, and that was definitely a good thing. For a moment, the hybrid just tilted his head, silently studying the Peridot. She looked familiar, but… no, no memories yet.

Once Berry finally let the Peridot up, and she exchanged a cheerful greeting with Lemon Lime, who pulled her, rather fiercely, into a hug of his own, Steven finally continued on his way forward with Garnet leading him carefully, offering the smaller Peridot a small smile when she turned to look at them as they approached. Once again, there were no memories, but he did feel something stirring in the back of his mind when she finally looked up at him through her visor, eyes seeming to widen slightly in a mixture of shock and confusion before the expression settled again. And then, just as quickly, a huge grin had split across her face almost at once; she walked forward, momentarily abandoning the other two - much to Berry's dismay - and Steven paused for a second to let the Peridot approach him instead. "Well, well, well, look who it is! Welcome back to Earth, Steven- not that… you remember… Earth… but…" she paused, narrowing her eyes for a moment, and Steven snorted. "Well, welcome back anyway!"

"Thanks," Steven replied genuinely, letting his smile widen a little more. So far, so good. The Peridot seemed pretty nice already, and he had a feeling that if Berry liked her, they were going to get along just fine. There was no wariness, no fear - though the prodding at the back of his mind became a little more prominent then, and seemed to be stirring up some… unpleasant feelings. Guilt was one of them, guilt and confusion and… pain. The hybrid paused, briefly letting the smile falter for a second, but the Peridot didn't seem to notice his expression shift.

"My name is Peridot. Just Peridot," she added, and Steven nodded faintly. Like Pearl and Amethyst, okay, that wasn't that much of a big deal. "And this is the barn!" She turned, gesturing toward the giant structure in front of them, and Steven lifted his gaze silently, eyebrows furrowing. "My home away from Homeworld. Since I can't ever go back there. I called Yellow Diamond a clod, right to her face." Peridot sighed, an almost fond tone to her voice, and snickered slightly when Berry practically shrieked from where she was standing, looking absolutely _delighted_ to hear that last little bit of news. "But the barn is where we have our meep morps and where we keep Pumpkin, our girl. Lapis isn't here-" Peridot seemed to hesitate. "She left a while back, just after Homeworld took you… she didn't say anything when she…"

Her voice fizzled away, the world turning to static before he could react.

Lapis.

_The hybrid was screaming, writhing against several giant hands holding him back, tight grips on his arms and shoulders keeping him from getting even an inch further than he was right then._

Lapis…

 _Blue Diamond was standing in front of him; she smiled to herself as he screamed and begged for her to stop and listen to him. The words he yelled were muffled, unclear even to him right then, but he knew that's what he was asking. It had to be. There was nothing but fear and desperation in his voice, nothing else for him to have been screaming but for her to_ _**stop.** _

Lapis.

 _She pinched the gem between her fingers, glittering dimly in the pale blue light. Holding it out, holding it up for him to see clearly for himself what it was… and_ _**who** _ _it was._

"Lapis…" Steven whispered. Peridot stopped speaking, turning back to him with an almost confused expression on her face - and he froze again. Everything happened very quickly then. His pupils shrank slightly, staring down at the little green gem in front of him, before abruptly reeling himself back. A hand on his shoulder drew a scream from his lips, not even waiting to see who it was; all he could see was Blue Diamond. All he could see was the tiny, blue, Lapis Lazuli gem pinched between her fingers. All he could feel were the hands on his shoulders, the fingers gripping his arms tight enough to bruise. All he could feel was the pain, and the horror. The fear and confusion and desperation. But not only did he remember the emotions pounding in his chest, he remembered _why_. He remembered Lapis, he remembered being absolutely terrified and confused and _horrified_ when he saw her gem in Blue Diamond's hand, knowing what was going to happen and desperately hoping that he could get through to her first.

He remembered the fear. He remembered the anger. He remembered the pain. He remembered how much it hurt, struggling against the soldiers holding him back while Blue Diamond taunted him with the gem, holding it out in front of him, making him think she might be a little merciful.

Only… only to…

"No…" The hybrid gasped. He stumbled back again, clasping his hands over his mouth. " _No…_ " He remembered. He remembered watching Blue Diamond bubble the gem again. Watching it fill up with all of the giant gem's anger and grief. Watching it, and waiting, tense, for something to happen. Trying to speak, but unable to spit the words out. He remembered watching the spike, watching it pierce straight through the center of the gem, popping the bubble in the process. He remembered the gem shards that fell to the platform in front of him once it had, remembered watching them as they fell, watching as they bounced and dropped further to the ground.

He screamed again, out of pure anguish this time, as his legs finally gave out from under him. Tears flooded his eyes for the first time since it had happened, for the first time in eight months; and he yelled, and shrieked, and screamed and doubled over, covering his mouth with a sob. " _No-!"_ He yelled again, squeezing his eyes shut against the tears, but they continued to rise; he felt like he was drowning, drowning in pain, and grief, and guilt. He could still see the shards in front of him, he remembered just standing there even long after the Amethysts had loosened their grips on his arms. He remembered… he remembered just… staring. He remembered the pain and grief had consumed him so much, so quickly, that everything had just gone blank. He remembered _forgetting_ , one thing after another, until there was nothing left to grieve over. Until the shards at his feet meant nothing more to him than they would have if it was a stranger.

But it wasn't.

"Lapis…" Steven gasped again, heaving out another strangled sob. His senses flooded back, reality hitting him once again, but it only drew another horrified scream from his lips as he doubled over again. A mixture of pain, and grief, and fear, and guilt, and _fury_. " _Lapis…!"_ He choked on his own screams, choking on air until he couldn't speak anymore. Until all he could do was sob, covering his mouth, gripping and tugging at his hair as he leaned over, close to the ground but not quite falling over. He was on his knees. He felt people around him, touching his shoulders and arms and calling his name frantically, trying to speak to him, to comfort him. The hybrid recognized each voice, remembered each person it belonged to. He recognized the familiar touch of Garnet's hand, as if he'd never forgotten in the first place. He recognized Amethyst's fingers around his wrists, trying to tug his hands away from his face as he dug his nails into his skin and raked them down with another stifled sob. He recognized Pearl's hand on his back and the other one on his other shoulder, squeezing as she tried to get his attention.

But the hybrid was damn near inconsolable right then, and that wasn't going to be fixed any time soon. The gems would be better off just waiting him out, letting him scream and sob until he couldn't anymore before they tried to get his attention this time. He couldn't breathe through the sobs, he couldn't see through the tears in his eyes. They were streaming down his face mercilessly, making up for lost time. And the pain in his chest, the grief he was feeling… it was like four month's worth of grief and agony and guilt slamming into him without any warning. He couldn't have stopped himself, silenced himself, right then if he had tried to. Nothing could.

So he let the world fade away again, let the desperate, concerned voices of his family spiral into nothingness, let everything blur and turn to static while he voiced his agony and grief without anything to hold it back. There was nothing else he could do but wait the storm out, himself.

The only thing was that he didn't know if it was ever going to stop.


	30. Chapter 30

Steven didn't know how long it was before he managed to fall silent.

The tears still fell, coursing down his cheeks violently. He felt like he was about ready to drown in them; for a moment, he almost wished he would. He almost wished, for just a second, that he would choke and suffocate on his own tears, let himself drown and diminish in his own anguish. Death would surely be a far better existence than he was experiencing right then. Far better than the grief that had taken hold of him and was shaking him violently, yelling at him to get a grip and simultaneously ripping him apart at the same time. He blinked a few times, sucking in a shuddering breath and turning his head faintly when he felt Garnet's hand on his shoulder again, looking up silently as the fusion pushed him up a little, steadying him on his knees, and ducked her head so that he had to look at her. Her visor was gone, revealing all of her eyes; for a moment, Steven could only stare at her, not knowing what to say. What could he say now? What could he possibly tell her right then? Tell any of them? He didn't think he could _speak_.

"Steven," Garnet's voice was cautious, steady. She gripped his shoulders as he stared up at her. "It's alright. You're alright. Just calm down, relax," the fusion soothed. "You're going to be alri-"

Steven jerked away from her and pushed himself back, yanking himself out of their grips. He caught himself with his hands before he could fall onto his back, taking in another shuddery breath and glancing between them frantically. Garnet. Amethyst. Pearl. He didn't remember everything yet, he could still feel blank spots, little fractions missing from his memory, gaps where they should have been. But he did remember his family. He remembered thinking he might not ever see them again, and he remembered preparing himself to be able to live with that for however long the Diamonds decided to keep him alive. But here he was now, surrounded by the gems he never thought he'd reunite with - and a part of him anguished over the fact that he hadn't even remembered the reunion - but it hardly mattered, knowing what he knew now.

Lapis was dead. Blue Diamond had shattered her. The hybrid's eyes flickered frantically, searching their gazes, before his wide eyes darted back toward Peridot. The little green gem looked more confused than Steven had ever seen her, bewilderment and worry etched across her face as she stared at him. The hybrid had to swallow back another grief-stricken cry at the sight of her; breaking the news to the other gems was going to be awful, but breaking the news to Peridot, who had lived with Lapis, who had befriended her, who had been ever so _close…_

It was going to break him as much as it broke her.

Honestly, maybe it already had.

"I'm _sorry_ ," Steven sobbed, pressing the back of his hand against his mouth. He ignored the others for the time being, even as they approached him again. Pearl crouched down beside him and laid a hand on his shoulder, and looked toward the others worriedly when he jerked away. "Lapis," he began shakily. "Lapis. I co- couldn't-" Another rush of tears flooded his eyes, blurring his vision, and he bit back another wail. "I couldn't s- save her- Bl- Blue Diamond was- sh- she-"

Everybody else reacted rather quickly then. Pearl recoiled with a gasp, folding both of her hands over her mouth, and Amethyst's pupils shrank as she stared down at the hybrid in pure shock. Garnet froze, all three eyes darting rapidly between Steven and the others - but Peridot's reaction was the only one he cared for, and he didn't even receive one. The little green gem just blinked back at him through her visor, as if she hadn't heard a word he had said. Maybe she didn't understand. Maybe it was just taking her a little bit longer to register the information. Steven held his breath for a second, chest heaving once he actually began breathing again. He felt air-deprived from sobbing so hard, lungs aching as they begged for more, more than his stuffy, clogged nose was giving him, but he was scared to open his mouth and breathe, lest he start screaming again, lest he start crying, sobbing, or lest he said something else, something bad, something that really would cause the gem in front of him to break into a thousand pieces.

"Lapis…" Peridot finally began. Her voice wavered slightly, and Steven braced himself, silently. She was ever so fragile right then; for a gem that didn't handle emotions very well, especially the negative ones, Steven knew treading with caution was the best course of action. Of course, it didn't help that he could hardly think past his own fog of sorrow and grief, past the pain that was still pounding away violently in his chest. He wished it would stop already, wished it would clear for a second and give him just a moment of clarity, enough to talk this through with Peridot. He remembered how much she cared for the other gem, how close they had been. He knew this news was going to break her no matter what he did, but he also knew that even so, he had to be gentle with it, he had to be more cautious than he had been so far, he had to not let his own emotions get in the way of what he was saying to _her_. "Lapis went… to Homeworld and…?"

Steven couldn't choke back another stifled sob, clasping his other hand over his mouth. Pearl's hand rested on his shoulder again, her grip shaky and loose. He couldn't bring himself to move away from her this time - mostly because he didn't think he needed the comfort as much as she might have. Lapis and Pearl had never been particularly close, not that he could remember, but this had to have shaken her. She definitely looked shaken. "I'm sorry," he found himself whispering again, shaking his head as the tears broke loose once more, freeing themselves from his eyelashes and streaming down the sides of his cheek once again. "I'm so- so _sorry_." He dropped his head for a second, squeezing his eyes shut and trying to compose himself. "Sh- she was right th- if I ha- hadn't b- been trying to escape Bl- Blue Diamond never w- would've-"

"No…" Peridot shook her head slightly. "No, no, Lapis can't be- Lapis can't be… she's just poofed, right? Blue Diamond has her poofed somewhere. She wouldn't have- she wouldn't-" Steven just shook his head desperately, unable to respond. He didn't even want to correct her at this point, he didn't want to have to drill it into her. He didn't have the mental or emotional strength right then to be able to do that. So he stayed quiet, trembling hands pressed to his face as he tried to breathe without opening his mouth, not daring to open his eyes and look up again.

"Garnet," he heard Pearl whisper shakily. "Garnet, he can't _handle_ it."

"Take him back to the house," Garnet ordered quietly. Steven finally forced himself to look up when the fusion pushed herself to stand, walking over to Peridot, who was mumbling quietly to herself now, fingers digging into her hair silently. She looked up at Garnet when she approached, and when the fusion gestured toward the barn, she spared only a hesitant glance toward Steven - who quickly flicked his gaze downwards - before she turned to head off with the fusion following. The hybrid just stared after her, silent and surprisingly numb, physically; though he did feel Amethyst and Pearl lightly grabbing him under the arms, pulling him to his feet. It took him a moment to force himself to move with them, rather than against him, as they held him up; he found himself ripping his arm away from Amethyst, though he didn't quite lean into Pearl's touch either. With the memory still fresh in his mind, he couldn't handle the contact.

Amethyst hesitated, while Pearl tugged Steven forward slightly, trying to lead him to the warp pad. It took him a little while, just staring blankly toward the barn, before he could move with the pale gem, sliding his feet and stumbling after her silently as she led him away. "Hey," he heard Amethyst call back to Berry, Candy and Lemon Lime, who all seemed to be frozen; the hybrid couldn't help but glance back at them for a second, rapidly flicking his gaze between the Ruby and the Peridot. Candy just looked mournful, silent as she glanced between all of them, taking it all in. Lemon Lime looked like he didn't know whether to be more concerned for Steven or Peridot, or both, but he looked more intent on heading to the barn than following them. Berry's gaze was flicking between Steven and the barn silently - while she didn't look quite as torn as Lemon Lime did, or honestly conflicted at all, there was more sorrow in her expression than Steven had expected to see. A lingering, distressing kind of sadness, a sad realization. "You guys wanna stay here? G might need some backup with Peridot…" Amethyst paused, flicking her gaze back toward Steven and Pearl, just as the hybrid finally stepped up onto the warp pad.

"I'll stay," Lemon Lime said quietly, looking down at Berry hesitantly, then over at Candy.

Berry paused, glancing back up at Steven, then nodded and looked back toward the barn for a second. "That's probably a good idea," she mumbled, and then muttered something else under her breath that Steven didn't quite catch. He thought he saw her mouth the word 'overwhelm', but he wasn't entirely sure. And he didn't get to hear anything else before the warp pad activated, carrying him and Pearl away; the pale gem's arms wrapped around him once again, and, once again, Steven found himself shying away from the contact, shaking his head slightly.

"Oh, Steven…" Pearl heaved out a sigh, but she didn't try to touch him again after that. The hybrid didn't say anything for a moment, wrapping his arms around himself and staring at the warp stream. Through the guilt, and sorrow, and grief, there was anger. Boiling under the surface, desperate to be released, desperate to lash out. He bit the inside of his cheek and ran his tongue over his lips furiously, feeling every muscle and bone and vein in his body shudder as he shook. He didn't know whether it was from his grief or from his rage, or if it was both. But he knew he was shaking like a leaf right then, and he wasn't going to stop anytime soon. Trembling fingers curled against his arms, nails pressing lightly against the scars, and he numbly reminded himself not to break the skin. Not to rip through the scars, make them bleed.

He didn't want to make himself bleed, but he needed to get a grip on something, whether it be in an emotional, mental or physical sense. Nothing around him felt _real_ right then- he felt like he was walking through a daydream, dizzy and numb. Nothing was making sense, he couldn't think clearly, he couldn't think about anything but Lapis and Blue Diamond and the gem shards. And Peridot, oh _, Peridot_ , he couldn't stop thinking about how heartbroken she must be. He hoped Garnet was being gentle with her, she couldn't stand anymore heartache right then, he knew it. She was probably already anguished enough over the fact that Lapis had gone, apparently without even telling them where she was going in the first place, but to find out she was dead…

Steven was still having a hard time with that himself. It was just hitting him for the first time, after all. He'd spent four months suppressing it, four months bottling the memory up and pushing it down, locking it away in that box in the back of his mind so he didn't have to deal with it.

Arriving at the house, he saw it was mostly empty. Tangerine and Clementine were gone, and Greg had awoken - he was currently in the kitchen, messing around with some dishes and silverware. He looked up when Steven and Pearl warped in, and they stepped down from the warp pad just in time for it to activate with Amethyst having followed suit behind them. The hybrid hesitated, glancing around the house silently, taking in everything for the first time. Really taking it in, now that he had almost all of his memories back. Almost, but not quite. He found some things were still hard to name, some things looked a little out of place, some memories still missing. But most of them were there. Steven stayed silent, still looking around even as Greg dropped what he was doing to head over to them, approaching carefully and glancing at Pearl every now and again with nothing but fear and worry flickering through his eyes now. "Steven," he called out softly to the distracted hybrid, and Steven twitched slightly, finally turning his gaze back to his Dad and staring back at him. "Hey, what happened, buddy? You're…"

He reached out, and Steven flinched back, jerking his head away before his father's thumb could brush against his cheek. His own hand rose slightly, lightly touching the tears that were still lingering against his skin, on the verge of drying. He was still crying, though. He could feel even more tears welling up, trying to push their way out, and there was no way he could stop them from escaping now. He hadn't cried in so long - he didn't have any control over it anymore.

"I remembered," he whispered harshly to his Dad, in a hushed tone. His own voice was unfamiliar to his own ears. The anger lacing his words was unfamiliar. The pain, the sorrow. The grief, like nothing he'd ever felt before. It was all unfamiliar. After all this, he still didn't feel like himself anymore. Even after getting his memories back, even after realizing he wasn't Rose Quartz, he wasn't his mother, he wasn't a soldier and he certainly didn't belong on Homeworld, even after all of that, he still didn't feel like himself. He didn't recognize himself anymore. He didn't recognize the emotions pounding through his chest. He felt more disconnected from himself than he had ever felt in his life, and considering that he'd just gone the past four months with hardly any memories to account for, that was definitely saying something. "I remembered." He wished he hadn't. He wished he hadn't remembered anything. And it made him feel _worse_.

Greg seemed to freeze, wide eyes darting back toward the other gems for a second. He couldn't see their faces, and, honestly, he wasn't sure he wanted to right then. "Steven…" His Dad trailed off, and Steven looked up at him hesitantly, searching his gaze silently. There was nothing but worry there, even now. Of course there was. He just couldn't help but wish he'd see something else there, though he wasn't sure what else to expect from his own family. He knew they weren't going to stop worrying about him anytime soon, that was for sure. "Oh, buddy…" Greg trailed off, reaching for him again. This time, Steven let his father pull him forward by the shoulders, away from the gems, to wrap his arms around him in a hug. He wrapped one arm around Greg in return, digging his fingers into the back of his shirt and glancing past him briefly.

He pulled away again after only a few seconds, detangling himself from Greg's arms. Like always, he loved the contact, he basked in the affection, but he couldn't do that right then. He would have loved nothing more than to wrap himself up in a warm hug, to curl up in his father's arms and hide away from the rest of the world. But that wasn't an option, and he knew that. They were worried and they were going to keep asking questions and touching him and trying to comfort him and he wasn't ready for that yet. He loved them, he loved them more than anything in his whole life - he loved them more than life _itself_ \- but he couldn't be around them right then. Not until he got his thoughts in order. He didn't want them to see him break down again over this, and he had a feeling he hadn't shed the last of his tears over this situation, especially since they were still flowing freely. So the hybrid stayed silent, briefly flicking his gaze around his family's concerned faces. Amethyst and Pearl just looked as concerned as Greg did - neither of them needed his help right then, they were too busy trying to help him. And honestly, if he hadn't known that there was no way they could comfort him right now, he'd accept it happily.

After a moment, Steven glanced between them again and headed for the bathroom. Nobody tried to stop him - they just watched him carefully, and he saw Pearl had reached out to put a hand on Greg's shoulder when he turned to shut the door behind him. But not before adding, "just- just give me a second, please- I'm sorry-" Before he did, letting it click shut. He didn't bother locking it, doubting anybody was going to try to follow him right then. He just needed a few minutes, some time to collect his thoughts and try to compose himself again. And he felt guilty enough asking for even that, believe me, but he couldn't do anything right then anyway. He couldn't go out and comfort Peridot, he couldn't comfort them because they just wanted to comfort him, and he couldn't be comforted right then if he'd tried. It was happening too fast, throwing too much at him far too quickly. Time alone would do him better than anything else.

He made his way across the bathroom, climbing inside the tub and sinking down into the corner of it, curling his knees up to his chest and burying his face into his legs. And he was fully prepared to stay like that for as long as he needed to, however long it took to pull himself together. He almost wondered if it was even possible, if there was even a chance he'd be able to come back from this, if he'd ever be able to sort his thoughts out enough to genuinely process the situation. The truth was, he didn't have the answer. It had been four months. Four months since it had happened, four months since Lapis had been shattered, and he hadn't even _known_.

 _Nobody_ had known. Not him, and not anyone else who cared about her. She was just… dead. Dead for four months without anybody to mourn her. He could still remember feeling _nothing_ as he looked down at the shards at his feet, wondering what had happened and whether he should have been feeling horrible over it or not. He knew something inside of him had been aching to feel guilty for it, but he was also well aware that he had done his best to stifle that just as quickly. He'd gone out of his way to stifle everything, from memories to emotions. All because of what had happened to Lapis, because he couldn't deal with it then, and he didn't think he could deal with it now. The only problem was that his memories weren't flickering out this time - he wasn't going numb now, he was just the opposite. The pain pounding against his chest was just getting worse and worse, throat restricting, making it even harder for him to breathe than before. And he knew the gems and Greg would be rushing in here if he screamed - so he kept his mouth shut and tried to breathe in through his nose, pressing his face against his legs silently.

Hours could have passed, sitting right there, just like that, letting his grief and pain drown him. And he wouldn't have noticed a thing - he was used to being locked away on his own, time seemed to fly by whenever he was. Hours could have passed, and he wouldn't have noticed. It was odd, the grief - it seemed to trap him, freezing him for a moment in time, like the pain in his chest blurred everything else around him to nothingness until it was the only thing left to feel. Time didn't pass normally. It went slowly, agonizingly so, dragging out the pain for as long as it seemed to be able to. Hours could have passed, and he wouldn't have noticed. He didn't _care_.

Hours passed. He didn't notice.

What he did notice, however, was the sound of the warp pad activating outside. He heard voices, each and every one of them familiar. But they were mumbling among themselves, things Steven couldn't quite catch - until, suddenly, someone was knocking on the bathroom door. The hybrid couldn't even force himself to lift his head and look up when he heard it, not really wanting to see who it was but not having the heart to be able to send anybody away. After a moment, he turned his head to the side to face the door, unable to force himself to blink his eyes open even then. "It's open," he called out quietly, heaving out a gentle sigh when he heard the doorknob turn and finally forcing himself to raise his head and blink his eyes open once again.

He wasn't too startled to see Pearl step through the door, but he was surprised to see her carrying a tray with her. His blanket was folded, tucked under one of her arms, and she was balancing a cup and a bowl on the tray as she pushed the door shut with her foot and made her way forward to him. The hybrid rubbed his arm over his eyes and sat up completely again. "You didn't have to bring me anything," he mumbled, voice wavering. "I was about to come out…"

"You don't have to come out if you're not ready," Pearl told him quietly. She lowered the tray to put it over the sink for a second, and grabbed his blanket instead, spreading it out and walking forward to wrap it around him. After a moment, the hybrid leaned forward so she could drape it over his shoulders, biting the inside of his cheek. "I just know that you don't like being alone."

Steven wanted to smile at her, but he couldn't force his lips upwards. So he just nodded, searching her gaze and hoping that his expression would relay the affection he couldn't show right then, the gratefulness that she was still there for him after everything. He didn't know how long it had been, and he didn't care. He didn't think he was still in the same state of shock and grief as he had been, but he knew he was definitely still consumed in absolute pain that he wasn't entirely sure he was going to be able to shake anytime soon. But even through all of that, he could still feel grateful. Grateful for her company, even if she couldn't comfort him right then. "M'sorry I left," he mumbled after a moment, watching her grab the tray again. "I just… I…"

"You don't have to apologize at all," Pearl huffed out a weak laugh. "If anybody understands needing- needing space and time to grieve, it's _me_. You've got nothing to apologize for." Steven fell silent at that, biting the inside of his cheek as she turned to face him again. The smile that appeared on her face was genuine, but sad. Not sad, he didn't think, for the gem they had lost - sad for him, but he couldn't really fathom why. He wasn't the one who had gotten shattered. "There's nothing to be sorry for," she told him quietly, stepping forward and carefully stepping over the side of the bathtub, and Steven shifted slightly to give her a little more room. Not that there wasn't a whole tub for her to sit in, with him only taking up the corner further away from the rest of the room and further away from the faucet, but he knew she'd want to sit with him. Not that he had any objections to that, but he still didn't think he was ready for contact. Not yet.

"Feels like there's a lot to be sorry for," he noted quietly as Pearl finally settled down, cross-legged, balancing the tray on her lap. She picked up the cup and handed it over to him, and the hybrid took it reluctantly after a few seconds, peering down into it silently. Good. Milk. Despite his distaste for anything with any kind of flavor, he'd take milk over water then. "She was right there," he mumbled, twirling the cup lightly in his hands, but not taking a sip yet. "Right there in front of me, a- and I couldn't- I c- couldn't even get to her." He paused, sucking in a shaky breath and sinking back slightly, curling himself up into the corner a little bit more.

Pearl shook her head. "It's not your fault, Steven…"

"She never would've-" Steven stopped, swallowing and running his tongue over his lips, and shook his head slightly, himself, as he struggled to recompose himself again. "I was trying to escape- we were gonna come back here-" He huffed out a shaky laugh. "Almost all of us… Berry, and Lemon Lime, and the Jaspers and I, we were trying to come back to Earth and…" The hybrid fell silent for a moment, the pain pounding at his chest briefly rendering him speechless. He ran his tongue over his lips once more, squeezing his eyes shut against the tears he could feel brewing in the corners of his eyes. He hadn't cried in so long, it felt unnatural to him now. He didn't know how to stop, or even how to remotely slow them down, even a little. "She caught us," he mumbled after a moment. "She caught us, and she was- so _angry…"_

Pearl was silent for a while, even when Steven stopped speaking, unable to continue. When the pale gem did finally speak again, her voice was quiet. "I'm sorry you had to go through that."

Steven managed to bark out a laugh at that. His own anger surprised him then - not directed toward Pearl, of course, not really. Just bitterness in general, a silent rage directed solely to the situation, to the simple fact that his friend had been killed in front of him and he hadn't been able to do anything about it, to the simple fact that he had even forgotten it had happened, to the simple fact that he was here sobbing over the blue gem when he should have been out there comforting Peridot, when he should have been out there doing anything else. Instead, he was stuck in here, wallowing in his grief and drowning in sorrow. And now, on top of everything else, he was angry. Angry at the lack of control he had over his own situation, and angry for being angry about it. Angry at himself; angry at Blue Diamond. "I'm not the one that got shattered." He swallowed, hard, as if he could choke down the rest of his sorrow and fury. He knew damn well that it wasn't a good combination, and yet he was letting it build up anyway. " _I'm_ not the one…"

"I know," Pearl said quietly, shifting a little to turn to face him and balancing the tray on her lap carefully. Steven shook his head, staring down into the cup as she continued speaking to him. "But that doesn't make it any less of a… a traumatic experience. You're _hurt._ Everything they… they did to you…" The words she was saying, they were starting to sound familiar. The hybrid furrowed his eyebrows slightly, curling his fingers even tighter around the cup in his hand. "Turning yourself in as your mother…" Definitely familiar. "And then what happened to Lapis… it's no wonder you…" The pale gem trailed off, settling her hand over her mouth after a moment.

Steven continued to stare down at the cup for a moment, furrowing his eyebrows. _Familiar…_ Why was that so familiar…? _You're hurt… everything they did to you… turning yourself in as your mother…_ he had heard those words before, he had heard _Pearl_ say those words before. But he'd been back on Homeworld back then, he'd been in the Room. Pearl had been there, but she wasn't really Pearl, was she? She was saying all those things about him being Rose Quartz, about him just forgetting everything about Homeworld and the rebellion, about him suppressing the memories. Taunting him, telling him he knew he deserved to be shattered. The hybrid sucked in a shaky breath, holding it for a moment. The dread settling in the pit of his stomach turned cold with terror, his entire body shuddering with the force of it all, as if he was about to crumble and collapse under the weight of his own emotions right then and there.

"Are you real?" He dared to whisper into the silence, staring down at the cup.

A beat of silence passed before Pearl spoke, carefully, "wh- what?"

"I need to know," Steven mumbled, voice trembling. He wasn't even making an effort to hold it steady - there wasn't a point, whether or not Pearl was real. "I need to kn- know if you're real… or if you're gonna l- like- go off on me or s- something, because I can't…" He ran his tongue over his lips again, biting the inside of his cheek and trying to think. He'd seen her come in, and she definitely looked and felt and sounded real. The blanket over him felt real, the cup in his hands felt real, but he knew that didn't mean anything. Unless, somehow, she _had_ been real. But Steven didn't see how that would have worked out. He didn't see how it could have _been._

"I-" Pearl's voice choked off slightly; Steven felt his own throat restrict in response, finally managing to tear his gaze back up to her. She was still covering her mouth, this time with tears pricking at the corners of her eyes. The tray was abandoned on her lap, held steady by her legs. But he didn't think it would last long, with the way she was trembling now. "I'm _real_ , Steven."

Well, the fact that she'd said his name was a good sign. The hybrid continued to hesitate for a moment, wavering slightly on the verge of distrust and longing. She was there. They were on Earth. Of course she was real, there wasn't any reason for her not to be - though, there wasn't particularly any reason she couldn't have been, either. Steven paused, sucking in another breath and finally letting himself sink back against the tub again, this time with the blanket pressed between him and the cold surface, something soft to shield his back when he slumped backwards against the hard wall of the side of the tub. Pearl finally scooted toward him, reaching out to put the tray on the side of the tub instead, and reached out, hands pausing an inch away from him, as if to ask for permission. When the hybrid didn't recoil or flinch away, she carefully wrapped her arms around him, and Steven sank sideways against her, still shaking.

"I'm so sorry," Pearl whispered, pressing her mouth into his hair. "I'm sorry we couldn't come get you… I'm sorry you went through all of that pain, and that fear, and all of that without us. B- but-" The pale gem stopped, breathing in shakily, and continued, "but we're here- we're here _now_. You're back home, and you're- you're safe. I know it h- hurts, I know it'll always still hurt…" She buried her face into his hair, and he blinked, silent, as he felt more tears rise up. They fell almost immediately sliding down his cheeks almost gently. He felt them brush against his skin, like the gentle touch of warm fingers. It just made more rise up in the end, and those fell just as quickly. "But we've got you," Pearl breathed. "W- we've got you and we're not gonna let anything else happen to you. We're going to get through this." She offered him a gentle squeeze. " _Together_."

He couldn't hold himself back then. A quiet, loose sob broke free from his lips, and that was it. Every bit of the self-control he still had snapped away - and Pearl was right there, holding him as he finally broke down again. These sobs were muffled and choked, almost silent now. No screaming, no agonized wails. He just cried, and Pearl pulled him even closer, gently removing the cup from his grip and putting it away with the tray as she pulled him into his lap and held him, wrapping her arms around him firmly and pressing her face into his hair again as she reached up, knuckles gently gliding across his cheeks to wipe the tears away as they fell. Eventually, the quiet sobs subsided, but the tears continued to rise and fall as they were then. By that point, Steven thought it best to just accept his fate. To accept the tears, and the pain. To accept the guilt. The anger. The sorrow. All of it. To accept it, because he could finally _feel_ it now. He could finally feel all the emotions he hadn't been able to feel after it had happened. And, yeah, he had four month's worth of pain and guilt to make up for… and he'd accept it.

He accepted the grief as it came. There was no point trying to fight it anymore; he'd seen what happened when he did. He wasn't prepared to go through all of that again. Neither were they.

A while passed like that, curled up and collapsed in Pearl's arms while she rubbed his shoulder, an attempt to comfort him that wasn't really falling through. He appreciated her company regardless - the fact that she was there, while it didn't numb the pain or the grief, it did soothe him a little. The fact that he knew where he was, safe on Earth, free to be able to finally accept the pain, and try to learn to deal with it, even if in the end he wasn't able to. Truthfully, Steven didn't know, even now, if he would ever be able to. But he was grateful Pearl was there with him. The hybrid swallowed, leaning his head back against the pale gem's shoulder and finally blinking his eyes open, albeit somewhat reluctantly, when he heard the doorknob jiggle; his pupils shrank slightly despite himself, silently staring toward the door until it creaked open.

Amethyst was the first to step through, followed quickly by Garnet; the two seemed to hesitate as the fusion reached back to shut the door behind her, and Pearl lifted her head from Steven's silently while the hybrid just stayed where he was, not having the physical strength to move. "Hey…" Amethyst trailed off slightly, wandering a few steps forward and offering the two a hesitant, somewhat shaky smile as she glanced between them. Her eyes rested on Steven's, her gaze meeting the hybrid's silently for a moment. Steven just stared. "Room for two more…?"

"Always," Steven whispered after a few seconds.

Amethyst was the first to climb in with them. Steven watched her through heavy eyelids as she settled herself down beside him, in the empty corner the hybrid had been curled up in before Pearl had pulled him into her arms. Next came Garnet, who carefully removed the tray and cup from the side of the tub before she stepped in, putting both of her legs in the bathtub with them and seating herself on the edge of it after a moment. Steven turned his head slightly against Pearl's shoulder, just enough to be able to tuck his head underneath hers - but after a moment, he paused, another quiet shudder rippling through him, and turned his head again to look back up toward the fusion. "Is Peridot okay?" He managed to choke the question out through another blur of tears, blinking them back furiously and shaking his head slightly at himself as they fell.

Garnet hesitated. He watched her hands curl, thumbs rubbing lightly over the gems in her palms as she turned her head. He couldn't see her eyes, but he knew she was exchanging glances with Amethyst and Pearl, knew she was debating on what she should say to him. The hybrid just couldn't decide, himself, whether he wanted the truth… or reassurance. But it didn't matter anyway; the fusion finally steeled herself, looking back down at Steven, and frowned. "No."

Steven squeezed his eyes shut, surprisingly unprepared for the burst of pain, the fear that twisted itself through him. He had to bite his tongue to keep himself from crying out again.

"Berry and Lemon Lime are with her." Garnet paused, and Steven heard her breathe in slightly, almost shakily, before she continued carefully, "I explained… the situation to the best of my ability, but I'm not entirely sure if she…" She didn't need to finish; Steven understood. He understood completely, how blinding grief could be, how if you were desperate enough, you could delude yourself into believing something wasn't true, that it was better than it really was.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled after a moment, swallowing past the lump in his throat and closing his eyes again. He was so tired right then, and he couldn't even figure out whether it was in an emotional or physical sense. Maybe a little bit of both. He turned his head again slightly, tucking it under Pearl's chin again, and the pale gem offered him a light squeeze as she pulled him even closer and rested her head on top of his again. "I'm sorry… I'm sorry I freaked out, I-" He sucked in a shaky breath. "I'm sorry I couldn't r- _remember_ what happened sooner, I could've told everyone already a- and… and…" After a moment, he found himself faltering. Would it have mattered if he had been able to tell them the day before? Or when he'd first arrived? Hell, if he had remembered then, would he have been able to tell them anything if he wasn't stuck in a grief-stricken daze, half-unable to even control what he was saying at the time? He didn't know. He didn't know if he'd have been able to tell them anything. He didn't know if he could have been able to see that look on their faces - making them upset had been unbearable enough when he didn't have his memories. Now it was just downright mortifying to him. "I'm… sorry," he managed to choke out, furrowing his eyebrows and squeezing his eyes shut a little tighter now.

He felt Garnet's hand against his back, thumb gently rubbing over his shoulder-blades. And he heard Amethyst huff out a quiet, somewhat choked laugh. "Sooner or later, you're gonna run out of things to apologize for, little man…" The purple gem trailed off when she got little more than a shrug from the hybrid, still unable to even force his lips to form even the tiniest smile he had. "And you've got nothing to be sorry for," Amethyst mumbled after a few moments of silence. "You're the one that's been having to deal with this crap. All this time, too…" She hesitated. Steven just shook his head slightly, not knowing how to respond. "God, Steven… I'm sorry…"

"What are _you_ apologizing for?" The hybrid asked desperately, finally blinking his eyes open. The gems didn't respond, so Steven continued, trying to keep his voice steady, "y- you guys didn't even _do_ anything. _None_ of you did anything. You- you've been so _nice_ and- and supportive and comforting and-" He huffed out a shaky laugh after a moment, another rush of warm tears blurring his vision until he successfully managed to blink them away once again. "A- and I know I don't deserve any of that. I know I especially didn't when I showed up! I was scared o- of you, and- and _you,"_ he added quickly, looking toward both Garnet and Amethyst. Both of the gems seemed to have frozen; Amethyst opened her mouth as if to speak, but she couldn't seem to be able to spit anything out. "I didn't _remember_ anything, I- I didn't even want to be here to begin with! I wanted to be back- b- back on H- _Homeworld_ because at least I knew what to-" He stopped himself quickly, sucking in a shaky breath and letting it out in a quiet, stifled sob. "But you've been- y- you've been h- helping me and- and making me feel s- _safe_ even though I didn't… even though I couldn't…" The hybrid wavered again, letting his head fall back onto Pearl's shoulder. Another sob broke through his lips, this one a little more hysterical now.

"Of course you _deserve…"_ Pearl's voice sounded strangled. "Steven… _Steven-_ just because you didn't remember, that doesn't-" The pale gem shifted slightly, pulling away from him, and Steven tensed slightly as he leaned back. Pearl caught his face in her hands, forcing his head up slightly so that he had to look up at her, meeting her gaze with wide, tear-filled eyes.

"It did not _matter,"_ she began shakily, "whether you came back with- with your memories or _not_. I didn't think you would _ever-"_ Her lower lip trembled, and Steven stared. "I didn't think I would ever get to see you again. And yes, it hurt… it hurt to know what they did to you, what- what they made you believe and- and how scared you were, but none of that mattered to me as much as having you back _home_." The pale gem shook her head furiously, and Steven watched her own tears rise up and fall freely. He wanted to reach out and rub them away, but he couldn't. He found himself frozen as Pearl looked back down at him, nothing but desperation and sorrow in her eyes, nothing but guilt and pain and the worry he'd seen reflected on her face since the moment he had first locked eyes on her. "Memories or not, Steven, y- you are still my _baby."_ She choked back a sob. "Nothing will ever- _ever_ change how much I love you. _Nothing."_

"Hear, hear," Amethyst mumbled. Steven glanced over at her, faltering slightly when he saw the tears in her own eyes, on the verge of spilling but not quite there yet. The purple gem caught his gaze, hesitating, then grimaced as she lifted a hand. But instead of rubbing her own tears away, she reached out to lightly brush her thumb across his cheek. He didn't flinch from the touch, letting her wipe away some of the tears that were still falling. "Buddy, you don't ever have to worry about that," she told him quietly, swallowing. "Your home is here. It's always been here. We're your family, we're not gonna turn you away because of some kind of cosmic amnesia."

"Amethyst," Pearl scolded. After a moment, though, she huffed out a wet laugh and nodded, reaching up to rub at her eyes and shaking her head at them slightly. "It's true, though…"

"You're a Crystal Gem, Steven," Garnet murmured, resting a hand on his head. The hybrid swallowed, twisting as much as he could in Pearl's arms to be able to look up at her. A thin tear had trailed down the side of her face, but otherwise, she seemed to be making an effort to hold herself together. "Nothing is ever going to change _that._ We will always, _always_ care for you."

Silence followed for a few moments. Steven, leaning silently into Garnet's touch while Amethyst rubbed the rest of his tears away and finally reached up to wipe her own cheeks as her own tears finally began to spill, he didn't really know what to say. He didn't know how to express how grateful he felt for all of them, how amazed and how lucky he was to have a family like this. People who still tried their best to do right by him, even though he couldn't remember them. He couldn't say he wouldn't do the same if he was in the same situation. He couldn't say he wouldn't love them, too, no matter who they were, no matter what they remembered. But the fact that they had been able to put aside their own pain, and how much this situation had clearly hurt all of them in so, so many different ways, just for him… it was somehow still astounding. They really did love him, and he knew that. And yet he still couldn't fathom it. He didn't _get_ it.

… but, right then, he didn't need to. He supposed for the time being…

He could just… accept it. Accept it, and be thankful.

"Yeah…" Amethyst trailed off for a second, and Steven furrowed his eyebrows, glancing over at her. The purple gem offered him a huge grin, despite the tears still pricking at the corners of her eyes. "That's what I told you, little man. You're a Crystal Gem. Just like us. And you know us…" The grin seemed to widen, and Steven blinked back at her. But his eyes widened, ever so slightly, when she started singing. The song was familiar; _very_ familiar. He remembered it. He knew what it was the second the first word left his lips, and it only confirmed it when she went on. "If you're evil and you're on the rise… you can count on the four of us taking you down…"

The hybrid finally cracked a small, shaky smile. Garnet huffed out a chuckle, while Pearl, with a quiet hum, joined in, "'cause we're good and evil never beats us… we'll win the fight…"

"And then go out for pizzas," Garnet continued. "We…"

Steven stayed silent, just listening to them for a moment. The small smile on his face widened, just a little, remembering the times he'd spent sitting there singing the song to himself with the gems. They'd join in on occasion, singing what Steven liked to think was their 'theme song' along with him, and he was always delighted. Especially when they reached the end of it. But for the moment, he was content to stay quiet while the gems continued singing, as Amethyst and Pearl chimed in together after Garnet, perfectly in sync as they sang, "are the Crystal Gems…!"

"We'll always save the day," Pearl laughed softly, leaning toward to press a kiss to Steven's forehead. The hybrid closed his eyes for a moment, relaxing into her touch with a gentle sigh. "And if you think we can't…"

"We'll always find a way," Amethyst sang. "That's why the people of this world… believe in…"

"Garnet…" Garnet's hand rested on his head, gently running through his hair. He leaned into the touch silently, closing his eyes. _Garnet_. He remembered how fun she always used to be, how gentle she had always been with him, how much she always tried to protect him. He remembered how many times he had gone to her for advice, for assistance. He remembered how many nights he had sat awake after watching her get destabilized, kept up by nightmares; he remembered how she would just hold him close and kiss his head and promise that everything was fine. He remembered how much she loved him, how much he had loved her. She had always been there for him before, and she was still there for him, even now.

"Amethyst." And Amethyst, she had always been like… like a big sister to him. At least, he always imagined she was what a big sister would be like, if he had one. She teased him sometimes, played around and messed with him - but she was always there when he needed her. Always there to talk with, to play games with. Always there to drag him out day after day to go out and eat something, and go out to town and play hide and seek around Beach City. He remembered that. He remembered how they shared donuts and Cookie Cats and fry bits. And, even though she wasn't too great with talking about feelings and stuff, he remembered that she had usually come through on the rare occasions he had come to her for anything like that.

"And Pearl…~" And Pearl…? Of course, she was there for him. She was like a mother to him, and that was very important for the hybrid. She was the one he looked to for emotional comfort… or at least, he had used to. He couldn't even remember, himself, when that had started changing. But he did remember that whenever he was upset or confused, all he needed to do was go to her for a hug and a kiss on the head and he would feel a thousand times better. Knowing she was there for him made a big difference for him in his life; he loved his father and he loved the other gems, but Pearl was the kind of figure he found himself lacking in his life. While it was true that Garnet was like a mother, Pearl was the _mom._ The one that spoiled him, and yet fretted over and protected him and made sure that he was healthy and happy.

They were all there for him now. Each one of them. And with their support, and their love, and their company, Steven thought… maybe, just maybe, they could all get through this. The threat of Homeworld and the Diamonds was still looming over their heads, and he knew better than to assume that they were going to get out of this unscathed. They'd be lucky to get out of this without being shattered, and he knew that just as well. He couldn't imagine Blue Diamond's fury right then - oh, but he could imagine his own. He felt nothing but rage for the gem that had shattered his friend, the gem that had broken him beyond his own recognition. Even his fear for her couldn't amount to the fury he felt toward her, and he wasn't about to try and stifle it. As far as he was concerned, Blue Diamond didn't have a chance at redemption. Steven wasn't going to waste the rest of his life trying to coax her toward the 'right path', because every moment he had spent trying to, she had just dragged him right back down. He didn't need the satisfaction of knowing she could be a better person. Maybe she could. Maybe there was still a chance. But Steven didn't care enough about her at that point to be the one that guided her toward the light. He would get his satisfaction by making sure she never had the chance to hurt anyone again. As long as he was still alive, he wasn't going to let her do this. Not to him, and not to them.

She hadn't been merciful to him. To Lapis. Steven wasn't wasting his breath talking to someone who was far too trapped in her own rage and grief to be able to open her ears and _listen._

He didn't need her. He had everyone he needed right here, on Earth.

He was a Crystal Gem.

He was Steven fucking Universe.

And he'd be _damned_ if he didn't finish what he started.

"And Steven…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hoooooooo boy this one was A ROLLERCOASTER I WASN'T PREPARED FOR.
> 
> That's it. That's officially the end of the first installment of the Homeworld AU series. I can't believe we've come so far,,,
> 
> But, seriously, I gotta say... this was big. I never thought I'd be able to get this AU out here, and now I've done started something that I'll be damned if I don't finish, and you're damn right I'm gonna see it to the end... still unprepared myself for what comes next, but for the time being, you've got a happy ending.
> 
> Thank you, everyone, who's been reading the story! I'm glad you all like the AU, and the fic, and all of it HTGIRJEKDFGTY and I hope you enjoy everything that's gonna follow afterwards. Thank you all for reading! I love you!


End file.
